There Once Was a King
by Brits23
Summary: Bella relies on pen and paper to inspire her in a monotonous world, but the written word is nothing without the right melody. She finds that melody in a man who breathes life into an endless sea of grey. He's everything-everything she can't have. CxB AH
1. Prologue

**Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters and Twilight plot lines that may appear in this story. The remainder is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. Don't steal, it isn't polite. **

**Hello my lovelies! I want to thank you for checking out my new endeavor, even if it may not be exactly your cup of tea. To reiterate, Edward does not exist in this story. At all. This is strictly a Carlisle/Bella fic, and there will be romance...and lemons but not for awhile so hopefully other aspects of this fic will fulfill you until we get there. I'm not forcing you to read this so I do not need any reviews/pms telling me "OMFG Carlisle and Bella EWWWWW, Carlisle is like a DAD, ZOMG WTF!"**

**Carlisle is 34 years old in this fic, Bella is on the verge of turning 18. If you have hate, please direct it elsewhere...I'll only accept constructive criticism if you aren't pleased. Thank you in advance.**

**My savior and beta, Isabel, was initially a little squicked about the whole Carlisle/Bella thing. It may help to know that now she is completely in love with this story, so hopefully that eases some of your fears. And to my fellow Carlisle/PFach lovers, I say welcome, my sisters. Welcome! :)  
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**I want to dedicate this prologue to mah twin, Lazykate. This very fic is actually what made us get all bond-y over all things PFach...and our fuckawesomeness of course. Now look at us! We write kinky fuckery together and host Porn Days! I couldn't do this without her support, especially on craptastic days when I feel like shutting down my computer for good. _*strokes laptop lovingly* _Don't worry baby, I didn't mean it...**

**P.S. This fic will be entirely done in BPOV. Carry on.**

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**Prologue-BPOV**

I walked up the shiny wooden steps. There wasn't a creak in them, because that would be a flaw, and there were no flaws in this household. Absolutely nothing but pure brilliance.

I knocked on the door with two quick raps. She answered in a hurry, heels clacking along the hardwood floor like a horse's hooves on cobblestone. She didn't even bother to say hello.

"Rosalie! Alice! Bella's here!" Her tone was cold as she called to the children.

Or maybe I was rather judgmental on the matter.

I got bombarded by two shiny haired seven-year-old girls, as diverse as night and day. Alice's hair was jet black, cropped jaggedly and uneven. She took a scissors to it last week, claiming she couldn't stand her long waves another minute. Her smile was radiant as she threw her arms around my neck. I couldn't help but melt into the warming sensation that wrapped around my heart in her presence.

I turn my attention to the blonde-haired little cherub who's hanging off of my arm. Her hair was so pale, so fine that it was nearly white. Her eyes were blue like the waters of Hawaii, blue like the sky on its clearest day. This little girl was beauty personified, with a heart of pure gold. "I missed you, Bella," she whispered in a voice that would rival any angel's gentle tone.

I squeezed my little girls tight, fighting to ignore the thumping of my heart and the sight of black Doc Marten boots behind them. "Oh, my girls," I groaned, hugging them and covering them with kisses until they were giggling and shoving out of my grip. They ran away, hands clasped together as they rushed to their playroom. I promised I'd be along shortly.

I stood up slowly, my eyes following the un-scuffed black shoes. I bit my lip as I observed charcoal grey dress pants, hugging so tightly to solid thighs…a light blue button up shirt, every muscle and line of toned torso staring back at me.

I jumped nearly two feet in the air at the sound of a crashing noise from the upper level, followed by a harsh "God damnit!"

He was touching me then, soft and commanding fingers holding my forearm, urging me to look up, urging me to succumb and knowing there was never any doubt that I would. "Don't be frightened," he whispered.

His smooth fingertips moved to my chin, dragging slowly along my skin and massaging me into doing what he requested. "Look at me..."

My body flamed in a thousand different sensations as I slowly lifted my gaze to meet crystal blue. Blue like the waters of Hawaii, blue like the sky on its clearest day. Rosalie was the spitting image of her father.

"Bella."

His lips coming together to form my name was like artwork, closing and opening around the first syllable, wet tongue stroking along his teeth in the middle, and finishing with an open mouth…he always did so much more than address me when he spoke my name.

I wanted to say his out loud. I wanted to scream it so she could hear. I wanted to bellow it into the atmosphere around us so she knew. So everyone knew. I wanted to cry it, moan it, beg for it like I had one week ago.

But I remained silent.

His hand slid from my chin and rose to my cheek, his fingers still kneading and comforting in the way only he knew how. I wanted to bury my nose in his chest. To feel completely surrounded by the calming scent of vanilla and laundry soap and the kindest, gentlest man I'd ever known in my life.

And I could have it…he wanted me to.

He tipped his head to the side, sympathy and longing clearly written all over his face. This wasn't easy on either of us. I parted my lips, letting the breath of air I was holding break free. His fingers twitched against my cheek, and I knew he wanted my mouth. I leaned forward just to be closer, just to catch a scent of his body or maybe even his sweet breath. It wasn't close enough. It never was.

I watched his chest rise and fall rapidly, light blue wrinkling and expanding in the exertion. He made a small moaning sound in the back of his throat, and I knew he would speak then. Anything he said to me would be devastating, and yet I craved it so.

His thumb slid along my bottom lip as I shamelessly released my tongue for a taste of his salty skin. His breath caught and his eyes fluttered closed. "I can't do this anymore, Bella."

"Can't do what?" My voice was nothing more than frost along the grass as I fixed my eyes into his crystal blue.

His thumb slid over my lip once more, moving it forward and dipping in to feel the wetness of my mouth. His eyelids began to sag as he ran his finger back and forth along the wet skin behind my lip. "Be without you. It's done…tonight. I'm telling her tonight."

I swallowed thickly, knowing that my heart's desire was moments from leaving his lips. Did I deserve what I yearned for so desperately? Or would I torture us…torture us to the point of miserable dispositions and empty, meaningless lives?

What would I choose?

He watched me so closely, absorbed every flutter of my breath and swirl of emotion in my eyes. He was looking for the answers, and all I'd ever wanted to do was give them to him. His fingers ghosted along my cheek, stroked across my eyelids, my forehead, my hair. He was memorizing me like he'd never have another chance. Another soft moan. Another parting of lips.

Go ahead, destroy me.

"Bella, it's not wrong. It's fucking fate."

My eyes widened as the curse fell from his lips. He so rarely used vulgar language. His voice wavered in intensity, eyes narrowed in the hope that I'd believe these words he spoke. And I did. I believed them with all that I had inside of me. His lips fell open. He'd speak again. "Face this with me…together. Be mine, Bella. I no longer care who knows it."

And there it was.

Everything I'd ever wanted and knew I could never have. What would I say now? How would I live in the aftermath of what I've destroyed?

He pulled me closer by the fingers that were wrapped gently around my jaw. I strangled the whimper inside my throat and recklessly slid my palm along his strong forearm. "Do you still want me?" he questioned softly.

"More than anything." My unshed tears burned and threatened to fall and expose the both of us for what we had become.

"I'm in love with you." His voice was authoritative and unwavering.

I opened my mouth to speak, and a harsh tone sounded out from the floor above.

"Carlisle, have you seen my cell?"

His arm jerked when her voice drifted down to us, but he didn't remove his hand. I saw by his gaze that the notion was an agonizing one. "In the bedroom." He sounded like a tortured soul, his burdened eyes never leaving mine as he addressed his wife.

"I looked there!"

He dropped his trembling hand to his side, his fists flexing tightly as he stared at me. I watched the sharp edge his jaw made when it clenched. The slightly uneven shape of his bottom lip as his tongue swept across it. "Please, Bella."

He had never pleaded with me a day in his life. The words gave me an immense amount of satisfaction.

"Carlisle!"

"Go to her," I whispered. "You already know my answer."

The air left my lungs too quickly as the look of realization spread across his gentle, kind face.

With one long look he swept his hand beneath my hair and pulled me to him by the base of my neck. I buried my nose in the sweet scent of absolutely everything as his wet lips pressed firmly against my forehead. He didn't remove them and I began to feel uneasy at the amount of time he spent on the forbidden affection.

He walked away from me abruptly, the effects of the reply I gave him carved into every expression he held and every move he made.

I had made my decision, and now, there was no going back.

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**Next chap will go back in time to where it all began. Review, pretty please? Won't be long before I post again! :) Thanks!**


	2. The Beginning and The End

**Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters and Twilight plot lines that may appear in this story. The remainder is my original work. No copying orreproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. Don't steal, it isn't polite. **

**So wow! I am completely IN LOVE with the response I've received over the prologue! Looks like there are more closet/out of closet Carlisle lovers than I realized! WOOT! So here is the official first chapter. I couldn't have done this without the support of my Beta Isabel. She's a genius, for realz. **

**See you down below!**

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**

_Chapter One_

_~~The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning. –Ivy Baker Priest_

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**BPOV**

As my father threw the last box into the rented U-haul, I groaned at the mere thought of where the next handful of unending hours would lead me. I was half-way through my senior year of high school, and we were moving…

…to a dreadful place.

…a place that repelled the sun and disguised the earth in green, mossy growth.

Forks, Washington.

My mother and father grew up in Forks. I was born there. It was where I spent the first three years of my life, but Arizona was the home I knew. The barren land was beautiful to me, having stimulated more lyrics inside my mind than any other inspiration I'd found.

I would have to get used to writing songs about rain and dreary hours.

I had been crammed into the small cab of the U-haul between my mother and father as we made our way toward the rainiest place in the continental U.S. I offered to drive our SUV, but Charlie refused, opting for the car dolly when he rented the U-haul. It unnerved me that he believed my driving so unsuitable.

My mother was never much for operating a vehicle of any kind, so there we were, snug as a bug in an obscene moving van.

The reprieve of a random hotel room here and there had split up the monotony of our travels, which was surely the sole reason that my sanity had remained intact.

My grandmother had been diagnosed with colon cancer one month before our move. I barely knew her, my mother and father distancing us from their past for reasons that hardly seemed to matter anymore. I'd visited her in Forks, mostly when I was younger, but it had been ages since I'd seen her. She had been deteriorating rapidly and my father wanted to be near his mother for her final days. The Swan residence would be left to him, and would now be our new home.

As we traveled down the weary highway with our destination nearly within our grasps, one phone call had turned the cab of our U-Haul into a sea of twisting devastation.

My grandmother had died one hour before we entered the town of Forks.

Too little, too late. As are most things in life.

I cried for my father, whose trembling hands gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles were white. I cried for my mother, who mourned her mother-in-law the only way she knew how. Dramatically. I cried for my grandmother, the woman I barely knew but whose blood was flowing rapidly through my veins.

I grabbed my notebook and scribbled lyrics furiously, the chorus filled with the words "our dying day."

I was a song-writer. Not a poet, not a journalist, not a novelist. I wrote songs. Words were the only thing in this world that brought me to life, but they were nothing without the right melody. I wasn't very popular in Arizona, so leaving my classmates behind wasn't a particularly difficult ordeal.

I was the quirky girl in school. The girl who had her hair in randomly-placed ponytails and wore bandanas over her head. The girl who drew stars along her eyes with a fine-tipped marker because she thought it would help her shine. The girl who had ink all over her hands, her jeans, her shoes, because while she knew the lyrics were always waiting in the midst for her to grasp, it never occurred to her to carry paper with her pen.

My eyes were very large, very wide, very expressive. The same color as a coffee bean - as a thousand coffee beans. I bit my nails and I wore a rubber band around my wrist to snap when I became nervous. I painted my chucks purple and I drew large flowers across my jeans, because I was Bella Swan. I wasn't normal…I was merely myself.

We pulled into my Grandma Swan's driveway, or ours, now that she had passed. My father immediately unloaded our vehicle from the dolly before moving along to the reclusive Forks Hospital. I wanted to see my deceased grandmother. I had the urge to run my fingers along her wrinkled cheek and see if she still felt like a person to me.

"Carlisle is with her now," my father spoke softly, placing his hand over my mother's as he drove.

Carlisle Cullen was my father's childhood best friend. Although it had been years since they'd lived in the same area, they'd managed to remain close through telephone and email. Their lives had drifted apart, but their boyhood bond was permanent. I had never even met the man that my father was so fond of.

No one believed that Charlie and Renee Swan were my parents on account of how youthful they appeared. I was a mistake. A surprise blessing, as my mother would say. She became pregnant at seventeen. My father? Sixteen years old at the time of conception. This caused quite the commotion in the minuscule town of Forks. It was no wonder Charlie had escaped to join the Phoenix Police Department when he had the chance. People in small towns had no shame when it came to gossip and slander.

We walked to the hospital entrance in fast but dreadful strides, the kind of journey you know you should take quickly but fear to the very depths of your soul. A dead mother would elicit such terror.

We rode the elevator in silence, my mother sniffling softly as she ran her fingers through my hair. The gesture calmed her more than I. We walked slowly down the hall until we came across Room 212, the room that had claimed my grandmother's soul and sent it on to the next realm. What a sacred place a hospital was, if you truly thought about it.

"Stay out here, Bella." My father's gentle hand on my shoulder held me in place.

_But I wanted to see if she was real…_

I obliged, walking into the nearby waiting room and doing exactly that. Waiting for my parents to reach acceptance of the cruel realities in life. Cruel Realities. The words struck something inside me…something that I desperately needed to get down on paper.

Damnit. My notebook was in the cab of the U-haul. It was up to my hand once more. I dug my blue-inked pen into soft skin, my tongue darting across my lip as I struggled to hold onto the words that were unleashing inside me. My grandmother had a piano in her home. Not a keyboard, although I'd still use my beloved Casio when the going got tough. But a piano…it was all I ever wanted and the one thing I could never have.

There was a ray of light in Forks, Washington after all.

I finished scrawling out my lyrics, my skin blue from the ink and red from the exertion. I loved the feel of it on my flesh. A soft throat-clearing told me I wasn't alone.

I looked up to see a crisp, gentle man. He looked pristine in his white hospital coat. He was perfectly unruffled in his white dress shirt and blue tie. Blue like the waters of Hawaii, blue like the sky on its clearest day. His eyes matched his tie, exactly.

The eyes of such an immaculate man should have held more stiffness, more conceit and more hard lines…less emotion, less life.

He was single-handedly the most beautiful creature I had ever laid my eyes upon. Not for the smooth line of his jaw or the uneven plumpness of his bottom lip. Not for the genetically appeasing stature of his body or the way his spine stood so straight as he walked. The beauty of this man was buried in the endless blue, the blue that showed so many secrets that could never be told. I wanted to steal them all.

He smiled warmly, pink tongue darting out to wet his unevenly curved bottom lip. "You must be Bella."

"You must be salvation." I smiled widely, not having an ounce of control over the words that escaped me, and not caring one bit.

He stood a moment, slightly taken aback, absorbing my features just as I had his moments ago. My long wavy hair, my ink-covered skin, my purple chucks, my fearless eyes. He took in my very essence; I felt it leaving my body and visiting his. He knew me now, but we'd never discuss it. A thirty-something doctor and an idiosyncratic teenage girl could never discuss such matters. It was highly inappropriate.

A lazy smile came across his lips, and he held out one strong hand. "I'm Carlisle Cullen. Your father is a friend of mine."

I nodded politely and took his hand, taking a hit of blue orbs and reveling in the softness of his skin before rereading the words spread across my palm.

My blood was pumping through me at a ridiculous speed. I'd never experienced such fire in my veins and it had me wondering why it was in such a hurry.

"I'm sorry about your grandma, Bella. I'm just giving your parents a moment to say their goodbyes." There was kindness, sympathy, earnestness pouring out of him in heavy waves. This man was _good_. I wanted to write lyrics to the beat of his sincerity.

"Thank you Dr. Cullen," I said promptly, smiling widely at him once more before going back to palm reading.

"Please…call me Carlisle."

"Carlisle." I tested his name out on my tongue. It tasted like cherries and a little like magnificence.

"Are you a poet?" he questioned softly, the blue splendor pulling along the jumbled words on my hand.

I scoffed at the word. "I write songs. I play music. That's what I do."

He hesitantly sat down next to me and leaned his elbows on his knees, his legs parted widely as he leaned down to my level. "And what do you write about, Bella?"

My body responded in a foreign manner each time my name rolled off of his tongue.

I quirked my head to the side and tapped my pen against my lips in mock contemplation. He chuckled at me, and I was surprised he understood my jest. "I used to write about the heat of Arizona, the sounds of the city, the kiss of two distant lovers. I wrote what my surroundings brought out of me." I paused and smiled wryly at the beautiful blond-haired man. "New scenery. One can only imagine what will inspire me now."

"I don't know," he mused, looking out in front of us. "The rain has a sort of beauty to it…I think you just need to look close enough. You need to look inside it."

My heart thundered in my chest at the simple conversation of rain. "Or I'll write about the color blue. Blue like the waters of Hawaii…blue like the sky on its clearest day."

My words escaped me heavily and in a lower octave. I'd never spoken in such a way. It unnerved me.

Carlisle cleared his throat and looked at me like he was trying to discover the world's greatest mystery. He looked away just as quickly. "Whatever you create, Bella, I have no doubt it will be astonishing."

He rose from the plastic seat next to me, his fingers tapping rhythmically against his black dress pants. Everything about this immaculate man was a song waiting to be written.

"Goodbye, Dr. Cullen."

I went against his wishes of calling him by his first name because I wasn't ready for him to leave the room. I wanted him to speak more of looking inside raindrops and writings of astonishment. I just wanted more.

He turned slowly, running one strong hand through perfectly groomed locks. How did he stay so flawless? "Bella, please call me Carlisle."

"Carlisle."

The taste was growing on me.

His breathing faltered before he lifted one hand in an awkward wave. "I'll leave you now. Your parents will be along shortly. It was nice meeting you…Bella."

He turned and exited the small waiting room, the distant smell of vanilla and laundry soap still looming in his wake. I inhaled deeply, taking the scent of the peculiar yet immaculate doctor and making it my own. Greedily. Hungrily.

It was nearly a half an hour before my parents returned. I spent my time drawing an eye on the thigh of my jeans. A blue, gentle, breathtaking eye. I barely looked up to greet my grieving parents, too entranced by the emotion I put behind that blue eye, and the way it made me feel to draw it.

"Bella," my mother chastised, sitting down next to me. "You ruin your clothes when you draw on them, baby."

I looked up and smiled comfortingly, running my inked hand along her cheek. "I'm not ruining them, Mom. I'm bringing them to life."

She leaned in and kissed my forehead, but said nothing. She used to understand what I was trying to say. She used to dig deeper. Now there weren't very many levels to my mother, and I was too terrified to find out why.

"You ready to go home, peanut?" my dad asked softly, running his fingers along the top of my head. My parents loved me so much. It saddened me that my mere existence had held them back before they were even able to grow up.

We walked from the hospital with somber steps, not looking back for our elder who lay dead in the building, leaving her remains to the strangers and workers of the hospital like something to be forgotten.

Maybe a hospital wasn't so sacred after all.

By the time we returned to my grandmother's house, the dreary day was quickly turning to night. We grabbed our essentials from the U-haul and piled into the eerily silent and rather ancient house. The musty smell assaulted me in a thick wave, but it was oddly soothing. Like my distant grandmother giving us one more reminder that she existed here, and that she would forever be a part of this…a part of us.

My father collapsed to the hardwood floors. To his knees…the strongest man I knew was reduced to nothing as the guilt of abandoning his mother overtook him.

I suppose technically he was abandoned first.

When my father impregnated my mother at the mere age of sixteen, my grandmother and grandfather were rather ashamed. My father never spoke of it but one night not too long ago, the night we found out of my grandmother's illness, my mother divulged to me how hard it had been for them when they found out about my life inside her body.

My father was kicked out of his home once his parents were made aware of my existence. My mother's mother took him in without question, her compassion strong enough to care for both of the scared teenagers/future parents. I had no real memory of her, as she died shortly before we relocated to Arizona when I was three.

The death of my Grandpa Swan finally reconnected my father with his mother when I was seven years old. Charlie had harbored a lot of pain, never getting a chance to say goodbye to his father. It took its toll, losing the prominent male figure in his life merely because he couldn't accept the family his son had created and loved so much. The death of my Grandpa Swan made my grandmother realize that life was too short to hold grudges against her only child, so slowly they bandaged their broken relationship. A relationship damaged because I had entered this world.

I cried in my mother's arms as she told me their tale, feeling like I had essentially ruined their lives and everything they could have become. My mother put a forceful stop to that. "Don't you dare blame yourself, Isabella Marie," she said sharply, her eyes burning into mine. "I was put on this earth to be your mother. If there's one thing I'm proud of, it's creating a person as beautiful as you."

After I suppressed my guilt, she went on to tell me how desperately in love she was with my father practically since the first day they had met. They'd been together since he was fourteen and she was fifteen, their devotion to one another beyond their meager years on this planet. My mother's eyes shined with life as she spoke of my father in their younger years. It pained me to see it, only because it reminded me of how seldom the fire inside of her burned in the present.

I knew she still loved my dad, and vice-versa. But it seemed as though the mediocrity of life was enough to extinguish the passion of young love. Was this existence really so mundane that even the love of your life wasn't enough to make it worthwhile?

I'd like to think that love made everything sparkle and shine beyond all light and reason.

But what did I know about love, anyway?

My mother had concluded our conversation by saying that the moment she became with child, she truly realized how spiteful and condescending people could be. They looked down on her, treated her like trash only because she loved my father so much, she couldn't bear to hold herself back physically.

I thought it was beautiful, albeit slightly unnerving to think of the physical aspects of my parent's relationship.

I knew just how two-faced the youth of today could be. I didn't cover my cheeks with makeup. I didn't leather my skin in a tanning bed. I didn't throw myself at the quarterback or guzzle liquor on my weekends. I was an outcast to them because I didn't poison my body and do what was expected of me. I refused to conform. I refused to lose myself in the mass reproduction of blonde girls and over eager boys.

High school felt like a foreign world to me. A language I never spoke and a general lack of understanding about my surroundings. I wasn't a naive child, trying to get the popular girls to like me. I didn't feel like a child at all, truth be told. It wasn't as though I thought of myself as some sort of prodigy. Maybe wise beyond my years was more of an accurate depiction. I saw _more_ in the people around me, I looked deeper when I recognized a soul worth knowing, worth feeling.

Most recently, it was the soul of Carlisle Cullen.

A man twice my age and so very familiar to something deep inside me.

After bidding my parents goodnight, I walked upstairs to the room I'd stayed in a handful of times as a child, the layers of dust literally lining every surface. My grandmother had always kept the house in a state of utter cleanliness, but it was quite obvious that she couldn't keep up as her body deteriorated.

I threw my overnight bag on the musty bedspread and began setting my things along the dusty antique furniture. Once my necessities were retrieved from the bag, I slipped into my pajamas and sat in the window sill, the large bay window that faced the road equipped with a ledge wide enough for a person to sit and gaze. I truly had always loved this room.

I watched the raindrops as they slowly slid down the glass panes. I focused on each one carefully. They were different sizes, different consistencies, different entities completely. I traced my pointer finger along the drops from the inside, suddenly wishing I could feel the condensation on my skin. The rain was beautiful as it contorted my view of the outside world and landed soothingly on the roof of the house. It sang a hushed, gentle melody as it floated from the heavens, bringing life to the trees and subsistence to the wildlife living amongst them.

I suddenly knew then that even though Phoenix was a town that had inspired some meaningful words inside me, it all paled in comparison to the wonders of dreary, isolated Forks, Washington. I felt it around me, the chill of the air and the haze of the sky and the water that constantly filled the atmosphere. It was beautiful. I felt it in the pit of my stomach. In the cavity that held my heart.

I smiled as I watched the rain fill the sky with life, gazing inside of raindrops and knowing I might not have recognized such a beauty if not for one pair of endless, crystal blue eyes.

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**So there you have it, the first official chap. Whatcha think? Huh, huh, huh? Review it, and I would be much obliged! :)**

**You can also follow me on Twitter: Brits23**

**Until next time!**


	3. The Heart Weeps, The Soul Laughs

**Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters and Twilight plot lines that may appear in this story. The remainder is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. Don't steal, it isn't polite. **

**Thanks for the love ladies!**

**My girl Isabel betas me like no other, we love her!**

**And a special thanks to mah twin lazykate for perving over the Fach with me! :) **

**Onwards!**

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_Chapter Two_

_~When the heart weeps for what it has lost, the soul laughs for what it has found.  
-Sufi aphorism_

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It was so cold here.

And I was certain it wasn't just from the saturated air or the thick clouds. Churches were chilly by nature, and while they should give a person a sense of comfort, I've only ever felt nervous inside them.

What if I did something wrong? What if the thoughts inside my head strayed to graphic sex or shameful dishonesty?

What would God do, for thoughts such as these?

So generally, I was nervous and clammy in churches. This one was no exception. I stood in the foyer, watching as decrepit men and women with various shades of purple and blue tinted hair hobbled up the steep steps to say goodbye to their old friend…Clara Swan.

Oh, Clara Swan. I wouldn't exist without you, and yet I never got to whisper a secret to you or truly share a laugh. We could have been girlfriends, Clara. We could have talked about your life before you turned into my father's mother. We could have discussed your hopes and dreams as a young girl, and if you ever thought your life would turn into one such as this.

Did she hurt where she was now?

Was she happy?

Did she finally forgive my father for creating the abomination against God…Isabella Marie?

Wherever she was, I wished her peace…I wished her elderly friends peace as well because as they crept slowly inside this pristine chapel, I suddenly realized how dreadful it must be to age in such a fashion.

Where would I be in sixty years? Hobbling up steps and groaning from the arthritis in my hip? Would my hair be tinted blue as well? Would my veins protrude from my wrinkled, delicate skin?

Would I be alone?

"How you doin', peanut?"

My dad came up behind me and rested his hand on my shoulder, taking a deep sigh. "Fine, Dad."

Truth be told, I was anxious. I hadn't gone anywhere without a pen since the sixth grade. It was like my safety blanket, and I was just so cold from the drafty space of this church. I wanted to write, or at least have that option.

I wanted to hide.

A middle-aged man walked up to my father and took his attention away. I was thankful for it…my father was mourning and I had no words of consolation to offer him. Maybe I was hardwired incorrectly.

I watched as long lines of people wandered to the front of the church, stepping up to my grandmother's casket and gazing at her corpse.

I hated funerals. The urge to run my hand along her cheek was long gone…now I was just angry at the person who sewed her lips so tightly. The morbidity of this ceremony would forever be plastered in my mind.

And the makeup that caked her skin. Did they suspect that seventy-four year old Clara moonlighted as a cocktail waitress? Why was the sendoff into eternity always so bitter and empty for the people wishing them well?

I was getting a headache from all my theoretical questions of life and death.

Suddenly my mother linked her arm with mine. "Let's say our goodbyes, baby."

My heart began to race. Hadn't I already? My stomach twisted for the stitching of her lips and the drag queen makeup plastered across her face. I mourned for the lost opportunities of shared secrets and hearty laughter.

Wasn't that enough?

My legs were like lead as my mother dragged me closer to my deceased grandmother. I was disappointed in myself for becoming so squeamish. I viciously snapped the rubber band I refused to part with around my wrist, closing my eyes with each sting of the rubber. I swallowed thickly and repeated Iron and Wine lyrics in my head.

_If I died at 23, would you bury me in the sunshine?_

Over and over I internally sang it. I felt the somber melody of the song and wished I was in my room, singing along and writing my own harmonious words.

We approached her casket and my mother started weeping. "Doesn't she look so peaceful?"

I barely bit back my scoff. Had she even taken in the state of my grandmother…how they'd botched her makeup and sewed her like a scarecrow? I suppose that this is what you say, standing beside the casket of a loved one. _She looks so peaceful. Didn't they do such a nice job? She's in a better place now. _

Who could have faith in any of these phrases when not a single person knows of their certainty?

I smiled and nodded, pressing my temple to hers. "She does, Mom."

What I really wanted to tell her was that this was just the empty shell of our beloved Clara. This was the vessel that carried her and she abandoned it. She was gone now. This body would be buried in the earth and absorbed inside it…this body would only be remembered in our minds and in our hearts.

I never wanted a funeral such as this.

Burn my body and let my vessel fly through the air like my spirit one day would. That's what I wanted when my number was finally called.

The clock struck ten and the ceremony began. I sat diligently with my parents and patted their hands as they mourned. I listened to the pastor intently, trying to gain comfort from his words while knowing this was a speech…a part of his livelihood. Such as a bagboy would ask me if I wanted paper or plastic, the pastor would tell me not to cry for my grandmother, as she has now found eternal light.

I looked up and waited for God to strike me…_this _was the reason I was so nervous inside of churches.

The spoken portion of the funeral came and went, and before I knew it I was watching the decrepit wobble down the basement steps to feed themselves with funeral chicken and funeral mashed potatoes.

I suddenly wondered if they ever had to purchase groceries, and just how many funerals they actually attended in a month.

Clearly God must not have been listening to my rambling mind.

I didn't partake in funeral chicken or funeral mashed potatoes, as the two did not go hand in hand for me. My stomach twisted with this day and this stuffy church basement.

Just then I heard two angelic giggles.

I looked around, no children in the wake of the elderly.

Another giggle.

I looked down and realized the jovial chuckles were escaping from beneath the table cloth.

My curiosity got the best of me.

I lifted it up and my eyes fell upon two girls as different as night and day but blessed with identical, breathtaking faces. The blonde little girl's eyes widened as I intruded on their jest.

The black-haired girl tugged on my wrist. "Get in the cave! He'll get us!"

I crawled underneath the table and sat cross legged next to the girls, looking at them in the dark light beneath it. "Who's coming?" I whispered.

"The monster!" the blonde little cherub exclaimed as if it were the most obvious answer in existence.

I looked back to the black-haired girl and she nodded with wide eyes. "He'll find us if we aren't careful."

I nodded once and set a determined look across my features. "Keep your legs tucked in…I heard he likes to nibble on toes."

The dark-haired girl squealed and clapped her hand over her mouth, while the blonde groaned exasperatedly. "Alice! Shut up!"

"Daddy says you can't say _shut up_!" the other barked back, her bottom lip jutting out in a pout. "What's your name?" she questioned, turning to me.

"My name is Bella," I smiled. "What's yours?"

"I'm Alice, and this is my twin sister Rosalie."

Rosalie slapped her. "Don't talk to strangers, dummy."

Alice rolled her eyes. "She's not a stranger, she's Bella." She turned back to me. "What are you, Bella?"

She looked at me with mystical eyes, like a child fairy. Such depth inside youthful eyes. "I'm a pixie," she whispered.

I looked at Rosalie. "What are you?"

She frowned at me. "I'm a sorceress."

My lips curved up into a grin. "I'm a princess…at least that's what everyone _thinks_ I am."

"What are you _really_?" Alice murmured in wonder.

I smiled widely. "I'm a dragon slayer."

Rosalie scoffed. "Only boys can kill dragons."

I shook my head vehemently. "Girls can do anything they want to do, Rosalie. And most of the time, we do it better. Would you ever let some boy tell you what to do?"

"I'd never listen to a gross boy. And I'd turn him into a frog if he didn't like it, because I'm a sorceress," she crossed her arms over her chest and wore a look of arrogance on her gorgeous face.

These girls were unique indeed…and rather amazing.

"Bella, I like you," Alice giggled, running her fingers along the flowing sleeve of my black dress.

Just then I froze. "Did you hear that?"

Their eyes went wide as they listened intently.

"No, what is it?" Rosalie whispered.

"I think it's the monster…"

I held my finger to my lip and pointed with the other to a pair of black doc marten boots that stopped in front of our cave. No doubt it was just a person stopping for a snack or to mingle with the people attending, but then I heard a soft growling coming from up above.

The girls squealed as quietly as they could. "It's him! It's him!" Alice groaned, a bright smile on her face as she watched the un-scuffed pair of shoes. The soft growling continued, and pretty soon gentle taps of fingers were thumping against the surface of the table above us.

My heart was racing, as if this wasn't just a game.

Alice grabbed my arm. "Did you bring your sword?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm in princess disguise."

"Well what are we going to do?" Rosalie whispered frantically. "Daddy…I mean the monster likes to eat toes! Bella said so!"

I smiled, now knowing that the children's father was just playing with his daughters. Who knew such men still existed? "It's okay, girls. Because I happen to know that if you tickle monsters, they won't eat your toes."

They nodded in determination and listened as the tapping and the growls became louder. How exhilarating it must be to have an imagination such as this.

Suddenly the form knelt in front of the table, the bite still prominent in his voice. "Hmmm…where are those little girls?"

Alice screamed loudly, her hands flying up as the giggle broke free from her lips. Rosalie looked as if she wanted to smack her twin sister. "Get ready to tickle!" I whispered.

Before I could even register it, the table cloth was flipped up and a growl broke free as the girls plunged from their hiding spot and landed on their daddy, tickling him and attacking him just as I had instructed.

Suddenly I was shuddering in a wave of embarrassment. What if this man had no tolerance for roughhousing? It was rather brazen of me to tell two little girls to pounce on their father with tickles…but then again, he _was_ pretending to be a monster.

The male's laughter was rich and melodic as the girls finally clamored off of him, allowing him to sit up.

My heart ceased beating…and threatened to never restart again.

Blue like the waters of Hawaii.

Blue like the sky on its clearest day.

Vanilla and Laundry soap and kind, warm eyes.

Carlisle Cullen.

He laughed jovially, his face red from exertion and generally contented as he hugged his daughters.

"Bella, it's not really a monster, it's just my daddy," Alice giggled, climbing off of his lap and grabbing my hand. She tugged on me, trying to drag me from the safety of our cave but to no avail.

I slowly scooted out, letting the burn of embarrassment cover my cheeks and the anxiety of my eyes gaze into the floor. I looked up slowly and his eyes were immediately on mine. Blue swirling into brown and combining into a kaleidoscope of heavy and unsaid words.

I still couldn't breathe in his presence.

Rosalie stood up and my eyes went to hers. "Daddy, Alice talked to a stranger."

"I did not!" Alice pouted. "Her name is Bella and she's like us, _Rose._"

I looked up at Carlisle and he was still staring at me, his mouth agape and his hands pressed into the burnt orange carpet. Here we all were, amongst God and mortals alike, sprawled along the floor, caught up in games of monsters and dragons and pixies and sorceresses. The laughter that burst from my lips was unfaltering and boisterous and unlike my normally quiet refrain.

I met his crystal blue eyes and his lips turned up, trembling in fought laughter as his head shook from side to side. Rose tugged on his tie and he reluctantly pulled his eyes away. "Can Bella baby-sit us? I like her too, I guess."

I somehow had a feeling that was a great sentiment coming from the strong-minded child. Finally Carlisle found his voice. His deep, gentle voice that made my insides stir and my heart take flight.

What was this strange sensation?

"Rosalie, you can't just assume that Bella will baby-sit you. And she's not a stranger, sweetie. She's Grandma Cullen's granddaughter."

My eyes widened slightly at the term used to described my own grandmother - and here I was calling her Clara.

I was suddenly absorbed in images of gold and light…watching the shimmering in my grandmother's eyes as she adored and played with these heart-warming girls. I felt the urge to thank them for bringing joy into her life when her own family wasn't there to fulfill her.

Too little, too late, I suppose.

"Bella," Alice whispered, running one tiny hand through my long waves. "Grandma Swan is in Heaven, and she's with Mama. Daddy said that Heaven is so bright it's like a billion stars, and they're so busy watching us grow, there's no time left over to be sad."

I felt tears prick at my eyes, saddened by the monumental loss these girls had already sustained in their lives. "Your Daddy is right, Alice. We should draw it, don't you think? Should we draw Heaven?"

Alice's eyes widened before Rosalie pushed her sister to the side, demanding my complete attention. "I could draw Heaven," she commanded, her fingers playing absentmindedly with the chain of my necklace. "I think the sky is light purple, like it is before it rains, except it's brighter and it makes you happy instead of sleepy. And I think Grandma Swan and Mama like to pick flowers…because the flowers in Heaven are huge. I think they're even taller than Daddy."

The mention of her father made me look past the vibrancy of the young girls, and my heart jolted as I met his calming blue. His lips parted in sync with my faltering heart, as if he knew of the power his intensity held over my palpitations. I couldn't stop my lips from quirking into a tentative smile. "Purple skies and towering flora…what do you think?"

He smiled shyly at the carpet as if they were sharing fond secrets. "I think Heaven is what you want it to be. I think if you love chocolate, then sweets will be plentiful. If you enjoy reading, then every book will be at your fingertips. And if you love to dream…the skies will be purple, and the flowers will reach up infinitely."

"What's your Heaven?"

My tone was husky as my tongue swept along my bottom lip. I needed to know his Heaven. I needed to take it inside myself and watch it behind closed eyelids until it was being splayed across white paper and translated into mesmerizing words. I needed it more than air.

He closed his eyes and lulled his head from side to side as he gazed upon the ceiling, his palms resting into the scratchy carpet as his legs stretched in front of him. I imagined the red indentations the abysmal carpet would leave upon his hands. I wondered if the patterns would be purposeful or disarrayed in their need to mark his skin. "My heaven…" he trailed off, clearly not taking my question lightly. "My heaven is simple, Bella. My daughters, blissful and loved. My knowledge, never-ending and hungry…and my heart, overflowing and encompassed."

I swallowed, my throat sticky and hoarse as if this was its first attempt at constriction. What a Heaven…

Alice broke me from my enchantment. "Bella, we need a babysitter when Daddy has to work late and when…_Mommy_ isn't home, which is a lot. Lauren does it now but she talks to some boy the whole time and makes kissing noises at her phone." Her little face rumpled in disgust and I couldn't help but giggle at her animation.

I wondered how one moment we could be speaking about their _Mama_ in Heaven, and discussing a _Mommy_ who was seldom home the next.

I looked to Carlisle Cullen, a mystery in and of himself, his eyes a stark contradiction of fascination and indistinct guilt.

I could say that we had only spoken of Heaven and raindrops, but I believed it unhealthy for people to fool themselves, especially when time granted on this earth was so fickle. Case in point, the lovely woman enclosed inside a tomb, one floor above our heads.

Heaven and raindrops held never ending miles of unspoken words.

"I _am_ looking for someone to watch the girls a few nights a week. Apparently my current sitter is too occupied with her mobile device to properly care for my children." His face contorted apologetically, as if asking a nearly eighteen year old girl to "baby-sit" was entirely demeaning.

It only proved to me that he saw more behind the brown in my eyes and the youthfulness of my skin. He saw the age of my soul, and the lifelines of my mind that thirsted for breathtaking erudition just as he did in his majestic Heaven.

"I'll watch them," I said instantly, knowing without a doubt these girls were meant to exist with me as we battled mythical creatures and drew pictures of the unknown. We had fit together so perfectly.

And my world was drowning in the most vibrant blue…

His lips pursed as he watched me carefully, as if he were trying to figure out which planet I descended from, or maybe where he had last encountered my soul.

We were familiar to one another, there was no denying that.

I watched a cloak of formality close me off from waves of blue, his red-creased palms rising from the rough carpet as he soothed them against his knees. "Of course, we'll need to okay that with your father, Bella."

Who was he pretending for?

The Sorceress? The Pixie? The Dragon Slayer incognito?

Where did he go? It was only us here…

I nodded and smiled serenely, recognizing his self-preservation and remaining patient for the moment he'd lower his veil to me once more.

It was only a matter of time.

The doctor and the three medieval creatures lifted themselves off of the chilly basement floor, their surroundings of elderly people and funeral chicken beginning to waft back into their psyches. I felt warmed to the very core with each of my hands shrouded in the grasps of twin girls, our bond now sealing as we braced each other.

I observed Carlisle out of the corner of my eye, his smile full of so much veneration as he stared between his little angels; it was almost too raw, his palpable love for them. I felt it swimming inside my veins, pumping viciously through my heart, burning my eyes, igniting the air - oh, what a love this father had for his children.

"So beautiful," I murmured beneath my breath, momentarily taken by the paternal waves of benevolence flowing throughout the air. I felt like a tourist looking inside an aquarium, observing a natural habitat that no one had the power to penetrate.

However, I felt entirely impaled the moment his eyes met mine.

How could I have known he would reopen to me so quickly?

"What is?" he breathed, my skin wiggling against the bone as the hair lifted from my quivering arms.

I swallowed thickly, watching dark blue waves roll in against the calm sea, his hunger deep within the vibrant, swirling colors.

What is beautiful, beauty itself had asked me.

_He_ was beauty.

His index finger tapped a continuous rhythm against his outer thigh. Tap-taptaptap-tap. Tap-taptaptap-tap.

"Nerves?" I questioned, referring to his harmonious digit.

"Perplexity."

He sounded perplexed.

I smiled wryly and squeezed the little girl's hands. "Have you ever looked inside of raindrops?" I whispered between them.

The heat of a blue flame burned my forehead and drifted lower, until my heart refused to calm from its hasty repercussions.

Alice smiled at me brightly. "Can we dance in the raindrops?"

My ferocious heart came to a dead stop as it clenched at her little words. My smile widened as I prepared to give her my reply, my eyes closing briefly as I head a whispered 'yes' coming from beauty itself.

But then the clouds lightened, and our rain was taken away.

"Of course you won't dance in the rain, Mary Alice. Unless you'd like to catch a horrendous head cold, you'll be staying indoors."

I looked up to see beauty, smashed into the ground like a finished cigarette, twisting until his flame was extinguished and nothing but pale smoke remained.

I had never seen anyone disheartened so quickly.

I looked up to see what ceased our downpour, my mouth falling open to a glorious woman…like a bird. She was tall and slender, and looked as though her body would flail if a strong enough wind would come along. Her hair was platinum blonde and pulled into a tight bun atop her head, her cheekbones accentuated by the strenuous pull on her tendrils.

While her appearance rivaled beauty's from pristine head to pointed toe, I felt darkness when she entered our atmosphere. I felt like she was intruding on the melody of the doctor and the three medieval creatures.

"Bella." His voice was silken ash. "This is my wife, Jane."

I smiled as brightly as I could stand, taking her narrow fingers in mine and nodding my head. "It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am."

"Ma'am," she scoffed. "How old do you believe me to be, Bella?"

I felt disheartened as well.

But the smoldering blue held me afloat. I broke away from his heat before we made a spectacle of ourselves.

Our disconnect had broken him from the mysterious reverie he had found himself in. "The girls have become quite taken with Bella," he spoke softly, his hand pressed against the nape of his neck as he took purchase in pumpkin carpet. "I was telling Bella that we were looking for someone to watch Rosalie and Alice."

His words were dead, except for the life breathed inside of three simple words: Alice. Rosalie. _Bella._

"What's wrong with Lauren?" Jane demanded.

Rose stomped up to her with her hands on her hips. "Lauren doesn't play with us, and Bella's not a stranger. She's Grandma Swan's granddaughter."

I smirked as Rosalie quoted her father's earlier words.

Jane's response was cut off in her throat by the arrival of my parents, hand in hand.

"Carlisle."

My dad's voice was hoarse with reverence as he slapped his old friend's shoulder and shook his hand vigorously. They observed each other for a long moment, two long lost souls reacquainting themselves with the kinship of their past. When familiarity had finally caught up with them, they chuckled and grasped each other shortly in the male equivalency of an embrace.

I averted my eyes as the formalities took place. Meet my wife. Meet my children. How about that rain? Are you still following the Seahawks?

If there was anything I detested…it was small talk.

With moments as few as these, who had time for such meaningless drivel?

I closed my eyes tightly and immersed myself in the girls' child-like discussion, frantically trying to remind myself that the man who made my heart beat quickly and had me pondering life's great mysteries was my father's best friend.

His best friend with a wife and two small children.

I felt my stomach twist and contract as the realization pressed inside my skin. Seventeen years between us…the distance had never seemed so long.

_It's just a crush, Bella. _

Denial left a bitter taste on my tongue.

I was broken from my internal struggles by the tone of beauty brushing across my skin. "Bella has expressed some interest in watching the girls a few nights a week. I sometimes work later into the night and with Jane's unpredictable schedule, we tend to need additional help to fill in the gaps."

Renee looked at me with prideful eyes. "That's very sweet of you to help Dr. Cullen and his wife, baby."

My cheeks tinted rose as I studied the shoes upon my feet.

I felt multiple sets of eyes on me before my dad's hand was pressed against my back. "Can you believe how grown up she is, Carlisle? Eighteen in about two weeks…where has the time gone?"

I felt them, but I couldn't take them in.

Blue would hinder me in that moment.

"Hmm," the good doctor hummed softly. "Time does fly, Charlie. It's nearly impossible to separate each day from the next…the cycle of monotony is so hard to break."

He was incredibly desolate.

"Ain't that the truth," my father muttered, trying to relate to a language only Carlisle and I understood. His words were one thing, but the depths beneath them were all I could hear. "You've got to come by the house, Saturday after next. My kid's entering adulthood…she's gotta go out with a bang." Charlie winked at me before tucking my mother beneath his arm.

_Just a second…just let yourself take them in for one second…_

I looked up to find blue eyes retreating from me and glancing towards his wife. "Do you have to work that weekend, Jane?" His unsure hand lifted to press against her back, only for her to shift from his grip several seconds later.

The air was so cold between their bodies.

The lady as elegant as a swan retrieved her electronic device, her fingers frantic against the keys as she fought the roll of her eyes. She heaved a burdened sigh. "I have a conference in Portland, I sincerely hope you took off to watch the girls, Carlisle. You've known about this for weeks…"

I watched as beauty's cheek twitched in a pang of anger. Fists clenched as his devoid expression emptied my heart of its hope. "I did," he said shortly.

I squeezed the girls' little hands, desperate to send him the strength he needed. "Go by Daddy," I whispered, running my fingers through the silken strands of night and day before they walked away, taking their father's hands. My fingers clenched and released as I still felt the softness of their skin, now pressed into his palms.

I could almost feel his hands through that connection. Rough but smooth, searching but reverent as they ghosted along my sensitive skin. I lifted my hand to trace the pattern I could almost feel him making and looked up until he found me. His darkened blue told me he felt it too…and this was becoming more than I could ever begin to comprehend.

He looked away and smiled in relief, holding his daughter's hands tighter. "I completely forgot that I have that weekend off to stay with the girls. We'll be happy to attend the festivities." He got down on one knee and looked between Rosalie and Alice. "What do you say girls, do you want to go to Bella's birthday party?"

"Okay," Rosalie sighed, the excitement she truly felt making itself known by the frantic bobbing of her leg.

Alice's squeal said it all.

And _his _laughter surrounded me in warmth.

I couldn't help but smile in return.

It fell once I felt my mother's eyes upon me.

"We hate to be rude, but I've got a two-thirty appointment that I simply can't be late for. It was lovely meeting you." Jane didn't take the time to muster a smile as she shook my parent's hands hastily, not even acknowledging me as she glanced in her husband's direction. "I'll be in the car, Carlisle."

She spoke his name like it was a burden.

Didn't she know it was a gift?

I watched my mother and father cast knowing glances at each other, but smiled once they turned to Carlisle. "We won't keep you," Charlie said quietly, holding out his hand to shake his dearest friend's.

Carlisle took it fondly. "It's great having you back, the both of you. It finally feels like home again," he breathed.

I licked my lips intently. Oh, how I needed to write…

Charlie missed the depths of his statement. "Well despite the circumstances, we feel like we've made the right choice. I've missed you, buddy. When's the last time we drank a beer and caught a fish?"

Carlisle shared his secret smile with the carpet once more, his fingers scratching lazily at the back of his neck. "It's been far too long, my friend."

They shook hands once more before an elderly woman in an apron was pulling my father off in her direction. Carlisle took my mother's hand and kissed it respectably, offering her an award winning smile. "We'll be right back, peanut," my father called, taking my mother with him. "Something about the chicken," he shrugged.

It always came back to the damned chicken.

Once they had retreated, I allowed myself to look at him.

He seemed so terribly at odds with himself.

I wanted to assure him that no one knew. That this was only ours and that it didn't make sense but it couldn't be wrong. Feeling someone like this could never be wrong. No one would know what this was…ourselves included.

But it couldn't be spoken of yet.

"Where are the girls?" I murmured, noticing their absence at his feet.

He tossed a thumb behind his shoulder, where I found his children slouching in two folding chairs. "They had to get up early this morning. I think they're pretty tuckered out already."

His voice reminded me of honey. Thick as it poured, slow as it ran, sweet when it touched my taste buds. Blue waters and savory honey. With those words, I'd write a song for my ears alone.

It was silent as we looked anywhere but each other, his steady tap-taptaptap-tap's beginning to strum loudly in the air. I finally found words that were acceptable to be spoken. "Will you call when you need me to start watching them?"

I watched his adam's apple bob as he swallowed, his fingers pushing against dark-blond locks until one errant strand was out of place. I wanted to see them all in disarray. "Yes," he murmured, giving into the guilty pleasure of meeting my darkened brown for longer than an instant. His voice was hoarse as he spoke. "I'll take a look at our schedules and give you a call in a few days. Does that work for you, Bella?"

My eyes closed as my name drifted from his lips like a slow and easy refrain. _Say it again_, I wanted to beg him.

"That works for me," I breathed.

"Good," he nodded solemnly.

I felt him pulling away, and I needed to end this torture for him. It was a pain I harbored as well. "Okay, I'll talk to you soon. It looks like the sorceress and the pixie need some rest." I nodded behind him to see blonde hair and raven black nestled together, with pillow-soft eyelids steadily closed. They were a vision to behold.

His lips parted as if he wanted to speak, but no words came from him. With a sigh, he turned to his daughters.

I bit back my moan as he ran his large hands over their little heads, pressing kisses to the tops as he scooped Alice up in his arms. I watched as he struggled to pick up Rosalie without startling the other.

Wordlessly, I was by his side.

I smiled, smoothing the lacy fabric of her sky blue dress across her knees, lifting her beneath the arms and settling her sweet face against her daddy's shoulder. As he went to cradle her, my hand became trapped beneath his arm, and I truly felt him for the first time.

My fingers yearned to dance as they pressed against his ribcage, the rise and fall hasty against my flattened palm. I watched in wonder as the heat from his body radiated into my skin, his warmth making a smooth trail from the tips of my fingers and down my shaking spine.

He exhaled heavily at our contact, but I couldn't help but stare at the sight of my hand pressed intimately against beauty itself - and just how natural it felt there.

"Bella…"

My eyes instantly shot up from our connection. He was pleading. He was a desperate man, begging not to be led into temptation. He was guilty for what he was feeling but hungry for what I had created inside him.

So complex, so confused.

I reluctantly took my hand from his body, but I kept his heat. His heat was mine now.

His eyes were closed as he concentrated on his steady breathing. Who knew what I would find once he opened them.

I wanted to save him.

"It's okay," I murmured with the slightest of breath, quiet enough to be undetected but he heard me. He always heard me. "It's okay," I repeated gently.

I walked away from him without another glance.

There was so much about this I didn't understand. Yet, it was familiar. _He_ was familiar.

I needed to hear paper rustling beneath my pen. I longed for my fingers to curl around smooth plastic until the whiteness below was drowning in my words, my feelings, the unspoken need that was overwhelming two unsuspecting people amongst the decrepit and that _God damn _funeral chicken…

The lightning bolt still hadn't struck me.

At this rate, it was only a matter of time.

**-x-x-x-x-x-**

I shivered amongst the multiple shades of grey. I watched the mist swirl - literally swirl - around me, the air alive with a misery that was breathtaking in its own right.

I gripped flowers in my fist, watching the rows and rows of curved rock and wondering what would happen if its occupants decided they wanted freedom from the cold earth.

What a sight it would be…

I faced forward, looking at my grandmother's tomb in these last moments before she would never be seen again. The plastic tent over our heads did nothing to shield us from the icing mist flying in sideways, pelting us with its chill.

I huddled with my mother and father, trying to force a tear. Trying to remain in this situation with them when all I wanted to do was understand why I became so alive in his presence.

Clara Swan.

She was leaving this earth, and with her, we were burying the past.

"I love you," my father whispered to the mother who never fully forgave him.

"You'll never be forgotten," my mother pledged to the woman that blamed her for tearing her family apart.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, the sting in my eyes satisfying as I embraced the guilt I felt in that moment. Guilt for taking away her last moment above the earth. Guilt for not calling her 'Grandma' rather than 'Clara.' Guilt for only thinking of blue and blond and thick, rolling honey…

And most of all, I felt guilty for having none at all.

_None at all._

We sobbed as she was lowered into the ground, inch by inch…and as my first ninety-six hours in Forks, Washington came to a close, I had never felt more conflicted…or more enamored in my entire life.

Goodbye, Clara.

May your world be filled with violet skies that bring you never ending joy…and may you revel in the splendor of the tallest flowers, flowing as wild and free as your beautiful, unbound soul.

Until we meet again.

**x**

**x**

**x**

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

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	4. Daring to Begin

**Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters and Twilight plot lines that may appear in this story. The remainder is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. Don't steal, it isn't polite.**

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**Chapter Three**

_~All glory comes from daring to begin. _

_-Eugene F. Ware_

_**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**_

_**BPOV**_

I stood looking out my grandmother's front door that we had most recently taken as our own.

In the days between her funeral and my impending beginning at Forks High, snow had fallen heavily from the sky in some sort of freak winter storm.

I missed my raindrops.

I stared at the fading red Chevy pickup that was now sitting in our driveway. My father had removed it from the shed yesterday. With grease-stained jeans and several frustrated curse words, he had managed to restore it to a running status - a gift from my father and grandparents both.

I wouldn't have changed a single thing about it. Not the rusting around the fender or the dent behind the fuel cap. Not the worn-out paint or the deafening roar as it first came to life. This truck deserved to be revived and loved.

I lifted the strap of my book bag higher on my shoulder, heaving a sigh as my eyes followed feather snowflakes falling from the atmosphere until they disappeared into a thin layer of white below. Thanksgiving was on the horizon. Then Christmas. Then Easter.

And then I was free.

I had applied to several different universities, concentrating on Music Composition as my major and had heard back from each one. Instantly accepted…if only things came so easily to other aspects of my life.

The University of Seattle was looking more appealing every day. Originally I had been eager to distance myself from my parents, but ever since I had begun my gluttonous fascination with a beautiful yet forbidden man, my previous decision had lost its allure.

I was being irrational by factoring him into an equation that would ultimately decide my future…however, I never claimed to be any other way.

I heard my dad's brand new work boots stomping against wooden floorboards behind me until his hand was on my shoulder. "Ready for your big day?"

It was his big day as well. He was the new Chief of Police in town. How lucky for him that his mother's death had aligned with the retirement of Chief Jenkins.

I turned to see my father in his brand new, starched uniform. He looked dapper and authoritative, to be sure.

My mother came up behind us and wrapped her arms around my father. "Look at this handsome man," she smiled. They gazed at each other for a moment before Charlie pressed his lips to Renee's forehead, and I recognized a spark of something I hadn't seen in so very long.

Clearly Forks, Washington was reminding them of who they truly were together.

My mother pulled the collar of my coat until it was tight around my chin. "You'll make friends, baby," she assured me. "I'm sure there are plenty of nice kids in this town."

Her eyes glazed over slightly as the words left her mouth. All I could see was the pain and memories of eighteen plus years ago, where the kids of Forks were anything but. I knew that six months wouldn't be enough time to form bonds with children who had no grasp of the depths of the world around them.

Once, I thought I had found a boy who did.

Last year in my art class, there had been a tortured, long-haired boy. He rarely spoke, too absorbed in his paintings and the coated colors upon his fingers. But occasionally I would find his eyes on me from across our table.

His hair was deep brown and silken, his eyes a mixture of hazel and gray. He was an odd boy.

We had never actually spoken until that day, but our eyes told tales to one another amongst our expressive art. He began painting a girl with brown hair and brown eyes, the word "sunlight" scrawled down her pale face as the rays of the sun burst forth from behind her.

"It's you," he had murmured that day before the dismissing bell had rung. "This is you."

That night I wrote a song about the girl basked in sunlight.

The following Friday I had wandered into the darkened classroom after school, eager to work on a piece of pottery I couldn't get out of my head.

I walked into the art closet and he was there, agonizing over color upon color.

He looked up and stood as he saw me. "Sunlight," he murmured, brushing the back of his fingers along my temple.

I thought he was miraculous.

I pulled his t-shirt in my fists once his awkward-moving lips met mine. His tongue pushed into my mouth with a grunt and it was too much. Too wet, too needy, but maybe this was what it was like to burn too bright.

My stomach muscles bunched together as I widened my stance…he made me feel needy as well.

I was pushed against the shelves of the closet as his palm squeezed my breast, over and over as he pushed his hips against mine. I tangled my fingers into his hair and let him devour me with his tongue, knowing this wouldn't be the defining pleasure of my life, but certain that it was a start.

I gasped once his eager fingers slid inside the front of my pants, searching for something he knew nothing of. I let him touch me, let him explore my wet skin as I flattened my palm against the front of his brown corduroy pants. It was hard there, a slightly protruding bulge that was hot on my fingers and not as large as I expected it to be.

He moaned against my teeth and pushed himself against my palm. His finger went inside of me and I bit my lip, partly from pleasure and partly from his untrained movements.

We existed awkwardly in that closet, his hips thrusting against my palm. His tongue drowning my mouth, his fingers pushing in and out of me in a frantic rhythm.

I felt it growing in my belly, a strong wave that shot to every limb. He rubbed his fingers in me until I groaned through gritted teeth, my body freezing as a conflicted orgasm washed through me.

I had stronger sensations given to me by my own hand, but there was something exhilarating about receiving pleasure from someone other than myself.

I gripped him harder as I shuddered against his hand, his body beginning to spasm as he cried out into my mouth, the fabric of his pants turning wet and warm as I held onto him tightly.

We said nothing for minutes on end, just occupied the tiny space amongst art and shelves.

"Can we do more?" he finally asked. "Can I have more of you, Bella?"

He was deeper than most. Tortured and quiet, but more…

I nodded and he kissed me once, promising to arrive outside my window that night.

He was gone before I could ask how he knew where I had lived.

True to his word he arrived in my yard in the dead of night, my father on patrol and my mother out like a light from her prescription sleeping pills.

I snuck him inside my room where he undressed me in the moonlight, kissing my lips, sucking a nipple, yet leaving the rest of my ample body undiscovered.

He stared at my exposed sex in wonder as he hastily removed his clothing. I gasped when I saw his arousal. It stood outwards from his body and was moving on its own accord - it was like nothing I'd ever seen before. Pink and hard, yet it seemed so delicate to me.

I looked up when I felt his fingers tracing a line of smudged ink along my forearm. "Your words," he had murmured.

I touched the paint splattered across his palm. "Your paintings."

He backed me against my mattress until I was lying on it, watching in awe as he rolled latex up his throbbing skin. My heart fluttered nervously, wondering if this boy was enough for me to allow him to enter my body.

He kissed my eyelids and stroked me slowly until I was soaked with arousal, whispering that it might hurt me but he would do everything he could to make me feel safe.

So I lifted my legs and wrapped them around him until he was groaning so deeply, as if this was the most painfully exuberant moment of his life. I whimpered as he pushed until it burned, my eyes stinging as he held still inside of me and reveled in my raw throbbing. "I'm sorry," he whispered, waiting to push again until my face untwisted.

Back and forth he rocked on top of me…and oh, his sounds.

I was fascinated by the deep and vulnerable sobs that came from this boy as he took his pleasure from my wet skin.

He began shaking above me, a drop of sweat sliding down his temple as he kissed me until my lips ached. My breathing was so fast, so heavy. Not because of my own pleasure but from the gift I seemed to be giving this boy, and the new sensations of my body abandoning it's adolescence and diving into womanhood.

I had never been much of a child to begin with.

I moaned softly as he pulsed inside me, his body trembling on top of mine as he groaned and groaned and groaned. He laid on me heavily once he settled, the aftershocks of his pleasure shaking into my body.

"Thank you, Bella. Thank you, thank you, thank you," he whispered. "You are so beautiful, sometimes I think you can't be real."

He held me for minutes until he left me with a kiss and a tied up condom.

We had been together a few more times in that way, but never did anything at school but share a knowing smile.

One day I walked into art class and he was gone, learning that Garrett's family had moved to Tulsa rather suddenly.

I would never see that boy again and in the end, what we had could never have been permanent, but I felt contented in experiencing with him the sexual need that was prominent inside me.

Now when the nights were dark and only the breeze was awake with me, it was darkening shades of blue that caressed my skin. Kind eyes, beautiful blond hair, strong hands…

A smile curving with our hidden secrets, unending gazes of irrevocable understanding.

My hand on his warm abdomen…

I'd pull my covers over my head and close my eyes against the darkness, watching him lay next to me in a space where guilt wasn't welcome. Where there were no obligations or right or wrong…

Just us…

Just us.

When I touched myself to his memories, the pleasure nearly crumbled me.

Just from our intimacy behind closed eyelids.

But wasn't that all I was allowed from him? My thoughts of his skin, his lips, his smile…

Even though there was no doubt that I knew him in a way that couldn't be defined, it didn't change the fact that he was still someone else's husband. I couldn't concentrate on that notion for long, because it was an unbearable truth to be burdened with.

"Bellaaaaa," I heard my mother's voice, snapping me to the present. "You in there, baby?"

I let out the breath I was holding. "Yeah, I'm here."

Neither one of my parents were surprised by my mind's absence, since it wasn't uncommon for me to space out on more than one occasion.

I hugged them both and walked swiftly to my new vehicle, climbing inside and inhaling deeply. It smelled like gasoline, peppermint and tobacco…it smelled like mine.

I closed my eyes at the roar it generated with the turn of a key, and I steadied myself for the first day at a school I undoubtedly wouldn't find a home in.

**-x-x-**

I could take the time to talk about the eight hours I spent inside the brick walls of my new High School. I could divulge my class schedule, the questioning looks from the student body, the all-American boy who took interest in my eccentricity, the girl with square glasses who smiled warmly at me as she played her Cello in the school yard, or the cruel girls in gym class who mocked me because I was different.

But in the end, did any of it matter?

I'd fulfill my obligation. Monday through Friday I would park my truck in the school's lot. I'd carry my bag on my shoulder and enter those doors. I'd pretend that their flimsy learning material was something I didn't already know. I'd stay quiet but smile softly in order to remain unseen like I preferred. I'd draw on my jeans and write lyrics on my hand and I'd dream…

I'd dream of him.

And that's what I did.

Mike was the all-American child who tried to lose himself in my depths but only drowned in my intricacy. Jessica and Lauren were the girls who resented my uniqueness with hurtful remarks. Angela was the quiet girl with her Cello, who treated me with kindness and became the friend I'd never had. The curriculum continued to be unfulfilling, and my simple smile remained plastered across my pink lips. My drawn flowers stood long across my pant leg…and my dreams held nothing but the beauty of Carlisle Cullen.

I had heard from him on a Friday evening, five days after my initial discovery of Forks High.

I had several pencils twisted in my hair, keeping it high atop my head as I played my new antique baby grand. A smudge of lead covered my top lip, where I scratched at a pesky itch in the midst of my song.

My t-shirt was white and plain, just like I had appeared to be. My jeans were cut off at my thigh and the frayed threads were tickling my skin with each step I took towards the ringing telephone.

"Hello," I murmured, looking back to my awaiting piano. I stifled my gasp as I recognized his silence on the other end. "Hi," I whispered, pressing my hand against my rapidly beating heart.

"Hi Bella," he said softly. Our silence became prominent, and I allowed myself to close my eyes to see if my rampant thoughts would reach his thirsty mind. With a sigh, he closed us off. "Is your dad home?"

I shook my head. "He and my mother are seeing a movie tonight."

"Okay," he murmured, and I could almost hear his hand in his hair. "How are you?" he breathed like a sigh of relief.

"I'm okay," I swallowed thickly, suddenly feeling the onslaught of tears as they pushed against my constricting throat and burned my eyes. Why did I need to cry now?

"Are you?" I whispered.

I pressed my heated forehead to the cool wall as his silence spoke volumes to me. "I…I'm calling about the babysitting job. I'm calling to see when you can start watching my daughters." His voice was pleading, asking me to let that be the only purpose for this call. Beseeching me to accept that this was his only reason and that there was nothing here to be seen, to be felt, to be alive inside us.

I gripped the phone tightly in my hands as two hot tears escaped my clenched eye lids. "I know," I nodded, pressing the receiver to my lips. "It's okay, I know."

I felt our comforting silence wrap around us, helping to soothe us as the cruel reality fought to knock down our door. I began frantically speaking. "I can start any time you need me."

_Need me_, I silently begged.

He exhaled audibly, like heavy breathing pushing against my soft lobe, the heat of his air warming my cheek and clenching my body in utter delight. He breathed out once more, and I failed to suppress the moan he drew from my lips.

"_Fuck_."

A dirty word on such a pristine tongue. It was a tantalizing contradiction and so quiet I knew without a doubt it wasn't meant to be heard.

But I always heard him.

"Saturday afternoon." His voice was hoarse and unstable. "Tomorrow at 3 p.m. That's when I need you."

"Is that all?" I brazenly questioned.

I heard a groan in the back of his throat. "That's all I have, Bella. It's all I have."

With a gentle click, he was gone but still pressed against me. Words on my ear and breath on my cheek. Groan in my throat, hands at my hips, body on my body…

And with butterflies fluttering in my stomach, fighting to take flight with tiny rocks tied to their wings, I walked back to my piano and continued the gentle harmony of blue skies and even bluer waters…and a kindness that my heart continually lost its beats for.

**-x-x-**

The next day was like any other day, I had told myself.

I retrieved directions from Charlie and bundled my coat tight, taking tentative steps toward my truck. I was anxious to see the girls…even more anxious to draw Heaven.

I drove winding road after winding road, squinting to read my father's tiny handwriting and stay on the road at the same time. Finally I came to a long, paved driveway, the only one I had seen for miles. I turned down it and hoped for the best.

I parked in front of a tall, mesmerizing home. Everything was pure and open like his heart was, welcoming and extravagant like his children were. I wondered where her blackness dwelled on this property.

I saw no cars in the driveway, my only indication that I had the right home was the simple wooden sign hung to the side of a glass door. _The Cullens Welcome You._

And how fervently I welcomed them.

I removed my wool mitten and pressed against the icy bell, an eloquent tone sounding out loudly from behind the closed door. I heard what sounded like stocking feet pattering against hard wood floors until suddenly the door was thrown open and I was greeted by the beauty of night and day.

"Bella!" Alice squealed, throwing herself into my arms.

I chuckled and squeezed her tight. "Inside, sweetie. You're going to freeze."

I knelt down and her warm little hands pressed against my cheeks. "You're cold and you smell like strawberries," she whispered with a wry gleam in her eyes.

I heard the door slam shut behind me before two little arms were wrapped around my neck from behind. "She smells like _raspberries_," Rosalie corrected, pressing her tiny nose into my shoulder.

I put a stop to the bickering before it began. "You know what, you're _both_ right. My shampoo is strawberry scented, but my hand lotion?" I pointed to the palm of my hand. "All raspberries."

"We're _both_ right, _Rose_," Alice huffed, sticking her tongue out at her sister before taking my hand. "Come on, Bella. We're watching _High School Musical_."

"Your shoes go here," Rosalie sighed, pointing beside the door. "Hang your coat here…and what's in the bag?"

I smiled brightly. "Just some supplies. Do you remember what we're going to draw today?"

Alice's eyes widened. "Heaven!" she whispered.

I nodded as Rose shook in excitement behind her calm refrain. "We're not just going to draw it…we're going to create it."

"Lots of lights!" Rosalie piped in.

"And flowers and purple too, right?" Alice questioned.

I nodded fervently. "Whatever you want, that's what we'll have."

We were interrupted by clacking heels approaching behind us. "Girls, go watch your movie," she commanded.

"Aw, I don't wanna watch T.V.," Rosalie groaned, stomping one pink-socked foot.

Alice pulled on her sister's arm. "Come on," she sighed. "We can finish the movie and then get to work." She winked at me conspiratorially and rounded the corner with her twin in tow.

I lifted myself from the floor and stood at full height, but still her icy frame loomed so much higher than me. "Bella," her smile was fabricated as she gestured towards the kitchen. "Why don't we go over the ground rules before I leave?"

I followed her click and clack until we were at a counter in an immaculate kitchen, wide open and bright. She pointed to the paper upon the countertop. "This is everything you'll need to know about the girls. Since my _husband_ insisted on uprooting our permanent sitter, you'll have to relearn everything, so I'm sure it will be quite a process." She barely fought her eye roll.

"I'm sure I can keep up," I smiled, perusing the do's and don'ts of watching seven-year-olds for sporadic periods of time.

"Oh, I'm sure you can," she said rather sarcastically as she tightened the knot of hair on her head. "Dr. Cullen will be home shortly after eight p.m. He can put the girls to sleep and pay you for your services. Emergency contacts are by the phone, as well as cell numbers for my husband and I. Don't call me unless you desperately need to."

She left the kitchen as her final words still echoed in the large room, my eyes narrowing as she collected her purse and not only disregarded me, but didn't bother to pay her daughters another glance as she departed.

But she wasn't their real _Mommy_, was she?

I found myself eager to know.

Alice and Rosalie were kneeling on the couch, watching through parted curtains as the garage door hummed to life. I stared on in wonder as Alice's head nestled gently against Rose's shoulder. "Are there stars in heaven?" the raven-haired girl asked.

Rose nodded and pointed above her head. "Uh-huh. The floor of Heaven is actually our sky, so there are stars where they stand, okay?"

"Okay," Alice agreed. "But we need glitter to make them shine."

"Of course we do," Rosalie giggled.

"But the stars will be on the ceiling, because when we lie down we can look up to see them."

"I know that. And the flowers will hang down from the sky, because that means they'll grow tall for Mama and Grandma Swan."

They were quiet for a moment as they watched Jane disappear from the driveway. Alice smiled brightly. "It's time."

**-x-x-**

I stood with two girls in a surprisingly tidy playroom, our fingers to our lips as we pondered the space around us. The light was fading by the second, the shimmering snow being drowned out by the evening darkness.

Alice's little brow was furrowed, while her sister looked downright angry as we stared on in silence. The last two hours had been filled with nothing but our creativity. The two little twins began their vision on white expanses of paper, mapping out the extraordinariness they believed their mother's heaven to be.

But for them, it wasn't enough.

They wanted to be submerged in it.

So as they laced construction paper flower petals with green yarn, decorating with glitter glue as they saw fit, I would proceed to hang them from the ceiling with the help of a step ladder from a nearby closet. I didn't stop hanging until the room was enveloped in the tallest flowers, stretching down from Heaven's grasp.

Next were the stars. Pale purple stars cut out abundantly, glitter covering every peak in order for them to properly shine. Once I adhered them to the ceiling, my little girls and I stood back and watched the room come to life. The sky above us sparkled and the boisterous petals were beautiful to be sure.

But even I couldn't deny that it needed something more.

It was fascinating to watch the girls as they silently communicated like a graceful dance, vetoing the same concept at the same time and standing identically as they thought to themselves. Finally they both gasped, clearly finding the missing pieces as they ran off in separate directions.

I stood in the doorway until they both came racing back, a sheer fabric in Alice's hands while Rosalie yanked on my arm. I giggled as they spoke over themselves a mile a minute.

"One at a time," I smiled.

Rosalie jumped in first, naturally. "We need lights, Bella. Lots and lots of lights. We have twinkly lights in the garage and that's what we need! Please can we hang them?"

I turned to Alice where she was waiting patiently. "This is my silky blanket from Grandma Swan! She gave it to me because when we'd visit I'd wear it around my shoulders like a cape! It's purple and it was hers so it _needs _to be in our Heaven!"

I put my finger to my lip. "Okay, the fabric we can do but Rose, sweetie, I don't think we can just go rooting through Daddy's things, and I know we can't start hanging lights without permission."

"But we won't leave marks in the wall, because she…_Mommy_ doesn't like marks so Daddy had to get these things that stick onto wherever you're sticking them!" She pouted shamelessly and as her foot began stomping, I couldn't help but smile.

"Another time, Rose. We'll get your daddy's permission, and we can hang as many as you'd like."

Like clockwork, or fate, the home phone began ringing. Rosalie's eyes lit up brighter than any twinkling lights ever could. "I bet that's him!"

Rosalie raced for the phone and lifted it from the cradle hastily. "Daddy?"

She began jumping up and down for the sake of all her pent up energy. "Nothing is wrong, Daddy," she sighed exasperatedly. "Bella and Alice and me are making a surprise in the toy room and we neeeeed the twinkly lights. Can we use them? We won't make a mess, we swear it."

There was silence as Rose began to giggle. "I'm not gonna string 'em around _me, _Daddy. Just can we? Cuz I know right where they are, on that shelf in the garage."

More silence.

And then intense squealing as she tossed the phone at me. "He said yes, Bella, I _told _you he would." She couldn't resist sticking her tongue out at me playfully as she dragged Alice off to retrieve her precious lights.

I shook my head at the two before realizing what I held in my hands, and just who it was connecting me to. With my heart like a drum, I lifted it to my ear. "Hey," I smiled.

I heard him smiling too. "Hey, Bella." Our silence was warm and sort of like a blanket straight from the dryer wrapping around my shoulders. "How are you…how are my girls?"

I felt the need to whisper. "They're so great…imagining, coloring, cutting, glittering…for the past two hours they've been hard at work."

"Yeah?" he spoke softly, lowering his voice. "Tell me what you've been making."

My cheeks ached with the power of my bliss. "I couldn't possibly, Carlisle. They want to surprise you…they've had so much fun just _creating_ this. The way their minds work together, their vibrancy, their _life…_watching them together is a sight to behold." I trailed off, realizing I was rambling.

"I've been blessed, I can't deny that," he murmured. "I'm anxious to get home and see it."

We reveled in our silence for several long seconds as I walked down the stairs and watched the girls carrying a tangled mass of lights in their little hands. I couldn't help but laugh. "I think it will take longer to untangle them than to hang them, my dear sweet girls."

I heard a deep chuckle on the other end. "Blame me for that…I'm not exactly a patient man."

My breathing accelerated. "You're not?"

"No." More silence. "Bella, I…"

I knew he was going to bring it up then. The unspoken power between us. Our familiarity. Our breath of relief the moment we occupied the same room. And I had only laid eyes on this man twice in my life, not that it mattered. Time has no merit on what the heart already knows.

I wasn't scared of bringing our secret to life, but I couldn't stand the painful confusion in his rich, honey voice. "Carlisle, can I ask you a question?"

"You can ask me anything, Bella." And I knew that was true.

"Your um…your wife left in her instructions that I should warm up some T.V. dinners for the girls, but I really don't mind cooking. I'm sure they'd love to help me."

I looked up once the lights fell to the linoleum floor. "Big cook, little cooks!" They squealed in unison.

I looked at them questioningly until Carlisle's voice warmed me. "Did they just say big cook, little cooks?" he laughed. I nodded and he continued. "Yeah…they love to help me in the kitchen. We sort of pretend that we're doing a cooking show, hence the title." I could almost see the cherry blush across his rugged jaw, and I fought to suppress my groan. "But Bella, it's not your responsibility to make sure my daughters are eating a balanced meal."

My eyes widened, suddenly fearful that I insulted him. "There's nothing wrong with the Kid Cuisine's, Carlisle, I wasn't trying to imply that. It's just that I enjoy cooking, and it's something fun we could do together." I heard his breaths entering the receiver hastily. "Something I could do with the girls, I mean…" I added softly.

"There _is_ something wrong with the processed filth in those meals, Bella," he growled, his angry tone fluttering my heart and pulsing the coil hidden deep within me. "If you'd truly like to make them dinner, then please, help yourself to anything. And know that I appreciate this. It just…it means a lot to me, knowing how closely you're caring for them."

"They're amazing," I whispered. _They came from you._

"You're amazing."

I clutched my chest at the breath of air that carried those words, maybe not intended for my ears…or perhaps they were. Maybe they were spoken so softly that they could slide languidly through our phone connection and into my body. He continually left me speechless.

I closed my eyes at the sound of his deep, heavy breathing…and realized that his daughters were staring at me with peculiar faces. I put the phone to my rapidly beating heart, almost hoping he would hear his effect on my body. "Girls, why don't you take the lights up to the toy room and then we'll get started on dinner." My voice was weak as I attempted to catch my breath.

They acquiesced and in the next moment, Carlisle and I were left alone.

We didn't speak. There was so much to say and everything in this mortal world was preventing us from voicing it. But I so longed to be brave. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"What could you possibly be sorry for, Bella?" he murmured so softly, like a gentle hum of contentment whispered to a lover in the early hours of morning.

I swallowed heavily and pressed my forehead to the cool paint, just like I had during our first phone call. "You're right," I nodded. "I can't be sorry for this…but knowing that I'm conflicting you, hurting you…I feel it like a knife cutting my skin."

His exhale was lithe, but loaded. "Are you creating Heaven, Bella?" His voice longed for me, and I pushed my thighs tightly together.

I let the burning tears in my eyes perplex me and define me in that moment. "Yes," I all but moaned, caressing his phone like I longed to caress his rigid, warm torso. "It's a dreamer's Heaven…purple and flowers and lights so bright, they make you want to cry. That's what we're making."

His breath was quivering like my body. "Do you think…in a place such as Heaven, a person can be free?"

I nodded. "I think they can be true."

"Then save your words for Heaven, Bella. Just save them for me until the moment I can allow myself _our _truth…can we please?"

I felt a hard nagging of life and morals at my gut, but it had no right to be with me in that moment.

"Heaven can be whatever you want it to be," I murmured, shuddering in overwhelming tremors as I repeated his words from the day I truly let him consume me.

"What if it's you?" he questioned boldly, the huskiness of his tone doing strange and exhilarating things to my skin.

I smiled and shamelessly pressed my lips to his receiver. "Then it's me…and nothing can take it away."

He groaned in frustration. "Everything can take it," he whispered.

I closed my eyes and hummed long and low. "One step, one second, one word at a time…that's all we can do."

"How do you know me so well, Bella? Tell me and I'll leave you to Heaven and my beautiful little girls. Just tell me…"

I smiled widely. "But what if I can't tell you? What if this is just the way it is? The sky is blue, like your eyes…the world spins but we can't feel it, and I know you like I know my own heart."

Thirty-seven seconds without a sound. And then it was everything.

"Do you know how lonely I've felt every moment of my life, as far back as I can remember?" His voice was shaking with intensity.

"Yes," I whispered softly.

"Do you know that since my eyes fell upon you, I've had you with me every moment since?"

"You've been with _me_," I whispered, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth.

His mouth was so close to the receiver. "I feel the guilt pushing me down, and I knew I should morally let it in. "I've only ever wanted to be a good man, Bella, and I know this…thing between us makes me the worst kind there is. But I'm fighting to keep the remorse at bay, and instead revel in the companionship you've given me just by existing in my world." He hesitated for a moment, his voice a gentle hum as he spoke once more. "I'm not lonely anymore…for the first time, I'm not lonely."

He was so complicated, and I found myself needing to know everything about him that I didn't already. "We aren't doing anything wrong yet."

He hesitated briefly. "But what if I _want _to do something wrong, Bella?"

Oh, my entire body ached with promises of everything he could give me. "Then I can guarantee that you don't want it nearly as badly as I do," I murmured heavily.

I was suddenly rejoined by his perfect children as he growled my name and my heart stuttered and stopped.

"I have two little fair-skinned chefs wondering when their daddy will be home," I spoke too lovingly and too full of everything I promised to save for Heaven.

"Two and a half hours, if I try." I imagined his strong fingers constantly tap-taptaptap-tapping against is thigh. "And Bella, I _will_ be trying."

I wanted to beg him to touch me when he returned. To put his children to sleep and run his fingertips along my skin until he made every inch of my body his. But this was a slippery slope. Just looking in his passionate eyes and listening to the warmth of his tenor would be enough for me. "We'll talk," I whispered.

He hummed softly. "Let my eyes touch your face, let me hear your deepest thoughts…Bella, all I want to do is take my time with you, because I will not leave one curve, one word, one smile overlooked. Do you know what you've done to me?"

"Tell me," I demanded.

"In Heaven," he promised. "Where we can be true."

We slowly got off the phone and my feet were floating. The ground beneath me turned to air and gravity was being defied. The soundtrack to my life began playing a slow, ominous indie song, and I closed my eyes to imagine myself floating above and away from the ground…

I regained my reality and walked my girls into the kitchen, my thoughts flourished with their glorious father.

I was starving for the moment his dark blue eyes swirled into my awaiting umber, and trembling for the harmony of his honey-silkened words to travel across my skin.

**-x-x-**

**A/N:**

**Sorry for the delay in posting (not only this story but my others as well). I tried to get some writing done before my vacation but just ran out of time. My bad!**

**Thanks to my beta Isabel for being my voice of reason, and thanks to my readers who are giving this CxB story a chance. I hope you're enjoying it thus far! :)**

**I can be found on Twitter... Brits23.**

**Please send me a review? I'd greatly appreciate it! **

**Until next time! :)**


	5. Truth

**Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters and Twilight plot lines that may appear in this story. The remainder is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. Don't steal, it isn't polite.**

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**Chapter Four**

_~The truth will always be the truth, regardless of lack of understanding, disbelief or ignorance._

_-W. Clement Stone_

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I made chicken marsala with my two newest confidantes, my mind seldom with the task at hand as I played his words in my mind over.

And over and over.

The way he spoke my name like I belonged to him. The yearning, the need…the hunger.

_The fear._

And suddenly I was bathing in it.

I opened my eyes and stared at the gorgeous children of day and night, giggling over their chicken in this house - their parents house.

Mother and father…husband and wife.

I didn't fit into this equation and even if I did, what kind of person would I be?

The glory that was within my reach was now sucked backwards and so far away…

…so utterly far away.

We talked like we were untouchable on the phone, in a land where he wasn't a married man with obligations and I wasn't the teenage daughter of his best friend.

But I needed him.

How do you live without air and still breathe?

I cleaned up from our cooking extravaganza with emptiness inside me, my movements mechanical as I placed our leftovers in the Tupperware that belonged to the woman who wore his ring on her finger.

Oh, it burned so hot, knowing that she held everything in her hands and was thankful for none of it. I pushed my tears aside and looked up to the white of _their _ceiling, in _their_ house, in _their_ world.

"Why did you do this?" I questioned, the tears sliding past my temples as I tilted my head back, frantically asking the heavens why they'd torture two beings that had so much life inside them.

Even if we gave in, I couldn't live with the aftermath we would create…

…and I wouldn't live without his touch on my skin.

Where did that leave me?

"Bella, we're done eating," Alice yelled, walking her empty plate over to the sink and rinsing it with the spray. "That was so yummy, you're almost as good of a cooker as Daddy!"

I smiled as brightly as I could manage and pressed myself against the counter top, pushing down the guilt in my stomach and the longing in my heart.

One moment I felt as if I were flying…and the next I was descending fast, spiraling out of control with the knowledge that what I have inside me can never be released.

We can never give in.

The pain was more than I could bear.

I wished I could be in my room at that moment, amongst the musty furniture that belonged to my grandmother and buried in the sheets that smelled like me and not him. It would never be him.

I wanted to write a song that throbbed as painfully as this truth.

I took deep breaths with my eyes clenched tightly, remembering that my sole purpose was to be with these girls; caring for them, watching out for them and creating the Heaven their father wanted to share with me.

Wrong. It was so wrong and yet so right that I suddenly had no comprehension of these definitions.

It's not wrong to cherish.

After I collected myself and washed dishes with the girls, we went back to Heaven and put up the final missing pieces.

What we created took my breath away.

The sheer violet fabric hung from the candelabra in the center of the ceiling, ghosting down around us and creating a shimmering tent to surround us with. White lights reflected against sparkling glitter, making everything shine with a glow so supernatural, I suddenly found myself wondering if we had done it. Maybe we had succeeded in bringing a new world to us.

A world where we could be free.

I stood with two seven-year-old children as our mouths gaped, no words falling from our lips because we were too astounded to form sentences, too submerged by the wonderland we had created to speak words from a land less worthy than this one.

_Our Heaven._

Alice was the first to break the silence, giggling as her fingertips ghosted the see-through fabric around her. "We are in a fairy land," she breathed.

I felt my eyes burn as Rosalie took her hand and squeezed tightly.

He would look so beautiful amongst the soft light and silky sheet hanging around us…

I couldn't let myself drown in Carlisle Cullen, not when I had his daughters here who were more spectacular than I could accurately define.

"Girls," I whispered gently, waiting for them to tear their eyes from the surroundings before continuing. "Why don't we clean up a bit downstairs and get your pajamas on? Then I'll read to you in Heaven."

Rosalie's eyes lit up so brightly as she pulled on my arm. "Can we bring all our blankets and pillows and make a bed in Heaven? Please Bella, can we please?"

I smiled and nodded. Even if Carlisle disapproved, which I was sure he wouldn't, their beds could always be remade and they could always be carried to them.

Once the girls scampered to their room, I wandered downstairs to turn off some of the lights and clean up the kitchen one more time. In a house this immaculate, who was I to tarnish the beauty?

A flash of light caught my eye, reflecting in the dining room window. I heard the garage door opening and I couldn't breathe because he was here now.

I held my chest, attempting to remind myself that we had been in the same room before without perishing, igniting, dying, touching…

No, we had always found a way to touch.

The girls padded down the stairs happily at the sound of their father returning home. It nearly floored me to see how much they loved him; he was their entire world and I suddenly found myself wondering if he could be _my_ whole world, if we ever chose to give in and tarnish the beauty together.

The door opened and my heart took flight, the whole atmosphere inside the house shifting the moment he entered it. What was once a building with wooden beams and drywall and insulation was now a home. It was brilliant. He created this home with love and warmth and made it a haven so safe that no one dare ever try to infiltrate it.

He turned the corner to the dining room and fell to his knees instantly, arms wide to scoop up his children and adore them with everything he had. He closed his eyes and inhaled through his nose as he embraced them…the sight nearly bringing me to my knees as well.

There are so few instances in your life where you get to witness raw, pure emotion. The truest form of love. Carlisle Cullen was emanating it. How could anyone breathe in this man's presence? Were his daughters and I the only ones who could see what he held inside him?

He rose to his feet with one million emotions playing amongst the blue waters of his eyes, pressing kisses to each silken head before they took his hands and brought him to me.

He walked forward and his eyes were down, not ready to gaze upon what could only be an agonizingly breathtaking experience…the moment our eyes connected.

His breathing was heavy as he stood before me, white dress shirt rising and falling, muscles pushing against fabric…heaving because I was standing before him…

_Look at me_, I silently screamed.

His head lifted and we met. Safe and sound. Home. Dark blue and hungry but delicate and worshipful. He was a myriad of moods and feelings, just as they swirled inside me like a cyclone of uncertainty.

But with him, there was never any doubt.

"Bella."

Plump mouth pressing and releasing. Wet tongue sliding along his bottom lip. Adam's apple bobbing from the force of his swallow. Trembling hand, beating heart. And suddenly I forgot why I was drowning in guilt when all I wanted to do was run my fingers through soft blond hair and study the artwork that was his jaw.

Tell me why I should be repentant for this?

After several attempts at breaking away from my serenity, I finally succeeded in looking down to see Alice next to me, arms lifted in a silent plea for me to hold her.

I smiled as the cyclone raged on inside me, lifting her and snuggling her until our temples were pressed tightly together and she was yawning in my embrace. "Daddy, we made chicken mercedes with Bella."

I smiled softly and leaned into her cheek. "Chicken _marsala_, sweetheart."

"Was it delicious, Ali-Cat?" he murmured to his daughter, his eyes searching for more inside of mine.

Rosalie climbed the drawer handles until she was perched on top of the counter. "She's as good as you, Dad."

"She's better than me," he whispered, gazing unwaveringly and it was becoming too much, too real amongst his real life and his daughters. He felt it too. "Alice why don't you get down? You're getting too big to be carried, honey."

She let out a sharp whine and held me tighter. "My Bella," she pouted.

His jaw clenched with one of his endless depths before he distanced his body from mine. "Show me Heaven," he whispered.

Alice and Rosalie jumped down and ran ahead, leaving the two of us in a silent wave of thick molasses as we fought not to stare, to touch, to own when it was so detrimental that we refrained.

I walked forward and he held his hand out behind the small of my back, not touching but fingers twitching and shaking with the urge. "Go first," I murmured, letting our eyes dance slowly together before he departed in front of me.

I watched him shamelessly as he climbed each step. His body was mesmerizing to me. Once upon a time I let a boy touch my body and take me as his…but all I ever wanted was a man to claim me.

Strong arms and hard planes. Sprinkled chest hair and a stubbled jaw…these were the things I longed for when it was just me tangled inside my sheets. Not fumbling fingers and smooth youthful skin of a boy who wasn't quite an adult.

I wanted this man like I wanted the written word flowing through my pen.

He reached the door and pushed it open, two beaming little girls there to greet him. I stood in the doorway and watched, hoping he wouldn't be angry at me for transforming a room inside his home. I looked to the floor, seeing that the girls had ripped every shred of sheets and blankets from their bed.

"I'll remake their beds before I go," I whispered behind him, my eyes glued to the carpet as I watched the glittering light dance along it.

In my peripheral I saw him turn around swiftly, my head automatically jerking up as he took me in. "This is beautiful, Bella. Do you think I would be worried about something like that when you've created _this_?"

Like a fire licking my skin, his words traced my curves and pushed against my chest until I found it difficult to breathe. I followed his eyes as they drifted along the ceiling, watched him take slow steps until he was standing in the violet canopy we had built. The white lights reflecting against the glitter made small pox of illumination light up his already glorious face, and in that moment I wished we could have this forever.

This very second…

"Daddy, do you like it?" Alice whispered, speaking quietly as if she didn't want to disturb the beauty around us.

Carlisle tore his eyes away from his surroundings and met the dark eyes of his baby girl, smiling warmly. "I love it, honey. It's perfect."

His eyes slid in my direction like a moth to a flame, holding me captive as he shook his head in awe. "How did you do this?"

I took my bottom lip between my teeth, letting the soft skin slide back and forth against solid enamel. "I listened to your words, and I encouraged your daughters to create…that's all."

He swallowed thickly and clenched his fists, taking his eyes from me because he had to. He just had to.

Slowly the air around us began to lessen in its intensity, the girls curling up beneath their scattered blankets with books in their hands. "Bella, you'll still read to us right?" Alice questioned.

I looked to Carlisle, wondering how soon our miraculous time would be cut short. I watched intently as he slowly rolled his sleeves up his forearms, his dark eyes boring into mine as he exposed more of his skin. The act was innocent but the impression it left on my body was anything but. And then his smile was soft and reverent. "We've got time," he murmured to me, like I was his and he was mine.

Like we were free.

We curled up on either side of the girls and settled into the numerous pillows and Hannah Montana bedspreads. Rosalie tucked into my side and ran a strand of my hair through her parted fingers. "Do you want me to read, or should your daddy do it?" I smirked as he gave me a playful, exasperated look.

Alice piped up. "Ooh, Daddy, make up a story! Remember the last time? The bad dragon who stole all the happiness and the two girls who took it back and gave it to the kingdom?"

I smiled widely as Carlisle rolled his eyes; what he was ashamed of I had no clue, because every thought he had was enchanting to me.

"Make up a new one," Rose yawned, resting her cheek against my shoulder.

I closed my eyes as his deep voice hummed in contemplation, touching me in places no one ever had before. I laid back and listened to the beautiful ebb and flow of his tenor, and tried to ignore how ardently I longed for it to be whispered into my ear.

"There once was a king…"

His voice faltered and trembled, his fingers digging into his thighs as he attempted to find the right words.

"He and his two princesses lived in a grand castle but the town was cursed by a sorcerer. He made it so that the sun would always shine, and everything around them would be flawless."

"What's flawless?" Alice questioned.

Carlisle pressed a kiss to her head. "It means that everything is too perfect, honey."

Alice nodded her head and he continued. "The princesses didn't mind the sun, they didn't even remember what it felt like to be blessed with the soothing water from the earth. They didn't know what they were missing.

"One day a woman arrived and she was of another universe. The town had never seen beauty such as hers, had never been met with such a profound goodness before. Everyone was immediately drawn to her…especially the king."

Dark eyes bore into mine, and I felt my hands begin to shake as I entwined my own fingers to keep them from brushing his sharp jaw. I so desperately yearned for just the simplest touch of his skin.

His voice was deeper, more hoarse as he continued. "This woman had powers unknown. She knew how to undo the curse of perfection, and replace it with something more. Rain, thunder, abundance, _life_. Things that the town couldn't survive without. Things that the king had been yearning for but never thought he could ever behold."

"The sun is warm and nice, but we want to dance in the rain, right Bella?" Rosalie murmured, her eyes reduced to nothing but slits.

I kissed her forehead and brushed her hair to the side. "I think that's the moral of the story, sweet girl."

"Bella…" His voice was gruff as he stared at me with fire inside him, his hands balled into fists as he fought with everything he had not to give in. How badly I wanted to ease his pain.

"Finish the story, Daddy," Alice sighed sleepily.

He swallowed and pushed his perfect hair from his perfect forehead, his voice softer as he resumed his tale. "The woman sent from above met with everyone who lived there, learning them until she knew and loved each one. One night when the sky was bright and the grass was dry, the beautiful woman stood beneath the stars and lifted her arms, closing her eyes and declaring that they could be free. And before they knew it, warm thick raindrops were falling plentifully from the sky.

"Everyone awoke at the sound of rain on their rooftops. It was the middle of the night, but the woman brought everyone so much joy that soon they were outside of their homes, hands and faces to the sky as they laughed and played in the rain. There was joy and merriment from everyone, the water evoking more than any of the town-folk knew they could feel. And as they danced barefoot amongst the rain drops, the king bowed down to the unearthly woman, declaring that he'd give her anything she wanted for filling the immense void in their lives. He vowed to give her everything she desired if she promised to stay…if she would never, ever leave."

The tears burned hot in my eyes…this was more than I could take.

"Did she stay?" Alice whispered.

Carlisle's eyes fell to the blanket below. "The beautiful woman told the king that it wasn't right for her to stay. That she didn't belong in this world. But the king just smiled because he knew better. "Fair lady," he whispered as the rain covered his face. "You didn't belong in the world where the sun ruled and perfection thrived. But you belong amongst the rain drops. You may think it's wrong, but look at the beauty of this night that _you_ have created. You belong here like the stars belong to the sky. You are so unequivocally glorious that wrong and right have no merit when it comes to this. Do or don't. Live or die. Breathe or be strangled. I've never been so sure of anything in my entire life…_this is where you belong_."

I looked up to see him engulfed in me, my very essence surrounding him in light. The girls were fast asleep between us, and as the king's words gave way to the man who yearned for me in this room, the passion I now thrived for was swallowing me whole.

Hours or minutes passed as we gazed at each other in the soft white light of Heaven's beauty. Words eluded me and our silence cradled me like a sleeping child. His fingers tapped their rhythm against his thigh and I swear my heart was following his percussion. I needed to speak before I was lost entirely to the silence that protected us.

"Where did we come from?" I murmured, my voice quivering like the whipping wind at the windows as he burned blue waves inside me. "One moment life is what it's expected to be, the next there's _this_…there's _you_. It terrifies me."

"I frighten you?" he questioned timidly.

I shook my head slowly from side to side. "I'm terrified to feel so much for you. I'm terrified that I might ruin lives, break apart a family, steal everything from this home that clearly holds so much inside it."

"You have no idea what this house holds, Bella," Carlisle spoke contemptuously, his brilliant eyes becoming murky with an unspoken anger.

I leaned forward, hungry for the air between us to disappear until I could feel the fabric of his shirt rustling against mine. The gentle light and the blaring silence of the room set the stage for the heavy emotions dancing between us. Our breathing was loud and the dim violet of the sheer fabric hung over us like we were truly draped in another reality. But this was what we needed to begin…

I looked down toward the sleeping girls stretched out between us, like a safe haven separating us and our feeble self-control. We couldn't nourish those urges tonight…truthfully, could we ever?

"You're all I think about," I whispered, feeling the water burn in my eyes as I threatened to display how deeply I ached for him.

"Do you know how ardently I yearn for the next words to fall from your lips? As if every ticking second is hanging on whatever magnificence you release from your brilliant mind and soft, sweet mouth? Should I burn in hell for craving you like this?"

"No," I whispered emphatically, waiting for understanding to sink in but coming up empty. "I don't want to take anything away from you. I can't be responsible for ruining your life…or theirs."

He chuckled softly, his eyes closing just as his hands tightened to fists. "I think you were brought here to _define_ my life, Bella. I don't see how this power we have over one another is a mistake. I keep trying to think logically about what it is we have together, but I don't believe it's possible to think with anything but…but the fire that burns inside me every time I see you?" His words drifted off into a question as he swallowed thickly, his eyes darting from mine to the floor and back again. "And I know…I'm wrong to be so fascinated with you. You don't know how badly I've been at odds with myself. But I can't _stop_, Bella. I can't stop this."

"I don't want you to stop," I nearly whimpered, rising up on my knees. More declarations threatened to fall from my lips, but we were interrupted by little Alice, talking quietly in her sleep.

I looked up to see Carlisle with both hands buried in what I assumed to be the softest of dark-blond hair. His chest was heaving against his white dress shirt, forearms clenched like his jaw as he breathed steadily in and out. "I'm going to go make the girls' beds…and then we can lay them down." His eyes flashed to mine in a split second, and I couldn't suppress the soft moan that fell from my lips as I saw the glistening shine in them.

"Why are you-" my words broke off as my throat clenched. Carlisle stood slowly without breaking our stare.

"We'll finish this," he promised, his eyes gazing down upon me and begging me to acquiesce. "Let's get them settled and we'll try to put it into words…we have to try."

I nodded shakily and looked down to the slumbering angels next to me. I smiled sadly and brushed the hair from their foreheads with each hand, pressing kisses to their silken hair.

"God, Bella…"

It was as quiet as the heavy air itself. Like a breath ghosting across heated skin. But I heard him call my name.

When I looked up he was nowhere to be found, but Carlisle Cullen was covering every inch of my flesh.

And it twisted so deep to know how wrong it was to need him and watch him and desire him…but he was right about what we had found within one another.

I _ached _for him.

He _craved_ me.

And there was no way I would ever put a stop what we had undoubtedly become…

Each other's.

**X**

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**The story title was born in this chappie, did you catch that?  
**

**I decided to post this early, just because. **

**Hope you enjoyed it! :)  
**

**Isabel is an amazing beta and an even better friend. I'm so grateful to her!**

**Follow me on Twitter, Brits23**

**Okay, I'm going on vacation for real now. Please write me some reviews to make me smile!**

**I sure do appreciate it. Until next time! :)  
**


	6. The Temptation We Resist

**Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters and Twilight plot lines that may appear in this story. The remainder is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. Don't steal, it isn't polite.**

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**Chapter Five**

_~We gain the strength of the temptation we resist._

_-Ralph Waldo Emerson_

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**BPOV**

After Carlisle remade his daughters' beds, we carried the girls to their room and tucked them in so tightly. Suddenly, his cell phone vibrated softly in his pocket. He looked at me sympathetically and I smiled in understanding as he stepped out of the room. He hadn't returned for several long, contemplative minutes, and I decided it would be best for me to take my leave, no matter how wrong it felt to go. It wasn't that I desired the distance between us or the absence of his crystal blue eyes, but with each passing second…I found myself becoming more desperate for him.

My common sense was distorted when he captivated me in such a way. I knew we needed to discuss what we could never begin to deny, but the more I ran the beautiful story he created for his daughters through my hungry mind, the more I realized how badly I needed to know what his skin felt like against mine.

"Please understand…I'm not giving up, I'm just trying to save us from going under." I whispered my words silently in the doorway of his daughters' bedroom, caressing the frame like it was his curved cheek. I knew he couldn't hear my confession, but in that moment I thought it better that way. All great love stories of the past had a dramatic departure of some sort. I felt the need to take mine, even if it hurt me to do so. I descended down the steps as quietly as I could, my heart pounding like I was making a grave mistake, torturing us in a desperate attempt to flee from what we had become.

My hands barely succeeded in taking my jacket from the hook next to the front door as I shook and heaved…but his deep, gentle voice stopped me in my tracks.

"Bella…"

I couldn't move, the only sound in the room was my coat dropping quietly to the floor.

My name falling from his lips crippled me and I pressed my forehead against the wall, practically collapsing against it as I let his mere presence trap me in its wonder. Each step he took toward me made my entire body clench, desperation looming between us as I fought uselessly to come up from his endless waters. The louder his steps became, the faster my heart beat. I closed my eyes and wondered how close he was in that moment. If I stepped backwards, would my body be against him? And if my body was against him, how frantically would we give into the need we had for one another?

I silently screamed words that weren't allowed to be spoken, trying with all my might to keep the passion from exploding off of my tongue and around his pouty lips. We stood there for what seemed like an eternity. My chest heaved against the cool surface of the wall, soft whimpers leaving me with every frantic breath. He wasn't touching me with his body but he was caressing me with his eyes and his fingers sliding through the heavy air. Up and down they stroked my spine, strong and reverent as he touched the air that held my body. I felt his heat, it was _mine_. Words blistered on my tongue and yet I knew I couldn't voice them; only desperate pleas and breathy moans would escape me as we stood at our standstill beside the front door.

"Why are you leaving me?"

I felt his hot breath ghosting my neck, the deep, painful tone of his words running across my skin like paint along canvas.

His voice was the embodiment of heartbreak. He felt betrayed by my need to abandon what we had started. And yet all I wanted was to preserve this…to preserve _us_. The fire boiling through my veins and spreading to every aching point in my body was taunting me to be _bad_. Begging me to ignore my moral compass and drag my nails down his chest. To bite his earlobe and grunt like the wild, primitive woman he reduced me to. To suck his bottom lip and _writhe_. To push my hips against his until we were rubbing and feeling and panting heavily into each others mouths while we memorized the shapes of our bodies.

I felt him curve around me like a bow., inches away from me but I _felt_ him…surrounding me with just the silhouette of his radiating heat. I saw our shadows playing on the wall, courtesy of the lamp located in the other room. It was dim but it painted us in a soft darkness that covered the white walls like a projected movie.

What would we be? Romance? Drama? Tragedy?

What would we become?

"It's too much," I begged him with nothing but breathless air forced out of my overworked lungs. I leaned back to try and capture the air that was evading me, my cascading hair falling between us like a shield, deflecting all of our hidden desires.

My palms pressed flat against the drywall as I stood in front of him, my moan not even attempting to be contained as he rested both hands on either side of mine on the wall, cocooning me against it with his trembling body. He was never physically touching me, but he gave me so much more than that.

"You make me _burn_, Isabella," he whispered against the shell of my ear, hot breath ghosting along my hair and sending pulsating shivers down my already quaking body.

I snatched our significant moment away from the lurking guilt. I didn't need to be reminded of the world that deemed us as immoral beings. All I could do was watch the way our hands rested side by side. I moved before my mind could register it; the path my fingers were traveling wasn't something that I could control. We were nothing but puppets being driven by an infinite power that held us together. I closed my eyes as I let my pinkie graze over his thumb. I didn't move a muscle but my heart was active enough for my entire body, waiting to see what would happen next now that I had taken this bold yet minimal step.

He wasn't breathing anymore behind me. I heard nothing, felt nothing, _saw_ nothing but the tip of my pinkie resting along the length of his thumb.

It was nothing.

It was everything.

The frantic desire inside of me cooled as I watched our skin move slowly together, the heat of our connection giving way to something quieter, something surreal and _ours._

I couldn't help but smile, although I knew the right thing to do should have been to resist the sin we were all but sure to commit.

No, this wasn't sin. This couldn't be sin.

And it was just a fucking finger.

I let my guilt go, pushed it deeper until I could breathe again and turned around.

It broke our slight physical contact but the need in our eyes reconnected us. His right hand was still pressed against the wall near my head, our bodies too far apart and yet his heat could be felt from a mile away.

He parted his lips and wetted them with his tongue, his throat releasing a quiet moan before he gave me his words. "Can I know you, Bella?"

"You already do," I breathed.

He smiled warmly and his eyes opened and closed lazily, warmth surrounding my heart like slow moving molasses. "I know I do…I feel you in a way I didn't know was possible. But I want to know what you write about. And what makes your eyes shine so brightly. I know what you have inside you, but I need to know what makes up the rest."

I observed him from beneath my lashes, the heavy arousal I felt previously now creeping its way back into the pit of my belly. I watched his index finger run over the thumb I had touched, as if he were frantically trying to rub my skin into his before the remnants were gone.

"Could you imagine how many stories we could create together, if only we were allowed to talk like friends? Like lovers?"

Carlisle's gaze softened even further as I swallowed the lump in my throat and continued. "If we acknowledge this, our lives will crumble all around us."

"You want to ignore it? Pretend like we aren't drowning in it? Act as if it's nothing when it's secretly dictating every move we make? Bella, we can suppress it but don't pretend like what we've found in one another doesn't _own_ us."

His fingers ran roughly through his dark-blond hair, finally disheveling it the way I had wanted to see it the first day I met him in that waiting room. He turned from me with a look of pure frustration, his chiseled jaw tight and flexing. My eyes began to fill with tears as he turned the corner to the kitchen and disappeared from my sight.

I didn't know who I was anymore.

One moment I'm looking for the light in the darkness…the next I've nearly gone blind from the intense illumination surrounding me. He was the light I had been looking for, but I had no clue how bright he would actually be.

One moment I'm ready to touch his skin and ignore the consequences…the next I'm hit with a healthy dose of realization. I'm not a mystical girl who creates Heaven. I'm a just teenager who wants to be swept away. He's not the one thing put on this Earth for me. He's a doctor who's living an unfulfilling life in an unfulfilling world.

The cynicism was creeping up my esophagus and choking me as all the wonders and possibilities of this world abandoned me. I promised myself I'd never conform to the life that everyone else had to settle for, but didn't I have to when it was all said and done?

This new hypocrite inside of me demanded that I walk out that front door, but I went against her wishes. Somewhere hidden deep within me remained the song-writer, the dreamer, the dragon slayer-incognito…and her small voice overpowered all else.

I could feel the cynical bitch sweep her way through my mind and body, making herself comfortable and at home. But the song-writer struggled to remind me exactly what home was.

And in the end, she had more power than the cynical bitch could ever dream of.

I walked into the kitchen and saw beauty leaning against the sink, his head dipped down as his back heaved from his labored breathing. I had done this to him, and it filled my insides with poison to watch him struggle because of my rational words.

Rationality had no place with us, because I had been wrong in thinking that Carlisle and I were nothing more than the monotonous worlds we lived in. We _did_ belong in the place where Heaven and imagination existed…no matter what hand we had been dealt.

I approached him like you would a ravenous beast. I found it ironic that one deemed it necessary to walk toward danger and tranquility in the same fashion. His body stiffened and I knew he heard me, felt me coming toward him like a sixth sense.

I closed my eyes and lifted my hand and before I had time to release my breath, my fingers were pressed against the soft material of his overpriced dress shirt. Everything stopped as I moved my hand across his back from side to side. Our breathing, our pain, our guilt and our world…this was us giving in.

"We need to breathe," I whispered, leaning my forehead against the hand that was on his body.

"I feel like we're balancing upon the edge of a sword, Bella."

I nodded. "Maybe we are, but what happens if we fall?"

He chuckled humorlessly, shaking his head from side to side. "Then life goes on in meaningless waves. Wake up, go to work, come home, go to sleep. And have nothing to look forward to but the shine in my daughters' eyes."

"Why did you marry her?" I whispered vehemently, unable to deny myself of that knowledge another moment.

He turned to face me, my hand falling from his warm back as he pierced me with endless blue. "Now that, Bella, is something to be ashamed of."

He ducked his head once more, breaking our connection. "Hey…"

He looked up from beneath his lashes with a cruel pain etching each one of his features. "You don't have to feel that way with me. If we're going to jeopardize everything because of this, then you have to trust that you can be true with me. We're abandoning our unsatisfying realities for something more…you have to recognize it."

My heart began fluttering in my chest as his palm rested on my cheek. "Bella, I more than recognize it. I'm praying that it doesn't stop. Now that I know that I'm actually capable of feeling something more than emptiness, it's all I have left. You and my girls…are the only things I have faith in anymore."

He was so incredibly sad. I couldn't help but wonder if he was born that way, or if certain circumstances led him to believe that he was destined for nothing more than mediocrity.

I closed my eyes and brought my shaking hand to his cheek. We stood like that for minutes, just concentrating on the forbidden hold we had on one another. "I need to know everything. Please give yourself to me, and I promise I won't hold back in return." My voice was nothing more than a breath of air as our eyes held on for dear life.

"This is all happening so fast," he whispered.

"I know."

"Bella," he sighed deeply, my name rolling off of his tongue like a prayer.

He told me everything by just speaking my name.

We broke away from each other reluctantly, although our eyes refused to let go. I swallowed heavily as his hand darted down to the pen that was sticking out of my pocket. He removed it without so much as touching the fabric of my jeans. And yet I felt him on every inch of my skin.

I watched him intently as he flipped my palm open and pressed the blue ink against my milky flesh, taking the open space between two scribbled lyrics as his own. "We can take this slow, Bella. As long as I know we have each other to confide in, that will be enough until we can figure out exactly what it is we do with what we've been given. This intensity we've found ourselves lost in."

"Carlisle," I whispered, looking down to see an e-mail address scrawled in nearly perfect penmanship. "Just give me your words and for now, it will be enough to fulfill me completely."

"For now…"

I nodded. "Yes, for now. And when the time comes and I need something more, I won't hesitate to tell you what that is. It's up to us to determine where we go from there. Break our own hearts, or destroy others in the process. What's more important?"

He shook his head. "It's too much to comprehend."

"Which is why for now, we write what can't be spoken. Our words will belong to us alone, and they'll be beautiful. Like your eyes, like your heart…" I smiled widely as two tears fell down my cheeks, unable to contain the overwhelming moment any longer.

He smiled in return and brought his thumb to my tears, wiping them along his skin. "Don't cry, sweetheart…just write me your soul."

I left his house that night more complete than when I had entered it. Knowing where we stood and having a defining connection between us now confirmed the truth that I had been toying with since I met him in the waiting room of his hospital. We were more, this was real, and now, there was no going back.

I didn't want to.

Carlisle wanted to save our fervor for when we were safe in Heaven's arms. And yet we confessed ourselves outside of our haven, right smack dab in the middle of the world we never truly belonged in. The irony was not lost on me.

The guilt tried to knock at the song-writer's door that night, demanding to be acknowledged and heard. Instead she turned up her music a little louder, and snuggled in to type a letter to a man that her heart continually lost its beats for.

**-x-x-**

_Carlisle,_

_Just typing your name makes me breathe a sigh of relief. You requested that I give you my soul in written form, which is not asking too much. That's solely how I allow myself to be expressed in the first place. It used to be the only way I wanted to be heard. But now all I want is for my voice to reach your ears and for you to hear me for what I truly am._

_A woman needing more._

_You know my history. You were there before I was even put on this earth. You know my parents as your peers while I know them as the two people who gave up a promising life because I came at an inconvenient time. I know Charlie and Renee as the people who kissed my elbow when I skinned it, who reprimanded me when I misbehaved. You know them as your friends._

_I don't think that has to change what we could be for one another._

_My life holds no real merit to who I truly am. In the eyes of others I am a seventeen year old high school student who keeps to herself. In a reality that no one knows apart from you and I, I am a bright and vibrant woman. I see more around every corner and in every crevice. I appreciate the things that others refuse to take a moment to see. I feel compassion for the heartbreaking situations I cannot change, and a strong-willed determination to fix the ones I can. I write melodic words because I can think of nowhere else to take them. And I write them in the hope that someday I can play the music that defines me…for someone who wants to discover who I really am._

_I know it's you._

_You ask to know me, but please realize that you already do. You know me more thoroughly than anyone in my life, even if the people residing in it are limited. No one recognizes the fire that burns inside of me. But there you are, standing with a smoldering match, cognizant to the fact that you started this flame._

_Take comfort in knowing that I finally feel alive. All my life I've struggled to look inside of raindrops and take my time to dance within them, trying to find the one thing that would make me feel like I belonged._

_And I've found it. God, have I found it._

_So you want to know me?_

_My favorite color is purple like the skies of Heaven._

_I like the soothing sounds of Bon Iver and Iron and Wine. But I love jumping around to the frantic beats of Bullet For My Valentine._

_The love you have for your daughters takes my breath away._

_Your daughters…take my breath away._

_I have no patience for television, but I cry at the most simple minded of romantic comedies._

_When I'm playing the piano, I feel like there's nothing I can't do._

_When I find the words I'm looking for to complete a verse, I want to cry tears of joy._

_And none of it compares to the pounding in my chest when I think of you._

_I think about you all the time._

_Please reciprocate, Carlisle. Tell me how you knew so instantly that I was someone you recognized in your heart. Tell me why someone so sweet and perfect as you carries so much heartache inside him. Give me words to make me smile and make me ache…_

_...give me you._

_And tell me why you married her. I need to know._

_Bella_

**-x-x-**

**-x**

**-x**

**-x-x-  
**

_Bella,_

_I don't understand how you can be real._

_If you take everything I've ever dreamed of and wrap it up inside of soft pale skin and dark brown eyes, it would be you._

_Who finds what they've always wanted?_

_Moreover, how can anyone deserve the key to true happiness?_

_You're my key, Bella, but everything seems to come at such a high price._

_In the moment I walked through that waiting room door, I saw two things. My best friend's daughter, and a breathtaking woman that I instantly felt connected to. Not necessarily in that order._

_Do I harbor guilt over needing Charlie's child in such a forbidden way?_

_Do I feel remorseful about pining for someone other than my wife, someone who isn't even legally available to me?_

_I do, Bella. It tears at my flesh and burns me to pieces._

_But I don't have the strength to stop this. Nor do I want to._

_I'm angry at myself for betraying the people in my life. But more than that, I'm angry for letting it overshadow the joy I feel when we occupy the same room. You make me smile. You make my heart race. You make my fingers go numb and my stomach twist in delightful nerves that have been foreign to me up until now. _

_Please know that I do recognize you for what you truly are. The moment I lost myself in your deep eyes, I saw who you were. You are wiser than most people in this world. Your compassion is so palpable that it nearly brings me to my knees in your presence. The ink sprawled along your smooth skin is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I lay awake for hours at night, wondering about the melodies you create and wishing I could hear how you would put what we've found in one another into words._

_I promised I'd give myself to you, and here I am._

_I've always been alone._

_It's not something that I seek sympathy over, it's just the truth. My parents were available to me, but it always felt generic. The children I grew up with took more pleasure in defiling my name than getting to know me. I was a delicate boy. I always wanted to be the outspoken one. I wanted to have a numerous amount of friends and fit in like the majority of the other kids._

_The only one who really took the time to get to know me was your father. Charlie wore his heart on his sleeve; he still does. He said what he thought and never had a cruel bone in his body. He was obsessed with sports but never played, just followed them relentlessly. You could always find him at the pond behind his parent's house. He was entirely content with a fishing pole and an ample supply of worms. He'd stay out there all day if you'd let him. I never had a real interest in fishing, but I'd sit there with him and spend my days talking about things that boys do, and was thankful for a friend such as he._

_Regardless of your father's kinship, I knew I was different. I knew there was never anyone who was capable of seeing things like I did. So for the most part I remained alone, busying myself in my studies and resolving at a very young age to become a doctor to help the people who refused to give me a chance._

_Maybe I just wanted to see inside them, to try and understand what made them so terribly different from me._

_More than anything, I'd always wanted to find love. And Esme, my first wife, loved me. She was a sweet girl who tried to be the one. She fought to understand me when my words became whimsical. She struggled to comprehend why I loved the rain and not the sun._

_I married her because she was a caring woman, a woman who would no doubt lay her life down on the line for me. I loved her for who she was, but all the while wondered if there was a person out there who was capable of taking my breath and stealing my heart. At the time, it truly didn't matter._

_To this day I still despise myself for not giving her more of myself. Believe me, I tried._

_She became pregnant and it gave me hope. I still felt like I was walking through a barren land most of the time, but bringing something that was a part of me into this world made me think that I had some sort of purpose._

_Several months into the pregnancy, the doctors discovered an inoperable tumor in Esme's brain. The day she gave birth to our daughters was one of her last._

_I was left with two infant children, completely alone and armed with just my knowledge as a doctor, not a father. I mourned my wife and I wanted her back. Just because she wasn't my soul mate didn't mean I didn't want her in my life, by my side. It didn't mean I didn't want her as the mother of my children._

_I did the best I could. I took some time off from the hospital and adjusted to my new life. My daughters were amazing babies. They were sweet and contented and I instantly felt true love in my heart for the first time._

_But I still had no clue what I was doing, as much as I soared for them._

_I met Jane when the girls were about three years old. Their sweet contentment had worn off right around their terrible two's, and to say that I had my hands full would be an understatement._

_There was an upcoming medical conference in Seattle that I normally wouldn't have attended, but the fact of the matter was, I needed a break. I left my daughters with your grandmother for the weekend, and took my time to regroup. _

_After the conference I was in the bar of my hotel, sipping a whiskey sour when she sat next to me. She was strong and assertive; I'd never had anyone in my life like that before. _

_We dated via long distance, until one weekend she came to visit. She met my daughters, who were unruly at best. I loved my girls but my lack of authority made them believe they ruled the roost. Jane came into our home and suddenly I felt like things were in order._

_I didn't love her, but you have to understand that I had convinced myself that there was no one out there for me to love. I was a loner and I accepted that._

_Jane was good with the girls for quite awhile. She was good to me as well. Having her in my life provided order and gave me a chance not to be completely and utterly alone, so I asked her to move in. Eventually, we married._

_Along the years, her career in real estate had taken off, and with that her interest in the family she claimed to want had dissipated. _

_For years now, our marriage has consisted of short sentences over the dinner table and a distance that stretches infinitely. It's never bothered me, Bella. I didn't need her love, but I was relying on her for companionship._

_As Jane and I grew farther apart, my independence as a man and a father had further developed. I took care of my daughters and loved them endlessly. I kept up the facade of the partnership I entered because I had no real reason to end it. I accepted my eccentricities and the fact that I didn't have many people in my life._

_I focused on my job and my children, disregarding most other aspects of my life._

_And then you came along._

_Suddenly the idea of going through life completely detached makes me sick. Thinking about Jane in my house and her indifference to my children infuriates me. I'm angry at myself for using Jane as an easy fix when my life was chaotic and falling apart._

_But above all else, I'm thankful that you walked into my world._

_I know we will be seen as scandalous. I know we have the potential to ruin lives and alienate ourselves from the people we pretend for. But for the first time in my life I'm a part of something. I have someone who sees what I see and understands what I have running through my over-active mind. I won't give that up. I've waited so long to find you._

_That's my story, Bella._

_But I know you're my happily ever after._

_Carlisle_

**-x**

**-x**

**-x**

**-x**

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**So...whatcha think?**

**Thank you so much to everyone who reads and reviews. I know this story is out of the norm, not only with the pairing but the content, so I appreciate the support from each and every one of you. It means a lot. :)**

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**And also a big thanks to my twin, lazykate, for loving Carlisle/PFach and basically being my numba one pre-reader for this little ficcie. I couldn't do it without you, bb! *love*  
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**Until next time!  
**


	7. What Is Possible

**Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters and Twilight plot lines that may appear in this story. The remainder is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. Don't steal, it isn't polite.**

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**Chapter six**

_~Knowledge of what is possible is the beginning of happiness._

_-George Santayana_

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**BPOV**

Listening to the sizzle of frying bacon can almost be therapeutic in the quiet darkness of a sleeping household. While the sun begs not to be disturbed from its resting place, the early morning gives way to a peacefulness that can't properly be defined.

Well, the sun could have my slumber.

I smiled as the grease from the bacon splattered my skin, stinging me and making me feel alive in the same instance. After the past few days of my life, I had a hard time believing that I was a corporeal being, and not something fictional made up by the imagination of a creative child.

But the bacon had grounded me, even if _he_ had sent me soaring all the while.

I heard my mother pad silently into the kitchen, her fluffy slippers covering her feet and her blue bathrobe tied around her waist. I smiled at her endearingly as I took in her sporadic hair and sleep-encrusted eyes. "Morning, Mom."

"Good morning, baby," she yawned. "What in the world are you doing up so early?"

I shrugged. "Couldn't sleep."

_Didn't want to._

"You sure are going to be tired for school, Bella."

I smiled at her widely. "I'll be all right."

She stopped and observed me carefully, from the pony tail on my head to the pajama pants that covered my legs. "You look different," my mother mused.

_If she only knew._

"It's just me, Mom."

She nodded and went for the freshly brewed coffee. "So you woke up early and decided to make a breakfast fit for a king?"

"Cooking helps me when I'm stuck on a lyric."

"You're stuck?" she questioned.

I sighed deeply. "Sometimes it can be difficult to describe something that there are no words for."

She hummed in acknowledgment but I knew she didn't hear me. Not really. This was just another example of how no one in my life ever dug deeper. I normally didn't let my parents hear my songs or read my lyrics. But in the rare moments where their eyes met my words, they never truly comprehended what I was trying to say.

I wasn't angry about it.

I finally had someone who understood me, and it was as if a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders…in that respect.

Carlisle and I had been emailing each other for nearly five days. And it was glorious. No longer did I feel like the insignificant girl betraying her parents by feeling something more for a man twice her age. No, when I had my computer in my lap and I was taking his words as my own, the only truth in my world was that I had finally found my best friend.

The previous evening we had done something we'd never done before. We abandoned our email for instant messaging. It wasn't something we planned to do often, considering it was much easier to cross drawn lines in real time. But the fact of the matter was, we were both restless, and not wanting anyone else's company but each other's.

Neither one of us slept last night.

And that was also glorious.

He was apologetic at first, for keeping me from sleep and ruining me for the following day.

But what he didn't understand was that I didn't need sleep when I had hours upon hours of our conversation to sustain me. I was more concerned about his state, considering people entrusted their lives in his hands.

He assured me that he'd functioned just fine on even less sleep in the past, and that his constant smile and satiated mind would keep him more than alert.

We hadn't said anything inappropriate, unless you count our confessions of needing each other like air. Salacious words and sexual promises had no place in our vocabulary at this point in our relationship; if you could call it that. But I felt it lingering in the background, promising that when we least expected it, it would attack until we could no longer fight it.

I didn't want to fight it.

I still harbored plenty of guilt. Even after he had informed me of his past and how he had gotten from there to here, it didn't change the fact that he was married.

They were unhappy and flippant toward one another, but she still wore his ring and she still slept in his bed, even if he was never there to occupy it. In truth, that bed hadn't been the place where he rested his head for years.

They were the epitome of estrangement.

I flipped a pancake above the skillet just as my father stumbled down the stairs. "Bella, what are you doing?"

I had to chuckle at him. Even his mustache was in disarray.

"Making you breakfast. Are you really going to complain?" I smirked.

"The sun's not even up," he grumbled.

"It will be soon," I whispered, gazing out the window as I listened to the chirping birds welcome the morning.

Several cups of coffee and the rising sun later, breakfast was laid out upon the table, and it looked and smelled delicious.

I sat down with my parents and began filling my plate, preparing myself for the oncoming small talk.

I despised small talk.

The only people in this world I tolerated it from were my parents, and that's because as much as they cherished their daughter, they really didn't know who she truly was.

Maybe one day I'd attempt to clue them in.

Once I was entirely full and we covered the topics of school work, my mother trying to find a job, and how many games of Solitaire Charlie had played on his computer at the station, I left the table.

I walked into my room and sat on the ledge of my bay window, stroking the glass where the previous night's raindrops had left streaks along it. Everything from last night had left its mark, in more ways than one.

Abandoning the window sill, I walked to my closet and picked out clothes for the day. I laid them out on my bed and grabbed a towel and my robe, preparing to wash away the remnants of my sleepless night.

Well, not all of it.

Just as I was about to walk out of my bedroom, my computer caught my eye. It used to be just another electronic device used to further my education and expand my horizons in the world of music.

But now it brought me everything, and I couldn't resist walking back to it and opening it with a radiant smile curling my lips.

Even if I knew ahead of time that he had written me, my heart was none the wiser. Because each time his name lit up my screen, everything inside of me throbbed and ached.

**-x-x-**

_Bella,_

_All I can think about is how exhausted you must be because of me. Ease my troubled mind and tell me how you are. Tell me what you'll be doing today. Tell me you can't stop smiling. Tell me everything._

_Alice and Rosalie talked about you at breakfast. Actually, they discussed you for the entirety of it. They were so upset, Bella._

_Upon waking this morning, they entered their playroom just as they've done every morning to watch the lights dance along the glitter in their Heaven._

_They walked into a room that had been completely stripped of its wonder._

_My sweet girls ran into my bedroom with tears streaking their cheeks, demanding to know why their Heaven had been taken from them._

_I had no idea it was ever missing._

_By the time I had gotten home last night, everyone was already in bed. Apparently sometime after the girls had fallen asleep, Jane had gone into their playroom and was angry that it was in such a state. She took it all down and left it in a heap on the floor._

_Rage._

_It's all I felt._

_There's no point in enduring a marriage I've never craved. But even in the emptiest of relationships, breaking apart the life you know is easier said than done._

_I still want it gone, and make no mistake, Bella. I need to end it first and foremost for myself, not just because I've found the one person I'm meant to be with._

_I promise I will when the time is right._

_By the time the girls made me aware of their crushed dreams, she had already left for the day. I sent her a text demanding to know why she would do such a thing._

_Her reply was that it was a mess that needed to be cleaned. "There are far more productive ways to be creative," she had written me._

_My stomach is still in knots._

_I made my daughters blueberry pancakes as they asked me if you would be angry that your Heaven had disappeared._

_I assured them that you wouldn't be, and that your Heaven would never disappear, because it could always be put back together._

_And I promised that this time, I would help._

_I talked about whatever I could to ease their minds of what had been taken from them. Even when I stepped into the Heaven you had created, I couldn't have begun to fathom how important it would become to them._

_But you created a place that made their mother and Grandma Swan very much alive, and for that I will forever be grateful to you._

_I know it's only been a couple of hours since we've conversed, Bella. And much longer since I've laid my eyes on you. _

_But I miss you. So much that breathing is a chore and my heart is struggling to keep up._

_What have you done to me?_

_Whatever it is, sweetheart, please don't stop._

_Alice and Rosalie won't stop talking about your birthday party. They've already created your presents, but I swore to them I wouldn't tell. I know you'll love them. And even though I won't be able to do or say what I want when I'm near you this weekend, I have no doubt that my intentions will be clear when you look in my eyes._

_I won't hide myself from you again, Bella. Whether we're right or wrong, it's of little consequence to me. We know the truth._

_I'll refrain from complaining about not being able to speak with you in loving tones or brush my hand across your beautiful cheek. Instead I'll smile at the words that you've given me, and take in the magnificent woman that you are from a distance._

_But know that I'll be burning, Bella._

_Constantly._

_Ardently._

_My mind consists of nothing but you these days, although I'm quite certain you already know that._

_I'll keep you with me today when I start yawning and my eyes begin to sag…and I'll let your spirit revive me._

_I'll be with you, as well._

_Love,  
_

_Carlisle_

**-x-x-**

I wiped the tears that had fallen onto my cheeks. Nearly every one of his emails had brought me to tears in one way or another, but this one had affected me even more so.

I was wracked with the image of Rosalie and Alice falling apart, clinging to one another as they saw our destroyed Heaven lying in a heap like yesterday's trash.

Our wonderland might have been made with construction paper, paint, and glitter but there was no denying that it was beautiful, and it was _ours._

Did _she_ have to take absolutely everything?

Was it necessary for her to destroy everything that brought joy to the ones I cared about?

How did she sleep at night, knowing that she had broken the spirits of two vibrant, breathtaking seven year old girls?

It was an absolute travesty, and more unspeakable than I could have ever imagined.

Still troubled by the thought of my girls in distress, I allowed myself the remainder of his words to soothe me.

His truth gave me purpose.

And the word "love" in his signature made me yearn for a glimpse of his crystal blue. I glanced at the clock, knowing I had only moments before I would officially be late for school. It wouldn't stop me from giving him my words.

**-x-x-**

_Carlisle,_

_Please tell me that the girls were feeling better when you sent them off to school?_

_I'm more than a little disturbed that what we made together has been taken away from them so abruptly. Please tell them that I can't wait to see them this weekend, and that for every Heaven that gets destroyed, we will be there to create a new one._

_Don't worry about me. While the tiredness is lingering somewhere in my bones, I am driven by the joy you've given me. My stomach aches from the unending butterflies you create within me. It aches and flutters, but it also feels like what I've been searching for my entire life. _

_A twisting stomach and a rampant heart…and you. They all go together hand in hand and they will forever be something I cherish._

_I cannot stop thinking about you._

_Not for one minute, not for one second._

_I still laugh at the thought of you enjoying the captivating sounds of Air Supply. I don't judge you, Carlisle, they are rather catchy. And my eyelids still go heavy when I think about the fact that when you aren't dressed in business casual for work, you're most comfortable in jeans and an old band t-shirt._

_Wear that to my party._

_Let me see who you really are. I know you with my heart, now let my eyes have the pleasure of feasting._

_If there's one thing I fear, it's that our desire for something more may overtake us sooner than anticipated._

_Maybe next week, after our fiftieth email, you will be driven mad with the need to take me for a stroll along the river._

_Maybe a month from now it will bring me to the brink of illness if I'm not allowed to take your hand in mine._

_I'm trying not to concern myself with what might be, Carlisle, but already I feel it brewing deep within me._

_I'm not cheapening what you've given me because already you've changed me so entirely. Let me have your words for the next thirty years and I'll still be entranced by their power over me. I'll be smiling and blissful, with my heart straining to keep up with your wonder._

_As for your need to end the marriage you tied yourself to, I can't say much. Only that I know you'll handle it the best way you know how, and I'll be standing here waiting for you when it's all said and done._

_I have to go or I'll be late to study the subjects I already know. I'll take your butterflies and your blue eyes and your selfless heart, and I'll drown in them in the most wonderful way possible. While I'm lost in the world that we don't belong in, I'll keep you with me._

_I always do._

_Love…_

_Bella_

_**-x-x-**_

Days passed by in an ordinary fashion. Apart from the fact that there was nothing ordinary about them. Clouds floated around me like they were air themselves, protecting me from the darkness that lurked behind them. I knew that everything would crumble and fall around Carlisle and I eventually, but somehow I was hoping for his hand in mine when it came time to meet our fate.

Only time would tell.

Friday held the anniversary of my birth. Finally deemed an adult by society, I was legally free to gamble, vote and yearn for a man that had existed on this earth for years longer than I had.

Well, maybe freedom wasn't exactly in my grasp, but I was certain that I caught a glimpse of it in the distance, amongst the darkened trees and bright horizon.

Luckily for me, the guilt hadn't managed to break through our protective cloud bank. But like everything else, it was only matter of time.

For now, I would dream like I had my whole life in front of me, and smile until I was certain my face would wither and crack.

My birthday evening found me curled up on my bed, pen digging into flesh rather than the notebook lying before me. Some things just felt right. My lyric was written long across my forearm, but I couldn't stop retracing two words until they were dark and thick against my pale skin.

_Live._

_Love._

The phone started ringing from its place on my dresser and it jolted me. I ignored the incessant ringing and hoped someone downstairs would get it as I struggled to hold onto my words. But after several rings, no one had gone for it. With a grumble I rose from my bed, running across the room to catch it before the machine picked up. And then it was like everything floated away.

"Bella…"

I sat back down on my bed in a heap, tucking my legs beneath me as I trembled in anticipation. "Hey," I smiled in breathless whisper. This was the first time I'd heard his voice in six days. But in those quiet days, I'd learned him. I'd felt what he'd felt and yearned for his desires. And now when our voices met, things were so utterly different.

"Were you calling for me?" I questioned softly.

"It's always you, Bella. Do you have a moment?"

"I have several of them, and every one is yours," I smiled. My heart was nothing but a vibration in my chest, my limbs turned to jelly as I fought to keep them tucked around me.

He inhaled deeply, as you would if you were coming into a warm home on a particularly frigid day. "Your voice…" he whispered thickly, "I've needed it."

"I've needed you," I insisted.

And it was becoming painful.

"When I think about seeing you tomorrow, it takes my breath away. It takes everything…and it doesn't matter if I can't do or say what my heart is telling me. Just seeing you, watching you with hungry eyes. Bella…" The need and desperation was heavy in his voice.

Everything felt like it was coming on so fast, and yet it was like I'd been waiting an eternity to feel this, to find him. And with every breathy word that slid off of his tongue, there was only this. There wasn't right or wrong or guilt or betrayal. It was us, and I couldn't let the outside factors contaminate the beauty we had found in one another.

I dragged my fingers through my hair and closed my eyes tightly. I knew he could hear my accelerated breaths pushing their way through the receiver. His subdued groan only intensified my struggle for air. "Even if it's only for a split second, we'll find a way. I need to know what it feels like to slip my fingers between yours."

"What else?" His voice was husky with something that had been lingering within both of us since the moment we met.

"I need to know what it feels like to look into your eyes and confess everything I feel for you. Even if it's for a second, Carlisle…I need this to feel real."

"It's real, sweetheart. God, it's real."

His deep tone was making me ache, my lungs were working in overtime as if his hands were on my body, caressing me slowly. This build up was unbearable, but it felt so good on my skin. "We won't last long like this."

"We'll figure it out, Bella, I know we will. Just tell me how your birthday has been? I've been thinking of you all day."

I shrugged even though he couldn't see it. "It's been ordinary and non-eventful. But you've made it something more."

I heard him smile on the other end of the line. "Do you feel different?"

"My new age hasn't affected me, but I do feel different. Ever since we've given into this connection between us I've felt stronger, brighter, more alive. What have you done to me?" I whispered mystically.

His chuckle was rich and I felt it tremble through every part of me. "I don't know, Bella. What have we done to each other?"

"We've set each other free."

His voice was deep and almost non-existent as he spoke. "Can you write me tonight? I won't keep you from sleep like I have in the past, love, but I need your very essence to sustain me. I crave having you this way until we give into something more."

_Love…_

I ran my fingertips delicately across my throat. "I want more now."

He didn't speak for thirty seconds, his uneven breathing the only thing reaching me. I didn't want to push him, but I needed him to know what I was desperate to have.

"The words 'what do you want' have been on the tip of my tongue, sweetheart. I just…we can't go there yet. I want to, and I want _you_…but if we put it into words now, when my restraint is already dwindled to nothing, there's no telling what kind of damage we'll do."

I nodded my head. "I know it's too soon. I just need you to know that I want you in every way. Every single way."

"Bella." He spoke my name in a breathless whisper. "You have absolutely no idea what you do to me. I ache for you."

"One day you'll tell me."

His voice hummed deeply in my ear. "One day I'll show you."

"Fuck…" the dirty word slipped from my tongue as his words sent a sharp pang of pleasure to where I was already soaked and needing him. My thighs pressed tightly together as we fought against it.

"We need to hang up before you curse again."

I smiled wryly. "Did you like it?"

"I more than liked it," he breathed.

"Hmm, well I better get off the phone before you make me anymore sordid promises. There's only so much I can take." Never before had my voice dripped with such eroticism.

"Give me your words tonight," he whispered.

I cradled the phone tighter in my hands. "Give me your hand tomorrow."

"Bella…"

Just then I heard the back door open downstairs, signaling someone's arrival. I didn't even know my parents were gone, apart from the miraculously unanswered phone. I shot up from my bed and walked into the hallway, peeking down and around the corner of the stairwell to see my father wiping his boots on the doormat. With a heavy heart, I whispered the final words that belonged to us. "My dad just came into the house, so…"

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Okay. Tonight, Bella, promise me?"

"I promise," I whispered, ghosting my fingers over the receiver. "Thank you for this."

"Anything…"

"You want to talk to Charlie?" I asked.

"Yeah, that would probably be a good idea. Hey, I didn't say it yet but happy birthday. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow, Bella."

My smile stretched my face. "I know. Okay…hang on."

My legs barely kept me upright as I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen, where my father was removing his jacket. "Hey Dad, I didn't even know you were gone."

Charlie shrugged his shoulders. "Your mom's still at the store, I was outside tinkering in the garage."

I nodded. "Oh, okay. Phone for you." I reluctantly handed him my lifeline.

"'Kay, who is it?"

I tried to keep my face neutral but the reverence when I spoke his name was impossible to hide. "It's Carlisle. I'm going to go to bed early tonight. I'm rather tired, for some reason."

And with that I turned on my heel and went up to my room, the words Carlisle had just given me laying thick over my skin. I locked my door and turned off the lights, letting my iPod play at a medium level as I shredded the clothes that covered me and wore nothing but the sound of his breathless promises.

I buried myself in my covers, my eyes clenched tightly as his name drifted repeatedly off the tip of my tongue. I touched myself the way I longed for him to have me, and reveled in the fact that he wanted me just the same.

His words made me shudder, cry out, moan into the night…and I so desperately wished that he could hear me, see me, feel me...

Because it all belonged to him.

**-x-x-**

**CCullen**: Isabella Swan…

**Bellalala: **Hey :)

**CCullen: **I had no idea that simply talking to you would…do that to us. Everything is so much more now. You make it so hard to breathe.

**Bellalala: **We're a dangerous combination.

**CCullen: **Explosive even.

**Bellalala: **Did you have a nice chat with Charlie?

**CCullen: **I did. He wants me to go fishing with him on Sunday, but I've got the girls.

**Bellalala: **I'll take the girls.

**CCullen: **You don't have to, sweetheart.

**Bellalala: **Whatever, you know I want to. They're amazing, I love them.

**CCullen: **They love you too.

**Bellalala: **Do they?

**CCullen: **With everything…

**Bellalala: **I hear you, you know.

**CCullen: **I know you do.

**Bellalala: ***sigh*

**CCullen: **lol

**Bellalala: **Don't lol me!

**CCullen: **What would you prefer?

**Bellalala: **Don't ask me that…

**CCullen: **I'm certainly not lol'ing anymore.

**Bellalala: **Do you think of me when you're alone?

**CCullen: **Mmhmm…

**Bellalala: **I do too. In fact, I thought about you a lot once we got off the phone earlier.

**CCullen: **Yeah?

**Bellalala: **Yeah…seeing you behind closed eyelids and allowing myself the rush of pure relief is quite the heady combination.

**CCullen: **Bella…

**Bellalala: **Every night I close my eyes and pretend it's you. Every night…

**CCullen: **I do too. You're killing me.

**Bellalala: **I'm eighteen now…why don't you tell me about it?

**CCullen: **If I tell you now, there will be nothing slow about our relationship.

**Bellalala: **Now I have something new to envision as I'm falling asleep.

**CCullen: **It's hot in here.

**Bellalala:** One day it will get hotter.

**CCullen: **Jesus, Bella.

**Bellalala: **Are you going to give me your hand tomorrow?

**CCullen: **I want to, but hey...

**Bellalala: **Yeah?

**CCullen: **Let's lighten the mood before I take us down a very sordid path.

**Bellalala: **Why don't you just take me then?

**CCullen: **You're making it thicker.

**Bellalala: **Hmmm…now you're talking. ;)

**CCullen: **I was referring to the mood! At least you've got me laughing now instead of breathing heavily.

**Bellalala: **I'm still breathing heavily.

**CCullen: **Something else, Bella. Please…

**Bellalala: **I'll find a way to touch your hand.

**CCullen: **Will you?

**Bellalala: **If there's a will there's a way.

**CCullen: **If at first you don't succeed, try try again?

**Bellalala: **I think I can I think I can…

**CCullen: **There's no "I" in "team"

**Bellalala: **You're a dork. :)

**CCullen: **You started it.

**Bellalala: **Carlisle?

**CCullen: **Yeah?

**Bellalala: **Come here…

**CCullen: **I wish I could.

**Bellalala: **I know you do.

**CCullen: **The nurses took a poll today, guessing how old I was.

**Bellalala: **Yeah? What was the verdict?

**CCullen: **Twenty-seven.

**Bellalala: **That's about right. How do you stay so youthful in appearance, Dr. Cullen?

**CCullen: **Secret.

**Bellalala: **:p

**CCullen: **Don't stick your tongue out at me.

**Bellalala: **What would you rather me do with it?

**CCullen: **So Bella, how about that weather we've been having lately?

**Bellalala: **lol

**CCullen: **Don't lol me!

**Bellalala: **If I can't stick my tongue out or lol you, then what can I do?

**CCullen: **You can tell me everything. And what we can't speak about, we'll leave to the cryptic messages and insinuated replies.

**Bellalala: **I've got your insinuated reply right here, baby…

**CCullen: **lol

**Bellalala: **We've created a vicious circle, I'm afraid.

**CCullen: **We have indeed. Any suggestions?

**Bellalala: **Yeah…don't let it stop.

**CCullen: **Tomorrow I'm going to touch your skin.

**Bellalala: **That's all I want.

**CCullen: **Then it's yours.

**Bellalala: **And _I'm_ yours.

**CCullen: **Tomorrow…

**Bellalala: **Yes, tomorrow it is.

**x**

**x**

**x**

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**Thanks to all my readers for being so patient with me. I've got several stories going on at once, and sometimes one pulls my attention away more than the others. It's not that I love them in different amounts. It's just that sometimes that certain story keeps calling my name. Right now, it's this one. But believe me, I haven't forgotten about Laid Bare or Dirty Little Secrets.**

**An update will be soon on both counts.**

**Thanks to my beta Isabel for doing her thang so quickly, as well as coming to love these characters like I do. You just get me, hon, and that makes for a fantastic writer/beta partnership. I love you, never forget it!**

**You can follow me on Twitter: Brits23**

**I love you guys, like there was ever any doubt.**

**Please send me a review? I read every single one and they mean so much to me. Until next time!**


	8. Soon

**Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters and Twilight plot lines that may appear in this story. The remainder is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. Don't steal, it isn't polite. **

**As a reminder, this story is entirely written in BPOV**

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

Chapter seven

_~What is right to be done cannot be done too soon. -Jane Austen_

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

_Anticipation._

Like a storm swirling through my veins. Like the only power inside me directing my body to move, to speak, to breathe. He was in everything I did, and waiting for my eyes to fall upon him was nothing but sweet, sweet torture.

But my God, it hurt so _good._

We spent the majority of the night before communicating in one fashion or another, first by telephone and then by writing. But something shifted within us after we allowed ourselves to hear each other. Something set loose inside of us and there was no going back, ever.

And his hands…all I could think about was _his hands._

Warm and masculine and large. Safe, trembling, mine. Last weekend his hand rested upon my cheek as we began the process of giving into this, into us. But now, after we had days to learn one another and grasp just how ardently we burned, his fingers laced with mine would mean so much more.

I'd touch him. My eyes would feast upon him. And I didn't care if it was forbidden.

I took one last look in the mirror, observing every inch of my body and marveling in in the fact that he not only made me _feel _like a woman, but made me exemplify one as well. My jeans hugged my curves and my dark brown sweater matched my dark brown eyes. I let my hair fall naturally down my back in flowing waves, and even I couldn't deny how perfect I would look standing by his side.

I finally strolled down the stairs to the main level where my mother was decorating the living room. My skin felt as if it would uproot itself from my body, and my hands were shaking hard enough to cause attention to themselves. I had to distract myself with unimportant conversation before I literally came apart at the seams.

"Need help, Mom?"

My eyes nervously bolted toward the large window, searching for my salvation.

"No, baby, of course not! This is your party, you don't have to help."

Going against her wishes, I walked to the ladder where she was hanging streamers and handed her the scotch tape she was attempting to reach. "You know I appreciate this, but we haven't even lived here a month. There's truly no one to invite."

"There will be plenty of people here, Bella. Me and Dad, Carlisle and his little girls. Billy and his son Jacob? Do you remember Jake? He's the same age as you. I think you met him once when you were just a tiny thing."

I remembered Jacob. When I was seven I asked him if he wanted to search for dragons with me. He told me dragons weren't real. I asked him how he knew it to be true. He told me I was weird and ran away, leaving me to play alone. I couldn't help but wonder if Jacob was still as clueless as his seven year old self. "Yeah, I remember him."

"I was hoping maybe you'd invite your new friend from school, baby," my mom said softly, staring down at me from her perch upon the ladder.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Angela is going out of town with her family this weekend. I saw no point in asking her." This was mostly true. Even if they weren't leaving, I still wouldn't have asked her. I had far more important things to focus on, like blue eyes. Blue like the waters of Hawaii. Blue like the sky on its clearest day.

That was all that existed to me, because this day was ours.

"Where's Dad?" I questioned.

"Lord only knows, honey. Outside doing one thing or another." Her reverent smile when speaking about my father warmed my heart.

"I'm going to go find him," I informed her. I needed to move. I needed to feel the cold air on my skin to counteract with the scorching anticipation _he_ left wrapped around me. I just needed to breathe.

I walked out the front door in nothing but my sweater and jeans. It was frigid to be sure, with the late November winds whipping around me. I walked across the driveway and into the garage where my father had just cracked open a beer. Already he had made himself a nice man-cave inside with TV, radio, and a mini fridge filled with cold, refreshing malt beverages. I suddenly found myself wondering what it would be like to come out here and be "one of the guys." There were so many things in this world to experience, even something as trivial as cracking open a can and bonding with your father.

As soon as I reached Charlie, his brown eyes crinkled up just as mine did, a genetic trait that both of us shared. "What's up, peanut?"

I shrugged, brushing my long hair away from my shoulders. "Nothing. Bored, I suppose."

He threw his arm around me and pulled me into his side. "Sorry this party of yours might be a little lame. I told your mom it's too soon for you to invite people your own age, since you just got here. Instead you have to deal with geezers like us."

My heart clenched. While my father was a bit over a year older than Carlisle, his words still twisted in my stomach. I had to pass over them. "Well, it's one of the perks of having a child at such a young age. I think I'll get along just fine with your friends."

_Better than you would probably ever expect, as a matter of fact._

I wisely kept my comments to myself. "Besides, Jacob is my age. I don't remember him well but he counts for something."

"This is true," my dad muttered, taking a long pull from his can. "Carlisle told me that his little one's are excited to see you. You made quite an impression on them. Are you gonna get annoyed with little kids following you around all day?"

I shook my head fervently. "Do you have any idea how amazing those girls are?"

Dad shook his head, smiling wryly. "I haven't really spent any time with them, kiddo. I guess I'll find out soon enough." He stood straight up from where he was leaning against the fender of my truck and gazed over my head. "Billy and Jake just pulled up."

I turned to see an old blue truck, nearly matching my own vehicle, driving slowly up the winding private road. The engine turned off and out climbed a tall boy with brown skin and spiky black hair. He immediately went to the tailgate to retrieve a wheelchair, bringing it to the passenger side and helping a man who looked to be in his late forties inside. "Billy is older than you," I observed.

Charlie shrugged. "Yeah, he was more of a guy I looked up to when I was younger than a friend. When I was about twelve I'd started fishing down in La Push and that's how I met Billy and his buddies. I guess I sort of became their sidekick. I hadn't heard hide nor hair from him until last week when I ran into him at the hardware store. We took some time to catch up, considering we hadn't seen each another since that time we visited your grandmother when you were little. Do you remember that?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "Vaguely."

"Well anyway, he was glad to come on over to celebrate your birthday, peanut. Things are going to come together here, it's just going to take a little time."

"I hope so, Dad," I murmured.

Jacob walked alongside his father as he wheeled himself in the chair. He looked bored and annoyed by the fact that he had to attend the birthday party of a girl he didn't know or care about.

Charlie shook Billy's hand in recognition and hit Jake playfully on the shoulder. "Wow, kid. All grown up, huh?"

"Yep," Jake said shortly. His arrogance seemed to pour off of him in waves.

My father threw Billy a beer and they started talking about significant moments in the history they shared. Jacob ran his fingers through his gelled, spiky hair and glanced at me hesitantly.

"So do you remember me from way back when? I think our Dad's tried to make us get along," I chuckled. Immediately I felt foolish because the words I were speaking weren't mine. I felt myself trying to be something I wasn't for a boy that would never understand me to begin with.

"Yeah, you were the weird girl who wanted to slay dragons or some shit? I didn't remember you for awhile, until my dad practically pounded the memory into my brain." He rolled his eyes before looking me up and down. "You got hot."

"Uh, thanks I guess," I murmured.

He shrugged a shoulder, flashing a grin that was sure to send the common high school girl into a tizzy. "So how are the pale faces of Forks High treating you?"

I shook my head, gazing longingly down my driveway. "They aren't my type."

"Type for what?"

My eyes widened, realizing what my comment had sounded like. "For anything…friendship, or anything," I said awkwardly.

He looked at me with a cocky smirk, like he expected me to melt into putty at his feet. "I go to school down on the rez. I'm all-star, baby. Football, basketball, baseball; you name it and I'm the man," he informed me, popping his collar.

I bit back my laughter. "Wow, that's simply amazing."

He nodded his head in agreement, missing my sarcasm completely. "I had to keep it on the down-low that I was going to a party for some weird girl from Forks, but I doubt I'd get too much shit from my boys if they knew how smokin' you were."

Jacob Black was the prime example of everything that was wrong with the opposite sex. And yet I still found myself conversing with him, like some sort of social experiment gone awry. "Do you need to take a picture of me? You know, to prove that I'm attractive enough to be around?"

Jacob scoffed. "No, they'll believe anything I say. Trust me. So what's the deal, finishing out school here and then heading for college?"

"That's the plan."

He nodded. "I'm going to school in Chicago…I'll be damned if I'm attending any mediocre school in this fucking state. Where you headed?"

I laughed at him, because showing insult to the boy who could only be described as a tool was more effort than I was willing to put out. "Well, Jacob, I plan on going to Seattle. What do you think about that?"

He snorted. "Well, Bella, I guess I'll see you at Wal-Mart when you're checking out my purchases."

Ugh, this boy was vile.

I excused myself and wandered back into the house, leaving Jacob to converse with the men-folk in the garage. As I walked away, I could hear him whining like a toddler, begging his father for a beer. Jacob Black was a joke.

I pulled a bottle of water from the fridge, smiling at the homemade cake my mother had made. She had forgotten the "E" in my name and attempted to throw it in as an afterthought, making the decorating job comical at best. Luckily, I found the honesty of it more spectacular than any standard birthday cake. I kissed my mother's cheek as she walked into the kitchen. "I saw the cake, Mom."

Her eyes widened as she started to apologize for the error. I just shook my head. "It's perfect, thank you."

She hugged me tightly, kissing my cheek as she pulled away. "How did I ever get so lucky to have a daughter like you?"

I shook my head, smiling widely. "I just don't know."

I was interrupted by the front door opening and closing and two very eager, angelic voices flitting in from the other room.

My heart stopped.

My girls were here, and with them, came my serenity.

I walked into the entry way to find two little girls, as different as night and day, stripping themselves of their winter clothing. Rosalie tore at her outerwear, leaving a disastrous path in her wake. My heart swelled as Alice sighed heavily, walking behind her sister to clean up the mess and hanging Rosalie's coat and accessories next to hers.

I didn't realize how much I had missed them.

When they saw me it was pandemonium, squealing and jumping until I was pushed backwards onto the floor with two girls hugging and kissing me, like it had been years since we'd seen each other. I laughed until I cried and hugged them until my arms ached.

"Happy Birthday, Bella!" Alice trilled, smoothing my hair away from my eyes. "I missed you so much this week."

"I missed her too!" Rosalie insisted, bumping her twin with her hip and demanding my attention. "Bella don't be mad, but Heaven was taken down…_all_ of it."

I nodded sadly as Alice nervously pulled her lip between her teeth. "I know, sweetie but you know what? The next time I come over to spend time with you, we'll fix it, okay?"

Alice nodded. "That's what Daddy said."

I swallowed thickly. "Where is your daddy?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes, pointing a thumb behind her. "Outside with your daddy and some other guys I don't know. They were talking about something boring, but I wasn't listening cuz boys are always boring."

I laughed. "I think you're right about that, Miss Rosalie. What should we do today?"

Alice sat down next to me on the floor, legs folded neatly as she took my hand. "We're gonna eat cake today, Bella," Alice giggled. Rosalie conceded and took a seat on the floor in front of us.

"Well yeah," I said in an obvious tone, combing my fingers through her long dark hair. "But what else?"

Rosalie's eyes widened as she grabbed my other hand. The competitiveness of these two was never ending. "Can we play on the piano? Grandma Swan would never let us…"

My smile widened. "Of course we can. I'll even show you how to play a song, if you'd like."

The girls squealed and the front door began to open; just like that I'd lost all sense of anything but the memories of his deep tenor as he confessed himself to me on the phone, the promising words he typed to me in the middle of the night, and the way his hand felt upon my cheek as we gave into the power of our connection one week ago.

Breathing was no longer an option. Just heaving, just need, just anticipation for that door to open in order to bring me his angelic face.

It seemed impossible that such a split second of movement could take so long. It was as if I stepped out of my body and watched my surroundings become frozen in time. The joy in the little girl's eyes…and the need in mine. And yet that door still wouldn't relent in bringing me the man that spoke to me with his mind and his heart.

I snapped out of my stupor and steeled myself as the door finally began to part, my body no longer able to contain the violent tremors his presence seemed to cause me.

And then suddenly, he was there.

I felt tears burning hot in my eyes that I readily acknowledged but refused to let fall as I feasted on him… mind, body and soul. He stood tall and perfect, dark jeans covering muscled thighs and a blue un-tucked dress shirt across his chest. His hungry eyes swam over the room like a wave caresses the sea, and once he settled on me, there was nothing else. _Nothing else._

He set the paper bag he was carrying next to the door as his daughters greeted him casually, as if it wasn't crippling to have him standing there before us.

He watched me as his body moved mechanically, lowering himself to the floor and pulling Rosalie into his lap until he was sitting in front of me. We were staring like we were each other's miracle, silently embracing while we denied our bodies the pleasure. The girls sat oblivious amongst us, but we knew. We knew.

"Why are we on the floor?" His voice was quiet and reverent as he addressed us. His knee slid against mine and my eyes instantly fluttered closed as my lips parted. His gaze was immeasurable when I finally reopened my eyes. The relationship we were trying to keep hidden was the most obvious thing in this room. It was thick and it was all-consuming, staking its claim on every inch of our bodies and fooling absolutely no one.

I didn't care.

Alice and Rosalie began answering him loudly at the same time, and behind the acoustic chimes of their little voices, I watched his eyes become lidded with a sweet, overwhelming emotion. "Hi," he mouthed to me, studying me as my eyebrows furrowed together in an attempt to contain my need for him. I smiled and he smiled and we were together then, even when we weren't. My fingers twitched for him but I remained still, knowing that with patience would come magnificence.

So I would wait, and I would drown in his beauty until my flesh met his flesh.

"Hi," I whispered softly.

"Bella's gonna show us how to play her piano!" Alice exclaimed, jumping from the floor and pulling on my arm. "We don't need to sit anymore, we need to go!"

We all stood slowly, stretching our limbs. The girls tried to pull me and their father toward the piano in the far corner of the room, but I just needed a minute…while there was no one but us and this. "You two start practicing, I'll be right there."

They ran ahead and settled next to one another on the piano bench, making enough racket to make me cringe playfully. I turned back to Carlisle who was gazing at me with a violent intensity. "Are you going to watch?" I whispered with nothing more than a breath of air.

My eyes darted down to his hand once I saw it move. His path was slow and determined as his fingertips ghosted along my jaw before settling at his side once more. "I've been watching since the moment I walked in, Bella."

This man made me ache so beautifully.

I brushed my fingers along the tiny expanse of skin that his fingers barely touched. "You've left a trail of fire," I whispered longingly.

My words seemed to cripple him. His face contorted and his released breath was no more than a strangled moan. I felt my need for him in every inch of my body. My arms ached to hold, my mouth yearned to move in tandem with his, my legs trembled with the desire to wrap tightly around his waist. It was too fast but it felt as though our bodies had been making love to one another since the beginning of time. Everything about this man was familiar to me, and I knew it wouldn't be long now. I couldn't fool myself by thinking we'd wait for months to touch and hold, when already the need was suffocating me.

He exhaled slowly through his nostrils as his idle fingers began tapping his steady rhythm against his thigh. "I want to spend every second lost in you. But we can't raise suspicion, love. Running away with you at every given chance would do exactly that."

"Hmm, running away together…there's a thought we haven't entertained."

I closed my eyes and swallowed thickly as he began to move past me, only stopping to let his plump bottom lip rest against the shell of my ear. "Oh believe me, sweetheart, I've entertained that idea plenty."

I turned towards him as he walked away, following his path like we were magnets straining to stay together. He smiled at me and let his fingers stroke the air in my direction.

"Soon, Bella."

His words traveled the distance and touched me like his hands longed to do. I was left standing in a complete and utter daze as he turned the corner into the kitchen, greeting my mother and reducing me to a quivering mess in the same instance.

Soon, he promised.

I feared it wouldn't be soon enough.

**-x-x-**

An hour later I found myself in the musty old basement that once belonged to my grandparents.

I had let the girls drag me down the rickety old steps in pursuit of the antique toys that they used to play with when they visited. In truth, I hadn't even been down there since we moved in. But I did have fond memories as a child of digging through the treasures that only a grandmother's home could possess. Whether it be black and white pictures from the past or an old floppy hat that was falling apart, there was something magical about finding memorabilia that used to be a part of them.

Once we had made our way downstairs, I pulled the chain to turn on the overhead light, dust particles shining against the illumination. The girls immediately ran to uncover the boxes of toys that sat in the corner, reminiscing about this one or that. It suddenly got me curious. "Girls, do you have any other grandparents besides Grandma Swan?"

My heart pounded drastically against my chest cavity as I heard Carlisle's rich laughter from up above. I longed for him strongly enough to make my stomach twist and roll in waves.

Rosalie looked at me with a sly grin, ignoring my longing state. "Of course we do, Bella. How else would our Mama and Daddy get born if they didn't have parents?"

I chuckled and messed up her hair, causing her to squeak. "I know, goofball. I mean, do they live nearby?"

Alice shook her head. "Mama's parents went to Heaven before we were born cuz Daddy said they were really old. And Daddy's parents live in Florida. We went to visit them once but they live in a big building with a bunch of old people, so that wasn't very fun. But then Daddy took us to the beach and let us see the ocean. It was the biggest thing I've ever seen in my whole life."

I nodded. "I know, the ocean is beautiful."

"Maybe we can all go to the ocean sometime, Bella," Alice said softly.

"Yeah, maybe, sweet girl."

Rose came up to take Alice's hand. "Bella you stay here, cuz I just found something super fun to do but it's a surprise. Don't look okay?"

I nodded and turned around, facing the stairwell. As the girls conspired behind me, I ran my fingers along the other boxes that aligned the wall, realizing how little I truly knew about my grandparents. I picked up an old black and white picture of them when they had to be no more than twenty. My father was the spitting image of his own, down to the dark mustache and crinkling eyes.

My grandparents looked so happy, so carefree in their picture that I couldn't help but wonder how they could admonish their son so cruelly over starting his family at an early age. I had so many questions that I wanted answers to, but the only people able to give them to me were in a land where the skies were purple and the flowers grew long and lean.

Suddenly, I heard footsteps on the stairs leading down to the basement.

I knew it was him.

In the hour or so since he had arrived, it was nearly impossible for us to stay apart. We couldn't speak how we wanted to; we couldn't even give each other the time of day in the ways that mattered most. But just having him next to me made me feel like I belonged to something for once in my life. For once, I was home…as was he.

Black doc martens appeared and I swallowed the involuntary moan I released at his arrival, the sight of him making me realize how tense I was until he was near me once more. He was a larger comfort to me than I could ever begin to fathom.

I took a deep breath and watched intently as he moved down the stairs. He looked perfect, but there was never any doubt that he would. He was casual and sexy and God…I just wanted to touch him. It wouldn't be long before I stopped fighting the urge.

His feet hit the concrete floor and his eyes swept along his daughters before they met mine. His chest rose and fell rapidly, and a look of pure relief washed over his features. He was coming home.

The girls were preoccupied with their task at hand, and my heart was pounding as he took long, determined steps in my direction. I felt my eyes become hooded as I pressed my back against the wall, gasping quietly as he stood so close to me that our chests almost touched as we struggled for air.

Everything floated away around us. There was nothing but our frantic breathing and darkened stares as we remained solitary, just watching, absorbing, owning. I slowly lifted my hand and tentatively ran my fingertips along the buttons of his shirt, smiling as his tongue swept across his plump bottom lip. "Where's your band t-shirt?" I whispered.

He shook his head from side to side as if he were in awe and, never taking his eyes from mine, unclasped his top two buttons to reveal the grey Sex Pistols t-shirt he was wearing beneath it. The sight of him undoing his buttons made me think of what it would look like to watch him undress entirely, to see him move with slow precision as his eyes burned into mine, trading in soft fabric for solid, pale skin. It was too much. "You can't do that to me," I whispered.

"You asked." His voice was haggard and throaty.

He glanced over at the girls and then back to me, slowly moving his fingers through my hair until it was tucked behind my ear. "You're so beautiful, Bella," he murmured with a silent ache in his tone.

My breath fluttered into a soft moan and I reached up to take his fingers from my hair and lace them with mine. Before I could allow myself the pleasure, however, a deep voice called from the higher level.

"Are you all still down there? It's time for snacks and cake!" My dad called loudly before his footsteps signaled his retreat.

I swallowed heavily, letting the tips of our fingers caress slightly as he withdrew his hand. "Don't worry, we'll find a way," Carlisle whispered softly, stepping closer until the fabric of his shirt was ghosting against the wool of my sweater.

"Carlisle," my voice wavered, his name causing a strong wave of emotion to wash through me. This was so much to bear and yet I needed more from him. So much more.

"Soon, love," he breathed, turning just in time to catch Rosalie as she launched herself at him. "Hey hon! What were you two doing over there?" He questioned his daughter in a much louder tone.

Alice jumped into my arms and rested her temple against mine. "We were just getting some of the really old games ready so Bella could play with us. Did your daddy just say it's time for cake?" she asked me, playing with a strand of my hair.

I smiled at her. "Yeah, I think so, sweetie. We should probably go upstairs and find out."

Rosalie's eyes got wide. "You don't think the monster followed us here, do you?"

All eyes went to the gorgeous, dark-blond man standing in front of me, and his smile widened briefly before he maintained a neutral expression.

Suddenly a deep growl rumbled from his chest, sending the girls squealing up the stairs…and leaving me with shivers running up my spine and my legs struggling to hold my weight.

His smile changed from amusement to something soft and sweet as he looked at me once more. His expression exuded so much genuine happiness that it made my heart clench.

The shining in his eyes and the tenderness in his smile was almost more than I could take. Before I even realized what I was doing, I took a jagged breath and pressed my forehead against his chest, trying to get a hold of my emotions as the tears welled up in my eyes.

He groaned quietly between parted lips, his hand sliding behind my hair until his fingers were wrapped gently around the back of my neck. I murmured a strangled, "Jesus" as his lips came to rest upon the top of my head.

"You're everything," he whispered, pulling me tighter against his body by his hesitant but tightening hold. His breathy exhale fluttered my hair and I wanted to breath in his air like it was my own. "Bella how can I stop? How can I not…"

I lifted my hands and fisted them around the fabric of his shirt against his lower back, pulling until we were tight together and bubbling with the frustrations of our urgent situation. He never removed his hand from my neck, but the other came to rest gently at my hip. I felt his pinkie slide into the belt loop of my jeans as his skin warmed me right through my shirt.

"You're meant for me…_you're meant for me_," he whispered almost incoherently into my hair. His breath warmed my scalp and his fingers dug more insistently into my skin as we held onto one another for dear life.

My breathing was labored as I tried to inhale as much of his scent as possible. The feeling of being pressed against his body wasn't one that couldn't easily be defined.

Maybe love. It felt just like love.

"Don't let me go," I begged him.

We stood in silence as long as time would allow us the shield of innocence, tangled around each other like lovers do.

"_Soon,"_ he vowed once more.

That simple, promising word began to taunt me.

Soon…it wouldn't be enough.

**-x-**

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**-x-**

**-x-**

**-x-x-**

**Hey guys. Please be understanding of some future delayed updates. Real life is throwing some shit at me that is really harshing my mellow, so it's hard to get motivated these days. I appreciate the support.**

**Thanks to my beta Isabel for loving this story like I do! I have no words for you, chickie!**

**Follow me on Twitter, Brits23! **

**I love each and every one of you for reading, reviewing, pimping etc. It means so much to me, so don't forget it! :)**

**If you could just drop me a review, I'd really appreciate it. It would give me a smile or two that have been few and far between as of late. Until next time! **


	9. Hands, Speak For Me

**Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters and Twilight plot lines that may appear in this story. The remainder is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. Don't steal, it isn't polite.**

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**Chapter Eight**

_~Hands, speak for me._

_ -William Shakespeare_

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**BPOV**

Someone such as myself had no right to complain. My parents loved me and respected me as a person. I was well-fed and well-clothed, brought up with morals and nobility. I was intelligent, healthy and strong…but sitting across from him, bearing the secrets that only we shared…that was a burden I didn't realize would weigh so heavily upon me.

But with that weight resting on my shoulders came a joy so immense I didn't know how to contain it within my one-hundred and twenty-two pounds. I wore it in my eyes as they stealthily gazed in his direction, the stretch of my lips as they curved into a smile, the shake of my fingers as they twisted around one another…

And in the frantic beating of my heart. Proudly, I wore it there.

My birthday party came winding to an end quickly. One moment Carlisle and I were standing alone in the basement, on the brink of a powerful embrace, the next we're eating cake amongst my parents, his daughters, and an awkward Billy and Jake. I couldn't blame them for feeling out of place. It was almost eerie how beautifully my family got along with Carlisle's. As we joked and laughed around the dining room table, I felt as though I were surrounded by my _own_ friends rather than the people who raised me and _theirs_.

Shortly after our cake was finished, the mismatched group of acquaintances slowly divided. My mother and I sat with the girls at the kitchen table; she colored pictures with them while I braided their hair. My father, Billy, and Carlisle resorted to the garage so they could examine the engine of my pick-up, Charlie feeling like some sort of hero for getting the decrepit vehicle to run.

And Jake sat in the living room, his face glued to ESPN. Billy asked him if he wanted to come out and take a look at the truck with them, but when he denied Jacob's final attempt at obtaining a beer, Jake petulantly denied his father.

Soon after the swooning over my restored truck was complete, Billy and Jacob went home. Once they took their leave, everything seemed to fall into place. What I thought would be an awkward and stressful day had turned into one of complete serenity. Charlie had retired to his recliner, complaining of an upset stomach. My mother chastised him as she stood from the table to begin cleaning up the remnants of my party, grumbling that she _told_ him not to have that last piece of cake.

My heart beat frantically as Carlisle entered the room, sitting across the table from me and next to a pouting Rosalie, who was seated beside her sister. He ran his hand over the top of her head, while tap-taptaptap-tapping his steady rhythm on the tabletop with the other. His eyes melted into mine like butter to a frying pan, and I could barely contain my whimper as we visually feasted on one another. His lips twisted slightly into a secret smile, the one that belonged to me alone. This man devastated me with his subtle movements that spoke volumes to me. It hurt so good that I suddenly wondered what we would have to do to ease this tension, this steady and eager ache that burned inside me when we were together like this.

All I wanted to do was ponder the answers to that question, but sitting amongst his daughters and my parents certainly wasn't the time. "What's wrong, honey?" he asked Rose softly, tearing his eyes away from mine before turning his full attention to his daughter.

"I don't want to go home," she whined, throwing down her crayon and crossing her arms over her chest. "I like being with Bella all the time." Tears filled her eyes as she outstretched her hands, taking one of mine and one of her father's as she battled with her emotions.

Alice quietly watched the entire interaction, her lips pressed into a straight line as her eyes bounced from each one of us. Finally, she laid her head in her arms and began silently crying. "I wanna stay too," she muttered sadly.

My eyes burned with tears. Alice was so empathetic toward others. If her sister was upset, or anyone she cared about for that matter, she would experience just as much sorrow. And Rosalie, the strong-willed little girl who rarely showed weakness, was crying because she didn't want to leave _my_ side?

There was one true fact that no one could dare even attempt to deny. I wasn't just put on this earth for Carlisle Cullen. I existed for his daughters as well.

I took Rosalie's hand with my left and hugged Alice with my other arm. Carlisle mirrored my actions and, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, the girls threw their arms around one another. And there we were…all of us connected, all of us feeling the bond we were so quickly solidifying with each moment spent together.

"You don't have to leave, my sweet girls," I soothed them, resting my cheek on top of Alice's head. "Stay for now, and when you do have to leave tonight, I promise you can always come back. We'll always be together."

"Always?" Rosalie whispered.

I looked up to meet _his_ eyes, dark and fiery with an intense emotion that seemed to feed my soul and wrap around my entire body simultaneously. "Always," he promised.

And then I realized we were all sitting around this small table, exposing ourselves for what we really were: Each other's.

I regretfully broke our trance, cheerfully uttering words of how beautiful their pictures were, and challenging them to draw the ocean we were talking about earlier in the basement.

I was positively shaking.

I quickly looked up to see my mother watching the interaction with a peculiar gleam in her eye, which I readily ignored. She was such a perceptive woman when she wanted to be; for that reason I had been struggling all day long not to outwardly pine after Carlisle like the teenage girl inside me had desired.

I wondered how long she had been standing there.

Whatever she had seen, she floated past it like a saint…and my best friend. "Carlisle, you and the girls must stay for dinner. We'll make homemade pizza. What do you say girls, would you like to help?"

Their moods were instantly lifted as they replied with a cheerful, "yes, big cook, little cooks!"

Rosalie and Alice clamored from their chairs, rushing to my mother's side to begin their game. "What's that?" my mother questioned.

Carlisle rubbed the back of his neck, smiling sheepishly. "They like to help me in the kitchen, only we've sort of made a game out of it. We pretend we're doing a cooking show…Big Cook, Little Cooks."

My mother smiled warmly at him. "That's adorable, Carlisle. Okay!" She clapped her hands, turning her attention to the girls. "Let's get started. I bet Uncle Charlie won't feel so sick once it starts smelling like pizza in here!"

The girls giggled their agreements as Renee pulled two aprons out of the pantry, rolling them until they were short enough for the girls. "Daddy! Bella! Will you help too?"

We both smiled widely as our eyes met. "How can you say no to that?" I asked him.

"I couldn't possibly," he murmured gently.

We stood from the table and walked toward the kitchen island, my mother busily setting out all the ingredients we needed. Alice and Rose stood ahead of me as my mother began handing out specific instructions. I watched as she showed them how to knead, all three of them lost in the mesmerizing twists and pulls of the dough.

But all I felt was his chest against my back, and the slow movement of his fingers as they slid up and down my side. My eyes fluttered shut, my equilibrium giving way to the feeling of his fingers on my body. He steadied me without bringing attention to himself, his hands on my hips and his warm breath falling against the top of my head.

My mind was a blur but I had the good sense to stay aware of my surroundings. However, in that blissful moment, no one could see what we were.

Slowly, ever-so-slowly, his thumb slid beneath the fabric of my sweater, drawing careful and gentle patterns along the curve of my abdomen. My body was numb; I felt as if I were floating as he caressed me with pure devotion.

One finger sliding across my hip. That was all it took for me to completely lose myself to the gorgeous man standing behind me.

And all I wanted was for him to give me more.

**-x-x-**

After the sun had set and our delicious dinner had been consumed, Carlisle began speaking his obligatory words.

"We should get going."

"It's getting late."

"We've taken up enough of your day."

But he didn't mean them. Not a single word. He no more wanted to leave than I wanted to say goodbye. My parents didn't want him gone either, because my God, he fit in with us perfectly. Only, Charlie and Renee couldn't possibly understand why the fit was so destined.

But we knew.

In the end, Carlisle had conceded to my parents' and his daughters' coercion to stay longer. More time spent inhabiting the same space; such a small victory for each and every one of us.

I took my girls and curled up with them in the over-sized lounge chair, flipping through the channels until the animated movie _Up_ came on.

"This movie makes me sad," Alice yawned.

Rosalie giggled. "I love Kevin, it's not sad, Ali-cat."

I was sobbing quiet tears a half an hour in. How a children's movie could evoke so much raw emotion out of a person, I'd never know.

This movie may have been made for little children, but the message stuck with me rather significantly. Don't waste time, and love like you'll never have another chance.

By the ending the girls were fast asleep in my arms and my father was laughing at me for "being such a sap."

But once my reddened eyes met Carlisle's sincere blue, my heart threatened to stop beating completely. My father retreated to find my mother in the kitchen and we were left with one single moment of reprieve. I watched him with shaking limbs as he scooped Alice out of my arms, leaning down until his mouth was wet against my ear. "I doubt I'd admit it to anyone but you, sweetheart, but this movie made me tear up as well."

He pulled back and smiled shyly at me as our eyes connected, mere inches apart. "It was because I envied him, Bella. Not because he lost the love of his life, but because he was fortunate enough to have had her in the first place."

He stood back up with Alice in his arms. I shifted Rosalie into mine and watched him, wiping my cheeks with my sleeve. I opened and closed my eyes lazily before licking my bottom lip. "Do you want to know why I was crying?" I whispered.

"Tell me," he murmured.

"Because I know now…what it's like to have found mine." I felt the tears building in my eyes and the emotion in my heart was too heavy to be contained. Ever since I met the glorious man standing before me, everything I felt inside was magnified by a thousand. "And I'm not allowed to have you."

"Bella," he breathed, visibly flinching at the painful reality I had voiced. He boldly stepped forward, needing the closeness we couldn't surrender to and the words I weren't allowed to speak.

My father approached and we hastily and regretfully disembarked from our all-consuming command over one another. We laid the girls down onto the couch, tucking them in tightly with the blankets that were hanging on the back of it. We breathed in and out and silently shook through our desperation for one another until it inevitably subsided - for the time being.

**-x-x-**

Hours later, we were laughing and sitting around the dining room table with my parents once more, playing a game of Rummy like my parents had done for years. But here, in the quiet hours of the early morning, I felt everything I ever knew starting to shift.

When a chapter in your life closes, the following one almost always feels brand new. This was no different. I was eighteen and by the wistful looks my parents kept flashing me, they realized that I was no longer a little girl. I hadn't really been one for ages. I talked to them like they were my equals and they accepted that.

But would they ever accept _us_?

"Rummy!" my mother squealed, calling my father out on missing a card that very easily could have won him the game. I laughed. I smiled. But all I could feel was the tip of his finger, ghosting along my open palm beneath the table.

Another simple touch.

Another piece of flesh so small in comparison to my body that yearned to be caressed. Slowly he stroked my hand, and with that small amount of friction, I was falling apart at the seams.

The path he was drawing up and down my palm was causing a tingling sensation to shoot up my arm. It made my stomach clench and my skin become slick with perspiration. It made me burn with a need so intense, I could barely stop myself from telling him so.

But as Carlisle Cullen drove me to the brink of insanity with just the tip of his finger, he sat leisurely with a wry smile on his face, seeming to be fazed by nothing but the cards in his hand.

The clenching of his jaw when I shifted in my seat and stretched dramatically was the only indicator that I was slowly unraveling him. That and his lazy grin as he sipped from his can of beer. I knew his inhibitions were lowered, making me wish for an empty house and his whispered promises.

My father returned to the table with three beers in hand, setting one in front of Carlisle, himself, and finally me. I looked at him quizzically. "What?" he chuckled. "You're _my_ kid, Bella, but you haven't _been_ a kid for as long as I can remember. There's no reason why you can't have a beer with your old man."

I looked at my mother who was swirling wine in the goblet she was holding. "Or you could have some wine, honey? I don't like beer myself."

"Um, yeah wine would be better. Sorry, Dad," I smiled. I loved my mother's wine of choice. On particular days when I felt stuck in a rut or trapped inside a world I never belonged in, I'd take a glass up to my room and write, listen to music to calm myself or just relax and get lost in my mind as I dreamed of another life.

I walked to the kitchen to put away the can of beer in exchange for a sweet glass of ruby red nectar. When I returned, my parents were in some sort of playful, heated debate.

"I'm telling you, woman, it still fits!" Charlie insisted, holding my mother's hand against his chest as she began to dispute him.

"Charlie Swan, if you still fit into that old t-shirt you used to wear, I'll - "

"You'll what?" my father questioned suggestively.

I twisted my nose, averting myself from their conversation. I was much more interested in losing myself to another. By the way our hungry eyes seemed to meld together at the same time, he clearly felt the same.

I searched for his hand beneath the table, losing my breath as I came into contact with his warm skin. I took a long sip of my wine and glanced over at my parents who were still bantering playfully, before connecting with him once more. Our palms pressed together, our fingers lining up and sliding along one another until they slowly intertwined beneath the table.

I took a deep breath and watched him carefully, smiling as he squeezed my hand. "I've been waiting," I murmured.

His thumb stroked my knuckles back and forth, slow and smooth as he riskily and quite openly gazed into my eyes. "I may never let go."

"You're not going to find it!"

My mother stood from her chair and pulled my father up. He was laughing so heartily that his face was red from the exertion. She turned to us before dragging my father with her. "Sorry, you two, I just need a moment to prove my husband wrong. You know the shirt I'm talking about, Carlisle. The one he used to wear nearly every day…something about 'If the Pole Ain't Bendin', You're just Pretendin'."

Carlisle chuckled softly, shaking his head and squeezing my hand tighter as he rested them on his thigh. "There's no way that shirt is still in one piece."

Charlie scoffed loudly. "It's up in the attic, I guran-goddamn-tee you! And when I prove all of you wrong and wear that bad boy down here, you'll all be eating crow!"

"Eating crow," I murmured, shaking my head. I watched my parents giggle like teenagers as they ran up the stairs and out of our sight, feeling emboldened and warm and enamored over the fact that we were finally left alone.

With eyes darkened to midnight blue, he lifted our hands from beneath the table and held them between us, his gaze falling onto our linked fingers. Slowly, he raised my hand until it was pressed to his lips, his eyes darting up to mine and searching sincerely. I lost my breath as his soft mouth slid against my skin, my body leaning forward on its own accord.

"Carlisle…" I whispered breathlessly.

He hummed against my skin before placing one last kiss on my hand. "My beautiful Bella."

We stared at each other for several long moments, knowing this was our chance to put it into words and yet…all we could do was smile at one another. I sighed contentedly and brought our entwined fingers to rest against my cheek. "Are you okay?" I whispered.

He chuckled softly, leaning forward until our faces were mere inches apart. "You're always so concerned." He ran his other hand along my cheek before letting it fall to the table. "I'm perfect…I'm so incredibly perfect."

I nodded my agreement, lifting my hand to trace his brow and along his stubbled jaw. "We've barely spoken today and yet I feel like we've never stopped communicating with one another."

Carlisle closed his eyes and leaned forward, eliminating the distance between us as his forehead rested gently against mine. "It's so hard not to touch you, Bella…"

Silently I took his other hand as we breathed in each other's air. "You can touch me…I'm yours to touch."

He exhaled shakily, tightening his fingers around my own. "I can't…we can't yet."

"What are we waiting for? Just tell me what's stopping us, because out of the long list of reasons I can think of, none of them matter right now. It's just us, Carlisle, tell me…"

I was begging him and he was breathless, fighting with his own restraint not to give into what we both needed. A part of me felt guilty for torturing him with his own morality, but every bone in my body was screaming for his touch.

"They'll be back soon," he mumbled, his lips moving so close to mine that I could almost taste them. "You know it won't be long, Bella. You know as well as I do that time holds no restraint over what we've found in each other. If hell is my price to pay for needing you like this, then I'll gladly take it. One thousand times over, I'll take it."

I squeezed my eyes tightly together, pushing my forehead against his forcefully as my breathing became heavy and jagged. I could focus on nothing but our hold on one another, his breath, his scent, his gorgeous fucking words that assured me he'd never leave. "Kiss me," I whimpered, carefully letting my tongue slide along my bottom lip. "Please, just kiss me, show me with your mouth on mine."

"Bella," he groaned. I was torturing him, I knew it. And yet it was my _own_ personal torment being so close to him and not knowing what it felt like to have his soft lips moving with my own.

"I know, I _know. _I'm sorry. I just…you make me lose my mind, Carlisle."

He lifted his forehead from mine and gazed at me with unadulterated need. "Talk to me tonight. I know we've had all day but I need more from you. Please, tonight?"

I nodded and pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, furrowing my brow with overwhelming emotion. His face was crumpled as well, and it was a miracle we were still alive and breathing when the power we had over one another easily had the strength to destroy us both.

And everyone around us.

"It's all going to crumble eventually," I whispered, tentatively lifting my hand and running my thumb along his bottom lip.

"Yes," he nodded, swallowing thickly. "But we never will. In the end I'll have you, and we'll have the girls, and there won't be a fucking thing that can take that from us, Isabella."

"Always?" I whispered shakily, a tear falling down my cheek as he kissed the thumb I had pressed against his lip.

"Forever, sweetheart."

**-x-**

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_***Swoon* **_**I sure do love me some Carlisle. Anyhow, sorry for the delay with this chapter. I'm not expecting it to be so long between updates next time, so that's a plus.**

**A big thank you to my beta Isabel for being her amazing, miraculous self. I can't function without her, and I hope she never forgets it! Also major boobie-gropes to mah twin, Lazykate, for pre-reading and squeeing over Carlisle because, if you know us at all, you're aware that we love all things Pfach/Carlisle. NOM NOM. Love you, woman!**

**In the meantime you can find me on twitter as Brits23. Reviews would sure be appreciated. I read every single one, and they mean so much to me. :)**

**Until next time!**


	10. The Same

**Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters and Twilight plot lines that may appear in this story. The remainder is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. Don't steal, it isn't polite.**

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**Chapter Nine**

_~Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same._

_ -_Emily Bronte

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**~BPOV~**

"I love how the nights seem to belong to us."

A deep, rumbling chuckle sounded on the other end of the line at my confession, making my pulse race that much quicker. "I'm starting to believe that every second belongs to us, Bella."

I was tired and my eyes ached, but not as ardently as my heart did. How could I even fathom sleeping when I had him to look forward to? He was not a question. He was not an option or an idea or a passing thought. He was simply everything. He just was.

I shifted on the ledge that stretched along the bay window in my bedroom, tucking my legs tighter against me until my knees were against my chest. I held myself together while he threatened to unravel me with sweet words, breathy promises, and the truth that had been lingering beneath the surface all along.

At first I tried to tell myself it was too soon for me to be in love with this man. How could a handful of weeks constitute an unwavering and unbreakable bond? But then I realized that this wasn't just weeks in the making. Perhaps this was decades, lifetimes, _centuries_. It was no coincidence that every iota of my soul recognized Carlisle Cullen from the second I laid eyes on him in that waiting room.

So I was in love with him, and I was unashamed that I was realizing it so early on in our time together.

But now that I had admitted it to myself, I found myself wanting to admit it to him as well. Every time his deep voice had a hint of that fervent ache, the subtle groan that told me he needed me like a moth needed a flame, I nearly told him how desperately I loved him. But everything about us, while simple in its barest form, was also a plethora of complexities. The way we felt about one another was pure and uncomplicated; the situation we had found ourselves in, was not.

I had faith that with time, these details would sort themselves out. I would be patient in voicing the truth that would drive that final beautiful nail into the all-consuming coffin. Besides, there was no need for the words to be spoken aloud when my hungry brown eyes admitted it to him every time they met his succulent blue. In the quiet hours of the morning, when we were the only two souls awake, our spoken confessions were all we had. When we were physically apart, we let our hushed voices twine together in the middle of the night…until one day our bodies were allowed that luxury.

I wasn't entirely sure our bodies would have to wait for much longer. With every sleepless night I let his words consume me, with every face-to-face encounter that left us hidden in our emotions and desperate for the most smallest of touches, our resolve was cracking. As far as I was concerned, our resolve could crumble and wither into dust. Our hold on one another would turn us into liars and cheats in the months to come, but nothing could make me feel guilty about it any longer.

Not now, anyway.

"You're quiet, sweetheart," he murmured, his soft and aching voice flowing into my ear like the most intricate of melodies.

This was the second time we had talked on the phone to one another. My cell was burning hot against my ear, much like my body burned for him. Several times throughout our conversation we would remain silent, letting the quiet of the night wrap around us and protect us from the outside forces that had the potential to tear us apart.

But nothing _would_ tear us apart, he had promised me that. I believed him with every fiber of my being.

"Yeah," I whispered, pushing myself farther into the nook that the window and wall had created. "Just thinking."

"What are you thinking about, love?"

I hummed quietly, my body tingling all over as my lips turned into a grin. "The way you make me feel when you call me _love_."

"How else could I possibly describe you?"

"I was thinking about things that, in theory, are too early to be thinking about," I confessed.

I heard him shifting in what I assumed were bed sheets, causing me to groan aloud. He answered me with his own desperate ache. "I told you earlier, Bella, time holds no restraint over us. Just tell me…tell me everything that passes through that gorgeous mind of yours."

I chuckled softly. "It may take all night."

"And every minute of it belongs to you."

"Well then I'll keep it short. We don't need to spend all our time on my forbidden thoughts."

"What do we need to spend our time on then, Isabella?" His voice was raspy and dark, giving me a glimpse into the side of Carlisle I was desperate to explore - repeatedly.

"I wish you'd let me tell you," I purred.

He sighed. "I wish I would, too."

"You know, in my dreams you tend to let me say and do whatever I like," I whispered boldly.

"Well then I'm painfully jealous of my dream-self."

"Me too," I whined.

He chuckled softly. "In that case, why don't we meet in our dreams then, love?"

"Will you kiss me when I see you there?"

"Maybe I'll kiss you tomorrow…maybe I'll come to your window right now and take your bottom lip carefully between my own, sucking it, tasting you…"

A warm, numbing shudder ran violently throughout my body, settling between my legs as I moaned quietly. "You're turning into a dirty tease, Carlisle Cullen."

"Maybe I'm not teasing at all, Bella."

I pressed my heated forehead against the cold window and exhaled heavily. "Are you telling me you'd come here right now and give me what I want, what we both want?"

"If you keep talking like that, I don't think I'll be able to stop myself." The mood was building between us, our words frantic and breathy as the air around me seemed to close in. I wanted it…and yet I knew it would be unwise to follow this path now.

I groaned, shaking my head. "I can't believe I'm going to say this but, we probably shouldn't tonight."

"Of course we shouldn't," he exhaled heavily. "Do you see how easy it is for me to abandon my resolve when it comes to you?"

"I meant what I said earlier tonight, Carlisle. I'm yours to touch, I'm yours to feel. I know the way you make my body ache and tingle and tremble. If I'm truly yours, then you have every right to be able to learn me. Soon…with your eyes and your hands and your…"

He was quiet for a long moment, not a sound infiltrating the line apart from his jagged breathing. Every muscle in my stomach tightened as I shifted in my seat, needing friction. Needing him.

"Every inch, Bella. Every silken, breathtaking curve of you. I'll study you until I've memorized you. And once I've memorized you by sight, I'll learn you in a new way. By touch, by scent, by sound. Don't for one minute think I won't make you mine. I promise you, once I start, I'm never going to stop."

"We're going to break soon," I murmured, my chest rising and falling rapidly.

"Yeah," he chuckled shakily before taking a deep sigh. "Maybe we'll leave the rest to our dreams tonight, sweetheart. And tomorrow morning, we'll have the pleasure of immersing ourselves in one another all over again."

"I want to feel your skin against mine," I whispered quietly, stroking the window pane like I longed to run my fingers along his heated flesh.

"You'll be the death of me, beautiful," he murmured darkly. "Sleep, dream of me, and then come to me in the morning."

I stood from my perch upon the window's ledge, my body feeling slow and heavy as I carefully padded toward my bed. "Tomorrow then…goodnight, Carlisle."

"Goodnight, Bella."

Within minutes my eyes were clenched tight and my breathing was shaky as I lost myself to nothing but images of him, the ghosting sensation of his heated skin alive beneath my fingertips.

**~xxx~**

I had awoken the next morning with a smile on my lips and a new melody prominent in my mind. After taking a very hot shower and dressing in casual yet tempting attire, I scooped up my Casio. Today I needed to work, and I knew the girls would love being able to tinker on the keyboard and create masterpieces of their own. It was a gorgeous thing, to watch them invent with their imagination alone.

Once I had everything I needed, I kissed my mother goodbye and gave my father a one-armed hug. I shook my head as he buttoned a blue flannel over the skin tight fishing t-shirt he had unburied from the attic last night. He was so proud over still "fitting" into it that none of us had the heart to break it to him that "fitting" had been a very, very loose term.

I climbed into my truck with my heart fluttering violently against my chest. I was abuzz with anticipation and my need for _him_, as well as the need to spend the day with my girls. In a span of time that seemed never-ending yet non-existent, I pulled up to the Cullen home just as the rarely-seen sun broke above the tree line. I walked to the front door in a dreamlike state, ignoring the daunting reminders that threatened to infiltrate my untroubled mind. There was no room for them today. No, today I would hug my girls and gaze at the man who owned my heart unabashedly.

Maybe more than gaze.

Before I could even ring the door bell, the portal in front of me was thrown open, two little hands dragging me inside and slamming the door behind me. My eyebrows were risen as the twins talked over one another a mile a minute, so quickly that I could barely understand them. Suddenly Rosalie cupped her palm over her sister's mouth and looked up at me expectantly. "Bella, what the heck is this thing?" Her voice squeaked in wonderment, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"This is my keyboard, sweet girl. Kind of like a portable piano. I was thinking maybe we could write songs today, what do you think?"

Alice mumbled excitedly against Rosalie's hand before she swatted it away. "Bella, do you really think I can do that? Make up a song?" Her eyes were wide and earnest, and I hated that she doubted herself.

I cupped her chin, smiling down at her. "Sweetie, you can do anything you put your mind to."

"Mrs. Jorgensen says that Alice needs medicine to make her stop talking, otherwise she'll never be able to learn anything right," Rosalie said matter-of-factly.

Anger boiled inside me. Alice may have had a tendency to talk more than most, but she certainly wasn't to the point where she needed to be medicated. The last time I had watched them, Alice had spent a good hour showing me her past homework assignments and art projects. She excelled in her second grade class, and I couldn't understand where this teacher got off putting her down in such a way. "Alice…" I squeezed her hand as she pouted back up at me. "Trust me…you're more than capable of writing a beautiful song. Rosalie and I will help you."

"Mrs. Jorgensen makes Alice write her name on the board all the time, because she says she has her head in the clouds," Rosalie said sadly.

"I took too long to answer a question one time," Alice mumbled.

"Yeah but she just needed to think! I _told_ Mrs. Jorgensen that and then I got my name written on the board too!" Rosalie growled in anger.

"Okay, it's all right," I soothed, running my hands over the tops of their heads. "Why don't you two carry this up to the playroom and I'll be there in a second okay?" I handed them my Casio and they each took an end, carrying it up the stairs carefully. "Where's Daddy?"

"Doin' laundry," Rosalie informed me as she disappeared around the corner of the staircase.

I walked through the kitchen and into the laundry room, leaning against the doorframe as my breath was ripped out of my lungs. I had a feeling I'd never get used to how beautiful this man was. His jeans were dark but faded in spots for a modern, stylish effect. His gray t-shirt was clinging around his biceps and the expanse of his abdomen. His wild blond hair shined in the sunlight coming through the blinds, highlighting the numerous shades of honey and gold. I'd never seen his hair in such disarray. It was organized chaos, and I needed to feel it sliding between my fingertips.

"Morning handsome," I murmured softly.

He jumped slightly as his head shot up in my direction, setting down the bottle of Tide. "Jesus, you scared me. Come here…" He murmured my name softly as he rushed to me, pulling me in for an unexpected embrace.

The instant he had me pressed tightly against his body, my arms wrapped around his shoulders and he nearly lifted me from the ground. There wasn't an inch between us, our breathing becoming elevated as we sank into our powerful embrace. "Mmmm…hi," I whispered into his neck, squeezing so hard my muscles were aching.

Carlisle groaned quietly, lifting me abruptly and setting me on the dryer without breaking our hold on one another. "You are pure and utter relief, Bella."

It felt too good, to be wrapped up like this, my soft cheek against his stubbled one, his fingers wrapped around my sides and his hard chest pushing against mine. Oh, it was just so unbelievably _good_. I tightened my legs on either side of him, not wrapping them around him but trapping him where he stood so he couldn't escape me. For minutes, all we could do was lose ourselves in one another.

"I missed you," I whispered, pressing my lips delicately to his neck before tightening my arms around him.

He let loose a shuddering sigh, pulling me tighter against him and closer to the edge of the dryer. "You have no idea, sweetheart." I took a deep breath and struggled to convince myself that I actually had this perfect man wrapped around me. Surprising indeed, but deliciously welcomed.

I pulled back and let our foreheads rest together, his soft tendrils sliding against my own as our eyes drifted shut. I could taste his sweet breath on my lips, the air between us moist and warm as we occupied the same, minimal space. I let out a soft whimper as I fisted his t-shirt where my hands rested against his shoulder blades, my need for him washing through me violently. "Carlisle…" I breathed shakily.

He shook his head minutely against my own, whispering words I couldn't hear as his fingers curled around my sides. I moaned quietly as his hand slid up my body until he was holding my jaw, his thumb brushing heavily across my bottom lip. "Bring me back, Bella," he demanded quietly. "Tell me why I can't."

It was impossible to adhere to his request, because nothing existed but this moment. There wasn't a single reason in this universe that merited our distance. I could almost envision how it would feel to tangle my tongue with his, to feel the gentle caress of our smooth lips as they twisted together. Nothing could keep us from this inevitable moment. "Yours to touch, yours to feel…" I murmured against his thumb, moving forward until it was sliding along the wet skin behind my lip.

His eyes were liquid fire as he gazed at me, hooded and wanting. He licked his lips carefully, blinking once before he moved in ever-so-slowly, one hand cradling my neck and the other sliding beneath my hair.

And then tiny footfalls suddenly tore me away from Carlisle and his body and his heat and his lips.

Damn.

He stepped away from me slowly, his every deviant intention written all over his face. This was a glimpse into the man I had yet to discover, the one who needed my body and was unashamed to take it. The one who demanded rather than asked politely. I loved every piece of him, but this side of him was one that I was eager to learn.

"Bella are you coming?" Alice asked from the doorway, suddenly appearing with her sister in tow.

"Yeah, almost." I pressed the back of my hand to my flushed cheek, attempting to steady my breathing and recover my equilibrium.

"Girls, didn't I ask you to bring down your clothes hampers?" Carlisle's authoritative voice held a hint of a tremble, and I was rather satisfied to know that I had put it there.

"Daddy we were gonna but we had to get the door for Bella!" Rosalie defended with her hands at her hips. "Then we carried the little piano upstairs and came to see where Bella was, so that's why we forgot."

Alice giggled. "Daddy, your hair makes you look like a movie star today."

Carlisle's disapproving stare quickly melted as he walked toward his daughters, kneeling in front of them. "Flattery will get you…everywhere, Ali-Cat." He blew a raspberry against her cheek and pulled them both in for a hug, squeezing them tightly. "Bring down your dirty clothes so I can start the washer before I go fishing with Uncle Charlie, okay?"

Rosalie patted her dad's head and laughed as the naturally made spikes popped right back up. ""Kay, then we're gonna start the song, right Bella?"

I nodded, smiling warmly at the scene that played out before me. "As soon as you bring down your laundry, we'll get started."

The girls raced away as Carlisle stood from the floor, stretching languidly. He smiled at me wryly as he stalked forward, not stopping until he was standing in front of my perch on the dryer. His eyes searched me tenderly as his arm slid beneath mine, reaching behind me to turn the dial on the dryer. "You better get down," he murmured deviously, linking his fingers with mine as I hopped down.

I instantly took his other hand and squeezed, humming contentedly as he took our entwined hands and wrapped them around my body. He rested his forehead against my shoulder and breathed steadily in and out. I closed my eyes and lost myself to the tranquility of the moment. His steady breathing, the warmth of his body, the bright sun casting shadows across my closed eyelids, and the silence that cradled it all. "Maybe this is Heaven," I whispered gently, resting my cheek against his hair.

"I think _you _are," he murmured, squeezing my hands against my back before releasing them, allowing me to wrap my arms around his waist. "What's on the agenda today, sweetheart?"

"Homework, if they have any. I brought my Casio so the girls can try their hand at songwriting, then we'll make lunch together…past that, we'll just go with the flow."

Carlisle groaned. "Can't I stay here with my three favorite girls instead?"

I ran my hand through his hair, leaving it draped around his neck as I smiled. "I wish you could, but Charlie wore his belly shirt just for you."

He chuckled, lifting his head from my shoulder and staring at me intently. "I guess I better not try to shirk a day with my best friend then, considering he got all dolled up for me and everything."

"Hmm, that he did," I smirked. Carlisle sighed deeply and kissed my forehead gently…once, twice, three times. My lips parted and my eyes drifted shut as I spoke once more. "You aren't a fishing kind of guy, are you?"

He kissed my forehead once more, pulling back until our eyes met and he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "No, I'm more of a homework, songwriting, go with the flow kind of guy."

I squeezed his sides and exhaled heavily, pushing him backwards slightly as I groaned. "Change the subject, or I'm going to try to kiss you."

He smiled broadly, ghosting his fingers through my hair. "What would you like to talk about, Bella?"

"Who's Mrs. Jorgensen?" I asked suddenly, meeting the endless depths of his gorgeous blue.

His eyes hardened a bit before he shook his head. "She's Alice's and Rosalie's teacher."

"And she's?"

"An old bag? Yes, definitely," he murmured, letting the pad of his thumb slide along the apple of my cheek. "Did the girls mention her?"

I nodded. "Rose was saying that she told Alice she needed medication to get her to stop talking?"

His jaw clenched and he rolled his eyes. "That woman is clearly incapable of appreciating the creative beauty that my daughter possesses. Alice is…chatty, we all know that, but she's not a disruption to the class, her grades are impeccable and she's got many friends. Sometimes it feels like Mrs. Jorgensen preys on Alice's goodwill, and when Rosalie tries to defend her sister, their teacher condemns _her_ as well."

"Is there anything you can do?" I asked in concern.

"Not yet, but if it gets worse I'll talk with her again. At parent teacher conferences she expressed her opinion that Alice should be tested for ADHD. I tried to explain to her that a boisterous personality doesn't automatically mean a behavioral disorder, but she didn't quite seem to get it. If Alice actually possessed any of the characteristics involved with ADHD, I would have no problem getting her tested. But Mrs. Jorgensen is so incredibly off base in her diagnosis that it's downright laughable. I just hope she's not giving Alice a hard time about it at school."

I shook my head. "Well, I'll let you know if the girls inform me of anymore altercations with her. Alice seemed so doubtful of herself today when I mentioned writing a song together. Like she didn't think she could do it…which immediately segued into the Mrs. Jorgensen mishap. If she's crushing her spirit, either _one _of them…" I shook my head, swallowing back my anger as my eyes met his.

His expression was indescribable as he pulled me closer, our bodies a whisper apart as he licked his bottom lip. "You care so much for them," he breathed softly.

"Carlisle…they are absolutely incredible," I murmured, shaking my head in wonder. "I don't just feel like I belong with you, I feel like I belong with them as well. I can't explain it."

He pulled me in for a bone-crushing hug, his lips pressing against the top of my head as he exhaled raggedly. "God, Bella…you don't know how long I've waited for you."

Love and completion swarmed through my body like a tidal wave of warmth, filling me so fully that I could barely contain the emotion I felt for this man, and the sense of belonging he and his daughters instilled upon me. I almost said it then, enveloped by his embrace and inhaling the calming scent of the man I was put on this earth for. But instead of confessing the depths of my soul, I pulled him tighter, whispering his name between us like a silent, breathtaking prayer.

"One day, we won't have to hide what we are, what the four of us are," he breathed, his hands frantically running up and down my back as he swayed us gently back and forth.

"A family," I murmured, tightening my fingers around the soft tendrils of his hair and pushing my face into the crook of his neck.

"I can't…I need to end things with _her_, Bella, _soon_. I'm tired of putting up with this charade. I don't want her, I can't feel so strongly about you and keep her in this house. I can't stand it," he spoke swiftly but softly, earnestness flowing freely through the dark blue waves that were his eyes. "All I want is you."

I smiled sadly, acknowledging the burning of unshed tears in my eyes as I rested my hand against his chest. "I know," I whispered, staring up at him intently. "We'll talk about it, okay? We'll figure it out."

He nodded as I slid my palm to his cheek, leaning into my hand as he stared longingly back at me. "Yes we will."

Our emotional moment was interrupted when the sound of hampers being drug across linoleum reached our ears. Eventually Alice and Rosalie appeared, pulling their laundry behind them and panting in exertion. "There," Rosalie huffed. "Bella, can we play now?"

I smiled, nodding as Alice squealed in excitement, rushing forward and jumping in Carlisle's arms. "Daddy, do you really have to go fishing?"

He nodded just as Rosalie silently walked to me and took my hand. "I'm afraid so, honey. Uncle Charlie needs a fishing buddy."

"Maybe we can write a song for Daddy," I suggested, smiling as Alice turned to look at me with widened eyes. "That way when he gets home, he'll have something to look forward to."

"I already do," he spoke softly, gazing at me with pure devotion in his eyes.

I swayed, the power of this man threatening to knock me over where I stood. Eventually we broke free from the hold we had over one another, all four of us helping with the final load of laundry before walking blissfully out of the room.

"Are you going to write a song about laundry?" Carlisle questioned playfully.

"Yes! About Daddy's stinky socks," Rosalie chuckled, squealing as Carlisle snuck up behind her and began tickling her sides.

"Excuse me?" he laughed over Rosalie's squeals of protest.

"I was kidding, I was kidding, Daddy stop!"

Alice chuckled as I held her in my arms, watching the comical scene play out before us. "He's so silly," Alice giggled.

"He really is," I smiled. "You have a pretty great dad, huh?"

"Yeah," she sighed, resting the side of her head against my own. "He cooks with us and kisses us goodnight, makes us laugh all the time and gives us medicine and hugs when we're sick. He's the best daddy ever."

I squeezed her tight, looking down to see Carlisle staring up at her tenderly, Rosalie perched on his knee with her arms wrapped around his neck. Alice jumped down and hugged her father, the three of them sharing a moment before both girls held out an arm at the same time.

"Bella," Rosalie simply stated.

It was all I needed to hear.

I walked forward and dropped to my knees, wrapping my arms around my girls and letting my fingers dig into Carlisle's shoulder as I held onto them with everything I had. His hand rested on my side and drew soothing circles - I couldn't breathe, because this moment was downright staggering in its beauty.

"We love you too, Bella," Rosalie whispered, giggling softly before she abruptly broke our embrace. "Come on Alice, we need to get paper and pencils so we can write our song. Have fun fishing, Dad. Bella, come upstairs with us!"

I chuckled, feeling somewhat disoriented as we were quickly torn from the moment by Rosalie's commanding disposition and her need to get to work on our creativity. Somehow it was the perfect moment to separate us, because I almost felt like I was drowning, in the best sort of way, when we were all wrapped so tightly together.

I nodded and the girls ran off ahead of me, leaving me alone with their silly, amazing father.

He was visibly shaking as he lifted his arm and let his thumb slide beneath my eyes, collecting fallen tears I didn't even realize were there. "We belong with you too, Bella."

I rested my hand against his forearm and held him in place, staring at him with all the love I wouldn't quite yet voice, and the intensity I could barely contain inside me when I was in his presence.

"One day…" I whispered softly.

**~xxx~**

The remainder of the day had passed in the blink of an eye, which it had a tendency to do whenever I was with the twins. Their vibrancy just had the capability of making everything fun, even the most mundane of tasks. After playing around on the Casio for awhile, I helped them with their homework. For lunch we made the classic pigs in a blanket, accompanied with macaroni and cheese and ants on a log. The girls went nuts for it, even more so than when we made our chicken marsala. For the remainder of the afternoon we talked like confidantes and friends, discussing the politics of the second grade and the story of how I learned to play the piano and make up songs in my head. We were learning each other, even when our initial bond had made us feel like we had known each other forever.

We laid down the final details of their song for Carlisle, writing the lyrics and singing the words as I played the simple, sweet melody in the background. They were so excited to play it for him that they called his cell phone twice, begging him to please hurry home.

The second time I took the phone, apologizing for the interruption. He scoffed, saying it was no problem and that he was curious as to how his song was coming along anyway. We let the silence confess the words our voices couldn't, since I knew my father was nearby. "I don't know how long I'll be…your dad's on a roll," he murmured.

"It's okay, take your time. We'll be here," I smiled.

"Thank you," he whispered softly.

I was left with a resounding ache in my chest as we slowly got off the phone.

I began making plans for dinner just as the sun had set, but the girls practically begged to have our leftovers from lunch. I had no intention of denying them, and we ate jovially around the dinner table. Every second of this day had given me a vast sense of belonging; to them, to their father…everything felt so _right._

After we washed the dishes, the girls got into their pajamas, claiming that all the songwriting had exhausted them. We all climbed into Alice's bed and put in _The Princess and the Frog._

It felt like no time had passed at all before a warm hand was drifting along my cheek. I blinked rapidly, my eyes slowly focusing on the gorgeous sight before me. "Hey," he whispered, smiling warmly as his hand slid beneath my hair.

"What time is it?" I murmured, sitting up slowly and stretching as we came face to face.

"A little after eight. God, you're beautiful. Hang on a second."

He slowly lifted Rosalie and deposited her into her own bed, tucking her in tightly before returning to me, sitting carefully on the edge of Alice's bed. "Did you have a good day?" he questioned softly, entwining our fingers and resting them on his thigh."

I nodded, smiling brightly and leaning my arm against his. "It was almost perfect."

"Almost?"

"Yeah," I whispered, bringing my other hand to rest on his arm. "Almost."

He glanced behind me, checking to make sure Alice was still asleep before affixing his gaze back on me. "I need to stop keeping you up so late, Bella. You must have been exhausted to fall asleep so early."

I shrugged, squeezing his hand. "I'm wide awake now…does that mean you'll keep me up late tonight as well?"

He grinned and shook his head at me. "If you want me, I won't deny you."

"There's a loaded statement," I murmured, smirking at him wryly.

"Yeah, I guess it is," he chuckled nervously. His free hand was tap-taptaptap-tapping against his other leg, and I could tell that something wasn't quite right.

"What's the matter?"

"You're very observant, Ms. Swan," he muttered, staring off into the distance.

"I'm very observant of _you_…what is it?"

He let loose a deep sigh, his hand running through his hair as he looked at both of his daughters once more, making sure they were still asleep. "Well, Charlie invited us to have Thanksgiving dinner at your house next Thursday."

"Okay," I nodded. "Well that should be all right. We did an acceptable job of staying discreet. I'm sure we can do better."

"Bella…"

Realization hit me like a ton of bricks. "Oh…right…"

_Jane._

"I'm prepared…to end things now. I'm talking _now_, sweetheart, like the second she walks through the door tonight. I know that won't make us available to one another, technically, while you're still under your parents' roof, but I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not. I'm ready to put a stop to it, for our sake, as well as the twins'."

"Do they love her?"

Carlisle shrugged one shoulder. "I'm sure they do on some level. It's not that she's nasty to them, it's that she's so despondent and disconnected from them that there's no real relationship to speak of. Right now it's a matter of convenience, and that sure as hell doesn't make a marriage, or a stepmother."

I was quiet for a long moment, attempting to absorb the enormity of the situation that had just presented itself. I knew that Carlisle didn't want to be with Jane any longer, whether I was in the picture or not. But…was now the right time to tear up a family, even if said family was unhappy and detached at best?

"I don't think you should do this right before the holidays," I stated, turning to look at him head on before continuing. "I mean, I don't condone faking a happy marriage for anyone, especially your children, but Carlisle…even if the girls aren't attached to Jane, you'll still be splintering apart your family, as it is now, right before Christmas. That's going to take its toll on the girls, despite what kind of relationship they have with her."

He sighed dolefully. "I suppose you're right, I just…I hate putting you in this situation, Bella."

"I'm a big girl," I smiled. "I can handle it."

"I know you can, sweetheart, but can I? Spending that much time in the same vicinity as you…with her by my side? It makes me feel like a horrible human being, and the fact that I'll be causing you additional pain is enough to drive me insane."

I grabbed the collar of his zip up sweatshirt, staring at him intensely. "Hey, there's no room for guilt here, Carlisle. We're both adults, we both know what we're doing, and we both recognize that there's no way of stopping what we've started. This is so much bigger than us," I murmured softly, trailing off. "It's going to hurt - seeing you with her - but I'll have faith in what we've found in one another. As long as you do the same, we'll come out of this unscathed."

"I just…I don't want you to think I'm trying to get out of ending things with her, Bella. I know you realize I'm not stringing you along, but I don't want you to have any doubts about us either. I'm not committing adultery for the hell of it…I'm doing it because there was never any other choice. I have literally found the other part of me, and I just can't allow myself to ignore that."

I wrapped my arms around him tightly, molding my body to his as his arms surrounded me. "We'll get through this, Carlisle. One day this will all be nothing but a distant memory."

"Yeah," he whispered, placing a gentle kiss to my temple. "One day."

"So you'll wait?" I questioned softly.

"I'll wait until after the holidays…for the girls."

I nodded, remaining silent as I breathed him in, reveling in the feeling of our bodies pressed so tightly together, and determining how to survive the torment that Thanksgiving day would soon bring.

**-x-x-x-**

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***sigh* Well…see you all at Thanksgiving. Yes I know, we're a little behind on the times, but that's all right! :)**

**A ginormous thank you to the one and only Isabel, for loving my Carlisle even when she's an Edward girl all the way, and fixing my work when it desperately needs it!**

**And copious amounts of love sent out to every single one of my readers, reviewers, pimpers, etc. You don't know how much I cherish you all.**

**Follow me on Twitter, Brits23**

**In related news, mah twin lazykate and I, being the Pfach hoors that we are, have decided to share the wealth when it comes to all things Facinelli. Did you know that our beloved Pfach has had numerous movie and TV roles prior to The Twilight Saga and Nurse Jackie? That's right, Pfach has a past, and we want you all to join us in exploring it!**

**We hereby cordially invite you to participate in..._insert dramatic music here….._**

**The PFach Watch-a-long, or #PFachwatchalong in Twitter-speak!**

**Check your filter at the door, because it's PERV-TIME, PRIME-TIME! We'll be setting up a scheduled viewing time for our favorite NOM-licious PFach films, with plenty of time in advance for you to procure a copy and be ready to _squawk/ded _along with us! There is plenty of PFach Porn to be found online, since you can get almost anything through Netflix (Instant and DVD) so the process will be easy! Just tune in and get turned on. WOOT! Follow us on twitter - #Pfachwatchalong and please, please, stop by our new blog to see what we're all about. We just wrote a riveting review on a movie our boy starred in, entitled _Arc. _Haven't heard of it? Why don't you remedy that by clicking this linkie here: http:/pfachwatchalong(dot)wordpress(dot)com/**

**You won't be sorry!**

**Now, you know what to do! Show me and Carlisle some love by sending some reviews! I do love hearing from you, more than you know. Until next time! :)**


	11. Let Us Too Surrender

**Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters and Twilight plot lines that may appear in this story. The remainder is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. Don't steal, it isn't polite.**

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**Chapter Ten**

_~Love conquers all things; let us too surrender to love._

-Virgil

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**BPOV**

Wednesday afternoon had found me sitting outside of my high school, back pressed against frigid brick as I observed the students who roamed the quad like cattle. Angela was seated on the ledge next to me, playing a sullen tune on her cello, much like she was on the first day I'd met her. She was the odd girl out. Everyone, even the cruel, were civil to her because she was too sweet to defame. But none of them took a moment to dig deeper, to get to know the dark-haired girl with wire-rim glasses who lived for playing her beloved cello.

It was amazing that I had managed to find someone I could relate to…apart from the man who possessed the other half of my soul.

I sighed and dropped my head against the brick wall, staring up at the cloudy sky. The rough texture behind me pulled at random strands of my hair, sending sharp jolts shooting through my scalp. "Is it the idea of turkey that has them so excited?" I murmured, watching the errant students scramble to their vehicles, busses, and rides.

Angela chuckled. "It's having off from school for the next four days, Bella, the majority of them don't even understand where the holiday derived from in the first place."

"Hmm…you're probably right. I have a feeling they're more thankful for beer, Call of Duty, and text messaging services than the development of our country."

Angela stopped playing, smiling at me wryly. "God bless us everyone."

"What are your plans for Thanksgiving?" I questioned politely.

"Turkey. Beer. Maybe a little COD," she chuckled, nudging my shoulder. "No, your typical family affair. Dinner and football, that's what it only ever consists of. You?"

I let out a shuddering sigh, steeling my body as another wave of painful anxiety washed through me. "My parents, my dad's best friend and his family…we'll eat, we'll laugh…they'll go home, I'll write a song, the end."

"What are you thankful for, Bella?"

I let my eyes linger on nothing definitive in the distance as I answered her softly. "Blue."

_Blue like the waters of Hawaii. Blue like the sky on its clearest day._

Angela went back to her instrument as my cell phone buzzed in my pocket, bringing me a message from the man who possessed the radiant blue I had spoken of. Our correspondence had been more consistent than usual over the past few days. It seemed as if we were attempting to strengthen our united front as D-Day quickly approached.

I wasn't worried though, we were an impenetrable force.

_I just had an elderly cancer patient die in my arms. No family there to bid him farewell. All I can think about is your fingers running through my hair. I need you today._

My heart clenched violently, splintering and cracking beneath skin and bone as I reread his solemn words. He needed me? God, I only _ever_ needed him. The keeper of my soul was such a good and honest man. Being a doctor had hardened him to certain aspects of the career he had chosen. But on days like this, when he was vulnerable to begin with, the devastation that went on around him had the power to break him down. I didn't understand how he could do it day in and day out. Having a lonely, ill man die in my arms would wreck me, but then again Carlisle Cullen was the type of man to carry the burdens of others just to ease their troubled minds. He was pure beauty, inside and out.

_Call. Please, please call…_

I quickly typed out my desperate message and shoved my phone into my pocket.

"I'm going to head home, Angela." My voice wavered as I clumsily lifted myself from the ledge, smiling back at my friend. "Have a great Thanksgiving, I'll see you Monday."

"Bella…what does it feel like?" she questioned timidly.

"What does _what_ feel like?"

"To need someone like that?" She gestured toward my pocket where my phone was hidden, her mouth twisting in uncertainty and nerves as she avoided my eyes. "All week you've gotten text messages, and each time you've nearly fallen apart because of them. In a good way…in a wonderful way. Did you leave someone behind when you came to live here?"

I leaned against the brick pillar, smiling to soothe her uncertainty. "Sometimes it feels like he's so far away, but soon… I hope to have him close to me again."

"Do you love him?" she whispered.

I shook my head in wonder. "I positively ache for him."

"Do you…do you think I'll be able to find someone who makes me feel that way?"

"I hope so," I smiled, nodding in encouragement. "Just be open to it, because I swear to you, Angela, love has the tendency of finding you when you least expect it. Trust me."

"Thanks, Bella," she smiled in relief.

I nudged her shoulder, winking and walking slowly away from her. "You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

She nodded. "I do…I'm so glad you moved here."

"Me too." As soon as the words were out of my mouth, my phone began vibrating in my pocket. I needed that call, so fervently I could barely breathe. "I'll talk to you later, Angela."

I couldn't wait for her reply as I began walking swiftly toward my truck, pulling my phone from its denim confines and answering it immediately. "Hello," I murmured, crushing my phone to my ear as I lurched my truck door open.

"Bella," he sighed heavily.

I shut the door as I climbed inside, pressing my forehead to the steering wheel and attempting to rein in my quivering body as his voice overtook me. "Jesus," I whimpered, eyes clenched tightly as I surrendered entirely to our power.

He moaned on the other end of the line, blatantly, unapologetically. "Breathe, baby. Just breathe."

My fingers curled around the steering wheel at the newfound endearment, my heart hammering against my chest cavity as I let my need for him assault me. "I'm so sorry you've had a hard day," I whispered, releasing my grip on the steering wheel and wrapping my arm around my torso to hold myself together.

"Don't be sorry," he murmured gently. "I didn't mean to burden you with my problems, it's just…I've been so incredibly on edge this week with tomorrow approaching so quickly, I haven't seen you in over a week and I'm…quite frankly, ready to lose it."

"What can I do, please, tell me what I can do to make it go away," I pleaded quietly.

"What is there to do, sweetheart? There's no feasible way I can see you before tomorrow. And when we do get the pleasure to gaze upon one another, there won't be a single thing we can do about it. So we breathe in and out, we focus on surviving the seconds that pass until we can be together again, and we live like this until we're allowed to live for each other. It's all we can do."

"I'm ready to cause a self-inflicted injury just to get through those hospital doors," I grumbled.

"I don't work in the ER, love, so your pain would be entirely unnecessary. And please don't hurt yourself, I'm rather fond of you."

"How fond?" I whispered.

"You have absolutely no idea, Isabella," he murmured deeply.

"After tomorrow…we'll figure out a way, right? I can't go much longer without touching you in some proximity."

"Yes, of course, whatever it takes. We just need to survive the next twenty-four plus hours. One step at a time, that's all we can concentrate on at this point." Carlisle paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. "How many hours do you think we've spent on the phone with one another in the past two weeks, anyway?"

I smiled, observing the ceiling of my truck's cab as I thought about it. "Hmm…it's been twelve days, with an average of about four hours per day, so…forty-eight hours?"

"Two entire days," he murmured. "It feels like more."

"It feels like a lifetime," I sighed.

We were quiet for a long moment, losing ourselves to our thoughts as we listened to each other breathe. Finally, he spoke. "I've been a madman all day, but five minutes of talking with you, and I'm completely at ease. How do you do that, Bella?"

"If you were in my truck with me right now, I'd be running my fingers through your hair, dragging my nails along your scalp soothingly. Your head would be resting on my shoulder and my sole purpose would be to bring you peace. I think you'd be asleep in no time," I smiled softly.

"Speaking of sleep, you're going to get some tonight."

I groaned in exaggerated pain as Carlisle chuckled at me. "You need to be careful what you say to me."

"I love that I need to be careful what I say to you."

"You never are," I whispered.

"I know."

"Tomorrow, I don't care who's there…just being able to look at you will help. It will be enough to get me through until we can be free. Just to watch you, to know that you're silently screaming for me just as I am for you. You don't know how much satisfaction it will bring me, Carlisle." I let out a shuddering breath, trying to concentrate on that fact alone rather than the idea of Jane sitting at my kitchen table, with her wedding ring and her judgmental stares and her flippant words.

"Whenever it hurts, whenever you feel like you can't breathe, you have to remember that simple fact. Every iota of my being is consumed by you, Bella. My children and my love, there is nothing else in this world that exists to me," he whispered gently.

"You're my love, too," I breathed, cradling the phone with two hands against my ear.

He said nothing, but let out a jagged exhale of breath.

"Carlisle, what was his name?"

"Whose name, beautiful?"

"The man who died, what was his name?"

"Thomas," he murmured.

I swallowed thickly, gazing at the foreboding gray clouds as they loomed in the distance. "Rest in peace, Thomas. A cruel poison weakened your mortal body, but in the end you were released into a realm of new and hopeful possibilities, into a peaceful existence where you can be free. You've made an impact on this earth, but your soul belongs in the beautiful world that exceeds this one. You will be missed."

Silence.

And then everything.

"Bella, I'm in love with you."

More silence encompassed us.

And then it was impossible to breathe.

"I will only ever love you," I whispered.

It was impulsive, it was unexpected, but as we quietly confessed ourselves to one another while we were so painfully far apart, I knew that somehow everything would be all right.

**~xxx~**

Thursday had arrived in a record breaking amount of time. I stood in front of my mirror for so long that my vision blurred, attempting to absorb each one of my features, and how different I looked and felt now that Carlisle had made his beautiful impression on me.

Everything had intensified since the moment we confessed our love for one another. Our distance, once painful, was now excruciating.

This build-up was wreaking havoc on my body.

I leaned my palms against the dresser and narrowed my eyes, staring harder. My hair was long and dark, my dress was white and flowing…to me, I looked beautiful. Quirky? Yes. Slightly awkward? In truth, I always would be. But the emotion I wore for Carlisle Cullen had the power to transform me into something breathtaking, and I was happy to finally be realizing my true worth.

I heard my mother calling me from the lower level. No doubt she needed help with one mundane task or another. It wasn't that she was an abhorrent cook, it was just that meals of this caliber had the tendency to stress her out, and her cooking faltered as a result of it.

My phone sat, silent, by my window across the room. Not a word from my serenity, my love. I knew it would have been impossible for him to get the chance to contact me, and realistically I had nothing to complain about in that regard. We had talked to one another well into the night and into the recesses of the early morning, attempting to prepare for the hardships we'd be enduring today, and trying to soothe the aching burn our distance constantly inflicted upon us.

After my mother's third frustrated shriek, I broke myself away from my completely enamored reflection; I could almost see the ardent gaze of immaculate blue floating across my pale skin, and the tingles of pleasure he left behind when his fingertips ghosted along my body.

One day soon, I would claim what was mine.

With a sigh, I smoothed my white eyelet lace dress and walked to the window, picking up my phone and gazing at it longingly. Dangerous? Maybe, but I knew he was currently in a state of distress, and I wanted nothing more than to take it all away.

_I can't wait to watch your lips move when you whisper that you love me. Breathe, we'll survive this. I adore you._

I sent my text message and pressed my lips to the screen of my phone, closing my eyes tightly. I missed him so incredibly much. Even with the awkwardness this day would bring, just being able to watch him, to silently share the secrets only he and I knew…that would be enough to bring me such an immense amount of joy. And I wanted to write. God, I wanted the words I dedicated only to him to be scrawled across the delicate veins of my wrist. I would confess my love for him on every inch of my body, in nothing but blue ink and aching skin.

One day his eyes would feast upon me with nothing covering me but words of our eternity.

I walked downstairs on trembling legs, knowing that only a matter of time separated me from Carlisle. And Jane. I had to busy myself with the girls, that was the only way I'd survive watching her next to him, being his wife. They were cold to one another; I had only seen them together once but there was no denying the emptiness their relationship held. Still, she legally had him, had his home, had his ring…

I snapped the rubber band I never parted with around my wrist, exuding some nervous energy through the stinging snap of rubber. I wanted to sit in the back of my closet in darkness, scribbling words across paper and watching the pattern they formed when I re-emerged into the light. These little things soothed me, not dining with the wife of the man I loved.

With a deep breath, I gathered all the love I possessed for Carlisle and the girls and turned it into strength. This was one day out of our lives. She was temporary. We were forever. I couldn't let myself forget it.

The kitchen smelled wonderful as I entered it, walking up behind my mother who was stirring the contents of a pot on the stove. "Did you need help, Mom?"

She sighed deeply, obviously flustered by the task of cooking for seven people. "I thought I did, but I think things are under control now," she smiled softy, her eyes then traveling across my dress. "Bella, you look so beautiful."

I smiled as she kissed my temple, leaning against my shoulder briefly before tending to the remainder of the meal. "It's Thanksgiving, Mom, we're supposed to dress up."

That and I was desperate for the midnight blue hunger that drifted along my exposed flesh every time Carlisle gazed upon me.

"I know, baby, I was just saying you look nice, that's all." Her eyes lingered on mine for a moment before she continued to stir.

"Are you sure you don't need help?" I questioned once more.

She shook her head. "It's almost ready, honey, just keep your father company until it's time."

I nodded and stole a piece of cheese from the artfully-made tray my mother had put together. The living room was filled with sounds of ESPN, Charlie unwilling to tear himself from the TV unless there was food on the table. He didn't need my company, but there was nothing else for me to do but wait anyhow.

I sat on the couch opposite of him and his eyes briefly flicked in my direction before focusing back on the screen. His gaze then shot back to me once more, his eyes widening. "Bella Marie, don't even think about wearing that dress outside of this house. It's indecent."

I chuckled, shaking my head. "This dress cuts just above my knee, dad. I'm barely showing any skin at all."

He nodded, although begrudgingly. "Yeah well, maybe so…but you still look too damn pretty for your own good. Don't trust boys your age Bella, whatever you do."

_Oh don't worry, Charlie, I won't…_

My deviant inner monologue was interrupted by the ringing of a doorbell.

Holy shit.

"Aw c'mon New England, pull your heads out of your asses and get in the game!" Charlie bellowed, grimacing at the screen. "Bella, grab the door will you?"

Oh, sure.

I could do this. I wasn't walking toward the guillotine, the man of my dreams was standing behind that door. His gorgeous daughters who loved me were waiting for _me_. Suddenly I couldn't be bothered with anything other than anticipation. I couldn't wait another second to lose myself in his eyes and hear his little girls squeal as they hugged me tight. We could do this. I could do this.

The door was opened and all I saw was blue. Sad and blue. Hungry and blue. In love and blue.

I broke away. It nearly killed me.

"Hi guys," I said softly.

The girls flung themselves at me, chanting "Bella! Bella! Bella!" in joyous succession. Alice was in my arms and Rosalie was wrapped around my leg and they made it okay…they made this bearable. "Oh, my girls," I groaned, squeezing them tightly before setting them down and taking their coats. "Jane, Carlisle, it's nice to see you again," I smiled, unable to look directly at him.

"Skipping right over the formalities, are we Bella? Well, I suppose you're "family" so we can let it slide, but our last babysitter only _ever _called us Mr. and Mrs. Cullen."

A punch to the gut. A rip through my heart. Already she was destroying me.

"My apologies, Mrs. Cullen," I murmured stiffly. It made me sick to say those words.

Carlisle scoffed, shaking his head. "Lauren didn't call us 'Mr. and Mrs. Cullen' a day in her life. Hi, Bella." His smile was so bright and I struggled to keep it together when he looked at me in such a way. My knees continually threatened to buckle when I was in his presence.

She walked silently ahead of us into the kitchen and the girls ran to my father…leaving the epitome of beauty standing alone before me.

He was right when he told me that we didn't need words. We truly didn't. Every line on his face, the depth of his eyes, every curve of his lip - he loved me. My God, this man was irrevocably in love with me. He silently and briefly brushed his thumb along my bottom lip before letting his hand fall heavily to his side. "You can call me Carlisle," he winked.

I laughed.

Things were okay again.

Carlisle greeted my father before claiming he'd be right in to watch the game. He wanted to see if my mother needed any help. Ugh, he was so perfect.

"Uncle Charlie, why do you yell at the TV?" Alice asked, her little brow furrowed.

She was sitting on the arm of the recliner where Charlie was attempting to watch the game, and yet I could tell he didn't mind having the girls commentary in the slightest. "Well, when the players do a bad job, I yell at them so they know what to do next time."

"But they can't hear you," Alice giggled.

Charlie tickled her side. "I know that, silly girl."

"Maybe we should help you yell at them, Uncle Charlie," Rosalie smirked. She marched up to the TV screen in her emerald green dress and white tights, her hands on her hips as she scowled at the players in question. "You need to be better at football," she growled, then broke into laughter as Alice giggled uncontrollably.

I simply leaned in the entry way of the living room and smiled at the girls who brought so much light into my life.

Alice scampered up beside Rosalie and did her best to make a menacing face; if only that sweet little girl knew it was impossible for her to do so. "You better not drop the ball," she pointed at the screen. They giggled again.

My dad merely shook his head, but his wide smile gave everything away. "Come sit down girls. I'll let you know when it's time to do the yelling, okay?"

The girls sat on either side of the recliner and held as still as two seven-year-olds could, asking questions periodically about the game.

I heard voices in the kitchen and was suddenly torn. I wanted to stay in the safety of the living room, with my dad and my girls and The National Football League. But in the kitchen my mother was hard at work, nervous about her meal, and I was so fearful that Jane would tear her down like she did me. Not to mention the sweet man who held such disheartened, radiant eyes.

I walked into the kitchen with my head held high, not ready to let her break my spirit another second while she inhabited this house. "Still doing okay, Mom?" I asked, my voice trembling the second I took in the sight of blond hair and strong forearms. His dark brown dress shirt fit him so perfectly, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows as he carved the turkey for my mother. The muscles in his arms captivated me, and I soon realized that this would be my biggest handicap today - forcing myself not to watch him so intently.

Renee sighed, wiping her hands on the apron she was wearing. "I think I'm finally done, baby, but thank you."

Jane leaned against the counter, smiling politely but remaining silent.

My dad walked in moments later with the girls at his side, stretching his arms as he looked around. "Commercial break, when's dinner, hon?"

My mother glared playfully before snapping a towel at him. "Don't you worry about it, Charlie Swan. Let's just be thankful Carlisle's here to help me while you waste away in front of the television."

Carlisle grinned boyishly at my father, shrugging his shoulders.

My dad glared at him in mock contempt before leaning down to kiss my mother on the head. "I'll do the dishes."

"Darn right you will," she smiled, patting his cheek tenderly. "Okay, I think we're ready to begin. Are you hungry, girls?"

They nodded excitedly and took their seats at the table, leaving one seat between them. "Bella sit by us," Rosalie demanded.

"Say please," I smiled, running a hand through her hair.

"Please," she grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, Bella."

"It's okay, sweet girl," I whispered.

Once the food was on the table, everyone sat down.

Here goes nothing.

Carlisle and Jane sat across from us, my mother and father flanking each side of the table. I watched Jane, long and lean, platinum blonde hair pulled tight into a bun and her movements were pure grace. She placed her napkin in her lap and picked a piece of lint off of Carlisle's shirt. It was so intimate an action and I hated it. More than anything. I bit my lip and snapped my rubber band a few times, focusing on anything but the husband and wife in front of me.

_Look at him, he loves you._

My subconscious reminded me not to be so submissive to the illusion of what they were. I chanced a glance in his direction…and he did indeed love me, endlessly. This hurt him too. I smiled at him warmly and I couldn't have cared less who saw.

Charlie cleared his throat and began speaking, holding out his hands. "We usually start out this meal by holding hands, and then I say a few words. Renee loves it." He winked, beaming at my mother.

Jane reluctantly took Charlie's hand and soon we were all linked together; I swore I could almost feel his electricity passing along from body to body until it wrapped around my soul.

Now that we were in position, my father continued. "First and foremost, we thank the Lord for providing us with food, shelter, and warmth. We thank the men and women overseas, pray for their safe return and wish they were home with their families rather than in the middle of a desert. We mourn the loss of my mother, but give thanks for the memories she left us with. Renee, Bella, and I are thankful that your family could join us, Carlisle. You've made it very welcoming to live in a town which didn't always feel that way for the wife and I, and we really appreciate it." He sighed and shook his head, obviously glad that the worst of it was over. "Renee, do you want to…?"

She nodded her head and smiled. "Before we eat our Thanksgiving dinner, we like to go around the table and tell each other what we're thankful for. So, I'll begin. I'm thankful to have a wonderful husband and amazing daughter. I'm excited to start a new life in a familiar place, and hope that nothing but good things happen from here on out."

I beamed at each of my parents. "And you wonder how I became a writer."

My dad turned red and my mom waved her hand dismissively, but I could see where pieces of me had originated from. "Rosalie, your turn honey," my mother urged her.

"Ummm…I'm thankful for my friends at school, my daddy, my Bella, my sister and my mama in Heaven and my mommy here," she murmured almost shyly.

"In that order?" Jane grumbled beneath her breath.

I was sure that only Carlisle and I heard her bitter comment, and I was glad that the girls didn't have to bear the brunt of it. "Your turn, Bella," Rosalie smiled.

I nodded and looked around the room, closing my eyes briefly as I spoke. "I'm thankful for the rain drops, and for being able to look inside them. For two parents who love me even though they don't understand me at times. I'm thankful for two amazing little girls who have quickly become my best friends. For my piano and my Casio and paper and pen and blue…I'm so thankful for blue."

My words were tumbling out of me faster than I control them, and I had to retrace my steps to verify that I hadn't voiced anything I shouldn't have. As far as I was concerned, I had stayed cryptic enough. But by the heated gaze he gave me through dark lashes, I knew he had heard every word.

Alice quoted Rosalie nearly verbatim, order and all.

My father confessed that he was thankful for family, friends, sports, and beer.

Carlisle studied the plate in front of him, his smile light and sweet as he calculated what he wanted to say. "I'm thankful for my _family_, for _belonging _to something bigger than I am, to my career, my friends…and new beginnings." His eyes swept across my face and were gone just as quickly, but I heard him.

_Don't worry, handsome. I heard you._

And then there was Jane.

"I'm thankful my Thanksgivings of the past never held this tradition." She chuckled nervously as she shook her head. "I'm thankful for real estate, electricity, stability, and my home. And my family."

Her family was an after thought? Or maybe she was just that out of touch with her emotions that she couldn't help but be distant and cold? Maybe she didn't know _how_ to be a mother to the twins, to socialize with others or to treat people with respect. Maybe I had to consider that before I mentally attacked her.

"Let's eat," I murmured.

Carlisle gazed at me with his love, every ounce of it, and so far this experience had been entirely worthwhile.

As long as I didn't focus on the way his hands felt the last time they were on my body, I'd be able to survive this night, as well as these remaining months of his marriage.

**~xxx~**

The dinner went as well as could be expected. Jane twisted her nose at my mother's dry turkey but fortunately said nothing. Carlisle commented on how delicious everything was, and thanked her for doing all this. Charlie agreed and the girls thanked her as well. With that, Renee's anxiety over hosting Thanksgiving dinner disappeared, and she breathed a sigh of relief.

After our stomachs were full, we evenly dispersed, the girls to the living room, my parents to the kitchen, Jane to the bathroom. And in one miraculous moment, Carlisle and I had found ourselves standing in the shadows of the hallway, completely and utterly alone.

We had seconds, mere seconds…but we were going to use them.

The hunger in his eyes was more intense than I had ever seen it, a deep rumbling sound coming from his chest as he slid his hand beneath my hair and walked me backwards until my back was flat against the wall. "Look at me," he demanded, his voice authoritative but soft.

"I never stop," I exhaled, fisting my hands in his shirt as he rested his on either side of my neck.

He closed his eyes briefly, taking a steadying breath before focusing intently on me. "You look…absolutely stunning in this dress, love. I can't…God, all I want to do is touch you."

I pressed my body tighter against his as he spoke, silently confirming that I needed it just as ardently as he. "More, say more," I breathed.

"You're doing so well, sweetheart. Don't let her get to you, just focus on me. I'm yours, okay? I'm only ever yours." He pressed his lips to my forehead and didn't move them, letting his fingers drift up and down my sides as he kissed my skin delicately. Suddenly his hands were gripping my hips tightly and his forehead was crushed to mine as he released a quiet groan. "I love you, Bella," he whispered against my lips, wet, hot skin sliding against wet, hot, skin…my mind was on overload.

"Again," I murmured, reveling in our lips caressing but not kissing and God…I was just _aching_ for more.

"I love you, I'm so in love with you, Bella. Feel me." He pulled back and our eyes connected. He pressed my palm against his chest; I gasped as I felt his heart pushing frantically against his skin, into mine.

The words were boiling in my chest so violently I wanted to scream, wanted to cry them out in pleasure and pain. But my breathless vow was only a ghosting whisper as my eyes burned and my hand cradled his heart. "I love you…I will only ever love you."

Too long, we had to stop this.

He entwined our fingers and pushed me into the wall once more, almost roughly. I wanted rough, I wanted frantic. At least his words were. "A ring means _nothing_," he growled, lips sliding along the corner of my mouth and toward my jaw. I gripped his shirt over his heart and whimpered at the warm, wet trail he was leaving on my skin. "You have me, my heart, my soul…my body, Bella, you have me. I promise, I promise…"

One wet, gentle kiss against the side of my neck and he was gone, leaving me panting and aching in the hallway, entirely alone.

I slid to the floor with my legs tucked beneath me, every inch of my body trembling as a result of the yearning state he had left me in; I just couldn't force myself to stay upright. I pressed my hand to my chest forcefully, focusing on the lungs that sustained me and the surroundings in which I could not lose myself to him. Later…oh, things were going to happen later.

Soon afterward, Jane walked passed me on her way out of the bathroom, glancing at me disdainfully. "Why are you on the floor?" she asked.

"I don't know," I shook my head.

She continued to walk past me with a furrow of her brow, and I lifted myself from the hardwood and headed toward the bathroom. Once the door was shut behind me I sat on the ledge of the tub, hand splayed across my throat and tears threatening to fall over my lashes as I let my need for him take me over.

We needed more.

Once I had recovered as best as possible from our brief yet powerful meeting in the hallway, I walked into the living room only to find myself in the midst of chaos. I didn't know what was happening. My girls were crying, Carlisle's hands were in his hair, Jane looked thoroughly annoyed and my parents were walking swiftly to the kitchen with widened eyes.

Wishful thinking…perhaps it was a curse of mine. All I wanted was for this experience to go off without a hitch. To just allow ourselves to accept our differences and to let bygones be bygones because this was a holiday and we were supposed to love each other even more on days like today. Days where no one worked and food was plentiful and hearts were full.

Was this a family issue I shouldn't have intruded on? Nothing mattered, I needed to know why my girls were upset. Before I walked into the living room they saw me and fell into my arms, hot little tears sinking into the fabric of my dress. I had never been more conflicted. Maybe they were in trouble. Maybe they had acted so unforgivable that they deserved these tears. No, nothing they could ever do would merit a reaction like this. "What happened?" I whispered to them.

I tried not to look at Jane, but the fact that I was holding the girls when she so obviously had just disciplined them had set off a blinding rage inside her. I needed to justify this. "I don't know what happened, I'm not coddling them, I'm simply asking why." My voice was steady and calm, my gaze intent on hers.

She wanted to unleash on me, it was so very clear. Instead, Carlisle sat on the couch and murmured in a dark tone, "Do _not _cause a scene here."

Alice lifted her head from my shoulder and struggled to catch her breath as I wiped her tears with my fingers. "Ummm, we didn't mean to get so upset but…" she was interrupted by an onset of gasps as she tried to calm herself down. I ran my fingers through her hair, urging her to continue. "Um, Aunt Renee said that after eating Thanksgiving, it was time to watch _The Wizard of Oz_ cuz she said that's what you always do, and Rose and I love that movie, but um, she said, Mommy said we had to go and…" she started crying again, wrapping her arms around my neck. "I didn't mean to be bad Bella but I want to watch Wizard of Oz with you and I want to play your piano one time before we go because we never got to play our song for Daddy," she wailed, squeezing me tightly and sending Rose into another bout of tears.

Behind the cries of my girls, I watched as Carlisle fought with every bone in his body not to release the anger that had him shaking and on edge. "Don't you think we should help them clean up since Renee cooked for us?" he murmured disdainfully.

"I told you that if I agreed to come here for this, we wouldn't be staying long."

"Then go, let the girl's watch the damn movie and we can get a ride with Charlie when it's through." His voice hurt me so much in that moment, a man so beautiful had no reason to sound so utterly broken.

"They don't need to get everything they want all the time, Carlisle, and we certainly don't need to separate the family on Thanksgiving."

"Oh, so you aren't going directly to your office the second we walk through that door?" he spat in a hushed tone.

"Does it matter? Am I even needed in this equation when the girls are so content with you, and now…apparently _her_?"

This needed to stop. Now.

I lifted the girls' heads from my shoulders and smiled at them as I wiped their tears with the back of my hands. "It's getting late, and I know you're tired. I know you love _The Wizard of Oz_ and you want to spend time with me, I love spending time with you too. But if Mommy says you have to go, then you have to go, and that's just the way it is." I took their hands, my gaze alternating between their deep blue eyes as I vowed to them. "I promise you, my sweet girls, the next time we're together, we'll be watching our movie, we'll be practicing your song for your daddy and you can play it for him before I leave. I promise, okay?"

They nodded even though they were disappointed, taking deep breaths until they were somewhat calmed down.

I couldn't think about this now. I couldn't contemplate on whether or not I had overstepped my bounds, or if Jane's disciplining was necessary, or if it was really that big of a deal to let the girls watch a movie. It was seven-thirty for God's sake. No, I couldn't do this now.

My body felt stiff and unfamiliar as the girls put on their coats, tired and spent from the emotional display they had just shown. I could not, could _not _look at Carlisle.

My girls hugged me tightly, and I hugged them back. "What are you going to do now, Bella?" Rosalie asked quietly.

"I'm going to help Aunt Renee clean up after dinner. She cooked _all _day, so I want her to relax now," I smiled.

"No Wizard of Oz?" she questioned.

"I'm saving it for you," I smiled, pinching her nose.

I arose from my crouch on the floor and felt him standing there in front of me. I didn't have the strength to look at him, nor was I sure of what would be waiting for me when I did.

Jane was long gone, and his quiet, sweet voice rang out as he told the girls to get in the car.

"Look at me, please."

I lifted my head slowly until our saddened eyes met. His chest was rising and falling rapidly as he gazed at me. "You're beautiful. You did nothing wrong. Amazing, sweet, selfless as always."

"Did you say goodbye to Charlie and Renee?"

He nodded, licking his bottom lip slowly. "It's okay, love."

"I know, I just need to think. Please, tonight, as soon as you can. I need you…" My tone was desperate, and I was pleading for something I already knew would be there. I just couldn't help myself.

"As soon as I can," he whispered, ghosting two fingers across his lips and watching me tenderly before he disappeared, closing the door behind him.

I was the equivalent of a zombie as I walked into the kitchen. My brain was unable to process this until I was in the confines of my room, where it was silent and safe.

"Well I'm just saying," my dad grumbled, drying the plate in his hand before setting it on the rack. "What's the big damn deal if they stay and watch a movie for crying out loud? It's not like we were going to watch _Pulp Fiction _or something."

"It's none of our business, Charlie," my mother reminded him softly.

"I know, I know, but she was a little harsh on them if you ask me. And did you see Carlisle? He was just beside himself. I could tell he wanted to rip her a new one and stay calm at the same time."

"She's not right for him," my mother murmured.

"I kinda fished around when we went, well, fishing last week, but he wouldn't say much. Even though sometimes he got this sappy smile on his face when I mentioned one thing or another. Maybe he's got a girl on the side," Charlie nudged my mother.

"Oh please," Renee rolled her eyes. "He's certainly not the type for that."

"Need help?" My voice quivered and cracked, my nerves reaching an all-time breaking point as I approached my parents. So many things to process, so many words to write and melodies to create in order to deal with it all.

My parents jumped as they heard me, too lost in their conversation to notice that I had entered the room. "I think your father and I have everything covered, baby," my mother smiled.

I looked around; the table was cleaned and the counters washed. Apparently they didn't need me. "I just didn't want you to have to do extra work when you slaved away in the kitchen all day." My eyes burned with tears and I wasn't only crying because my mother was overworked, I was crying as a result of this night, my love for Carlisle and the situation we had found ourselves in.

"Oh, Bella," my mother soothed, wrapping me in her arms as she rocked me slightly. "The work is almost done, then I'll relax. What's wrong, baby? Are you upset about what happened with the girls?"

She pulled away and I avoided her eyes, not knowing what to say. "I don't know."

"You love them," she whispered.

I nodded, meeting her eyes briefly before looking away again.

"Bella…"

Her eyes were penetrating mine and I wasn't ready for this, not now. "I love you, Mom. I'm going to write. I'm not sure if I'll be back down. Dinner was great, really."

I leaned my head against my father's shoulder and told him I loved him before exiting the kitchen and beginning my ascent up the stairs.

I felt my mother's eyes on me the entire time.

**~xxx~**

Three a.m. held an overwhelming silence as I crushed my phone to my ear. We had been listening to each other breathe for the last several minutes, because it was just too much.

I was seconds away from crawling out of my skin…I had never been so out of control. I liked it, it terrified me.

"Still want me to wait?"

I swallowed thickly as his raspy, soft voice infiltrated the phone line. "I don't know," I whispered.

He exhaled heavily. He was in just as much discomfort as I was.

"I feel like if I move, even a muscle, I'm going to fall apart at the seams. We need to do something," I murmured.

"I'm ready to do something. We need more. You promised me that when you needed more we'd take it. Well I'm saying we need more. Now, Bella."

"Yes," I whimpered, kneeling on the bed and running my fingers through my wild hair as my pulse quickened. "Tell me what to do."

"Shit," he cursed, sighing heavily as I heard soft movement on the other end of the line. "Um, do you think you can get out without being detected, just for awhile?"

I nodded frantically, ripping an oversized sweatshirt out of my closet and pulling it over my head, covering my white tank and green sleep-shorts. "Yes, anything, please, Carlisle you have to tell me what we're doing."

He groaned painfully. "I'm coming for you, Bella, we're not holding back anymore. Breathe, wait for me, I'll call you soon. Forgive me, because I just can't stop this."

"You're doing nothing wrong," I whispered reverently, pressing my lips against the phone. "I love you, you don't need to stop this."

"God…Bella, I love you."

And then he was gone.

Anticipation flooded me. Nerves and love and need, all this need was bogging me down and my mind was incapable of producing one thought that didn't involve him and what we were about to do.

What _were_ we about to do?

It didn't matter, because I wanted every piece of it.

I walked carefully down the steps, even though I knew I was in the clear. My father slept like the dead and my mother took pills to help her find rest. He was coming for me…we were letting go.

I sat with my back to the front door, staring at my phone and waiting for it to light up. At least I had the good sense to silence it after nine p.m. I bit my lip desperately, pushing my legs together and feeling him everywhere, everywhere.

A dim light in a dark room was the equivalent of my salvation. I hit the proper button and couldn't even bring myself to greet him properly, I was so quickly fading away into irrationality. "Oh God," I whimpered, pressing my hand against my forehead as he groaned on the other end of the line.

"Get here, Bella, please, get here…"

"You have to tell me where."

I slipped out my front door silently, undetected. The only sound loud enough to wake my parents was my thundering heart, and I needed it to be beating against his skin as he held me tight.

"Behind your house." He swallowed thickly. "The old private gravel drive of the McKinley's house. It's for sale, no one's there. Bella, you have to get here _now_."

My red rain boots pounded the sopping grass beneath me as I ran, my body cutting through the dense fog surrounding me like a knife. "I know where it is, I'm coming for you, handsome."

"Be careful, sweetheart. It's dark. I'll wait for you, just take it slow."

"Well which is it…do you want me now, or do you want me slow?" I whispered suggestively.

He hummed deep in his throat. "You'll find out when you get here."

I moaned breathlessly. "Almost there…I'm hanging up now."

I tucked my phone into the front pocket of my sweatshirt and focused on where I was going. The fog was thick but I could make out his dark SUV through the thin expanse of trees that separated us. He was mere yards away from me, but I would have climbed mountains in order to get to him.

My brain had checked out, I could focus on nothing but reaching his vehicle and devouring him inside it. I skipped over a large puddle and giggled for the first carefree moment of the evening, breaking through the tree line and letting out a gasp of pure relief as I saw him there, waiting for me.

As soon as our eyes met I was frantic, lunging forward until my arms were around his neck and my legs were around his waist. His body heat sunk into me and I groaned, pulling him tighter as he breathed hot, heavy air into the crook of my neck. He was delicious and he was _mine._

His hands were urgent as they ran up and down my spine, pulling me closer until my body ached with exertion and the need for _more_. His hands were everywhere at once; tangled in my hair, gripping my hips, surrounding my waist, stroking my cheek...

"Come on," he whispered, smiling brilliantly as he rubbed his forehead across my own and reached blindly behind him to open the back door of his vehicle.

A burst of warm air greeted me and it felt so unbelievably good…but not as good as it felt to have his feral eyes roaming over my body. There was nothing stopping me from claiming him as mine, and I had every intention of doing exactly that.

He let out a heavy, trembling breath as we settled snugly next to one another in the back seat, pressing our chests tightly together as we breathed in the same air. His eyes searched me, dark and sinister but sweet and so full of love that it made everything throb and tremble inside me. He brushed a strand of hair from my eyes and kissed me between them, whispering my name like he so loved to do. "I love you, you're mine, you make my life worth living," he breathed against my cheek as his nose dragged slowly along it.

"Love you…" I whispered breathlessly, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck until there was nothing left to do but move forward and give in to what we were. I gazed at him with so much devotion and I knew this was it, I knew this was the moment. I licked my lips and moved forward, letting my eyes flutter shut as our bottom lips made contact. We slid together, the soft skin of our hot mouths caressing gently before allowing them the pleasure of tangling. "Carlisle…"

And then his mouth swept gently against mine, capturing my top lip and sucking softly. Sweet, slow, wet, scorching. Lips catching, squeezing, releasing and beginning the sensual dance all over again. So fucking gentle and intimate, yet promising of what was to come.

I moaned unbelievably loud and rubbed my chest against his, reveling in the feeling of his breath sweeping across my eager tongue and the deep, desperate little moans he produced as our mouths worked hungrily together. I scrambled clumsily to get closer to him, grasping him tightly as I kneeled on the seat and leaned entirely over his body. "Taste me," I demanded softly, my own eroticism obvious even to my own ears. I wanted him to want me…and there was never any doubt that he did.

My silent plea was like a match to his flame, his nostrils flaring as another aching groan built in his throat. "You want me to taste you, Bella?" His words were rough and strained, his eyes hooded and dark as we mutually became further intoxicated by our proximity to one another.

He slid his hands down my bare legs and pushed my rain boots off before dragging his fingers back up again. "I'll taste you, love…" he whispered, lips never leaving mine as his tongue peeked out, wetting my bottom lip and giving me a little taste of what was to come. He groaned heavily as his hands wrapped around my thighs, squeezing, kneading…and then before I knew it I was in his lap, I was on him and we were so far gone.

My fingers tightened in his hair as his gaze burned my skin. "Please," I murmured. His hands slid around my waist and pulled me down roughly; before I could issue one more breathless plea for his tongue, he was consuming me. Heated skin caressing, slippery and wet. _So_, so wet...

Slowly I was falling, falling, falling away.

All I needed was more.

**-x-**

**-x-**

**-x-**

**So here's a direct quote from my buddy and beta, Isabel, regarding where I ended this chapter (in ginormous font, mind you): "WHAT? YOU'RE ENDING IT THERE! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?" **

**Muahahahahaha!**

**Sorry bout that ladies, really, but if it's any consolation, the next chapter will be full of win. :)**

**So what are we thinking about our Thanksgiving extravaganza? And the ILY's? Yay, so sweet. Please leave me an unlimited amount of reviews. I need to know what you're all thinking at this point. I read and cherish every one! :D**

**Follow me on Twitter, Brits23**

**Love my beta, love my tweeples, love my readers and reviewers! I hope you all have a safe and happy holiday! Until next time!**


	12. On Lovers' Lips

**Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters and Twilight plot lines that may appear in this story. The remainder is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. Don't steal, it isn't polite.**

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**Chapter Eleven**

_~Soul meets soul on lover's lips._

-Percy Bysshe Shelly

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

_**BPOV**_

"I was still shaken over the passing of your grandmother. I never agreed with the way they treated Charlie when Renee became pregnant, but one day she saw me in the grocery store with my girls, running all over the place and the second Clara began speaking with them, they calmed down. We talked for the first real time in years, and I could see the sadness in her eyes when she spoke of the three of you. She was past the point of letting bygones be bygones, but I think in her mind it was too little, too late. She told me if I ever needed help with Rosalie and Alice, that she would be more than happy to assist. She said that she missed having children around and that my girls were angels, once you looked past their rambunctious exteriors."

He stopped and sat up slightly, lifting myself up with him as my back rested flat against his chest. His fingers gripped my chin, turning my head until my swollen lips were caressing his. I moaned at the perfect pattern - tangle, squeeze, lapping tongues, squeeze, tangle. Over and over he followed the dance, knowing that adding any other variety to the bubbling need inside our bodies would only push us over the edge. I moaned and wrapped my arm around his neck, pushing my mouth tighter against his. "Keep talking," I whispered, breaking our lips apart with several chaste kisses. He smirked sinfully, sliding his thumb thickly across my bottom lip before we settled back down, my body covering his, back to chest, fingers entangled tightly.

He cleared his throat and began again. "I was mourning the loss of your grandmother, saddened that my girls had lost yet another person in their lives. Your parents came in, it was the first time I'd seen them in so many years. We embraced, fought back our tears, and I left them to say goodbye to Clara. I watched them as I slowly backed away, hands held tightly, their embrace intimate and loving and I wondered…would it be a crime to someday hope for a love like that? I quickly dismissed the thought; I was married to Jane and had chosen to live this life, and I was going to do it. That kind of endless devotion just wasn't in the cards for me, I needed to accept that. And then suddenly there was you…"

I began trembling as he wrapped his arms around my waist, mouth warm against my ear as he kissed it gently. "And then suddenly there was everything."

There wasn't a sound but our heavy breathing and rustling clothing as I shifted in his grip, moving to the newfound position that I was quickly beginning to love. My knees landed on either side of his thighs, my fingers twisting in his hair as I attacked his mouth with a gasp. There was no fighting this any longer. His tongue was a drug and my lips were its junkie, lapping, sucking, groaning and growling and it was too much. I wanted everything, I wanted to feel _everything_. I pried my fingers beneath the palms that held me firmly planted on top of his knees. He wouldn't let me move, he wouldn't let me feel what I knew was waiting for me if I could just bring my legs tighter around his belly…

"You wanted me to keep talking," he panted, his hot palms sliding up and down my bare thighs forcefully, insistent on me not sliding forward until we were pressed tightly together, hard against soft.

"Mmmm." I took his plump bottom lip between my teeth and pulled, nipping it before releasing it quickly. "And now I want you to shut up."

He laughed breathlessly, his hand splayed across my lower back as I wiggled against him. He kissed my lips once, then my chin and jaw. I gripped his shoulders and bit back a moan as his hot tongue drifted slow and heavy across my earlobe before sucking it between his lips. "Here's what's going to happen," he murmured delectably, his voice rumbling into a place deep within me, his heavy breath tickling my wet skin. "I'm going to talk, because I want you to know what I've felt every moment since the day I met you. And you're going to listen while my hands drift all over the flesh that's so blissfully exposed to me right now. All right, Bella?"

I whimpered.

It was all I could do.

He kissed my cheek before resting his forehead against my temple, his unsteady breathing heavy along my overheated skin. Before he could continue with his gentle words, there was something more I needed. "Wait," I whispered, lifting my head to meet his dark blue eyes. They never disconnected as my hands went to the hem of my over-sized sweatshirt, pulling upwards until I was in nothing but my green sleep-shorts and white tank top. He shivered as I snuggled back against him, picking up his hands and setting them on my sides. "Talk. Touch." My forehead rested against his and we were both quivering with need and love and the painful anticipation of what would happen in this vehicle tonight.

His fingertips drifted from my abdomen to the small of my back…back and forth, back and forth.

"I walked into that waiting room and I swear to you, Bella, I'd forgotten how to push air in and out of my lungs. I lost everything, my mind, my words, my heart…I had nothing in me but the ability to marvel at you. God, you were magnificent. I stood there for a moment and watched as your pen marked the white of your skin, the swirling letters painting you so perfectly. You were so beautiful, nothing had ever been so beautiful to me. Your long dark hair curtained your face, and before I could even gaze into your eyes, I knew they'd devastate me. I knew they would hold everything I'd been searching for…I knew they were mine."

My lips found purchase on his neck and he shuddered, one hand sliding beneath my tank top as the tip of his finger traced gently along my spine. I slid an inch forward in his lap - he let me.

"So many things were running through my mind, but in that instant, your dark eyes met mine and I was gone…I was just gone, love."

One hand along my spine, one hand pressed against my outer thigh, fingertips dipping ever-so-slightly beneath the fabric.

I slid a little closer - he let me.

"I forced words out of my mouth but I couldn't feel my lips moving. I couldn't feel my legs as they walked toward you or my body as it shook for you. I was numb, I felt like I was falling. I sat next to you and listened to your sweet voice, studied the light in your eyes and the whimsical expressions that passed along your features. I know we talked, sweetheart, but I knew nothing other than the thundering of my heart as I gazed at you."

I whimpered his name as my fists tightened in his hair. He groaned and kissed my neck hungrily, trembling fingers fighting with the need to let go.

_Just let go_.

"I walked away from you that day, but you never left me. From there on out there wasn't a piece of me that didn't belong to you. I thought about you endlessly, Bella. All I could do was wait until I saw you again, wait until we cracked under the pressure that began building the second we met."

I slid my hand down his neck, between the buttons of his shirt until my palm was flat against the skin that harbored his racing heart. He was so warm against me, soft hair and perfect man and I wanted _him_. I wanted all of him. I pushed my hips closer - he let me.

"I…oh God…when I saw you with the girls at the funeral, playing with them, loving them already, it wrecked me. None of my internal taunting reminders meant anything to me after that moment. You were my best friend's daughter, you were a minor at the time, I was married, I wanted out, I wanted _you_…nothing mattered any longer. I knew that maybe it should have, but nothing could keep me from you because it was bigger than us. And then…and then your hand became trapped against my side when you were handing me Rose and I…Jesus, Bella, I wanted you to touch me everywhere."

I pressed my hand harder over his chest as my other worked the next three buttons of his shirt, our foreheads resting gently together. Before he could protest my hand was burning the flesh on his stomach, the same spot I had first touched him in that chilly church basement. I kissed his mouth, I tasted his jaw…and then I begged him to trust me. Slowly I slid closer to him until we were tight together. We cried out softly into each other's mouths as we made that first delicious contact where we needed it most.

So hard…so meant to be where I was aching for him alone. I knew we'd fit like destiny, just like every other part of us. "Talk," I whispered heavily, reveling in the feel of his warm skin beneath my hands and the completion I felt as I slowly, painstakingly began moving minutely against him.

"Bella, I can't…"

"Shh…it's okay, my turn."

He nodded as his fingers dug hard into my hips. My hands roamed his shoulders and neck, coming to rest at the back of his neck as I gripped his soft hair.

"I've loved you long before I met you, Carlisle. I've known you…I don't know how, but you've been a part of me for far longer than anyone else in my life. Do you feel this right now? Have you ever experienced anything, _anything_ like this before?"

"Nothing," he whispered into the space behind my ear. "Nothing, Bella."

I held my body still, pushing soft heat against rock hard flesh. So hard, so burning against the flimsy material of my shorts. I wanted so much more and yet I knew we had to take this slow. "Do you feel me?" I moaned.

"I've dreamed of this," he groaned deeply. "You drive me crazy, Bella, absolutely insane with lust. I want to love you and touch you slowly, but I want it frantic, I want it rough and primal, too. I want everything at once, none of it makes sense." He sat up in his seat and wrapped his arms around my waist, my legs falling open wider as he pushed me down hard into his lap. I cried out, begging him irrationally for more. "Do you feel what you do to me? How badly I ache for you?"

I slid my hand down his stomach languidly, needing to feel him hot and heavy in my hand. With a sigh he caught it, entwining his fingers with mine. He pushed his forehead against mine and breathed my name. "Not like this, not in the backseat of a car, sweetheart. When you touch me, you are going to be worshipped. When we let go, it won't be a desperate meeting in the middle of the night. I'm going to make it special, every step we take, it's going to mean something to us, Bella. I'll make sure it defines us, it's all I want. Until then…" he paused, thrusting his hips once more into me, crushing his lips to mine as he panted his hunger, need, and lust into my body. All too soon he slowly slid me backward as we struggled to catch our breath. "Let's ache for each other…and let's look forward to experiencing new things together. This…this was new, and my God, it was good."

I chuckled softly, hugging him so tightly that it hurt. "I'm so in love with you."

He kissed me gently, humming against my lips and running his fingers through my hair. "I love you. I know it feels like we need to rush, baby, but you've got to realize that we have so much time to revel in one another. Let's bask…I just want to bask in you, in what _we_ are."

I closed my eyes and did exactly that. I felt my entire body trembling against him, as well as the overwhelming tears threatening to fall. I didn't know how I could feel like this, like every bone in my body could break because of the passion I felt for this man. Going back to the way things were would no longer be an option for us and I knew that. A phone call here and there, an email, an instant message, the occasional embrace when I came to spend time with his daughters…none of it would satisfy the massive inferno that had set forth inside us. What was once a smoldering flame was now a raging wildfire, unable to be contained.

"I don't know how to keep it from consuming me," I murmured against his neck, shuddering a heavy sigh as he pulled me tighter, no longer caring about keeping certain parts of our bodies separated.

He crushed himself to me and it nearly hurt, but I needed more of it, groaning against his skin as he surrounded me. "When it feels like it's too much to take, just remember that we are never going to come to an end, Bella. You know that, right? This is it, _you're_ it…"

I lifted my head from his shoulder and gazed into his eyes, my bottom lip trembling as I pulled thick breaths of air. I was immobilized as I stared at him, a million and one words flooding to the tip of my tongue, and yet I could say nothing. I swallowed thickly and groaned, closing my eyes tightly and wishing I could just find the words.

"Look at me," he breathed, lips ghosting against mine as he spoke with nothing more than a gasp of air.

Nothing…not a melody or a verse or a vision could compare to everything that he held in his endless eyes. Tenderness outlined every shade of his immaculate blue. Blue like the waters of Hawaii, blue like the sky on its clearest day.

And what he did next only substantiated the fact that Carlisle Cullen was put on this earth for me and me alone.

Slowly he reached down to my discarded sweatshirt, digging for the blue pen he knew would be there. He pried my fingers from the collar of his shirt and kissed each one before enclosing the pen in my hand. Leaning forward he took my bottom lip between his, reaching his arms around me as our lips slid fervently together. It never deepened and never climaxed, just heated mouths sliding together at a steady, languorous tempo. He reluctantly removed his lips from mine, bringing his hands between our bodies and rolling up the sleeve of his dress shirt.

A tear fell from my eye and landed on his pale skin before I looked up at him, lip still trembling, breath forever hitched. With his other hand he took my wrist, bringing my hand to his and gazing at me with a love that was too painful to be real. "Show me, love. Mark me with every single emotion you can't put into words."

I choked back a sob as I shook my head, reeling from this moment and the feeling of having someone finally understand what I was. And treasure it.

I laid his hand in my palm and held the pen unsteadily, leaning down to press a kiss against the soft skin above his wrist before I pressed my ink to it. Wordlessly he wrapped his other arm around my body and held me to him as I nuzzled my cheek against his rapidly beating heart. I started writing frantically, my pulse quickening so rapidly that I felt as if I would take flight with nothing but my racing heart to keep me airborne.

I pushed myself closer to him and engraved my words into his skin, shivering as he cradled me in his lap and watched with ragged breaths while I confessed my love along his flesh.

When I was done he quietly removed the pen from my fingers, lifting his arm to read what I had given him in the dim light of the early morning. His face was too beautiful and filled with too much adoration for me to easily gaze upon him, so instead I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him with everything I had before I would soon be forced to let him go.

He said nothing for the longest time, just melded our bodies together with one arm as he rested his cheek against my hair. "Bella…"

He prayed my name again, and I began to shake even harder.

I could almost hear the words I wrote as he repeated them inside his mind. Over and over I heard them chanted, and he gave me the strength to speak them out loud.

_You are the sun. I need your flames to lick my skin. _

_I want to fall into your fire and exist forever in your burning light. _

_Love itself is astonished by what we are._

_Please. Please…_

Perhaps it didn't make sense but I knew it would to him, and as he groaned in something resembling pain and absolution, he pulled me from his shoulder and took my face in his hands. His eyes were burning like the sun he was, and his breathtaking intensity was rolling off of him in waves. I couldn't take it. We had to hold on. "Do you understand how I love you, Bella?" he demanded, fingers shaking against my face as his eyes continued to sting me in the most glorious way.

I nodded and put my hands over his, linking our fingers against the sides of my head as I furrowed my brow in emotion. With a moan of pure passion he crushed me to him once more, whispering frantically against the shell of my ear as he rocked us from side to side. Gentle movements, frantic promises. That was the very definition of what we were.

"I love you. I'll do anything, Bella. I'll endure _anything _until I can have all of you. I'll take the criticism of this town and the fists of your father as long as you promise you'll always be mine. Nothing matters, we _belong, _and any outside factors have no merit on what we are. I love you and it's not enough to say, sweetheart. It's not enough to say but it's all I have. Forgive me…"

I held onto him with shaking muscles and steadied my breathing, concentrating desperately on not allowing the power we had over one another to pull us under. As soon as I could stand it I pulled back until we were face to face, lifting his hand and delicately kissing the words I had written above his wrist.

I smiled brightly as I rested my cheek against the ink on his skin, our eyes meeting significantly in the darkened light. "That fire of yours, Carlisle Cullen, it's going to burn me right up."

He swallowed thickly and took my wrist, retrieving the discarded pen from the seat. As his eyes studied my own, he dragged his warm tongue along the veins webbing across my flesh, kissing slowly until he pressed the tip of the pen against me.

I watched the way his hand trembled as he marked me with hope, devotion, and a need so blinding it had the power to incapacitate us both.

_We'll burn together._

And that was a promise I knew he'd keep.

**~xxx~**

One hour later I was clinging to him desperately, begging him not to make me go.

It was well after five a.m. and even though Charlie didn't have to work until later that afternoon, he tended to be an early riser.

I didn't care.

If I had it my way I would live in the back of Carlisle's SUV, surrounded by his arms and his never-ending eyes. "We've got to go, love." His fingers slid beneath my hair and he looked as if he had lost everything in the world…just because we were saying goodbye.

I nodded and held him for dear life. "We can't go back to the way things used to be, not after this," I whispered brokenly.

"No…God forgive us," he murmured, kissing my temple gently.

I pressed my forehead to his and smiled lightly. "He will, Carlisle. Look how beautiful we are together, He will."

He watched me with agony written across his face, sliding my sweatshirt over my head. "You should have worn a coat, sweetheart."

"You kept me warm," I smiled wryly, running my hands up and down his sides beneath his un-tucked shirt.

"Don't even start," he smirked devilishly, removing my hands from his skin and pressing a gentle kiss to my lips. "Tonight…"

"Yeah?" I whispered, so unbelievably happy that I felt my eyes crinkling at the edges as I beamed.

He nodded, mirroring my sudden hope as he kissed me once more. "Definitely. We'll do dinner…and _The Wizard of Oz_. All four of us. Together."

My eyes darted down briefly, thoughts of a lean blonde with cold eyes burdening my mind. I didn't voice my concerns but of course he knew them, sliding his fingers beneath my chin until our eyes met once more. "She won't be there, and it doesn't matter. She doesn't exist. She doesn't exist, Bella."

I moaned as his arms encircled me, pressing his lips to mine and wasting no time in sliding his tongue eagerly into my mouth. He tasted like cherries and magnificence and I needed to discover what the rest of him tasted like. The need he evoked inside me made my limbs weak and my body numb.

One thing at a time.

I thought back to the question he had asked me on the phone before we hastily decided to rendezvous in the middle of the night. _Do you still want me to wait?_

How could I honestly ask him to wait to end his marriage when she disheartened his daughters, all the while wearing my soul mate's ring on her finger?

"No," I said firmly, panting for air as we broke our kiss.

Fear flashed through his eyes as he searched me. "What?"

"No…I don't want you to wait. You aren't hers, you're _mine_. She crushes your girls and destroys your beauty, and it's not fair. It's not fair to any of us. You don't have to stay with her merely because you can't yet be with me publicly." I twisted the hair at the nape of his neck nervously between my fingers as I gazed up at him beneath my lashes.

He smiled, kissing my cheek and trailing his lips down my neck and up again until they were against my ear. "I've only ever been yours, Bella. We'll discuss this more later, but I promise you that everything will work out in the end. And it won't be long. I'll find the right time to end things, love, but I swear to you, it won't be long."

I kissed him until I couldn't breathe, stumbling out of the car while still clinging to him with every bit of force in my body. "I love you," I pleaded against his lips, twisting his shirt in my fists as I fought to keep on touching him.

"I love you so much, Bella. Tonight, come to me tonight." I lost myself in his eyes once more before diving back into his arms. He hugged me so securely, and I had never felt more safe than with this man, in his backseat, in the dawn's light.

A distant car horn broke our trance, and we reluctantly let each other go. I walked backward and away from him as he moved to the driver's side door, refusing to tear his eyes away from mine.

I kissed the wrist where I wore his words, and before I lost my resolve and went to him once more, I turned and ran away from the sun and the fire and my brilliant, beautiful light.

We would never be the same.

**~xxx~**

"So you're watching the girl's tonight?"

I averted my mother's eyes by staring into my coffee cup. "Carlisle asked me last night before he and Jane left."

She watched me carefully for a moment before she broke out into a bright smile. "Don't forget to take _The Wizard of Oz _with you, baby. They'll be so happy, after what happened last night."

I yawned and ran my fingers through my hair, saddened for the heartache my girls had to endure, but so unbelievably blessed because of what had taken place with Carlisle and I in the middle of the night. Dismembering their family had no right or wrong answer. Whether it was done before or after the holidays, whether Jane was flippant toward the girls or not…none of it would be easy. But it was right, because I belonged to Carlisle Cullen and his perfect daughters, and they belonged to me. Nothing would change that.

"Where did you go, Bella?" Renee asked me.

I shook my head at myself. "I always zone out, Mom."

Before she could answer, my father strode into the kitchen, dressed in his uniform. "Have you seen my wallet, hon?" he asked my mother, searching high and low with a grumble. "I'm going to be late for work."

Renee grabbed his wallet off of the kitchen island and slid it into his back pocket as he gave me a double take. "Drinking coffee in the afternoon, peanut? That's a new one."

"I'm tired," I murmured.

"Huh, well, don't stay up so late at night." He came over and kissed the top of my head before doing the same to my mom and walking out the door.

I didn't enjoy the feeling of paranoia. The way it twists in your gut and makes you feel hot and cold all at the same time. He didn't mean anything by his comment. If Charlie knew just how late I stayed up last night, he wouldn't have been so dismissive about it.

It got me thinking. What if, down the road, my parents found out about us before we had the opportunity to tell them? What would we do?

"We'd stay together," I whispered beneath my breath, smiling adoringly as I gazed at the tabletop.

"Who would?"

My mother closed the dishwasher and turned it on, glancing over her shoulder and smiling at me.

"Uh, nothing, just some lyrics…I should probably get them on paper." I stood from the table and dumped the rest of my coffee into the sink.

Renee reached forward and traced the partially exposed words Carlisle had written on me hours ago. "Since when do you need paper, baby girl? Look at this!" She was teasing me but the paranoia was eager to disengage our jest. And truth be told, I was so utterly protective of the beauty he had etched into my skin that I wanted no one to see it or touch it. It was mine. _He_ was mine.

"I only write the most meaningful words on my skin, Mom," I smiled, turning to head up the stairs.

"Yes…_We'll burn together_. That certainly does sound significant, Bella."

I climbed the stairs and pretended not to hear her, my old friend paranoia following me all the way.

**~xxx~**

I sat at my Casio and tried to write a song, but he was the only music I could hear. Every song I had written in the past few weeks revolved around Carlisle, and it only made me long for his touch. With a sigh, I picked up my phone and sent a text message to him containing one word: _When?_

I almost squealed like the teenage girl I was supposed to be when he called me a moment later. I just sighed contentedly into the receiver; that was all the greeting I could muster.

"Mmmm…you sound so happy." I could hear his smile over the phone and I wanted to taste it with my lips.

"What's not to be happy about?" I whispered, gazing out my window.

"I can still smell you on my skin, love."

I shuddered, cradling the phone in my hands and sighing loudly. "What are we going to do, handsome?"

"We're going to endure it…and then sneak away every chance we get."

I chuckled at his reply and sat down on my bed, picking at a loose string on my white long-sleeved t-shirt. "How much longer do you expect me to wait? I need my love and my little girls."

He was silent for several seconds, the mood turning serious. "You don't know what it does to me," he breathed, pausing once more. "…to hear you say things like that, Bella."

"Hey…I love you," I murmured softly, feeling so ridiculously close to him even though we were miles apart.

"I love you too, sweetheart. And I want you here soon, which is why I'm going to have you talk to the girls."

"Aw, how are they?" I smiled reverently.

"Well I have yet to tell them that you're coming over to watch their movie with them tonight, so I suspect that they will be downright ecstatic in a moment or two."

"'Kay, let me talk to them," I whispered softly.

"As soon as you can, love. It's hard…enduring this 'real life' thing without you."

I chuckled, shaking my head. "I'm out the door as soon as I talk to Alice and Rosalie."

Without another word he called to them, squeals erupting in the background when he told them it was me. And then a fight ensued of course, the twins arguing over who would talk to me first. I was certain that Rosalie would be the winner of that debate, but I quickly realized I should have known better than to underestimate Alice Cullen. "Hi, Bella!" she trilled. "I miss you!"

"I miss you too, sweet girl. What have you been up to today?"

"Um, we made chocolate chip pancakes this morning and Daddy flipped one and he didn't catch it. It bounced off his face."

I laughed until burning tears were in my eyes, grinning widely as I heard Carlisle say to his daughter "don't tell Bella about that."

"I'm sad I missed it, Ali-cat, do you have any leftovers?"

"I dunno." She took the phone away from her mouth and asked her daddy if they had leftovers. He told her they did. "Yes we do, do you want some?"

"Well yeah, I'm going to be at your house soon, so you better save me some pancakes, little girl!"

She squealed, loud enough for me to pull the phone away from my ear. "You're coming over today, Bella! Does that mean we can play Daddy his song?"

"We sure can, sweetie. And I'm also bringing _The Wizard of Oz, _too. You promised you'd watch it with me, remember?"

"We'll all watch it, Bella," she giggled. "Daddy doesn't have to go to the hospital tonight! Oh and I wanna show you what I did at school the other day! Here, you can talk to Rose now. I love you!"

My heart clenched, my throat suddenly dry as she gave me her endearment. "I love you too," I whispered thickly.

"Bella, you're coming over?" Rosalie was attempting to mask her excitement and failing miserably.

"Yep, I'm going to leave as soon as we get off the phone."

"What are we gonna do? Play?"

"Sure we can, but I'm bringing _The Wizard of Oz_ since we didn't get to watch it last night," I smiled.

She gasped and pulled the phone away from her mouth. "Daddy can we have popcorn and a slumber party in the living room like we did last time. Please?"

I didn't hear his reply, but her answering cry of delight said it all. "Bella, we're going to have a slumber party in the living room, so bring your pajamas. I'm hanging up so you can get here already. Bye!"

She disconnected the call before I could ask to speak to Carlisle again, but that was all right. I had so much to look forward to.

The gorgeous girls of night and day.

And of course, beauty itself.

I grabbed a pair of pajama pants and shoved them into my bag, and scooped up my Casio before bounding down the stairs. I took a quick detour into the living room, grabbing the movie and telling my mother goodbye. My phone buzzed as soon as I hit the front door and I struggled to dig it from my pocket with my full hands.

_They're so happy, Bella. I'm so happy. Look how beautiful you've made our lives, sweetheart. I don't have words. Just give me forever. It's all I need._

I could have fallen over from the sheer impact his words had on me. Instead, I gave him my reply.

_Forever is all I have to give. _

**~xxx~**

**~xx~**

**~x~**

**Aww things are getting deep now!  
**

**Love you Isabel! And I love that I made _you_ love Carlisle! Success! Hehe :D**

**Lazykate and I have been nom'd for a Golden Lemon Award for our co-authored story, Dirty Little Secrets. We are nom'd in the "Lemon With the Pairing that Made Your Jaw Drop" category! If you have a moment, would you mind voting for us? Carlisle lovers unite! Let's show the world what they're missing! We'd really appreciate it! :D http:/www(dot)goldenlemonawards(dot)com/**

**Can I just say how much I cherish the reviews I receive for this story? I mean, I love all my reviews but these….they really make me so very happy. I love them, and I love my readers. You all mean so much to me! Follow me on Twitter (Brits23) so we can bond some more! :D**

**So leave me your words, I neeeeed them! Talk to you soon!**


	13. The Exultation Floods Me

**Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters and Twilight plot lines that may appear in this story. The remainder is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. Don't steal, it isn't polite.**

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**Chapter Twelve**

_~I confess that I love him, I rejoice that I love him, I thank the maker of Heaven and Earth that gave him to me. The exultation floods me._

-Emily Dickinson

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**You will most definitely need a song for the first part of this chapter. **

**Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie. Link:** **http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=qNqQC7R_Me4**

**BPOV**

My mind was rambling excessively as I drove the short yet agonizingly long distance to Carlisle's home.

I barely recognized myself any longer.

It was as if one moment we were whispering promises to each other over the phone, and the next our lips were irrevocably entwined, our hands desperate to discover more. Since the moment we realized that we were nothing short of magnificent together, we had vowed to take it slow because of the circumstances we had found ourselves in. But how could we stay true to that now that we'd surpassed this pivotal point in our relationship?

I knew what his tongue tasted like, remembered what it felt like to have it hot and wet in my mouth, on my skin…

I knew what it felt like to have his fingers wrap around my waist, to feel him aching and hard against me because we couldn't get enough of one another. Everything about our situation was dangerous and I knew we should have been concerned about being exposed. But all I could do was smile like the world was at my fingertips. All I could do was laugh and prance and thank every higher power known to man for giving me the one person who completed me.

There was no slowing down, stepping back, or stopping what we had become; not now, not when we'd just discovered what it felt like to show one another physically how we adored and craved each other.

I hummed and smiled wryly when I turned into his driveway, my infectious giddiness melting into a warm, soothing lava that spread throughout me deliciously. My heart beat differently when I was in his vicinity. It was fascinating to feel my blood pumping through my body in such a new, exhilarating way.

I heaved my tote bag over my shoulder and grabbed my Casio, slamming the truck door shut with my hip and smiling wider as I watched my feet take their steps toward Carlisle Cullen and his breathtaking daughters. I laughed softly and finally looked up, nearly stopping in my tracks at the sight that was waiting for me.

His front door was wide open as he leaned against the doorjamb. His arms were crossed over his chest, showcasing the strong arms that were wrapped so tightly around me earlier that very morning. His hair was tousled, his feet bare as he crossed one leg over the other. His jeans were dark, and he wore a black Misfits t-shirt with a white thermal underneath, which clung to him perfectly. He was art, and he was gazing back at me like I was the only woman in his world.

I smiled widely as I noticed the ear buds in his ears and the thin white cord leading toward his pocket. My glorious piece of art was apparently lost in the music he was listening to, grinning at me as if I were the one thing that gave him hope. I climbed the steps and stood in front of him, never breaking our eye contact as he beamed.

"The Misfits?" I murmured, smiling hard enough to make my cheeks ache.

He nodded, turning his head to the side and grinning almost shyly. I took that moment to examine the man before me, to really take in every piece of him that made it hard to keep on breathing. He had never looked more free. His body language exuded relaxation and joy. He looked so young and sweet and…happy. Yeah…we were just so ridiculously happy.

I smiled even wider.

"You never cease to amaze me, Carlisle Cullen." I carefully lifted my hand and ran two fingers along the cord that stretched to his pocket. "What are you listening to?"

Without a word he reached forward and took my hand, twisting our fingers together and pulling me in from the cold as he shut the door behind us. He watched me intently, and yet his grin was alight and carefree as he popped one ear bud out of his ear and gently slid it into mine. He tucked my hair behind my shoulder and pressed his lips to my forehead, resting them there and not moving them as he blindly relieved me of my belongings and unclasped my jacket, discarding it to the floor below.

I closed my eyes and exhaled unsteadily as I leaned into his kiss, recognizing the song playing from his iPod immediately. _Transatlanticism_ by Death Cab For Cutie played softly into my ear, a song I adored…a song I could write for days to. I chuckled and felt him smile against my forehead, pulling away as his gleaming eyes met mine. "You know it."

It wasn't a question.

Tears burned my eyes and I couldn't understand how he always elicited such a response from me. He was just too intense for words.

"I love it," I whispered.

He closed his eyes and smiled gently, pulling my hands from my sides and placing them around his neck. I sighed as he wrapped his arms around my waist and leaned down to rest his forehead against mine.

Peace surrounded us. The beauty of the song and the moment we got caught up in deepened until we were in a purely euphoric state.

"I need you so much closer…"

"Carlisle…" I murmured breathlessly as he whispered those perfect lyrics to me. I loved them. I loved _him_.

We listened as the song repeated those very lines, and all we could do was whisper them to one another again and again. We laughed as we spoke the words, pulling each other tighter as we swayed from side to side in the entry way of his beautiful home.

"I need you so much closer…" His deep murmur softly intertwined with mine over and over again, causing me to shake.

Our quiet repetition soon died down as he lifted his forehead from mine, exhaling heavily as he dove in for that first, achingly perfect kiss. It was soft and slow and powerful, our mouths melding together in a languid roll and push, demonstrating just how ardently we'd yearned for one another in the hours we were apart.

And then suddenly it wasn't slow any longer.

It was nothing but hot and frantic and agonizingly _raw_.

His lips were hard and unyielding against my own as he groaned wildly into my mouth, his fingers curling around my sides and pushing upward until I was pressed firmly against the front door. I could almost feel the words still written on my wrist as he took me as his own right then and there. His words, our words…

_We'll burn together._

"Go on then," I begged him between frantic kisses. "Burn me…"

The primitive growl resonating deep within his chest should have been a foreign sound to me but I recognized it instantly, something I had been anticipating since the first moment our eyes met. I let out a breathless cry as his teeth captured my bottom lip; no, not just the lip, the skin behind it…God he had so much of me…

My back began sliding down the door because of our frantic struggle for more. He caught me and held me upright with his body, his tongue diving and tasting every inch of my wet mouth. The song ended and he pulled the ear buds out of our ears, letting them fall between us as he placed one large palm on either side of my head and simply _devoured_ me. I kissed him with every ounce of passion I had raging inside me, groaning and crying into his mouth as we completely and utterly surrendered to what we had become.

"Is this hot enough for you, Bella?" he whispered thickly, his fingers sliding down my body and pushing so firmly beneath my shirt that I could feel his marks forming on my skin.

I couldn't speak in this moment of blinding passion, a moment that had snuck up on us so quietly that neither one of us could have expected it. With a pained groan, I twisted the fabric of his shirt in my fists and crashed my lips against his so violently that it hurt. Our teeth clacked together and our tongues fought frantically to reunite once more; I wanted to sob thankful tears because of the beautiful pain we continued to provide one another. I released one hand from his stretched t-shirt, gripping a handful of honey-blond hair with brute force and pushing his mouth tighter against mine.

Eventually, he let the wet skin of my bottom lip slide between his teeth as he reluctantly broke our kiss. His blue eyes swam in mine and his warm breath fanned across my face. "Is it?"

He gave me one more soft, gentle kiss and slowly slid me down the door, smoothing my clothing and running his fingers through my hair as I nodded shakily. He kissed my forehead and traced his fingers along my cheek, letting our desperate intensity slip away just as quickly as it came.

His hand followed a leisurely pattern as he gazed at me, continuing to caress my cheek and ghosting his thumb over my swollen bottom lip. Cheek and thumb, cheek and thumb…my God, I ached for this glorious man. His thumb passed my lip once more and I kissed it, meeting his eyes from beneath my lashes. He left it there as he watched me, seemingly mesmerized by the sight of our skin pressed together. "I should apologize for attacking you, but I'm not sorry at all."

I slid my fingers beneath the sleeve of his thermal and traced the words I knew were still etched across his skin. "I don't want you to be. That was just…" I shook my head, words failing me like they always seemed to do when I was in his presence.

"What?" he whispered.

"It was beautiful."

"You're beautiful."

He began to rock us from side to side once more, holding me securely against his strong body and sighing contentedly as we lost each other to the gentleness of the moment that belonged to us alone. A moment that ended all too soon when my head shot up in alarm and my eyes urgently met his. "Where are the girls?"

He smiled widely and held onto my hand as he bent down to pick up my coat and hang it on the hook beside the door. "Come on," he murmured, tucking my hand beneath his arm and whistling the tune we had just immersed ourselves in.

Before I could ask about his daughters' whereabouts once more, he softly answered me. "It was the strangest thing," he drawled, pulling me around the corner and up the stairs. "The instant I got off the phone with you, it rang again. It was the mother of their little friend Mya. She lives up the road about a half a mile. She said that she was taking her daughter to town to visit the library and wanted to know if my girls would like to accompany them."

"Hmm, that's definitely peculiar." I smirked as he began walking up the stairs backwards, not taking his eyes from mine, my hand trapped tightly against his chest by his own.

"I was thinking it was more fortunate than anything. You see, since we live so far off the beaten path, if I or Mya's mother take our girls into town for anything special, we usually see if the other's would like to tag along. Of course, Rosalie and Alice refused to leave until I promised that you'd be here waiting for them to return. They're going to want you to read with them, I assume. How do you feel about that?"

We reached the top of the stairs and he linked our fingers together once more, tugging me along to the end of the hall.

"You know how I feel about that," I whispered happily.

He hummed and kissed my temple, pulling me in front of him so he could walk with his arms wrapped around my waist and his chin resting on my shoulder. "Do you want to see my man-cave, sweetheart?"

I chuckled as we stopped in front of a closed and rather ordinary white door. "What? No 'Do not disturb' or 'No girls allowed' sign?"

My eyes fluttered closed as his lips slid along the curve of my throat. "Maybe we'll have to get the twins on that," he murmured, sucking more firmly on the skin where my shoulder and neck met. "Except you're always allowed in here, so the last one wouldn't apply."

I felt overheated and made of nothing more than Jell-O as we lingered outside the door, my hips pushing back to seek out his. And of course he was already angled away from me. "Where else am I allowed?" I questioned breathlessly.

He answered with a soft, deep chuckle, releasing one arm from my waist and turning the door knob. "There's nowhere you can't go, Bella," he whispered heavily into my ear, flicking the lobe firmly with his tongue before walking us forward into the room.

My legs nearly buckled when I entered; the sweet and rich aroma that made up the man I loved was heavy and perfect in this room more than any other in the house. I had been in a constant state of arousal since the first moment I lost myself in eyes as blue as the waters of Hawaii, as blue as the sky on its clearest day…it was starting to take its toll.

He swept my hair over my shoulder and placed a warm kiss on the back of my neck before separating from me, settling down onto the leather couch that adjourned the east wall of the room. He linked his fingers behind his head and watched me carefully as I explored his domain, dragging my fingertips across every surface as I walked the medium-sized room.

In the corner sat an oak desk with a laptop, a small desk lamp and a picture of his daughters sitting on top. Along the wall beside it harbored a bookshelf that contained what looked like an array of medical journals and textbooks. Higher up on the same shelving held a number of other books I immediately recognized as classics. I opened up _A Tale of Two Cities _and inhaled deeply, loving the history that came along with its musty old smell.

"Did you just smell my book?"

I twisted around and smirked at him, nodding.

He chuckled and shook his head from side to side. "I love you, Bella."

"Shh, I'm learning you. Keep saying words like that and I won't be able to stay over here."

"You already know me, love," he murmured reverently.

I gazed at him from across the room, the sparkle in my eyes almost palpable as I ghosted my fingertips in his direction. "Now I'm learning by touch."

He opened his mouth to speak but thought otherwise, his eyes darkening infinitesimally as he ran his palms up and down his thighs. He said nothing more and I fought to ignore the invisible rope that was forever pulling me in his direction.

Along the entire west wall was an extensive stereo system with a modestly-sized flat screen affixed to the wall above it. Rows and rows of CDs filled the shelves below, and it was comforting to know that the small discs weren't obsolete just yet.

Pictures of his daughters were placed randomly throughout the room, otherwise no other personal details existed. This bothered me, and suddenly my body demanded to be in contact with his. Somehow I managed to stay where I was, knowing that one touch from him always had a way of hindering our conversations. "Why isn't there more of you in here, handsome?" I swallowed thickly, leaning against the wall with my palms flat against it, willing myself to stay in place. "Your girls are plastered along the walls but why isn't there more? You are everything, you should have more…"

He exhaled heavily, running his fingers through his hair and clearly struggling with the distance that remained between us. I could practically feel him caressing me with his gaze, just like he longed to do with his hands. "I don't think I knew who I was before you came into my life, Bella. My daughters were all I knew to be true about myself, and now…"

"What?" I encouraged gently, unable to stop the soft moan that escaped my lips as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.

"Now…you're the only thing that determines what I am."

His words pulsed along my body like rain drops sliding along a window pane, slow but perfect along my skin. He was everything to me and realistically it should have been terrifying, but all I wanted was to hear more of his devotion.

I managed to tear my eyes from his and gazed upon the afghan and pillow that sat atop the back of the couch. It hurt to maintain our distance, and yet the anticipation of reuniting with him once more was exhilarating. "You sleep in here quite a bit, don't you?"

He shrugged, linking his fingers together. "Here, or in the spare bedroom. Typically here though, yes. This is where I like to sprawl out and read the words you write me, or listen to your sweet voice tell me how I make you feel. Now come here…"

"Not yet." My insides quivered as the sweetness poured from his lips, slow and smooth like the honey of his voice that carried it. The slight tinge of pure need that laced his words made them that much more alluring. "I could just imagine being curled here with you, the soft light from that lamp, being together…"

"Come here, baby."

I stood from my lean against the wall and smirked at him sinfully before crouching in front of his stereo system and finding something mellow to put on in the background. I was impressed at his selection; he had nearly every genre imaginable in his extensive CD collection. Ultimately I decided on an early Pixies album, and turned around to face him once more. "Thank you," I whispered sincerely.

"For what?"

"Letting me in," I smiled, resting my elbow on the top of the stereo and burying my fingers in my hair.

"You have nothing to thank me for, you belong here with me," he vowed, his voice a bit strained as he studied me with intense eyes.

"I've always belonged with you," I breathed, shaking my head from side to side as we maintained our positions opposite one another. "It hurts to be away from you but I want to talk. If I touch you, I'll need more than that."

"I know." His tone was anguished as he pulled dark-blond tendrils between long, shaking fingers. "If I had it my way, I'd block off that door and spend my days hidden away in here with you. Of course, you'd also be much closer than this."

I laughed lightly. "And the girls?"

"Oh I'd bring them in eventually…but not right away."

"Why?" I was nearly panting now, my need for his words surrendering to a much more primal desire. We had the endless hours we were forced to spend apart to talk; this was a rare opportunity to have; we were entirely alone. Completely and utterly alone. And I wanted to talk? Ridiculous.

"You know why," he murmured deeply, running his tongue slowly along his bottom lip.

"I want you everywhere, Carlisle," I breathed, seconds from dashing across the room and into his arms. "And I don't want to talk anymore."

"Bella…come _here_."

Without a moment of hesitation I stalked straight toward him, my breathing faltering as he opened his arms up to me. I kneeled on either side of his thighs, settling myself down in his lap and pressing my lips to his.

We kissed frenetically, our previous heat against the front door coming back in full force. When neither one of us had any air left in our lungs we reluctantly pulled our mouths apart. I buried my head into the crook of his neck as he held me tremendously tight. "I want to give you everything, Bella. And the things I want to do to you…to someone as sweet and lovely as you…what kind of person does that make me?"

"It makes you my lover," I insisted, lifting my head and pushing my forehead forcefully against his. He said nothing, just ran his teeth along his bottom lip thoughtfully. I took that as my cue to continue. "Your hands belong on me, Carlisle. You own this body, you deserve to know every dip and curve, every hitched breath and tremble…all of it is yours. Do _not_ feel ashamed about that."

He said nothing for the longest time and I sighed, kissing his lips and closing my eyes. "I know how conflicted you must feel, and I know we were supposed to go slow but we've dived in head first and now-"

"Bella…"

"I can't be patient when I love you like this and-"

"Bella…"

I shook my head of my frantic thoughts and stopped rambling, looking up to meet his eyes. What I saw there made my heart stutter. Love. Heat. Passion. Want. A tenderness I had no adequate way to define. He smiled at me softly and slid his large palms up my narrow back beneath my shirt, the friction of our skin sliding together making me ache in so many different places.

I was putty in his hands as he silently repositioned us on the couch, my mind abuzz and my heart pounding brutally against my chest. I had no idea what would happen here in the safety of his room, but I knew that any hesitation he once held in his eyes was completely gone. Now all I saw when I looked into the endless blue was acceptance, understanding, and a love that knew no bounds.

He held onto me securely as his back slid down the sofa, turning to lie along it. I mirrored his position, my back to his front as his arm wrapped around my waist. I yearned to be face to face with him, but there was something exciting and mysterious about feeling him this way, not knowing his next move, not being able to calculate his level of desire by looking into his eyes.

I linked my fingers through his as they rested against my belly button, tightening and releasing them in a rhythmic pattern. We didn't speak a word, just lost ourselves to the quiet music playing in the background and the pleasure we took in being so close to one another. Somehow, despite the tranquility of the moment, the smoldering fire between us never lessened. Every move we made, every breath we took held that blinding need. The anticipation of when we would begin to release it only heightened my senses; it was so thick that you could feel it in the air around us.

I let my eyes drift shut, my lips parting slightly as I felt his warm breath flutter the hair above my ear. He kissed my skin softly and I moaned, admittedly louder than I had intended to but my God, he elicited so much pleasure from the simplest of touches. I held his hand tighter against my abdomen and pushed backwards with my hips, my breath faltering as he pushed right back and gave me what I had been searching for all along.

We both sighed together as he rested his forehead against the curve of my neck, sliding our entwined fingers up and down my belly beneath my shirt. His breath fanned the already overheated skin on my neck, making it sticky and hot. I released our hands and reached behind me to bury my fingers in his hair, encouraging his lips as they sucked and explored the curve of my throat. I had never realized that a feeling like this could realistically exist. To think that what I had experienced with that brown-haired boy in my art class ages ago was something resembling sex was ridiculous. That boy did nothing but shower me with false pretenses. With his fumbling fingers and selfish movements, he attempted to convince me that making love to someone would never be more than that. How wrong that silly boy was.

Our clothes were still on and Carlisle and I were the very definition of making love. The slow, dragging movements of our bodies, the urgency of our hands and tongues, the breathy pleas to each other beneath the smooth tones of music infiltrating the room.

"Carlisle," I groaned, my body beginning to shake as the overwhelming truth began to spread throughout my body. There was a coil wound so tightly deep within the pit of my stomach. I vaguely recognized it, from the nights where I'd writhe amongst my sheets and give myself the pleasure I longed to experience from him alone - but this was so much different. It was frequently building, steady and hot but faster than I was prepared for, and everything inside my body told me that if I let it explode, there would be nothing left of me.

His voice was raspy as he whispered his love for me into my ear, fingertips drifting up and down the arm that was extended behind his neck. Up and down, until everything was so still, I felt lethargic. He repositioned himself, sliding down the sofa minutely as the leather gave way beneath him. His fingertips slid down my arm once more, and then continued on across the side of my body until they reached my hip. "You're shaking," he murmured against my ear.

"It's so much," I confessed softly, pulling him tighter against me. Without a word he slid his hand across my abdomen and wrapped his fingers around the hip that was dug into the couch, turning me until I was flat on my back and he was next to me resting on his side.

He leaned on the bent arm that was beneath him as he gazed at me so intensely, it was as if he could see right inside my soul. In truth, I was certain he could. I was crippled as we watched each other, knowing what we both needed but unsure how to proceed.

I shuddered as his fingers slid up my body, between my breasts and began tracing my lips. "You've told me your history, sweetheart. I know you've been with someone before, but I also know that it won't even be anywhere near what you and I experience together." I nodded shakily and he leaned down to kiss me before continuing, my hand leisurely trailing down his chest and across his ribcage. "Bella, this is going to be new for me too. Already…with the love I feel for you aside, I've never felt such an aching need. The pleasure we can give each other…it's going to be more intense than anything either one of us has ever felt."

He shook his head, lips twisting as if he was unsure what else to say. I slid my leg in between his and wrapped my arm around his waist. "I trust you…with every piece of me. You don't know how badly I want to watch the pleasure on your face and know that I put it there."

His lip became trapped between his teeth as his hand disappeared underneath my shirt once more, tracing his shapes along my soft skin. "You trust me?" he whispered.

"You know I trust you," I breathed, pulling on his shirt until he was hovering above me.

His hand slid up my shirt between us as his lips rested against mine, not kissing but just breathing together as he stared into my eyes. I exhaled heavily as his fingers traced the under-wire of my bra, my entire body undulating against him as it screamed for more. "We've got all the time in the world to explore the different ways we can make each other feel good, Bella. But right now…let me be selfish. Let me feel your skin against my palms, let me know what it feels like to watch you come undone by my touch alone."

I nodded unevenly against his mouth just as his tongue reached out to stroke mine, his hand sliding up and over the silky fabric of my bra until I was cupped in his hand. My hips bucked upward and I came into contact with his hard thigh. I wrapped my arms forcefully around him as our mouths continued to tangle together, his hands alternating from caressing me entirely in his palm to brushing my nipple forcefully with his thumb. "There's no point in holding back anymore, I want to feel you," I begged him, practically crying into his mouth as I did everything I could to get him closer.

He groaned deeply, repositioning himself until both of his knees were in between mine and he was pressed hot and hard between my legs. Even through both of our jeans, the heat we were both producing was stifling, and only making us desperate for more. "Are you okay?" he panted against my cheek, giving us a second to breathe as his hand slid behind my back and pressed against the clasp of my bra.

I tried to somewhat regain control of my body and not slide so frantically against the hot steel that was pressed into my core, so instead I let myself fall into his slightly-crazed eyes. "It's so perfect," I smiled, feeling my eyes tear up as my palm slid along his cheek. "We are so perfect, just like this."

He smiled at me sincerely. "I love you, I've never, _never_…" he trailed off as his fingers popped the clasp, wasting no time sliding beneath it and caressing the soft curve of my breast. "God, Bella…you're unbelievable, so soft...I don't know how to accurately express the way you make me feel."

I shushed him, watching his heavy-lidded eyes as he paused his movements. "You're doing it right now, you're telling me everything I need to know, I promise." I kissed him slowly as his hand slid up farther, my hardened nipple sliding between two of his fingers until it was pressed against the palm of his hand. I whimpered and he shuddered above me, his tongue sliding against my own in the same languid pattern his hand traveled along my breast.

He shifted until he was caressing me with both hands, our mouths moving frantically together as he pressed and circled both nipples with his thumbs. I cried out loudly into his mouth, our bodies starting to follow a steady pattern as they pressed and released against one another. I reached down and slipped my hand between us, sliding it beneath his shirt and pressing it flat against the clenching muscles beneath his belly button. His breathing faltered and I groaned as the soft hair there dragged against my hand. He was so hot, my own body giving off just as much heat as it pressed against the back of my hand. Carlisle broke our kiss but refused to remove his lips from my body, sliding his tongue along the column of my throat before peppering kisses along my collar bone. "Not yet," he panted. "Let it be about you, I want this to be about you."

"But everything is about _us_," I insisted breathlessly, thrusting up hard against him as my fingers began to drag lower. "I already feel everything…I already know how hard you are for me. I want to touch you, please…"

He released one hand from my breast and slid it down my body, stopping when it covered my own completely. He watched me carefully as he moved them down slowly, not stopping until he was hot and heavy against the palm of my hand. His jaw clenched and his eyes closed instantly, reopening a moment later to search my own. "You do this to me," he whispered in a strained voice, passing over my nipple forcefully with his thumb. "And it's yours, love. Everything I am belongs to you. But this time…let me concentrate on you. Let me gain my pleasure through your release, okay?"

I closed my eyes tightly and wrapped my hand around the solid bulge in his jeans, sliding my palm up and down firmly before slipping it from beneath his. I was in awe of the way his mouth fell open and his eyes shut so softly as I stroked him, the heavy puff of air that escaped his mouth drifting against my own sweltering skin. "Okay." I smiled slightly, wrapping my arms around his shoulders until I was hugging him tightly against me. We stayed that way for several minutes, his hands sliding behind my back and pulling me up and into his body.

"I love you."

"Show me."

I heard nothing but our stilted breathing sounding out into the air around us, and the shifting of the couch beneath us as he moved above me. His fingers against the button of my jeans were insistent but gentle, and I could feel how slowly the button slid through the fabric before it was released. My anxiety over how I would be able to handle his touch was quickly replaced with a blanket of intoxicating ecstasy. I was in love with this man beyond right or reason, and all I had ever wanted was to be closer to him. It was so amazing to me how adoring his gaze was with each movement he made. His soft eyes confessed every emotion he possessed as he slid my zipper down painfully slow. I couldn't help but lean up and press my lips to his, smiling against his mouth and unashamed by the hot tears that had decided to slide past my cheeks. Why wouldn't I be brought to tears over something as beautiful as this?

"Oh Bella," he whispered, lacing his fingers into my hair and kissing me with a new level of passion, one that recognized this new step we were taking and promised that it would only ever give us more. I inhaled sharply as his fingers ghosted above my underwear, wasting no time seeking out the saturated fabric and circling there. I cried out into his mouth and he soothed me, promising he loved me and that he had never felt anything like this. "Everything is new with you, Bella. Everything is the first time. I love you so much. Just breathe." His words were frantic and pleading as he felt me with nothing but a thin piece of fabric in his way, preparing us both for the white-hot euphoria it would give us to have his fingers there, stroking me, inside me…

My hands ached as they fisted his shirt, my lips swollen because they refused to part from his. "I love you" was spoken on a loop between us as I shuddered in his arms.

It hurt to need so violently. I was afraid that the moment he came into contact with my sensitive flesh I'd come instantly, and I didn't want that. I needed it to last long enough for me to memorize this moment thoroughly enough to relive it on the frequent nights where all I ever wanted was him. I was frantic and crazed, needing his touch but pleading with my body to not let it be over so quickly.

"Bella, look at me."

My eyes flew open and I was met with calm, succulent blue. Immediately my thoughts began to settle, and I was once again pulled magnificently back into the moment. "Hey," I smiled softly, rolling my eyes at myself for being so spastic in such a life-altering moment.

"Hey," he drawled in a soft whisper, smiling and kissing my cheeks, my chin, my forehead. Slowly he slid his hand beneath my underwear, his fingers no longer ghosting but applying pressure with every move he made. He swallowed thickly and our eyes never left each other, the muscles contracting deep in my belly as he passed over my clit and then pushed back up. "Carlisle," I whispered shakily, holding onto him tighter as my body began to tense.

"Let it go, sweetheart," he murmured breathlessly against my jaw before kissing it. "I'll give you more, just let it go." He waited until my eyes met his again before sliding his finger down and pressing up again, my entire body convulsing against him as I cried out loudly, holding him so tightly that I was certain I was hurting him. It never seemed to end, my body ricocheting against his as if it were being tossed around in a violent sea. Wave after wave of pleasure hit me in the most deepest parts of my body, and all I wanted was to open my eyes and look at him. But nothing could pry them open as I fought to hang onto my sanity.

I was panting wildly against him, both of my hands wrapped around his shoulders as one of his strong arms held my body off the couch and against his. His hand never left my swollen skin but steered clear of the more sensitive areas, stroking me slowly as I trembled violently against him. "Are you okay?" he whispered, shamelessly thrusting once against my thigh as he kissed my lips. He groaned and a jolt of desire spread throughout my body once more, making me feel entirely unhinged and slightly deranged.

"I want you inside me," I whimpered, circling my hips against his hand and moaning as he slid one long finger down until he was covered in my arousal.

"I want it too, Bella. I dream about burying myself in you, Jesus…" He pushed his hips against me again and my fingernails dug into his lower back. "I want to give you more, love."

I nodded and my tongue urgently found his, his thumb circling my sensitive clit lightly as his fingers massaged me at my opening. He bit my bottom lip and I groaned, his eyes instantly meeting mine. My breaths were jagged and sporadic as he slid his finger inside my body, cursing softly beneath his breath as his eyes burned into mine. "How do you feel?" he panted.

I sucked his tongue, feeling wanton and full of love simultaneously. "I feel needy, keep going." He chuckled and began moving his finger inside me, curling up and stretching me, alternating his movements with his thumb against my clit.

It felt too good, and everything seemed to be spiraling faster and faster as he picked up his pace. Every time I managed to unclench my eyes he was watching me, absorbed in the pleasure written across my face and hungry for more. As he stroked me and we continued to move together, I could no longer bring myself to close my eyes, not when he was looking at me in such a way.

Lyrics tried to form in my mind but it was impossible, perhaps an instrumental with pounding keys and urgent melodies but not words…never words for this…

"Bella…" His voice was urgent and higher than normal as he slid another finger into my body, massaging me so skillfully that I never stood a chance of hanging on to an iota of my control.

"Yes," I nodded, panting breathlessly as my brow furrowed.

"I've got you…come on, baby," he murmured deeply, his tongue leaving a hot wet path up the side of my neck as he played my body like a musical prodigy.

Slide in, curl, slide out, two circles around my clit and then a push up…over and over again, sometimes fast, sometimes so achingly slow.

This orgasm was building much differently than my first. I felt it slowly forming, like a puzzle piecing itself together until it became a beautiful masterpiece.

His voice softly encouraged me, his eyes confessed his love, and his body was coaxing something so breathtakingly powerful out of me that it just couldn't be real. "Is this Heaven?" I cried softly into his mouth, losing myself to the moment and the feeling of his body heavy on top of mine.

"It's Heaven, Bella, I promise you, this is it…" His words poured out of his mouth faster than he could speak them as everything became frantic and blurry, his fingers stroking me rapidly until I froze, crying out loudly and shivering beneath his large frame. As soon as my body began relaxing he had both arms wrapped around me, his own wonder mixing in with my own as we drowned in the experience we had just given one another.

We didn't speak for a long time, laying side by side on the couch, facing one another and simply allowing ourselves to be lost in what we had just felt. He smiled widely at me and I couldn't help but smile in return, burying my face in his chest and laughing softly. "Are you happy?" he whispered into my hair.

"No…more than that," I murmured, inhaling his sweet scent and loving how safe I felt in his arms. His phone began vibrating in his pocket and I slid my hand inside, pulling it out and looking at the screen to read his text. "Hmm…the girls will be back in about two minutes."

With a groan he stood and scooped me up in his arms, setting me on the top of his desk and placing his hands on either side of me. "Well then, I guess we should make ourselves presentable." His tone was teasing and his eyes were alight as he leaned forward to kiss me gently.

I wrapped my legs around the back of his thighs and pulled him closer, happy that the girls were coming home but saddened that our alone time had come to an end. He hummed deeply as he kissed my neck, reaching beneath my shirt to clasp my bra. "Do you know what the best part is?" I whispered, sliding my hands up and down his chest.

"What?"

"We get to spend the rest of the day together. Are we lucky or what?" We beamed at each other, and was it truly fair to feel this much joy?

He slid his hands around my waist and fastened my jeans, lifting me off the desk until I was standing before him. "We're incredibly lucky, Bella," he whispered earnestly, kissing my nose and then my lips before enclosing me in a powerful embrace. We held each other until we heard car doors slamming and reluctantly pulled our bodies away from one another.

I pushed the top of my head against his chest and steadied my breathing, running the back of my hand across his thigh. I groaned as I stared at him, hard and straining against the dark fabric of his jeans. "Are you going to be okay?" I couldn't help but smile as I drifted my fingers along his substantial bulge.

His eyes closed and he made a delectable groaning sound deep within his throat. He grabbed my chin and tilted my head, kissing me wet and slow before releasing me. "I'll be just fine. Go get the girls, love. I'll be right there."

"You sure you don't need me to stay? I don't mind…"

He chuckled and wrapped his arms around me, walking me backwards toward the door. "Go, before I take you up on your offer."

He opened the door behind me and I grinned so widely it hurt, my eyes reluctant to tear away from his. I heard the front door open and I kissed his lips, feeling so incredibly fulfilled that it took my breath away. "I love you," I whispered, walking out into the hallway and missing his warmth already.

"Bella…" He prayed my name like he often did, telling me exactly how deep his love for me ran.

I bounded down the stairs with a newfound sense of belonging, and while I knew that we were heading down a very precarious path, there was no stopping what we had already set into motion.

And there was absolutely nothing I would _ever _regret when it came to the man I loved.

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**A/N:**

**You weren't expecting that to happen now were you? :D Well what can I say, they're having a hell of a time controlling one another, for obvious reasons. Anyway, the next chap the girls will be home and we'll get to swoon over some Carlisle/Bella/Alice/Rosalie bonding time. Hooray!**

**A big thank you to my one and only, Isabel, for being the world's most amazing beta. She keeps me in line, and I depend on her more than you would ever believe! Love you sweets!**

**Follow me on Twitter, Brits23!**

**I love my readers too, so much that it's ridonkulous! My twin lazykate and I are meeting our lovah PFach in like a week and a half, and I am tweaking out about it! Why don't you send me a review to calm my nerves, or at the very least, think of something clever for me to say to His Holy Hotness? I'll accept your suggestions in the form of a review! :D**

**Until next time!**


	14. Hearts Will Never Be Practical

**Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters and Twilight plot lines that may appear in this story. The remainder is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. Don't steal, it isn't polite.**

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**Chapter Thirteen**

_Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable._

_** -**_L. Frank Baum _(The Wizard of Oz)_

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**BPOV  
**

My legs were trembling as I made my way down the stairs. I barely had time to recover from the pleasure Carlisle had given me, and even though I was happy to see the girls, I found myself feeling very vulnerable after what we'd just experienced with one another.

"Bella!" Alice jumped into my arms before I even hit the bottom step, squeezing me so tightly with her little arms that I couldn't help but smile.

"Hey Ali-Cat! Did you have fun at the library?" My voice quivered from the waves of emotion that were still catapulting throughout my body. I felt empty without him and I just needed to feel his arms around me until I could breathe again.

"Yeah we brought some books!" Before she could continue, Rosalie came rushing around the corner, a backpack full of what I assumed to be the aforementioned books slung over her shoulder.

"Did you leave any books at the library, or did you bring them all home?" Their giggles warmed my heart straight to the core, and just as I set Alice down on the ground, I heard their father emerging from the floor above.

"What's Daddy doing up there, Bella?" Rose asked me, stretching her neck to peer up the stairs.

"I don't know honey, he's on his way down now. What do you think we should do today?"

As the girls discussed our options, I felt him walk up behind me, his body not touching mine but his heat spreading heavily across my skin. "Hey, didn't my favorite girls write me a song last weekend?"

As soon as Carlisle's voice broke through their in-depth conversation with one another, they instantly took action, Alice diving into his arms as Rosalie wrapped her arms around my waist. "Bella can we sing it? I wanna, but I don't know if I remember the words." Rosalie pouted, looking absolutely devastated at the prospect of not being able to recount the lyrics they came up with for their daddy.

I finally took the chance to turn until our eyes met, a blue so soft and meaningful that it nearly broke me where I stood. We were so much more connected now, everything had changed and all I wanted was to be closer to him. "Well, maybe Daddy will give us a little time to practice, just so we can make sure it's extra perfect."

"Can we practice, Daddy?" Alice questioned, leaning her elbow against his shoulder as she did so.

"Of course you can, sweetie," he smiled, kissing her nose before setting her down. "Why don't you and your sister grab Bella's keyboard and take it into the living room? You can practice in there."

They looked to me and I nodded, smiling widely. "Go on, I'll be right there."

The girls rushed toward the front door where my discarded Casio still lay, but suddenly Rosalie stopped in her tracks and turned to face us, her hands on her hips as she looked at Carlisle apprehensively. "You aren't gonna listen are you, Daddy?"

He held his hands up palms out, eyes wide as he shook his head. "I wouldn't dream of it, Rosie, I promise."

His answer satisfied her, and we watched from our perch on the stairs as the twins dragged my Casio into the living room, giving us a very brief, albeit much needed moment to ourselves.

I let out a ragged breath as he pulled me to his chest, words frantically pouring out of his mouth in hushed tones. "Come here…just for a second, I need you for just a second," he whispered so softly, pressing his lips to the top of my head. Our stances on the stairwell had made him significantly taller than me. His heart beat rapidly against my ear as my hold around his waist tightened.

I stepped up until we were more even in height, our eyes instantly meeting as my bottom lip began to tremble. I couldn't say anything, but thankfully he was able to find the words when I couldn't. My eyes fluttered closed as his fingers delicately traced my jaw and made a soothing pass across my bottom lip. "How are you feeling, baby?"

How did I feel? I felt vulnerable and empowered. Terrified and brave. Needy and independent. In love and in lust. Heaven because he was everything I had ever wanted…Hell because he was everything I shouldn't. "I feel like if you let go of me, I'll shatter."

My voice shook like my insides quivered, everything I felt for him boiling up inside me all at once. I was going to hyperventilate and it was mortifying…but at the same time I wanted him to see what he did to me so he knew just how entirely I belonged to him.

I had never felt more my age than in that moment and I instantly resented it. Although, in reality, experiencing what he had just given me would have wrecked me at _any_ age; eighteen, twenty, thirty-two, forty-seven, ninety-three…

When we're in love, aren't we all reduced to irrational, capricious teenagers when it's all said and done?

He released me from his arms and took my hand, pulling me urgently from the stairs and around the corner until we were in the kitchen and further out of sight. As soon as he had me there his hands were everywhere, not in a sexual way, but in a healing, almost spiritual way. His palms were flat against my body as he pressed me against the wall, running them up my thighs and down my arms and across my back and curving around every indentation my body possessed.

His lips were wet and his breathing was heavy as he whispered perfect words against my mouth. "I love you. I'll never let you fall apart, Bella, because I'm a part of you too. I'm sorry we had to pull away so soon after we loved so powerfully. I wanted our first time together like that to be a time where we could lay together for hours, feeling nothing but our heated skin and our words and our arms wrapped around one another so tight. I feel like I'll break too, sweetheart, but we have to find a way to be able to hold each other together, we _have_ to."

I groaned louder than I should have as I grabbed his hair tightly in my fist and pushed his mouth forcefully against mine, kissing him with the fire and the ardor that was unleashing within my body in the most beautiful way. He devastated me almost brutally, with love, with emotion, with belonging…I felt so much for this man that it hurt like a gunshot to the chest. It was wrong and it was right and it was the force that kept my heart beating and my lungs pumping air in and out of my body. Maybe we weren't supposed to find this now, when we were mere mortal beings. Maybe I was meant to stay in Phoenix and go unnoticed, to live an ordinary life with an ordinary boy who would never understand me. Maybe he was meant to exist in an unhappy marriage and only find solace in the daughters that emblazoned his heart.

Maybe Carlisle Cullen and I were only meant to exist amongst the stars, in an ethereal place where the power of love and completion, of Heaven and Hell could be unleashed without completely _destroying _all that lay in its wake.

Even though it stung me like a scorching flame, I continued to stand in that kitchen and struggle to find a way to climb inside his body. I continued to hold onto him for dear life and pray that my heart would be accelerated like this forever. That my breaths would always be rapid and my stomach would always be twisting because he was _mine. _It hurt me, but I wanted it every single second for the rest of my perpetual existence.

I dragged my lips away from his when breathing became impossible, letting out a haggard gasp as I met his frantic eyes. "Oh God…" I pushed myself against his body and his arms tightened around me, my fingertips ghosting along the skin below his eyes, along the long lashes that were closed and wet with emotion that still hadn't fallen. Suddenly his previous words were all I could hear.

_We have to find a way to be able to hold each other together._

He finally opened his eyes and a wave of passionate blue assaulted me, my lips urgent as I stood on my tiptoes and kissed the tears that would never fall. "I don't know what to do, Bella," he whispered, his fingers digging into my hips until it ached. "I don't know how to feel this much. I've always dreamt of finding someone to love unconditionally, but this…this is more than anyone should be allowed to feel."

His words sent an irrational panic spiraling through me, even though common sense told me I was being a fool. There was just no walking away from this. "What are you saying?" I asked shakily.

His eyes widened as he sensed my distress, and he fervently shook his head. "No…Bella, I'm _never_ turning my back on you or what we've found in one another. It's intense, and terrifying, but it's _ours_…we belong here together, I'm more sure of that than anything else in this world. Unless you want me to leave, I will only _ever _be yours."

I knew our time was running short, so I crushed him to me and kissed every piece of skin I could reach. I tasted him until it was obvious we'd been gone too long, my need building to such a fever pitch that I knew it wouldn't be satisfied until we were alone for days, for weeks with no interruptions. I took his hands and pulled him backwards from the room, giving him one last long, searing kiss. "I love you," I whispered, smiling softly as I drifted two fingers along his sharp jaw. "Tell me with your eyes everything you can't say with your words. Show me how you want to touch me, with nothing but the intensity of that gorgeous blue. God, I love you, Carlisle. I wish I could make you feel it."

His eyes darkened as he advanced on me, taking my face in his large hands and kissing me with a languid push and pull of his soft lips. "You make me want to be reckless, Bella. You make me want everything all at once, absolutely _everything_. I always feel it, baby. God, you make me feel it so deep that all I want to do is return the favor."

My back hit the wall with a thud and my lips turned into a perfect O as he grabbed my thigh forcefully and wrapped it around his own. "I love you so much I want to cry, and I want to touch you so badly that I'm ready to destroy anything that stands in my way. Look at what you do to me, Bella, and tell me that you want every part of it. Promise that you want every part of _me_."

His words were nothing more than aching groans as he crashed his forehead against mine, baring his entire soul to me and showing me that he was just as vulnerable as I was, just as frantic, just as ready to go insane with how badly he needed this. I felt like I would unravel completely If I couldn't stroke his body or taste the salt of his skin on my tongue.

"I _promise_, Carlisle, but we have to come back," I whispered, my eyes squeezing shut as my fingers curled against his jaw. "We can't surrender to it now, we have the girls and we have to just hold on, help me…help me bring us back."

He ignored my plea and trapped both of my hands against the wall above my head, his fingers intertwining with mine against the drywall as his eyes burned patterns into my flesh. "I repeat your name in my mind all day long, like a pulse, like the beating of my heart. Bella, Bella, Bella…it never stops. If I miss a beat, I choke because it hurts so fucking much. Every second…every single second, Bella. Do you understand?"

My eyebrows furrowed together as I studied him, so much emotion in the air between us that I couldn't help but wear it on every piece of my skin. I pulled my hands away from his and slid one around his neck and into his hair, the other moving up his strong torso and sliding over his frantic heart. He relaxed slightly, letting his weight rest a little heavier against me as my eyes searched his and then deeper, all the way inside the very core of who he was. My fingers began tapping over his flesh on their own accord, keeping time with his heartbeat and silently showing him that I knew I was an essential part of that steady, thumping pulse. I took his trembling hand and slid it over my own heart, showing him that even though we were two separate entities, it didn't change the fact that we were unequivocally _one._

The quietness of the moment steadied both our breathing, the intensity giving way to the calm that was just as powerful in its own ferociously gentle way. My body felt limp and unstable from what had just passed through us, and I relied on him to keep me steady as our hands literally held our hearts and our eyes refused to break free.

But time was fickle, and in the end, there was only so long we could last in such an open and raw position before it came to a sudden end. I held onto him until I no longer could, spoke my love until our surroundings forced me to become silent. And as we pulled our bodies away from one another, I still felt him there, heavy against my own slight frame and completely covered with every beautiful piece of the man who defined me.

I felt him watching me, yearning for me as I disappeared from his sight to join the girls, and reveled in the fact that this was real, and that our bond had just gone from merely significant to profoundly unbreakable.

**-x-x-**

The room was silent for the first time in nearly an hour as the girls disappeared up the stairs, seeking out their father to play him his song. The soft nothingness that surrounded me was soothing. I closed my eyes and let my fingers slide along the keyboard, not pressing, bur caressing the instrument with a love that was unlike any other. I knew this keyboard like I knew myself. It was once my only passion, but now it was the splendor in my life that magnified every thought, every touch, every feeling I had for Carlisle Cullen.

It amazed me how perfectly they went together. Carlisle and music. Love and life…that's what they were to me.

I exhaled slowly and ghosted my fingers carefully over the keys, losing myself to one of the more tranquil melodies I had designed with the man I loved in mind. He had inspired so much inside me in the weeks that I'd known him, but I knew better than to play anything other than The Gentleness when his daughters were so near. None of the songs I'd written for him had titles yet, they were merely defined by what they made me feel. The Gentleness, The Passion, The Need, The Love, The Consummation…even if some of them tended to run hand in hand, there was no mistaking the vastly distinctive tones that erupted from each one.

I so desperately wanted him to hear the music that his vibrant blue inspired, but only when he and I could surrender to it after my fingers were through dancing across the ivory. As I played the music that made me drown in the abundance of what Carlisle and I were, I found myself wondering when exactly we'd be able to find a significant amount of time to be alone together.

The harmonies ran soft and sweet and swirled around me in a translucent but heavy fog of emotion, making me unaware of the moment they walked into the room and bore witness to the rawness of what our song truly was. I felt a tiny hand on my back and my playing faltered, my eyes widening as I quickly stopped displaying the intimacy of his song. "Are you ready, Bella?" Rosalie smiled widely in excitement, all crystal blue eyes and hair so blonde-white and fine that she continued to take my breath away with her beauty.

I nodded and brushed her hair behind her shoulder, squeezing Alice's hand as she gave me a hug and went to stand against the wall with her sister. My stomach was flipping and rolling constantly as I turned to meet his devoted stare. He looked so genuinely happy in that moment, I had to remind myself what it meant to breathe in and out. "What were you just playing?" he whispered, hands tucked in his pocket as he stood across the room from me.

I waited until he came closer, taking a seat on the couch and never looking away from me as I smiled happily at him. "It was you." I mouthed my words rather than spoke them since we had an audience of sorts, but he knew exactly what I said. He sighed heavily and shook his head, seemingly overwhelmed. I knew precisely how heavy and miraculous we weighed upon his shoulders.

Carlisle turned toward his daughters as I presented them. "Please welcome the vocal stylings of Alice and Rosalie Cullen." He clapped for them and I pressed my first key, unable to keep myself from smiling at the melody. It was simple and light and…it was the girls. Beautiful and sweet and so innocently childlike that it could bring you to tears. They wrote the lyrics completely on their own, my only role in their production was to present the music that would accurately capture the tone of their sweet words. Other than helping them a bit with their rhyming, this song was entirely theirs to claim.

My heart was so full that it threatened to burst as I watched them, holding hands and fighting to control their nerves as they studied me and waited for their cue. I nodded my head, and they began to sing.

_Our daddy is a doctor_

_And our daddy is real smart._

_Our daddy can give medicine_

_Or fix a broken heart._

_Our daddy tells us stories,_

_And gives us kisses too._

_Our daddy says he loves us, _

_and we love our daddy too._

They made their way through a few more stanzas, stumbling on a couple words but not letting it upset them. I chanced a look at Carlisle and watched him in wonderment, still unable to comprehend how a father could love his daughters so entirely that you could feel it palpably in the room. His children were his world…and all three of them were mine.

After the song was through and there were several beats of silence in the room, Carlisle simply held out his arms to the twins. He swallowed thickly, words clearly failing him as he hugged them tightly. "That was amazing," he whispered, kissing each of them on the top of the head. "How did I get so lucky?"

Alice pulled back to meet his eyes. "We're all lucky, Daddy," she giggled, looking at me and holding out a hand. "I think Bella helps us all be happy."

The girls perched on each of Carlisle's knees, Rosalie smiling a toothy grin as she turned to me. "Bella, he liked it!" she squealed in soft excitement.

I stood and walked over to them, kneeling in front of where they were seated on the couch and taking each one of their hands. "I knew he would, sweet girl. You both did so well, and…" I paused, looking down to the floor and up again as my emotions threatened to overtake me. "You make me so happy, too."

I hugged the girls and stared into Carlisle's eyes, wondering when and if the love I felt for them would ever lessen in its intensity. He looked fulfilled as he gazed back at me, like he had found everything in the world that he would ever need. I felt exactly the same.

Alice leaned up and spoke directly into Carlisle's ear. "Daddy, can we keep Bella forever?" she whispered softly.

"Alice…" he sighed raggedly, his hand stealthily sliding past his daughter's back and wrapping around my arm.

"What's she gonna be, another Mommy?" Rosalie giggled.

Alice rolled her eyes. "No, _Rose_. Mama is in heaven and Mommy goes to work and tells us not to play in the rain 'cause we'll catch a death cold. Bella can be…" She paused to think of what I was to her, to the three of them and their unbreakable bond. Finally Alice smiled widely as she asked, "Well, why can't Bella just be…_ours_? She can take care of us and love us and play Big Cook Little Cook with us, just like Daddy does."

"So she's gonna be another _Daddy_?" Rosalie asked exaggeratedly, causing Alice to giggle and slap her forehead.

"Rosie! She'll be like Daddy except she'll just be _our _Bella!"

I chuckled, running my fingers firmly across the arm Carlisle had extended behind Rosalie. "Speaking of Big Cook Little Cooks, _your _Bella is starving. Do you think we should make something for supper?"

"Yeah! Come on, let's go!" Alice yelled, the girls climbing off of Carlisle's lap in succession and rushing into the kitchen.

Their hasty movements left me kneeling in front of him in the blink of an eye, and it took no time at all for him to have my face cradled in his hands. I sighed contentedly, running my fingers up and down his forearms as I smiled adoringly at him. "Everyone wants to keep you," he murmured, brushing his lips against mine softly.

I leaned forward to capture the delicious taste of his mouth once more. "Only the people who matter the most."

"Thank you, Bella…I love you so much," he breathed heavily, alternating between chaste kisses and short, thick brushes of his tongue. I took his hands and stood before we found ourselves lost once again, pulling him up and wrapping my arms around his waist. "Come on, handsome, let's make dinner for your gorgeous little girls."

He kissed my temple but stopped in his tracks, waiting until I was searching his blue eyes before he spoke. "I'm going to find a way, love, you know that, right?"

I simply nodded, bringing his hand to my lips and kissing it sweetly. "I have so much faith in you," I whispered, sliding his hand gently across my cheek.

**-x-x-**

I drifted through dinner in somewhat of a haze, although somehow still aware. So many times I found myself just standing back and watching each one of them, studying their movements and their words and their grace. It also didn't escape my attention how vital they found me to be in their little intricately bound family…and just how easily they existed without their supposed "matriarch." I quickly dismissed any thought of her, because when it was just the four of us, no other outside forces were able to penetrate what we became when we were together.

During the preparation of dinner we spoke in our funny chef accents, explaining to the make-believe audience what we were doing next. Carlisle and I shared looks and touches when the girls were oblivious to anything around them but the task at hand. When dinner was ready we settled around the table, Carlisle and I holding hands so tightly beneath it that my fingers ached.

The girls talked about school and their friends, mentioning a sleepover taking place in a couple weekends from then that they really wanted to attend. He met my eyes significantly as he told the twins that as long as he talked to the girl's mother, it would be no problem at all. From the way his eyes drew heated trails along my skin, I knew there was a plan he would potentially want to put into place. I'd do anything in my power to make it happen.

Once we were through, the girls carried their plates to the sink, asking us if they could bring down all the pillows and blankets for our viewing of _The Wizard of Oz_. Carlisle told them they had to pick up their room first, which led to Alice and Rosalie whining in unison.

Carlisle looked at them sternly. "I told you earlier that your room had to be picked up today, and I meant it. You can take care of that while Bella and I do the dishes, and then bring down the extra pillows and blankets from the hall closet, okay? It won't take long, go ahead."

"Okay," Rosalie sighed exasperatedly, pulling on Alice's sleeve as they trudged up the stairs in a huff.

Once we heard the girls working away safely in the confines of their room, Carlisle stalked toward me, a devious smile on his face as he lifted me by the hips and set me on the counter beside the dishwasher. He hummed contentedly as he rested his cheek against my heart, his arms wrapping tightly around my waist as I buried my fingers in his hair. "My God, you feel so good," he sighed.

I kissed the top of his head and smiled against his hair. "Hey, you've got to get these dishes done before the movie tonight, handsome. What kind of example would you be setting for the girls?" I teased.

He leaned his palms on the counter on either side of me and brushed his nose against mine, groaning softly as I pressed myself against him. "How am I supposed to think about anything else when I have you here, right in front of me?"

I bit my lip, sliding my hands down his stomach and around his waist before running them up his back beneath his shirt. A shudder went through him as I came into contact with his warm skin, his lips pressing wetly against my jaw and down until they were sucking gently at my neck. "Maybe I should do them then, just so they're out of the way?" I whispered shakily as he replaced his lips with his tongue.

"What you should do," he whispered, breath warm against my skin as he pulled me closer to the edge of the counter, "is keep your hands on me while I taste you."

I smiled widely before jumping off the counter, walking him backwards until he was pressed against the refrigerator. I kissed him slowly as my hands slid into his back pockets, squeezing his ass firmly in my grip as he pulled me tighter. "Don't start something you can't finish, Doctor Cullen," I gasped, my teeth scraping down his chin as his fingers slid beneath my shirt and across my abdomen.

"I don't think it would take long," he whispered, dragging his finger tips up my stomach and back down until they curled around the waistband of my jeans.

I groaned and grabbed his wrists, smiling at him through my heavy breaths. "Dishes…I'll put them in the washer, and you can just…"

"Hold onto you?" he questioned, smiling softly as he brushed a strand of hair away from my face.

"Yes," I whispered.

"Love you?"

I nodded.

"Thank God for every moment I've been blessed with your presence in my life?" His teasing questions turned serious as his hands slid beneath my hair, kissing me with intensity as I melted against his body.

"It scares me…how perfect this feels," I confessed in a breathless whisper, tracing his lips as mine hovered inches away.

"I know, Bella," he murmured, his thumb brushing along my cheekbone as he kissed me ardently once more, his tongue sweeping across mine in a sensual, languid draw. When we pulled away to catch our breaths, I finally turned in his grasp, smiling as my back pressed tightly to his chest.

He held me like that as I put the dishes into the machine, his lips either sliding along the back of my neck or whispering perfect, adoring words into my ear. Just as I turned the washer on, we heard the girls coming down the stairs and reluctantly pulled away from our embrace.

We looked up to find two walking masses of pillows and blankets stumbling around the corner to the living room. Our eyes met and we mutually shook our heads, smiling as we headed into the other room to help them. We walked in just in time to see the girls throwing down the blankets in a heap, huffing and puffing at the exertion they'd just put into their feat. "Are your rooms clean, little blanket monsters?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes, blowing the loose strands of hair out of her face with a huff. "Yeah, Daddy, you told us to clean it up so we did. Can we put 'jammas on now, please?"

"Yeah, go ahead and get changed," Carlisle smiled, nodding toward the stairs.

They began running away, Alice yelling behind her all the way. "You too, Daddy! You too, Bella! We all gotta have our 'jammas on for _The Wizard of Oz_!"

Carlisle sighed, scratching the back of his neck as he looked at me sheepishly. "I guess I better change."

I smiled wryly, gesturing toward my bag nestled in the corner. "Me too, I came prepared."

"Need help?" He smiled widely and chuckled before looking away almost shyly. I blushed as he took my hand and entwined our fingers without looking at me, leading me toward my bag. I couldn't for the life of me figure out where our newfound shyness had come from when only hours before his fingers were inside me and I was crying his name loudly into his mouth.

It hardly mattered; every part of us was perfect, awkward shyness and all.

He kissed my cheek and left me there, walking up the stairs to appease the girls while I retreated to the bathroom and did the same. When I came back out in my pink plaid pajama pants and white long-sleeved t-shirt, the twins were spreading out the blankets and lining up the piles of pillows along the base of the couch along the floor. It looked like a puffy cloud when they were all done creating their masterpiece, diving into the center of it and curling up beside each other. "Do you have the movie, Bella?"

I nodded cheerfully and grabbed it out of my bag, turning on the TV and putting it in the player just as I heard Carlisle walking down the stairs. The vision of him knocked the air from my lungs. He was dressed in blue scrub bottoms and the black Killers t-shirt he'd been wearing all day, minus the white thermal beneath it. The sight of his biceps straining against the dark fabric of his shirt made me shudder, and it took Alice's reminder of the movie before I could snap out of my reverie.

Carlisle turned off every light but the lamp in the corner of the room, casting a soft, comforting glow across each surface just as the movie began to play. Alice and Rose were settled in the middle of the makeshift bed, their legs crossed exactly the same with their arms tucked behind their heads. Words couldn't express how much I loved these girls.

Carlisle sat down beside Rosalie and I settled in next to Alice, both of us leaning our backs against the couch as the girls laid between us. The familiar music began to play and the girls squealed in excitement, but all I saw was him. Our hands slid across the length of the couch until they found one another, his eyes so heavy with emotion that it made my heart stutter. We had a silent conversation with the expressions we wore so clearly upon our faces, our lips curving up into a smile as our fingers slid back and forth across each other. "Have you ever watched this movie while listening to _Dark Side of the Moon_?" I smiled.

He chuckled, tilting his head to the side as he gazed at me. "Yeah, in college…what about you?"

"I'm an artist, of course I have," I smirked.

"What did you think?" he whispered. "Coincidence?"

My eyes met his profoundly as I squeezed his hand. "I don't believe in coincidences, Carlisle," I murmured.

He exhaled deeply, looking down at his daughters briefly before kissing each one of my knuckles, staring at me longingly beneath his lashes. "Have you slept?" he barely whispered.

I shook my head, smiling widely. "Someone kept me up all night."

He winced as if I'd hurt him, but even that couldn't break through his grin. "Do you want to lay back?"

"As long as you don't let me go." I mouthed the words, shuddering as he shook his head and whispered his love for me against my hand.

We slid down the back of the couch and rested our heads against the piles of pillows, our fingers still linked unknowingly behind his twin girls. I stifled a yawn, Alice giggling as she looked over at me. "Are you tired, Bella?"

"A little, sweetie. Don't worry though, I won't fall asleep."

She sighed and snuggled even closer into my side. "It's okay, I'm a little sleepy too."

I looked over to Carlisle who was staring at me intently, his eyes darting down periodically to watch the way his skin moved along mine. "Sleep…I'll watch."

I chuckled silently and yawned once more, snuggling deeper into the plush blankets and watching the love of my life through heavy lids until I let them drift shut. I fell asleep feeling his lips mouth the words "I love you" against my skin, and I was delighted to know that this wasn't a dream, a fantasy, or a vision. His love was my reality, and I was so incredibly thankful for that gift.

Lucky indeed.

**-x-x-**

When I awoke with a start sometime later, I was heavily disoriented from sleeping so soundly. The room was blaringly silent, and Carlisle's fingers were still loosely tangled through mine; his soft snoring told me that he'd fallen asleep as well. I blinked through my blurry vision, looking ahead to take in the blank blue screen of the TV and the girls that lay sleeping at my side. I closed my eyes and sighed, moving my fingers slightly and loving the way his felt interlinked with mine. I knew it couldn't have been incredibly late, considering my mother hadn't called to check on me; with that knowledge, I let my eyes drift back shut, just for a little while. Even though my heart thought I didn't need sleep when I had Carlisle to sustain me, apparently my body felt quite the opposite.

I heard him shift on the other side of the girls, his breath hitching in his throat as he squeezed my fingers and then quickly let me go.

"You're back early."

Three words.

They made me nauseous, turned every bone in my body to liquid, made my skin crawl in horror and panic because somehow, _somehow_, she had managed to break through the impenetrable bubble of happiness we had created today. I thought about our fingers threaded ever-so-slightly together, and immediately squeezed my eyes tighter, tears burning, but I'd be damned if they were going to fall.

Carlisle deserved more than my cowardice, so I slowly blinked my eyes open and sat up, for what would hopefully seem to be the first time. The once comforting glow of the dimly lit room now felt empty and cold, my eyes drifting along the girls to ensure they were still asleep. I swallowed thickly and turned my head to the left, visually verifying what I already knew to be true.

Jane stood above us with her arms crossed over her chest, and what terrified me more than the slight flicker of anger in her eyes…was the eerie expression of pure calm that overshadowed it all.

**X**

**X**

**X**

**-x-x-x-x-x-**

**Sorry about that evil cliffy…it had to be done! :)**

**You can follow me on Twitter, Brits23, if you'd like! Also a big thanks to my beta Isabel and all my fantastic readers! I heart you all!**

**Please leave me a review? I'm dying to hear your predictions of how this will go. Until next time!**


	15. Incontrovertible

**Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters and Twilight plot lines that may appear in this story. The remainder is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. Don't steal, it isn't polite.**

-**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**Chapter Fourteen**

_~~The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is._

–Winston Churchill

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**BPOV**

Guilt? Not really.

Fear? I felt like maybe I should be swimming in it.

But somehow, between the moments he pulled his fingers from mine and when my eyes met a cold, ice blue stare…I found my composure.

I was past debating right or wrong, because any way you looked at it, I was a young woman in love with a married man. Touching a married man, living for a married man, exchanging souls with a married man…

And I didn't care.

I embraced the wanton woman inside me. The woman everyone would see once the truth was brought to light. Everyone would look into my deep brown eyes and see a vixen before them. They'd see the lips of a trollop and the long wavy hair of a woman who was doing nothing more than _asking for it_. It didn't matter that their insinuations had nothing to do with what Carlisle and I truly were. To everyone else, we'd be inexcusable, judged…downright shameful.

This town wouldn't have seen a scandal like this since nearly two decades ago, when that sixteen year old Swan boy got his girlfriend knocked up. It seemed as though I was destined to keep Forks, Washington in a never-ending state of distress.

I gathered my confidence and quirked my lips to the side in a gentle smile, smoothing my fingers through the twins' long, silky hair. The urge to scoop them up and take them to their beds was overwhelming, but I had a feeling I'd be overstepping my bounds in this situation.

"Oh wow, we must have fallen asleep during the movie," I chuckled quietly, stretching my arms and yawning before clamoring to my feet.

I needed to look at Carlisle but denied myself the pleasure. Instead I met the chill of her blue eyes. If I was being honest with myself, I no longer cared what she would find in mine. She stared me down, trying to search for the answers she assumed I had hidden within me. She was suspicious, curious, and no longer wearing her careful mask of indifference on her narrow face.

"I didn't realize you'd be here, Bella." Her voice was measured, with a hint of accusation. She knew _something_…now it was up to her to decide what to do with it.

Before I could answer, the man I loved rose to his feet, yawning loudly as he moved to gather blankets. "I had to run into work, so I called Bella to stay with the girls for a few hours. When I got back they were finishing up their movie, apparently we fell asleep. Did you have a nice trip?"

"Oh, my trip was nothing short of amazing, Carlisle."

This woman fascinated me. Every single word that left her mouth was loaded with a million other meanings that she had chosen to hide. Either we were going to play this game or the truth was going to come out tonight. The only things stopping me from exposing it were the little girls I loved, the career of the man I was made for, and the parents who meant so much to me.

This was something that needed to be worked up to, and for that reason alone, I kept on playing her beloved game of charades. When it was all said and done, the truth would be revealed in the end.

Jane's clacking of her heels across the hardwood floor broke me from my stupor, and I made quick work of gathering my belongings that had been spread around their home. I listened intently to their whispered conversation as I retrieved my Casio from the dining room. Their words weren't heated or rushed, but rather masked and carefully guarded.

"Did you allow them to make a mess of the house like this?"

"Absolutely. My girls are normal, happy seven-year-old children. Expecting to keep them pristine is a ridiculous notion." Carlisle was challenging her, and I missed the way the muscles of his back moved beneath the palm of my hand.

"So they're _your_ girls now, is that it?"

"Are we doing this now, with Bella here?"

She chuckled coldly. "I'm starting to think that would be the perfect time to do it."

Silence.

"Are you trying to insinuate something, Jane?"

I had never heard his voice sound so utterly callous.

After a moment, she responded in a tone that bordered between sarcastic and threatening. "No, not at all, Carlisle. In fact, I think it's a fabulous idea to have Bella here, in _our _home, watching _our _girls. Considering how close you are with her parents, it would be in their best interest for us to keep an eye on her. This world is such a dangerous place, you know…drugs, alcohol, _pedophiles_…you can really never be too careful."

My heart was pounding, the accusatory word holding no real merit because of my age but still, her insinuation was clear, and I'd had enough. I couldn't stand there and let her speak to him like that, not when we were in this together.

His voice was angry and uncaring as I turned the corner and saw his fists clenched, his jaw flexing as he held her gaze. "If you have something to say to me, I suggest you fucking say it."

My stride was determined as I moved to join them in the living room; I was entirely done with it all. Angry tears burned in my eyes and I was sick and tired of not being a united front with Carlisle. I reached out to join him as I neared, to show him he would never be alone again. They both looked to the side to see me approaching, but nothing existed to me but him. My fingers were so close to his, there was no going back…and then…

"Bella?"

A little hand in mine. A tired voice. A tiny fist rubbing the sleep out of bright blue eyes. Blonde-white hair mussed from a peaceful slumber. Suddenly I had never felt more grounded, had never seen the bigger picture quite so clearly until gorgeous little Rosalie had stopped me in my tracks.

If I exposed us this way, I'd be dragging my twin girls down with us. People in this town talked whether they were seven, seventeen, or seventy. Not now, this couldn't be now, this just wasn't the right time…

I crouched to her level, my eyes following Carlisle's steady tap-taptaptap-ing against his solid thigh before I met her eyes. His daughter wrapped her arms around my neck, yawning against my shoulder as she climbed into my arms. "I think I wanna go to bed now, Bella, can you take me?"

My heart melted, my mind suddenly vacant of any poison that Jane had brought with her when she disturbed our bubble of happiness. This may have been her home, but the man and children inside of it were _mine_. Whether I was entitled to that statement or not was irrelevant to me.

I rested my ear against her head and nodded silently, rising to my feet only to be met with Jane and her condescending smirk. "I'll take her, Bella. It's getting awful late, I'm sure your parents will begin to worry soon."

She took Rosalie out of my arms, the transfer disorienting the tired little girl. She lifted her head with squinted eyes, her fingers curling around my neck to hang on. "Bella?" she questioned, only to search until she sought out the person taking her from me. When she saw Jane, Rosalie looked confused, glancing from me and back to her. "You're home?" she questioned.

"Obviously I'm home, Rosalie. I'll take you to bed."

"I'll take her," Carlisle murmured. All he had to do was hold out one hand before Rosalie was diving into her daddy's arms, holding on tight.

"That's fine, I'll take Alice then," she said stiffly.

Carlisle's eyes met mine briefly and there was so much inside them that I had to look away. His penetrating gaze said more than a thousand, a _million_ words ever could; they were so powerful that it made my stomach swirl and my legs threaten to give way. All I wanted was for us to silently convey our messages to one another until our eyes were forcefully pried apart. But in that moment, he was too much for me to take.

"Bella, will you come back tomorrow?" Rosalie yawned.

I smiled at her, tears threatening to well in my eyes at the enormity of this situation. "Soon, sweet girl," I whispered. "Get some rest."

"Night, Bella. Love you."

My emotion-filled eyes fluttered from Rosalie's and landed directly upon Jane's. "I love you, too," I promised, with every ounce of conviction I had.

Suddenly, all the resolve I'd built up inside me started to fissure and crack, threatening to expose the vulnerable girl who loved a man so much it had the ability to destroy her. I couldn't bear to let Jane see the truth inside me, the love for Carlisle and his girls, the magnitude of how much they meant to me, and just how easily she could break me by breaking them.

I turned instantly, grabbing my bag from where it rested alongside the wall and making sure I had everything I needed. I felt his blue eyes on me, knowing he wouldn't leave that room until I was no longer inside it.

I inhaled unevenly as I made my way toward the front door, breathing in his scent that still lingered on me, and his touches throughout the day that would forever remain engraved into my skin. "Goodnight," I murmured, shrugging my jacket on and turning toward the door.

"Bella, wait."

My fingers curled around the door knob, my grip tightening before I turned and fixed a pleasant expression on my face. Jane walked steadily toward me, her eyes attempting to convey a hidden message of warning I didn't even bother trying to encrypt. She stopped in front of me, the echo of her heels resonating in the small entry way of their home. With force, she slapped a small wad of bills into my hand, her top lip twitching in disdain as she smiled at me contemptuously. "Here's your payment. That's the way it works for girls in your occupation, isn't it? You perform a service for money, and then you get sent on your way?"

"That's _enough_," Carlisle demanded as my fists shook, fury building inside my quaking body. Rosalie's eyes on mine were the only thing stopping me from ending this sickening display of hidden innuendos. We all knew the truth now, or at least had an idea. It wouldn't be long before everything was out in the open.

There was so much to think about.

Chuckling humorlessly, I shook my head from side to side and met her stare once more. "Thank you for the gesture, Mrs. Cullen. But I come here because I love the girls. This isn't just a babysitting job, they _mean something _to me. You can keep your money, because it's the last thing I want."

I let the bills slip from my hand and land on the floor with a soft thud, my intense stare holding hers before swiftly opening the door and closing it behind me. I walked quickly to my truck, my heart thundering against my chest as I made my hasty retreat from a night that had undeniably changed my future forever.

**-x-x-**

My house was dark as I entered through the back door, the only light being the shadows of the television playing against the walls. My heart still hadn't settled, the reality of what just happened starting to take its toll on my body. I held my cell phone firmly in my grasp, waiting for the call I knew was coming. There was no telling when I'd hear from him, but I knew without a doubt that I would.

"Bella?"

I threw my keys onto the kitchen island with a loud clunk, following the voice of my mother until I found her curled up in the recliner, watching TV. I should have been worried that Jane had called and informed my parents of the state in which she had found her husband and I, but somehow I just knew she wouldn't. Our fingers were barely intertwined, but apparently it was pretty obvious what Carlisle and I were together.

"Hey, Mom."

She held her arm out and I tucked into her side, the chair just large enough to fit both of us. "I was getting worried about you, I was just about to call."

I nodded. "We fell asleep during the movie."

"Did the girls feel better after you watched _The Wizard of Oz _together?"

"Yeah, Mom, we had a great day." My voice broke on the last word, so I quickly cleared my throat to mask the emotion threatening to break through.

Unfortunately, she didn't miss it.

"What's the matter, baby?"

When I didn't answer right away, she sat upright, leaning over to turn on the lamp and look at me properly. I didn't know how capable I'd be of hiding the truth from my mother, since I'd never had anything truly meaningful to hide in the past. My life up until this point had been so unbelievably bland, and now I had everything. Everything that I just couldn't let her see yet. How could I manage that?

"I'm fine, just tired. Jane woke us up when she got home and I left right away, so I'm kind of disoriented from being pulled out of sleep so suddenly, that's all." I smiled in reassurance, grabbing the remote and switching through the channels. "When's Dad getting home?"

She watched me carefully, her brow furrowed as she ran her fingers through my hair. "He should be home soon, honey." She paused a moment longer before asking her next question. "Bella…I've only met Jane a couple times but…she really gives me an uneasy feeling. She isn't being mean to you when you babysit, is she?"

I bit back my chuckle. Clearly my mom thought I was a twelve-year-old if she thought I was getting "abused" by Carlisle's wife. I shook my head in confusion. "I guess I don't know what you mean, Mom. I don't necessarily agree with the way she is with her family. She's no more mean to me than she is to them."

Renee shook her head, concern written all over her face. "She just doesn't seem to fit with Carlisle. Their body language tells it all, they can barely stand to be around one another."

I pulled at my collar, the room suddenly becoming unbearably hot. "Since when have you turned into a people-watcher?" I chuckled nervously, increasing the speed in which I flipped through the channels.

She shrugged a shoulder, smiling wryly. "I don't know, I couldn't help but notice. Carlisle has always been such a good friend to your father, and he's always had this air of sadness about him. I just wish he could find happiness, because no one deserves it more than he does."

My heart was going haywire as I stared intently at my mother. "His daughters make him happy," I whispered.

She met my eyes before I could remember to take the intense love out of them, and her breath caught. Whatever revelation she was about to stumble upon, it was too late for me to correct it. "Bella, you know you're not only my daughter, right? You're my best friend, and there's nothing you can't tell me."

I swallowed thickly, feeling overwhelmed at all the emotion I was required to harbor in the slight frame of my body. I could barely take the enormity of Carlisle's love, and now here my mother was, declaring that I could tell her anything, but knowing she'd instantly regret her words the second I confided in her. "I know that, Mom." I stood from the chair, pocketing my phone and running my fingers through my hair. "I should probably get to bed."

"Okay, baby," she smiled, sadness etching the corners of her lips as I handed her the remote.

I walked up the stairs on shaking limbs, closing my bedroom door behind me and instantly stripping down to my bra and panties. I refused to shower just yet because if I pressed my nose hard enough into my skin, I could still smell him on me. I laid on my bed and did exactly that, watching the shadows play in the pitch black room and absorbing my senses in nothing but Carlisle.

I must have drifted off for some time when I finally heard the faint vibration of my phone buzzing in the pocket of my discarded pajama pants. I fumbled for the phone, my head spinning and my equilibrium off-kilter as I rushed to be connected with him once more. "Hello?"

"Are you okay, Bella?" he asked me in one loud, exhaled breath.

I shook my head frantically, my hand splayed across my throat as I clenched my eyes shut tightly. "I'm okay, are you? God, I can't believe this happened."

"I'm fine, sweetheart. I just…we have so much to talk about."

My chest ached so severely. I couldn't stand being so far away from him, and yet I knew it was unrealistic to sneak out of my house every night to rendezvous with him. Eventually they would catch on. I looked over toward my alarm clock, informing me that it was 11:32 pm. My dad would be home any minute if he wasn't already, and it usually took him awhile to unwind after working second shift. There was no way we could do this, and yet I felt like I was going to fall apart if we didn't. "How can I get to you? How can we do this?"

"I don't know, baby. There might be a way, but I need you to sleep for me because it won't be until later." My fingertips drifted along my phone at his caring, desperate words, and I needed to touch him so fucking badly.

"I didn't get to kiss you goodbye. After everything that happened today, and we didn't even get that." My whisper was anguished and I hated adding that onto the burdens he carried. But after the way this night had turned out, I had a hard time hiding my vulnerability.

"Bella, this has been one of the best days of my life, please don't let the way it ended overshadow that. I promise you I'll kiss you goodnight…one way or another, I'm getting there."

"What happened after I left, handsome?" I whispered gently.

"I'll tell you everything once I'm touching you, love. Wherever we go from here, we'll ultimately be together, and that's all that matters to me."

Tears filled my eyes as I spoke in a raspy voice. "I don't care if the whole world finds out about us, Carlisle, but I can't bear to think of the repercussions this will have on you and the girls. In a town like this, the scandal could ruin your career. And if it came back on the girls, I don't know what I'd do."

"Bella, calm down," he soothed. "I sincerely doubt it's going to get that far, but if it does, we'd deal with it accordingly. I've bared witness to plenty of Forks scandals over the years, and while they're a hot topic for awhile, they seem to dissipate rather quickly."

"But my parents will be thrown back into it, after they've spent their whole lives trying to forget it."

He was silent for a long moment, his breathing the only thing audible through the receiver. "All I can do is promise that I'll do everything in my power to keep the backlash off of your parents, Bella. You know it's the last thing I want…I love them too."

"I know…I just can't think clearly. I'm too distracted by not having you. I need you all the time, Carlisle. I don't understand how this is supposed to get any easier."

"Are you giving up on me, sweetheart?" he whispered sorrowfully.

"I'm never giving up on you."

"Bella, I love you. I'll salvage this night for us, I promise. And not just this night, I'll fix everything."

"I love you too…"

"Your dad called me about ten minutes ago. He wanted to know if I was interested in having a few beers with him in the 'man-cave' tonight." We both chuckled silently, and I knew this had to be a factor in his grandeur plan to get us together tonight.

"Hmmm, when are you getting here?" I whispered, smiling despite myself.

"I'm leaving in a minute, I could definitely use a drink right about now. Well, it's my second choice, anyway."

"What's your first?" I murmured softly.

He let out a jagged sigh as he moved his mouth closer to the phone. "You. Every inch of you. You're always my first choice, Isabella."

"What should I do, Carlisle?"

"Wait for me, beautiful. As soon as Charlie goes to bed and I pretend to go home, I'll call you. I'll get you to me somehow baby, okay?"

"Okay…hurry," I begged him.

No sooner had I gotten off the phone with Carlisle did my father pull into the drive. I quickly threw my pajama pants and white long-sleeved t-shirt back on, lingering by my bedroom door to listen. Apparently my mother had fallen asleep in the chair, because I heard my father softly coaxing her to get up, letting her know that Carlisle was coming over for a few beers. I couldn't hear what else they were saying, and judging by my mother's soft giggling I had a feeling I should have been thankful for that.

I crawled back into bed as Charlie helped her up the stairs, just in case he peeked in, which he gratefully didn't. Several minutes later I heard him emerge from their bedroom, just as the hum of a familiar engine became more prominent to my ears. My love was here.

I took my perch next to the bedroom door once more, my heart stuttering as Carlisle knocked softly on the front door. I heard his smooth, answering tone as my father greeted him, telling him to come in from the cold. "Yeah, I thought we could have a few out in the garage but it's damn cold outside tonight. Should we belly up to the kitchen table?"

"Yeah," Carlisle chuckled softly. "I think we'd be a lot more comfortable in here."

Charlie grunted in agreement. "The sooner Spring gets here, the better."

"It's not even Christmas yet," Carlisle pointed out, a smile in his tone.

I heard Charlie slap his back. "You forget, my friend, I've been roasting my ass in Arizona for the last fifteen years. It sucks having to readjust, let me tell ya."

They continued on as such, and even though I knew Carlisle hated small talk just as much as I did, I could hear in his tone how grateful he was to have a friend. My eyes began sliding shut as I lost myself in Carlisle's soothing tenor, when suddenly my dad's voice caught my attention. "Oh shit, I don't even have any beer in the house, it's all out in the fridge in the garage."

Carlisle sounded eager and I was now more awake than I had ever been. "Take your time, I can wait." Charlie mumbled that he'd be right back, and Carlisle spoke once more. "Make sure you grab enough, Charlie, it's been one hell of a day."

I heard my dad pause in confusion. "You all right?"

Carlisle sighed loudly. "I don't know."

I took in the sounds of Charlie shrugging on his coat. "When I get back, you're gonna tell me what's going on. I'm not saying we're going to braid each other's hair or anything, but your best buddy's gotta be good for something."

"Thanks, Charlie," Carlisle chuckled.

The second my dad slipped out the back door, both of us sprung into action. By the time I rounded the stairs and began sprinting down them, Carlisle was standing at the bottom, a wild look in his stormy blue eyes. I skipped the last three steps and dove into his arms with so much force that I sent him stumbling backwards until his back was pressed into the wall behind him. He felt so good beneath me that I didn't know whether to groan in pleasure or laugh at my over-eagerness. "Oh my God," I whispered, locking my arms and legs around him as his hands ran frantically up and down my back.

"We've spent all day together," he whispered breathlessly against my lips. "How can I need you this badly already?"

I pulled his hair tighter, causing him to moan deeply before I traced his lips with my tongue, begging him to open for me until we were lost in our frantic, heated kiss. I was addicted to the feel of his wet tongue sliding inside my even wetter mouth. The pattern we created together was as tantalizing as it was hypnotic, and if we weren't careful, my father would find me wrapped around his best friend with my tongue down his throat. Regardless of the unfortunate way our evening had ended earlier, our reunions would only ever be sweet. All the pain seemed to dissipate when we were free to truly be with one another the way we were meant to.

He slid me down his body until my feet hit the floor, our lips regretfully tearing apart as we held onto one another for dear life. I stared into his eyes intently, needing to make sure that he was actually all right. "You look stressed, handsome," I whispered sadly, my palm sliding up and down his cheek.

He smiled sadly, covering my hand with his as he kissed my lips. "You take it all away, love."

"He won't be gone for long," I reminded both of us, pushing my entire body against Carlisle's until he was pressed tighter against the wall.

His hands ran along my sides and down until he was squeezing my thighs, smiling down at me brightly. "Having you next to me is excellent incentive to get your dad drunk so he passes out sooner."

"Why, are you going to take advantage of him?" I stood on my tip toes to get closer, our noses sliding together as his hand slid beneath my shirt and caressed my back.

"Mmmm, baby no one's getting taken advantage of tonight…" he leaned in to kiss me again, languidly this time as his lips twisted together with mine. He felt so good that I could barely fathom it. It was unbelievable the way his mere presence took every negative thing away.

"I think you should confide in Charlie," I whispered, running my hand across his chest.

He slid his tongue across my jaw until he was sucking my earlobe into his mouth. "Sure, Bella. How about 'Hey Charlie, I'm desperately in love with your daughter, and I want to do so many unspeakable things to her that I don't even know where to begin.' How do you think he'll respond?"

I rolled my eyes at him, unable to hide my laughter as he beamed boyishly at me. "You know what I mean, Carlisle. Obviously you need someone to talk to."

"I have you to talk to, sweetheart."

"I know but…he's your best friend," I whispered, searching his eyes for a long moment.

He took my hand, kissing my knuckles as he stared down at me lovingly. "Who do you confide in besides me, Bella?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Angela for the meaningless things. My piano for the rest. It used to be my mother, but that's really not an option when it comes to you and me."

"You know it won't always be that way," he murmured gently, brushing a lock of hair away from my eyes and tucking it behind my ear.

I nodded, hugging him as tightly as my arms would allow. "I need to get back upstairs. I love you…so much."

He wrapped his arms fully around me, lifting me off the ground as he hugged me with force. I felt so safe there, surrounded by nothing more than his strength. "Promise you'll sleep for me, Bella. I can't keep exhausting you like this."

I started to talk, but he kissed me passionately before the words left my mouth. Apparently by the wry gleam in my eyes, he knew whatever I was going to say had something to do with exactly how I'd like him to exhaust me. "Don't even say it," he warned playfully.

"Fine," I sighed, kissing him once more. "I'll try to get some sleep, but it's going to be hard knowing you'll be right downstairs. And what about your rest, hmm? You need sleep just as badly as I do."

"I need you more."

I buried my fingers in his hair. "I have the same argument, Doctor Cullen."

His eyes darkened, and I let out a short squeak as he slapped my ass. "Don't call me that, not when I can't do anything about it. Get some sleep, I'll be with you soon."

"I'm going to eavesdrop for awhile first," I smiled, pulling him closer by my grip on his shirt.

"If you insist." He shook his head, smiling adoringly at me before kissing me soundly. I walked slowly backwards from him, our fingers linked until we couldn't reach anymore. Halfway up the stairs I heard the back door open, and slipped into my room just as my dad addressed Carlisle.

With his scent freshly pressed against my body, I took hits of him off of my sleeve, my heart still thundering as I listened to what was taking place on the lower level of the house.

**-x-x-**

The popping of tabs and the quiet fizzing of carbonation sounded out in the otherwise silent house. Chairs scraped against linoleum and aluminum cans were set on the surface of the wooden table.

"I can't tell you how great it feels to be back in town, man," my dad sighed, pausing while, I assumed, he drank his beer. "Obviously the circumstances suck, but no matter how much Arizona became our home, I could never quite shake the feeling that I'd been hiding out all these years."

Apparently Carlisle wasn't the only one that needed to talk.

"How have you been coping with everything?" Carlisle asked.

"I guess I've done a lot of soul-searching since I've been here, and you know that's not something I'd typically say," Charlie chuckled. I couldn't help but smile at Carlisle's quiet laughter as my dad continued. "It's been…hard. I've always had so much anger about how my parents alienated me because of Bella. Even though they were old fashioned, I will never be able to understand why they couldn't cherish that little girl as much as Renee and I did, and still do. Once Mom was diagnosed, we put the majority of the past to the side. I guess it was better late than never that she figured out how much she missed out on, but those wounds were deep, Carlisle. I'll always love my parents, but when I think about them, I will always see them as being on the outside looking in on my family, ya know?"

"I understand exactly what you mean. Before she died, Clara spent a lot of time talking to me about everything she would have done differently, but I wasn't the one who needed to hear it. I always told her to tell you and Renee how she really felt, but pride evidently won out in the end." Carlisle was quiet a moment before I heard a can being set down on the table. "But the years without Bella…that's certainly something she regretted the most."

Charlie cleared his throat. "I get why she confessed all this to you and not me, Carlisle, I really do. You know me better than almost anyone. Trying to pry words out of my mouth is usually a lost cause. Apart from tonight, apparently." My dad laughed before speaking once more. "I'm a lot like her, you know. We both had a lot to say on the matter, and in the end, we told everyone about it but each other. Maybe that was for the best."

"Seeing what you and Renee went through when she got pregnant…I had never felt more disgust for all the narrow-minded people in this town. No one deserves to be under that kind of scrutiny, especially when the parties involved are only following their hearts. You were head over heels in love with Renee, and you created a life because of it. I still can't figure out why her pregnancy was so ungodly awful that you were kicked out of your house. There are children born every day as a product one night stands, rape, or drug-induced hazes. But creating a child out of love is a scandal? I can't for the life of me understand why I've lived in Forks for as long as I have; this small town mentality can be poisonous at times."

"Thinking of a move, Carlisle?" My dad sounded surprised.

"I'll go wherever I need to," my love murmured softly, and just by the tone of his voice, I knew I was the only thing occupying his mind in that moment.

There was a long bout of silence, nothing infiltrating the still room but sips from cans and clunking of aluminum on the tabletop. Finally, my dad spoke up. "Come on, man, you've got to fess up."

"What do you mean?" My pulse quickened at the slight panic in Carlisle's voice.

"I mean, I've never seen you like this before! One minute you're so happy it's sickening to be around you, the next you're so upset that you're shaking. I've known you to be the most calm, measured guy in existence, Carlisle. What's going on with you?"

"Perhaps you've mistaken calm and measured with empty and sad, my friend. I don't really know what else to say."

More silence.

"Well shit, let me get you another beer."

I chuckled sadly at my dad's method of placating Carlisle.

Popping tops. Long sips. Loaded silence. My father must have been squirming…he hated when things got real. "Look…you've listened to me vent about the shit with my parents, and I want to help you. I know I've never been in touch with my feelings or whatever, but that doesn't mean you can't confide in me."

"I know, Charlie. I appreciate it." He just didn't know what to say.

"It's not like I don't know what's got you so bent out of shape. I wasn't born yesterday, and we've been best friends since before our damn balls dropped, Carlisle. You don't need to pretend with me. The question is…why in the world are you still with that woman?"

My pulse thrummed loudly in my ears, and I dragged my sweating palms up and down my thighs as I pressed my ear firmly against the crack between the door and the jamb. I knew Carlisle needed to talk about this, but now that it was happening, how was that even a possibility?

"Jane…at first she was a convenience. My girls were chaotic, my life was in shambles, and I had no idea what it meant to maintain a functioning household and be a single parent at the same time. She walked in, and brought pure and utter _order_. It was what we all needed at the time."

"Did you love her?"

Carlisle chuckled humorlessly. "God, even if I wanted to fool myself in thinking I did, I know now for a fact that I wasn't even close to feeling that strongly for her. I think…we both offered each other what we were looking for at the time. I needed structure in my life, and she wanted to try her hand at the role of mother and wife. I provided her an instant family without the hassle of creating one. It was convenient for us. I think we both knew it wasn't a fairytale marriage, but we got along well enough. We functioned as a unit. I never expected anything more. I never expected to find something _real_. I've never made sense to people, Charlie. You know that better than anyone."

My dad laughed deeply. "The short kid who loved sports but never played them, and the awkward kid who wore his heart on his sleeve. We were like the Odd Couple, back in our day."

"That we were," Carlisle smiled.

"So let's recap," Charlie sighed. "Your marriage started out as more of an arrangement that worked for both of you. Where do you stand now?"

"Simply put, it stopped working."

There was more silence, and I could almost envision the exasperated look my father was giving Carlisle, gesturing with his hand for him to continue. "And?"

"I guess Jane discovered that being a mother and wife wasn't exactly what she had hoped it would be. And I…soon realized that I was tired of going through life being completely devoid from everything but my daughters. Suddenly, it was proven to me just how destined I was to feel something real for the first time. Charlie, I'm not even kidding you, it was like a bitch slap from the heavens or something. I can be happy, and I can have everything, and there's no need to endure a marriage I don't want…one that I never really wanted to begin with."

I didn't make a sound as tears slid down my cheeks, the excitement bursting forth from the man I loved filling my entire heart with pure joy. My fingers slid idly along the door as my dad interrupted Carlisle's frantic words. "Wait, wait, wait…you're smiling like a madman again, and that's exactly what I was talking about before! This is about a woman, isn't it?" I smiled, because even my dad couldn't help but laugh along with the bliss Carlisle seemed to be radiating. It was humbling and overwhelming to know that I was responsible for it.

"I can't really talk about it, Charlie. Not yet, anyway." It was so miraculous how sheer panic could be mixed in with such intense happiness.

"You are _not_ holding out on me, man…who is she? Do I know her? Does Jane know? You've gotta give me something here," Charlie pressed for information while still keeping his tone light.

"I'm going to be cryptic because for now, I have to be. It's not a sex thing, Charlie, it's like…a destiny sort of thing. It's about intellectually, spiritually, irrevocably being bound to another person because that's the way it was _meant _to be. I can't properly explain it, but it's everything I never knew I was capable of possessing. She gives me…_everything."_

"Jesus, you're making her sound like some kind of saint!"

"No I just…found where I belong. And the circumstances in which we've joined together are so unbelievably tumultuous, it's almost laughable. But I'm taking your lead here, Charlie. All those years ago, when people ostracized you for loving Renee so damn much, you proved to them that love prevails despite it all. I'm praying that regardless of how I'm perceived by this town, regardless of the waves it will create, that you'll know I'm only following my heart. It's not wrong, nothing about this is wrong."

Carlisle was talking so fast, and my heart began racing as quickly as his words. He nearly sounded as if he would tell him now. Like he would confess and hope for the best. All I could do was snap the rubber band around my wrist and listen with bated breath.

"What the hell, Carlisle? Is she a nun or something?"

Charlie was playing around, but suddenly Carlisle was quite serious. "I just want you to know something, and then for tonight, we can drop it. I know it's wrong of me to feel one way for someone and be legally bound to another. I'm trying to rectify that as we speak but, Jane has a broad idea of what's happening in my life. And it's not that she's jealous or that she wants to fix our relationship, because that ship is so far sailed. But it's as if she has something to hold over my head now. The woman I've fallen in love with, her situation is nearly as taboo as mine is…and our unification will certainly turn heads. I don't care if it does, but I'm terrified of the ramifications it will cause my loved ones. And because of that, it needs to be kept a secret for now. With Jane knowing what she knows, if I throw the papers at her now, I'm worried that she'll tear my world down around her as she walks out of it. Everything has gotten ten times more complicated since she discovered that there could possibly be someone else."

More silence. More cans. More sipping. The ticking of the clock was blaring and I could barely breathe I was so on edge. Finally my father spoke.

"I'm going to ask you this once - do you love this new mystery woman?"

"Love her? She's my fucking _world_, Charlie."

_God, his desperation would taste so good on my tongue…_

"Right, okay, and will she fit in with you and your girls?"

Carlisle sighed. "My girls will adore her."

My father scoffed. "Then who gives a shit about what this town thinks? Life's too short to let some blonde bitch dictate how you spend your days. If you want to end it, then end it, Carlisle. You'll always have Renee and me, even if you do want to stick it to the nun."

Carlisle laughed heartily. "She's not a nun."

"Well, whatever. Listen to me, the biggest scandal to ever hit Forks, when I say that these people are spiteful. If you love someone, don't let them take that from you."

"And what if it effects my career? What if people don't want to be treated by a philandering doctor?"

"Then get rid of that SUV, buy a fuel-efficient car and commute to the next town over! You'll have your kids, your soul mate, your best friend and his amazing family. What more do you need?"

I could almost hear the exact second that Carlisle's smile fell. "You're my best friend, Charlie. My only friend, really. You know me better than anyone…you know I'm not a bad guy…"

"Shit, you're the best guy I know. Just have faith that everything will work out, and count your blessings that you found yourself a perfect match. Hell, I was a sixteen year old kid scared out of my mind at the idea of being a father, and yet I was smiling like I won the lottery as my parents kicked me to the curb. You know why? Because I was headed into the arms of a damn good woman, and that alone was worth all the bullshit we were subjected to."

"You're right," Carlisle murmured softly.

"Of course I'm right." I heard a chair scrape against the floor and the refrigerator door open. "Here, looks like you need another one. Can we talk about football now so I don't feel so emasculated? It's good to have a heart to heart every now and then, but I think we should be covered for the next year at least."

Carlisle chuckled. "It was a good talk, Charlie. I don't judge you for becoming one with your feminine side, even though I was worried for a second the nail polish was going to come out."

My dad chuckled incredulously. "I invite you into my home and share my top quality brew, and you call me a chick? I never thought I'd see the day you'd stoop to that level."

As their conversation turned to sports and small-talk, my mind was swirling with the words Carlisle had spoken to my father and the advice he was given by his best friend in turn. Everything about this was so unbelievably complicated…

I slumped against the wall and concentrated on Carlisle's deep voice, losing myself to sleep as he soothed me from the level below.

**-x-x-**

A soft vibration woke me with a start, and I was drowning in confusion as I looked around the dark confines of my room. I winced as I stretched my neck, a deep ache shooting down my arm from the position I'd fallen asleep in. Suddenly the events of the night came spiraling back to me, and my eyes frantically searched the floor for my cell.

_I'm on the couch. Apparently your dad thinks I shouldn't be driving after five beers. Come down here, Bella, I can't take this anymore, I need you._

I didn't make a sound as I rose from the floor, my breathing steady but my heart pounding and sporadic. I took careful steps down the stairs, finding comfort in the deafening snores of my father and the pharmaceutical coma my mother found herself in each night.

There was a soft light coming from the bulb above the stove, which cast a dim glow into the hallway but neglected to reach the living room. I turned the corner, walking fast but determinedly, needing him desperately but being careful with my actions as I maneuvered through the darkness. My breath caught in my throat as I found him there, leaning against the back of the couch, arms folded across his chest as he awaited me, his features basked in the soft glow of the moon coming from the parted curtains.

He looked so young, with his endless eyes and his blue hooded sweatshirt and stylish jeans and white socks. His hair was disheveled and his every thought was written on the gorgeous lines of his face. His fingers never relented in their endless tap-taptap-tapping on his perfect thigh, and the closer I came to him, the faster he strummed. The air was loaded, the silence so loud that it seemed to cradle us in the middle of the heavy, darkened night.

His lips were parted as his fingers slid along the coarse material of his jeans and reached out, not stopping until they were curled around my hipbone and pulling me closer. He smelled like beer and my sweet, loving eternity all rolled into one, and I almost cried out loudly as I gasped and pushed myself into his arms.

Still the silence dominated the room, only briefly interrupted with our heavy breaths of relief as we held on tight, and the shuffle of our clothing as we fought with them to let us be closer. We had so much to talk about. We were in my parents' home with them slumbering unsuspectingly above us.

But as his arms shook in their grasp around my body, and my nose was pressed tightly against the perfect skin of his throat, I closed my eyes and ignored everything but the serenity he brought me.

And I breathed.

For now, for this moment…all we could do was breathe.

**-x-**

**-x-**

**-x-x-x-x-x-**

**Oh damn! Shit's getting real now!**

**So guys, I really love you all for reading my stuff and pimping me and being my friend on Twitter! And those of you who don't follow me- Brits23, you totally should! Pervy hijinx ensue, some occasional pics of a certain gorgeous man are posted (stares at TOWaKlisle), and from there, you can find more info about the blog that Lazykate and I pwn on the regular, The PFachWatchalong!**

**We have so much fun, and we love recapping his movies, whether they are totally epic or they suck major balls! We're honest, and we're kinda comical in the process. If you've ever enjoyed our Dirty Little Secrets A/Ns, check out our Watchalong for more twisted fuckery. We'd love to see you there! **

**Linkie: http:/pfachwatchalong(dot)wordpress(dot)com/**

**You can also follow the PFachWatchalong on Twitter. You guessed it….. PFachWatchalong.**

**So tell me what you thought about Jane and her not-so-hidden jabs at Bella and Carlisle, I'd love to hear your theories! (Didn't mean to sound like Twi-Edward there, my bad!) Drop me a review, I love them all so incredibly much! See you soon! :)**


	16. Storms

**Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters and Twilight plot lines that may appear in this story. The remainder is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. Don't steal, it isn't polite.**

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**Chapter Fifteen**

_~Storms make oaks take deeper roots._

-George Herbert

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

_**BPOV**_

I was immersed in the feeling of Carlisle's chest against my back, rising and falling, warm and solid…he was my serenity. The house was completely quiet apart from our breathing and the gentle whisper of skin against skin as our fingers tangled and slid together. Just this…and all was right in the world. I forgot about our predicament, the restraints of a love that could never survive being this contained, the woman who legally belonged to my soul mate, and the parents I would willingly destroy because of it.

I shivered as his fingers untangled from mine, sliding up my arm and over my shoulder until he was tucking my hair behind my ear. His name fell from my mouth in a breathless whimper as his warm, soft lips pressed against my earlobe and moved to my neck, capturing expanses of flesh and sucking gently. "Shhh, it's all right, love," he whispered heavily, his fingers curling tightly around my hipbone and pulling me firmly closer to him, our bodies aligned as he continued to taste the curve of my throat.

We had so much to discuss, but this intimacy was something we needed. I was fully aware that my parents were right above us, slumbering away, but there was no denying this. My mother continually lost herself in a fog of sleeping pills each night, and I knew from my experience in Phoenix that a freight train couldn't wake her up once the tablets were dissolved inside her body. And my father, well, as long as I held onto his chainsaw-like snores in the back of my mind, I knew we'd be all right.

I closed my eyes and tried to imagine what it would have been like to meet Carlisle even a year from now. He could be divorced. I would be emancipated. We would be free.

But even though our journey would have been smoother had we waited a year to give into this, I realized that scenario would have given me three hundred and sixty five days of a life without him. No, I would never regret what we had now, regardless of the pain it would eventually cause the ones we cared for.

Love like this was the fuel that maintained my inspiration. Love like this was laced in every word I wrote, every melody I created. I wrote about it because I craved it. Like a historian writes about Atlantis, like a conspiracy theorist searches for UFOs and Bigfoot. I wanted it, but I didn't have any true faith that it was real, until I met him.

I ran over these thoughts in my mind, trying to figure out how I would justify what we were to my parents, because God knows I certainly didn't need to be convinced. Everything made so much sense inside my mind, but they'd never been able to speak my language. Perhaps my mother, to an extent, once upon a time, but now…

I just didn't know.

My train of thought quickly switched tracks, my mind now swimming with the events that led up to us wrapped around each other on the couch. "Carlisle?"

"My love," he hummed against my jaw, kissing me sweetly there as his arms tightened around me.

Anxiousness swelled in my chest as I geared up to ask him the question that had been looming over my head all night. "What happened after I left tonight?"

He sighed as I turned to face him, his eyes searching mine wearily as he pulled me closer. "Nothing happened at all. We put the girls to bed, I shook with pure rage because of the way she treated you, and my home became unfamiliar and cold the second she walked in and you walked out. It was as if I could almost see the shift in the air around us. It's home with you there, Bella. She doesn't fit."

"She didn't say anything to you?"

He shook his head, leaning forward to softly kiss my lips. "As much as she likes to put on a show, she's not one for confrontation when things get real. I wanted so desperately to defend you, to tell her right then and there to leave my house, but I just didn't know where we stood with everything. I wasn't going to make that kind of decision without you."

"It seems like we're stuck in some sort of perpetual limbo. We won't move forward or back until we come to a decision."

"I want you to be sure," he murmured against my cheek, placing gentle kisses against my skin in between his words. "Whatever we do, I want it to feel right for you."

"I want to know when _you_ think we should stop hiding." I brought his hand to my mouth and kissed his palm, then slid it against my cheek as his lips glided along my forehead.

"I'd tell every one of them right now, if you'd let me, Bella. I'd walk straight out that door and scream it from the rooftops. I'd scream my love for you…scream until they understood why everything about us is so unbelievably _right_, and every other contributing factor means nothing to what we feel for each other. I'd do it now, if it's what you wished, sweetheart."

I moaned softly as his warm breath washed across my lips, until I could no longer extinguish the need to feel them moving with my own. When we were breathless and his shirt was stretching in my fist, I found the will to break away. "I'm trying so hard to think rationally about this, because it's something I've never been able to do well. I go by my heart, Carlisle. I follow that initial tug in the pit of my stomach and I never look back. But this…this is everything, and I think we need to look at it from every angle possible."

A soft creak made us both still, our hearts pounding furiously against one another in our cramped quarters on the couch. After we listened for a beat, chalking it up to the shifting of a very old house, he began to speak. "I want to discuss this, love. Let's work through every potential obstacle we'll be up against until you graduate and we're free."

I couldn't help but smirk as I slid my hand over his stomach beneath his shirt. "Hmm…sounds like you have everything planned out after my matriculation."

"I definitely have some ideas," he chuckled breathlessly, pushing my hand tighter against his stomach as his muscles clenched beneath my grip. "But we've got time to figure that out."

I pressed my palm against his rough cheek, waiting until he was staring into my eyes. "You know I'd follow you anywhere, right?"

"What about Seattle? You're already accepted."

"Anywhere," I whispered, my brow furrowing at the weight of emotions between us.

I shivered as his fingers slid beneath my hair and traced patterns along the back of my neck as he stared at me thoughtfully. "I just want to be with you, Bella. I want all four of us to be…together. I feel like that's too much to ask of you, when you've barely just begun. I know you're nothing like others your age, but I can't help but wonder if what I need from you coincides with where you are at this point in your life."

I cradled his face in my palms, holding him forcefully and imploring him to look into my eyes. "You want to know what I want from you once we make it through the hardships ahead of us?"

He nodded, his fingers curling inside the collar of my shirt at the base of my neck.

With a sigh, I confessed the perfect life I'd dreamt of having since the moment I met his crystal blue. "I want to wake up beside you every morning, I want you to kiss me until I'm breathless and hold me tight and tell you how much you love me until we're rushing to make it out the door on time. I want us to take every second we can, holding onto each other in the early light of morning. I want to make the girls breakfast and pack their lunches and make sure they've done their homework. I want to spend my days learning everything I can about my passion, my music, my writing…and at the end of the day, I want to lose myself in the three people who define my life. If I can have that, if you'll give me that, Carlisle, I promise I'll never ask for another thing as long as we live."

He was trembling against me, his eyes glassy but fierce as he devoured me with nothing but his stare. "Bella…" His deep voice was pleading with me, but for what I didn't know.

"I love you, endlessly," I whispered in a firm tone, determined to make him understand. "I won't be missing out on anything, because I'll already have everything I'll ever need. You, Alice, Rosalie…I _need_ the three of you to survive now, please tell me you know that."

Carlisle winced from the rush of emotion that seemed to take him over. I ran my hands everywhere, everyplace I could reach him as he grasped me so tightly it began to sting in the most welcomed way. "I can't concentrate when you talk like this, baby," he whispered desperately, pushing his forehead against mine. "You look at me like that, and I can't breathe, I can't think. You're begging me for the life I've only ever dreamed of living, and I swear to you, Bella, I swear on my very soul that we'll have everything you just described. I love you so much, so powerfully, it could crush my bones to dust and end my life in an instant, but it's never enough."

"I feel it too," I whispered against his lips, pushing tighter against him as I began to tremble. "I don't know what to do when it's like this."

He shifted his position on the couch until he was hovering above me, his eyes pure midnight fire in the dim illumination coming from the kitchen. I felt all of him on me, every inch, but nothing compared to the heavy satisfaction of his eyes as he smoldered down at me, begging me to soothe the ache that neither one of us had the cure for.

I felt nearly complete as he covered me entirely with his body, the closest thing I could come to it at least. I knew everything would fall into place the moment he was pressed against me like this without a scrap of clothing between us. And inside me…home, right where he belonged.

I didn't realize the tears were falling down my cheeks until he was tasting them, removing them from my skin. He was a man who was starving for me alone, and all I ever wanted to be was his sustenance. "Bella, God…just listen to me. I need you to understand." He swallowed thickly after speaking frantically against my lips, his hands not content on touching any one place on my body. "I try so hard not to lose myself to the magnitude of what we are. I try to stay strong for you so we don't fall apart. But moments like this, when I'm not free to love you like I need to, when I'm not allowed to touch the person I was made for...it's cruel, it's not fair. Nothing about this is fair, but it doesn't matter. I live for this burn. It's everything, Bella. I awake each morning with an aching heart and a twisting stomach and hands that aren't content unless they're brushing your skin…but I'm alive, I'm captivated, you've made me everything I've ever wanted to be."

I tried to articulate something, anything to come close to what his words had given me, but I had nothing. Absolutely nothing. I wanted paper. I needed it. My tears were destined to fall amongst the words I wrote for him, the only way I could explain how entirely he possessed me when things got so overwhelming at times like this. I choked on my tears and writhed beneath him, trying to find the way. The way to tell him, to show him, to tear his clothes from his body until we were bare and we were complete.

It wasn't about sex…it was about our survival.

This man was a part of me before I'd even met him on this earth, and every single aspect of my life was demanding that I smother the bond we would forever hold on one another. He was right. Nothing about this was justified. "Carlisle, please…" I pleaded louder than I'd meant to, pulling him tighter until my knuckles were white and his lips were moving fast, hard, wet against my own. To silence me, to quench me…to revive my drowning soul.

"We'll find a way," he whimpered between frantic kisses, his hands under my shirt and sweeping along my abdomen, my back, my chest…everywhere. "We have to come back, sweetheart. Remember where we are, we have to come back. I promise you, we'll find a way."

"I love you so much." I begged him to understand, to realize these words would never be enough, but they were all I had.

"God, Bella…" He groaned deeply and grabbed my hand, sliding it beneath his shirt and pressing it against his chest. My mouth dropped open and my eyes fluttered shut as I felt his crazed heart. It was beating so fast, so hard for me that I could feel it in my palm, the pounding mirroring my own frantic pulse that hammered away in my ears. "You are my entire life. Feel me…feel how thunderously it beats for you. I love you so much it scares me, Isabella."

Neither one of us had the power to bring us back from our unraveling feelings. Our destiny could destroy buildings, bring down trees, shatter everything around us with its immeasurable force. We surrendered to it, simultaneously grateful for it and fearing it as we lay together, shaking and grasping onto each other for dear life.

Nothing would bring us back down from this beautiful ledge but time, so we let our breaths run heavy, our hearts beat like a stampede, and we struggled to withhold the love that was too passionate to be contained inside our meager human forms.

**-x-x-**

"I should let you go," he whispered against my cheek, kissing me sweetly as he struggled with what was right versus what we needed to feel. For as much as we both knew it was incredibly risky to hold on to one another in my parents' home, it didn't make it any easier to pull away.

I paused and listened carefully, both of us chuckling quietly as my father's snoring raged on. "We're okay, handsome. Just keep an ear out for the snoring to stop. And Renee sleeps like the dead; once she's out, she's thoroughly and unequivocally _out_."

"Thank God for that," he sighed, settling further into the couch and pulling me tighter against his body.

Our intensity had seemed to quell a bit as we lay together in the silence of the room, and somehow, we managed to calm ourselves. Every time we came together since we admitted our feelings, our proximity seemed to escalate to this boiling point that wrecked us. Usually we were able to find a way to control it, but this time…we let it consume us entirely until it somehow managed to fall away.

I loved this man. I breathed for him. I lived in a world where we couldn't be, and it was breaking us. At this point, I barely knew what to do.

The sky seemed to lighten behind the parted curtains, his breathing heavy and deep against my neck but I knew he wasn't sleeping. We were coming down from our high, the exhilaration still making us feel weakened and disoriented. We still had so much to talk about, but at that point, I only needed to know one thing.

"We never finished talking," I murmured, reaching to drag my fingers through his soft hair, my nails scraping gently along his scalp. "These obstacles you mentioned…what are they? I can't think when you're covering me like this…"

He kissed my collarbone and pulled me tighter, groaning as his leg slid between mine. "Will discussing these things hurt you, love?"

I shook my head, pushing my hips into his, needing that contact. "In every one of these situations, I'll be yours. How in the world could that ever hurt me?" I turned in his grasp, needing to see his eyes, his love, his devotion.

And as we held each other in the quiet room, he began to help me rationalize the logistics of our impending battle in the world we lived in. His eyes never wavered from mine as he began to speak. "What if we tell your parents and they kick you out?"

"You'll give me shelter," I smiled.

He hummed deeply against my lips. "Of course I would, beautiful."

"Would you leave her first?"

He nodded instantly, his lips reluctant to leave my skin. "Yes. I want her to be long gone before we tell Charlie and Renee."

"She knows about us," I whispered sadly. "What if she does everything in her power to ruin your name?"

"I've been looking for a change in scenery," he murmured quietly, sliding his hand beneath my shirt and up my spine.

"Is that so?" I beamed.

He nodded, his nose sliding against mine as he did so. "Mmmm…I've always wanted to live in Seattle." I moaned as he pulled my bottom lip into his mouth, sucking on me like I was a candy as his attention burned in my lower abdomen. "All right, so Jane is gone, your parents have kicked you out, my good name is ruined in this ridiculous town…what happens during the rest of your high school career? When they stare and point and call you names for being a married man's mistress?"

I cringed in his grasp and he wrapped me tighter, whispering my name. "I'm sorry, baby. But we need to be prepared for this, for anything."

I nodded, the sting of his stubble sliding along my forehead. "I know, Carlisle. But you need to know that these kids mean nothing to me. I've only just met them…I don't care if people throw garbage at me as I walk down the street. When I come home, you'll be mine. And with time, they'll be nothing but an unpleasant memory. None of them mean anything to me in the grand scheme of things."

"If I go home tomorrow and tell her we're through, she'll know for certain it's because of you."

My heart beat faster as he spoke his assertive words to me in the quiet night. But I was nothing if not determined. "Do you think she'll go to my parents?"

"Honestly, I have no idea, Bella. At this point, I can't make any guesses as to what she's capable of. Perhaps she'll concede that our relationship has been nothing but a joke and move on. Or perhaps she'll take her knowledge of what she saw tonight and use it against us. There's no real way to tell."

"But you'll know once you end things with her, right?"

He nodded slowly, kissing each of my eyelids. "Yes. As much as she likes to keep a distance from any other living being, she's easily readable. I'll know which direction she's heading with one look in her eyes."

"So if you think she'll cause trouble, we can tell my parents together before they find out from her?"

"I'm confident that we can, love," he whispered solemnly.

"But if she goes quietly, we wouldn't necessarily have to tell Renee and Charlie the instant you split from her."

"What are you thinking, Bella?"

"I know it's not likely, but if it worked out that way, where she was gone but not scorning us, we'd have a certain level of freedom without having to endure the ridicule. If she's gone, I can be free with you at the house, and my parents can go on believing that I'm doing nothing more than watching the girls for you until the timing is right to tell them."

"That would be ideal, love, but unfortunately it's not a scenario we can count on. It's still something we can hope for, but the only way I could see her doing that is if she were trying to save face. She's always been concerned about what others think of her. If she were to advertise what we were, she'd also be revealing herself as the woman who lost her husband to a…well, a teenager." My face twisted and he quickly kissed me, humming as he shook his head. "You know that's not how I meant it, sweetheart. But to others…who don't understand…" he trailed off as if he were unsure, his finger sliding down between us until the string from my pajama bottoms was wrapped tightly around it.

I smiled softly, our fingers tangling between our bodies amongst fabric and heat. "It's okay, I know what you meant. I still think you should tell her as soon as you can, though, regardless of what the result will be. Wherever we find ourselves from there, it doesn't matter. I have faith that wherever it leads us, it will be the right path to take. Nothing about this will be easy, but the ending result…" I drifted off, wrapping his tightened fingers in my own as they slid along the bare skin of my stomach. "No matter what, we'll be together. I welcome every outcome, Carlisle, because however this turns out, we'll only ever be together. That's all I need."

"So I'll end things soon, tomorrow even. And if we can get away with waiting to tell your parents, we'll do so. But if we can't avoid it, then we'll confess everything to them, together. We'll cry and it might break all four of us, but at the end of the day…"

"At the end of the day, I'll still be remarkably in love with you." I smiled as he cupped my face in his hands, breathing me in before kissing me soundly.

"We won't need anything else, Bella. I have faith that eventually they'll understand. One day, every aspect of our lives will be complete."

"But I'm complete now, you must know that." We tangled our bodies so intricately, so secure and solid that it would have taken an impossible force to tear us apart.

He felt perfect pressed so tightly against me, smiling lips brushing heated skin, holding me tight, cherishing me, loving me…and I knew that even though we had so many things hanging over our heads right now, the brunt of our heavy conversation was over for the time being. There was time for talking when we were forced to be apart. For now, when our bodies were so thankfully tangled together, we only existed for one thing.

"Bella?" He paused to kiss each cheek, holding me so delicately that my heart fluttered in my chest.

"Carlisle…" I licked his bottom lip until his warm tongue slid out to wrap around my own, beginning an intimate dance of warm, damp flesh. Our kiss was the embodiment of everything we needed and everything we were forced to suppress. Naked flesh, joining bodies, tethered souls…we let our mouths seal a promise to each other we could not yet fulfill.

I moaned as his hand slid down my back and over the curve of my hip, his fingers wrapping around my thigh and lifting it higher up on his own. "Please, Bella, I need you to tell me to stop. I just…I want…so much, but I know we can't have it now…I need you to tell me not to take more from you."

I shook my head vigorously, pulling him tighter. "I can't tell you that, Carlisle. Just listen, there's nothing out of place. They're sleeping, and we're here. Just cover me, love me quietly. Hold me until I break, but don't stop. Lose yourself in me, but _please _don't stop."

The sound of our heavy breathing was the most intricately beautiful melody, his knee inside of mine and his other foot on the ground as he hovered over me. His fingers were wrapped tightly around the arm of the couch as he hovered above me, his nose skimming along my jaw, my neck, until he was kissing the skin above my rapidly beating heart. He groaned in hunger as he pulled my shirt down so it was no longer in the way, his tongue pressing flat against the pulsing rhythm as he looked up at me and our eyes connected.

This was intimacy at its purest level. Nothing else existed. There was nothing. Just his eyes on me as he tasted, revered…_loved._

My arms circled his narrow hips beneath his shirt, and I lifted my own shirt up to feel our hot bellies sliding together as we moved, kissed, tangled. Everything was burning, inside and out, aching and wet but I knew we couldn't take it too far. As desperately as I wanted to see his eyes clench and his mouth fall open as he came for me, I knew we'd have to deny ourselves the pleasure until we could find some time alone.

Our frantic kisses slowed as he stared down at me, letting our lips rest together before his tongue slid out gently, dragging along my own, his breath hot and heavy in my mouth as he spread my legs wider and pressed himself against me. I groaned and hooked my fingers through his belt loops, our eyes still searching as his tongue slid back and forth and around mine, pulsing, pushing, thrusting.

And then suddenly his hips were matching the movements of his tongue.

I whimpered as he pushed against me, solid, hard, wanting. He continued making love to me with his mouth, and his desperate thrusts gave me a sweet taste of everything we had to look forward to. "How do you feel, sweetheart?" he panted, swallowing my cries as my fingers twisted and curled into his dark-blonde locks.

"I thought…we couldn't," I could barely speak as my hips swiveled up and into him, lifting off the couch completely as we pushed so frantically into one another. I could feel myself throbbing, glistening and pink beneath clothes that stood unwelcomingly between us.

Our intensity was rising up just like it had hours ago, and both of us knew there was no sense in trying to fight it this time. We had covered too much ground in the hours we spent in the darkness, confessed too much to simply hold back when we had all of this passion inside us.

He let out a deep groan as he pushed his forehead forcefully against mine, breaking our kiss and breathing heavily against my lips. "I just need to feel you, Bella. I need_ you_…so much…all the time."

I twisted my fingers in the hair at the base of his neck and pulled him down heatedly, unable to wait a second more to feel his tongue and his warmth and the hard, aching need that felt so unbelievably perfect against the center of my body.

My mind was reeling, and I couldn't think about where we were and just how unwise it was to act on this in the middle of a blaringly silent home. But as his hands moved along my skin beneath my clothing and his hips began a slow and strong thrust against mine, I knew that we needed to feel as close with our bodies as we already did with our minds and hearts. Each part of one belonged to the other, and it burned so viciously not to be able to express that. We needed more, and in my parents' living room, we were taking it.

We swallowed each others cries until they belonged to us alone, and somehow managed to remain silent apart from our heaving breaths. Our kisses slowed and we opened our eyes, my hand sliding in between us and down past his stomach before he was cradled against my palm. I wanted to feel him bare, smooth as silk and thick and heavy in my trembling hand, but even with our desire for more, we both knew there was only so far we could realistically take this, given our location.

His eyes fluttered shut as I put more force in my grasp, my fingers curling around him as best they could with layers of fabric keeping his blazing flesh from mine. My tongue reached out to stroke the air that contained his erratic breathing, the backs of his fingers drifting down my throat and over my chest until he was capturing one solid nipple between two fingers and pulling deftly.

My body clenched, the simple stroke of my body sending a painfully erotic jolt to directly where I was soaked and needing him. I let out a jagged, heavy breath as I began stroking him in earnest, the back of my hand rubbing against the tender, swollen flesh of my own body. He groaned so deeply as he pushed his face into the crook of my neck, an aching, growling sound releasing from him as he bit and licked my flesh.

Ever so slowly I slid my hand up until it was above his waistband. He held his breath as my fingers dipped below the button, sliding along burning soft skin, and a light spattering of hair that made me absolutely throb in all it's glory. He was all warm, perfect man…and he was mine.

I held his gaze powerfully as my fingers pushed beneath the thin fabric of his boxer-briefs, his lips parting dramatically but his eyes never tearing from mine. "Bella…" His tone was pleading hesitation, and I couldn't bear to have him stop me now, not when I was so close to everything I'd ever desired.

I kissed him gently, his body falling heavier over mine as my fingers slid back and forth along the elastic. I was prepared to beg, and harbored absolutely no shame about it. "Please," I whimpered, my hips instinctually pushing up into his hips and my hand. "Just for a second, I promise. I need to feel you, _please_, Carlisle."

"Oh, baby," he murmured, inhaling heavily. "A second is probably all it will take. Your touch…will push me over the edge, you just have no idea what you do to me."

"I want it," I whispered, looking up at him from beneath my lashes.

His gentle blue waves darkened to a rolling, stormy sea, and a shudder of anticipation swam through me.

"What do you want?" he breathed.

"I want to feel you come in my hand."

And then I was surrounding him.

"Fuck," he growled achingly, quickly moving his fingers to the button of his jeans to allow me more room to work. Once the button was released and his zipper was undone, he pushed his hand over my own, squeezing tight. "I love you, Bella." His lips never left mine as he spoke and I pumped, my mind completely absent as I lost myself to his plump lips and his throbbing shaft as it slid slowly back and forth inside my fist.

"You're so perfect," I confessed against his tongue, my thumb sliding down and around to spread the sticky wetness that had already begun dripping from his body. I wanted it in my mouth, but couldn't bear to remove my hand from where he was pulsing and hot for me.

His entire body thrummed like a livewire, his hips pushing against my hand and his mouth devouring my own. I gasped as his hand slid rapidly down my body until the thin fabric of my pajama pants were bunched tightly in his fists right below the drawstring. "Let me," he insisted reverently, and I nodded with tightened eyes, my nose sliding along his as I granted my acquiescence.

He wasted no time, swallowing my cries as he began circling two fingers against my throbbing clit, humming in my mouth as I began stroking him faster. "Bella…you're so swollen, baby. Let me take care of you…just let me make you feel good." He pushed his fingers against me more firmly before sliding further down, coming into contact with the evidence of my arousal.

His reaction was nearly my undoing.

He was so vulnerable like this, feeling what he did to me, proof that I needed him just as ardently as he needed me. I shook violently as his forehead pushed against my collarbone, his fingers swirling slowly at my opening before carefully, lovingly sliding inside my body. "I'm too close, love," he begged me, his fingers slipping and his thumb moving over my clit. He pushed hard when his fingers were buried deep, and circled lightly when they retreated, settling into a sensuous pattern that did nothing but make me tremble and cry out beneath his touch.

I clenched down around him, pulling his hair hard as he kissed the space behind my ear. "I'm nearly there," I panted, my orgasm already threatening to wreak havoc on my sensitive body. I squeezed him in my grasp, my palm rubbing flat against his head as I thrust up into his nimble fingers. "Faster, I need it faster."

My voice was groaning and weakened, but it matched his pitch for pitch as things became frantic, urgent, wet skin and sliding bodies and lapping, eager tongues. Everything slipped away but the climax we were building toward, our fingers bringing pleasure and completion with every shaking stroke and swirl. We weren't overly noisy but it was all for naught to try and muffle our desperation, our need for more and more and more until nothing remained but white lights and glimmering stars.

God, I needed his release more than I needed my own.

He swelled in my grasp and I knew he was on the brink, my other hand buried in his hair, holding him to me so he couldn't look away from me. I needed to see his ecstasy; I'd dreamed about it every night since I'd absorbed his beautiful blue in that dreary waiting room. "I love you," I whimpered, my bottom lip sliding against his as I hungrily searched his eyes. "Don't turn from me. Please let me see you."

His gaze was pure fire, but even more so, it was the embodiment of love. "Heaven," he whispered, kissing me and watching me through lidded eyes as his fingers began pressing hard and fast, our skin moving together producing a wet, erotic sound. He pushed further and I gasped through choppy breaths, my entire body stilling even though my fingers still managed to tug him and hold him with fervor. He drank the screams I was so close to producing as I finally let go, his hips hard and insistent as he pushed into my grasp. I was still trembling and jolting through my climax when he stilled for a single second, his mouth falling into a desperate O before it disappeared just as quickly. His teeth pushed into his bottom lip as he jerked shakily and emptied himself into my eager hand.

Tears were hot in the corner of my eyes, his release even hotter as it continued to cover my skin and breathe life into my very soul. We both rubbed and reveled until it was all too much, our lips reluctant to leave the other's as we fought to come back down from a high that I was sure was unattainable.

I watched him with eyes that held more love than I could fathom as he gently removed my hand from inside his jeans, shoving it beneath his shirt and wiping his release from my fingers with it, smiling widely.

Every inch of me was reduced to jelly, and I felt disoriented as he gently repositioned me on the couch. I blinked lazily as we lay side by side, his leg sliding between mine and his head resting in his palm as he grinned at me boyishly.

I had never been more in love.

With warm, trembling fingers I reached down to re-clasp his jeans, his lips dancing against my temple as I did so. I clung to him so tightly, for so long without saying a word, his hand running up and down my back as he let me cling to him like a lifeline. It was all so much to take, I loved him so unbelievably much, and feeling him find his release, knowing I caused it…

"Hey…"

I didn't know I was crying until he was absorbing them into his own skin. "Thank you," I mumbled through choked breaths, holding him tighter and pushing my face into his neck. "You give me everything, thank you, _thank you_…"

He surrounded me in his embrace as I surrendered to our connection, his lips moving frantically over my skin with one phrase that I would never get enough of.

_He loved me._

And I was captivated.

**-x-x-**

"Five more minutes," I groaned, clinging to his hands as he tried to let me go. My eyes shined brightly as we silently laughed together. The overwhelming intensity seemed to lessen somewhat, leaving a path for two blissfully enamored lovers to find their sanctuary in the least likely of places. I was so happy that I positively ached. He did this to me.

He winced in indecision, collapsing down beside me once more as he brushed the hair from my eyes. "We've already pushed our luck, sweetheart."

I kissed his lips, pulling him down fully next to me. "It's still very early. Now tell me what you hear."

He sighed in mock-exasperation. "Snoring. Silence."

"Mmmmm, that's what I thought," I smirked, tangling my fingers with his as he kissed my throat.

"I'll stay for a moment longer, but in return, you need to give me what I want," he growled playfully.

I chuckled, my eyes challenging his as our skin brushed gently. "Didn't I already do that?"

His lips were hot and hard on mine, and I melted into his grasp. "God yes, you have no idea…but I want one more thing."

"Tell me."

His lips swept along my knuckles as he stared at me mischievously. "Your songs."

"What about them?"

"Show me the words."

"I will," I promised.

His mouth moved languidly up the side of my neck. "Play me your melodies."

"Every one."

"And…"

"What?"

"Sing them."

"No way!" I giggled softly,

His lips were pink, his teeth were a gorgeous white, and his blue waters of Hawaii danced as he gazed down at me. Our joy was never-ending. "If you're writing them for me, the least you can do is sing them to me, love."

I rolled my eyes, tightening our entwined fingers as they hovered between us. Our feet were tangled, his knee slid between my own and we were perfect there, just like that. "I don't sing, you know this."

"But it's me," he purred, trying to get me to cave by the warm tenor of his voice. I very nearly did.

"I'll let you read anything you want, I'll play for you until my fingers cramp, but I won't sing. You're going to have to give up the dream, handsome," I beamed.

"You don't even sing in the shower?"

My eyes narrowed and I leaned forward to taste his mouth, exhaling heavily through my nose. "Not telling. I'll let you find out for yourself."

"Promise?" he whispered against my temple, kissing me there before sliding his nose down my cheek.

His hair was so soft in my hand, nails dragging soothingly along his scalp as he hummed against the corner of my mouth. "I promise you," I breathed forcefully, meaning so much more than a song as I gazed into his eyes. "I promise."

He squeezed my hand, our fingers curling tighter as he stared at me with an intense kind of adoration that made my heart flutter and clench. He brought our hands to his mouth, sweet lips sliding along his wrist as he kissed the fading confession I'd written there only twenty-four hours ago. His simple gesture told me more than words ever could, and in that moment I was desperate for him to read more of the lyrical poetry I had written for him. I wanted him to get lost in the melodies I had created in the sake of his gentle soul, while reading the words he inspired, the words that attempted to describe the miraculous way he made me feel.

"I'll give you more…I have so many, and they're all for you."

He kissed my knuckles and my eyes closed, his intense stare too much for my pounding heart to take.

"Give me your words, sweetheart, and I'll give you every part of me. I'll put my heart in your chest and my soul deep inside you. They're meaningless without you anyway. I'm so hungry to read them, love. I lay awake at night, imagining the beauty that comes from your brilliant mind. I need them just as badly as I need you, Bella."

I chuckled breathlessly, pushing the top of my head against his shoulder. "Right now I can only think of three."

He hummed against my hair. "My favorite."

I met his succulent blue, lost for an immeasurable amount of time as hot lips slid along my knuckles. "I love you," I confessed with every piece of my heart.

His mouth hovered on his own endearment when something shifted.

Everything shifted.

The air felt cold and foreign, like someone didn't belong in the space that harbored the immensity of our passion.

And without looking up, I knew.

My father's snores continued to rumble above us.

The house had never been more still.

And yet…here she was.

Nothing about this made sense. It was the middle of the night, she didn't wake up in the middle of the night. Not when her pills took her awareness away from her. And then I thought of my mother, passed out in her recliner earlier that night, my father helping her weary form to bed…and it suddenly occurred to me - maybe she didn't find her respite in the medication she typically relied in after all.

Maybe since the moment I held Carlisle against me in this quiet house, we'd been playing with a dangerous fire.

Sheer terror wracked my body.

I wilted into his side, and being the strong supportive partner that he was, he held me tighter, even though she was there, in the silent living room, seeing for herself the secret love her daughter had found with her friend.

_Her friend._

"Bella…"

Her voice held a myriad of emotions. Shock, betrayal, and more shock. And being the coward I was, I couldn't bring myself to look her in the eyes.

Uncomfortable silence resounded off of every surface in the room I was certain belonged to only me and Carlisle, and as I felt her penetrating gaze wash over everything we had become, I had never felt more fear than in that moment.

My anxiety didn't lie in my mother's reaction. It instead lied in the possibility that she would see me as nothing more than a disappointment, and that was something I could never bear to be.

With all the strength I possessed, I lifted my head and met her widened eyes. "Mom, please…"

She burst into tears, and in the blink of an eye I had gone from being ensconced in a blissful paradise with my love, to existing in a reality that I was nowhere near prepared for, no matter how certain I thought that I was.

My mother stared at me as I lay tangled on the couch with my father's best friend, and there was no running from this now.

Regardless of what would happen, it was time to face the truth.

**x**

**x**

**x**

**-x-x-x-x-x-**

**Aw, snap.**

**Reviews are love! See you soon. :)**


	17. Like a Fountain Stirred

**Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters and Twilight plot lines that may appear in this story. The remainder is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. Don't steal, it isn't polite.**

-**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**Chapter Sixteen  
**

_ ~~My mind is troubled, like a fountain stirred; _

_ And I myself see not the bottom of it. _

_ -_William Shakespeare

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

_With all the strength I possessed, I lifted my head and met her widened eyes. "Mom, please…"_

_She burst into tears, and in the blink of an eye I had gone from being ensconced in a blissful paradise with my love, to existing in a reality that I was nowhere near prepared for, no matter how certain I thought that I was._

_My mother stared at me as I lay tangled on the couch with my father's best friend, and there was no running from this now. _

_Regardless of what would happen, it was time to face the truth._

**BPOV**

As I watched my mother stand there in shock, lip quivering, eyes watering, I couldn't help but be catapulted into a memory of my childhood.

I must have been five or six, and I'd been playing at the park. I knew it would be getting dark soon, but the kids I had met that day wanted to go on an adventure in the nearby woods. I looked back to my mother, who was talking to a woman she must have known, and instead of getting her permission, I just went along with them.

We laughed and played in the camouflage of thick trees and bushes, pretending to be Peter Pan and his friends in Never-Never Land. The oldest boy in our group played Peter, and he was the one who told us everything would be all right. But when the sun sunk down over the horizon, and we were left in darkness, he was the first one to cry.

We were so close to the point in which the trees faded away to the open field beside the park, but our hysteria over the darkness made us unaware. Instead we cried for our mothers and held onto one another like it was truly the end of our lives.

I would never forget the moment when two adults came into the forest and found us there; crying, wailing, apologizing for leaving their sight when we had been told time and again never to do that. One of them was my mother. I was barely aware of the other woman who directed the group of kids out of the woods and to their awaiting parents. All I could do was look into the watering brown eyes of my mother; tears falling, lip quivering. She stared at me for what seemed like an eternity, not wrapping me up in her arms, but studying me like she'd never get another chance.

"Momma, I'm sorry," I'd hiccupped through my tears, needing her to hold me and make me feel safe again.

She knelt down in front of me, taking my hand and pressing it against her frantically beating heart. "I thought I lost you," she whispered.

I broke out into tears, crying desperately for the way I made my momma's eyes wide with worry, and her hands shake in terror. I could still remember the way she looked at me, and the fear and responsibility wavering in her eyes. "It's my fault, baby," she'd said. "I wasn't watching…this is because of me. It's my job to keep you safe."

That same fear and responsibility was staring back at me thirteen years later, like she could have prevented me from falling so hopelessly in love with Carlisle Cullen. Although the years that had passed between now and then created subtle changes in her features, I could still see the truth in her eyes; a young mother afraid that she had wronged her daughter by some fault of her own.

I kept telling myself that when this moment came, regardless of the circumstances, I'd stand strong and fight for what Carlisle and I were.

But now, I was afraid.

Afraid of what I had done to her.

He squeezed my hand, bringing me back to the moment. I wanted to bury my face in his neck and have him take me away; take me back to the world where only we existed, where it was safe and acceptable to love each other so fiercely. Not here, not this.

I felt his warm lips on my forehead and he stood from the couch, sending an immediate shiver throughout my body at the loss of heat and completion. I hated feeling so small, so childlike as I looked to him for guidance in this situation. I was acting my age when I was supposed to be his partner, his equal, in all this.

My mother wasn't the only person I was letting down.

He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at my mother, his eyes determined but hesitant. We had been so blindsided that there was no way this situation could ever be like one of the thousands of scenarios I had run through my mind. I swallowed thickly and started to rise, ready to stand next to my lover and attempt to be strong. But her cold words stopped me in my tracks.

"Get out," she demanded.

My heart thrummed violently, and a sheen of hatred that I had never seen before embodied my mother. She was a good person, and a lot like me in ways. She saw beauty and she saw what was right in this world. She never sounded like this.

"Renee…"

His voice was careful, and I finished standing, resisting the urge to take his hand. She took a step forward, and spat out her words once more. "_Get out_, Carlisle."

He shook his head, face crumpled and brow furrowed; how desperately he ached for her to understand. "Please, let's get Charlie down here and we can talk about this. We need to talk about this."

She balled her hands into fists, her slight form shaking as she glared at her husband's best friend. "Charlie can't know about this, it will destroy him! Is that what you want? This ends now, he never finds out, and you can slowly disassociate yourself from my family, Carlisle. No friend would do this to his friends. No man would seduce a little girl like this!"

My heart shattered as his eyes became glassy. Carlisle's hand ran over his mouth as he recoiled at her words. This couldn't be happening. I tore my eyes away from him and pleaded with my mother. "We were both legal adults when we chose to be together. He's done nothing wrong. _We've_ done nothing wrong, just found a place where we both belong. Look deeper, Mom, I know you can see." Tears streamed down my face as I took Carlisle's hand, begging her to understand. "Look past the anger and realize what we are, Mom! Please…you _have_ to see what we've become now that we've found each other."

Her eyes were vacant, silent tears sliding down her cheeks as she flexed her jaw. "I see nothing. Go to your room, Isabella. Carlisle, get out of my house _now_." Her tone held an air of conclusiveness, and my knees began to shake with a reality I wasn't strong enough to endure.

I felt him pull his hand from mine, and every inch of me fell into a panic. I turned to meet his eyes frantically, the air becoming harder to push in and out of my lungs. He saw my terror and grabbed my shoulders, holding me at arm's length. Glistening tears balanced along the edge of his long dark lashes, his breathing labored as he shook his head from side to side.

"I'm going to go."

"_No_." I choked on the word, grabbing his hands as they rested on my shoulders and holding them in place. Everything fell away, and all that remained was the fear of not having him beside me when I was too vulnerable to withstand the emptiness in my mother's eyes. I couldn't do this without him. I wanted to run…and I needed him to run with me.

"Shhh, listen to me, Bella." I tried to control my stilted breathing, concentrating on the love and determination I still saw in his eyes. His fingers gripped me tighter, but they simply wouldn't do. I needed to be surrounded by him until I was strong enough to hold myself together. "For right now, I have to."

"Giving up?" I barely had the energy to choke out the words.

His expression fell, and suddenly his arms were so strong around me that it didn't matter who was there to see. "Hanging on…with everything I have." He breathed raggedly against my ear, running his lips along my cheek as he pulled away. "Everything," he promised.

I closed my eyes, pushing out more tears that fell in determined streams. When I opened them again, I was met with the sound of a closing door and an empty room.

And I fell apart.

I hit my knees, head in my hands as I wept. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Not bombarding my mother with our truth unexpectedly, not folding because of harshly spoken words. He left because she demanded it, but what would we do now that he had followed her orders?

I stared blankly in front of me, the room's blaring silence resuming once more - only now it was suffocating me. I turned on my knees until I saw her sitting on the bottom step, hands over her face as she shook silently. I crawled over to her, ragged breaths trying to release my cries but to no avail. I was a woman who was on the edge because she was being denied the love of her life…and it had reduced me to the little girl I was accused of being.

My arms wrapped around her, my face buried in her hair as I sobbed, holding onto my mommy because she was the one who could make this okay. She always could. "It's not wrong. We met and we fit, Momma. We learned each other and everything made sense in this world. You have to listen!" My face was soaked with tears and burning as I squeezed her, rocked her, begged her to understand.

She said nothing.

And her silence said more than words ever could.

"It's not wrong. You see me as a child, but you were a _mother_ when you were my age. Have I ever been a child? Haven't I always been your confidante, your best friend? Please…" God, I couldn't breathe. "Please, Momma, I've had no one to talk to, it's been killing me because I needed you. I need you now. Please, _please_…"

She pushed my arms off of her body, and I couldn't bear to look her in the eyes. Instead, I lay my head in her lap, pushing my hair away from my blotchy, tear-soaked face. We said nothing…for so many minutes, we said nothing. Until a meek, haggard voice began falling from my lips.

"Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl who found each other in typical circumstances, but the love they felt for one another was extraordinary. They lived for each other, and despite what they knew to be right in this world, they loved the only way they knew how. They took care of each other because they _belonged together. _

One day, the girl realized she had a baby in her belly, a piece of her and a piece of the man she loved. She was scared of what her parents' reactions would be, but mostly she felt blessed to have found her soul mate, and to carry proof of their love inside her body."

"Bella, stop it…" She sounded almost fearful of reminiscing on her own story of illicit love, and released a strangled sob as she spoke her words. But still, I had to go on.

"Everyone was outraged. The boy's family disowned him, criticized him because _it wasn't right. _They demanded that he stay away from the young girl because their love _was wrong_. They wanted the girl to destroy the baby growing strong inside her, with her father's eyes and her mother's smile. They wanted it to disappear because _they didn't understand_."

"Bella…" She was crying now, begging with her tone for me to end my recollection of her past. But I was so determined to make her see.

"And even though no one wanted them to be together after their truth had been revealed, they knew that _one could not survive without the other_. They basked in the joy that existed between them, and ignored the ones who couldn't understand why they _completed one another_. They brought that baby into the world and showed her just how beautiful a place it could be. And they loved her unconditionally. They prayed that she would find happiness…and a love as strong and true as they had found in one another. They showed her that love is worth fighting for, regardless of the circumstances. They lived happily ever after…because they knew. Because they _knew_…"

My mother verbally let loose a sob as she wrapped me up in her arms, squeezing me so tight that it made me ache.

And we cried.

Together we cried.

The earth continued to turn as we remained immobile together, her arms strong but trembling as they crushed me to her chest.

This time, her silence was telling me something entirely different…

She just didn't know what to do.

The sun began to rise and our tears began to dry when fatigue finally caught up with us. Without a sound she let me go, walking wearily up the stairs and closing the bedroom door behind her.

**-x-x-**

I sat in the seat that protruded from my bay window, the sun now muted by rain drops that rivaled the tears that streamed down my face. Roughly an hour of sleep had found me, with my head propped against the wooden window frame and my hands wringing themselves raw. Still, I couldn't bring myself to move from this spot.

Not even when I heard my father up and about for the day, kissing my mother and asking her what was wrong.

"I must have caught a bug," she lied.

"And Bella?" he questioned.

"She has the bug, too," Renee whispered hoarsely before disappearing down the stairs.

My voice barely worked when my father poked his head in the door, telling me he hoped I felt better.

"I want to feel better, Daddy," I croaked.

I managed to hold off my tears until he had the door firmly latched in its place, and he was off to keep our little town of Forks safe for another day.

There was so much to be mournful about, I had no idea where to begin. Jane, and her knowledge of what her husband and I were to each other. My mother with the same undeniable facts laid out for her plain as day. The distance put between myself and my love, unbearable, but at this point, necessary. But most of all, I mourned the death of my bravery. My conviction. What once was a gallant young woman ready to stand tall with her man was now a weak, frightened little girl. I could barely stand myself, and in my eighteen years, my own person was someone I always took pride in being.

My heart stopped and lurched forward as my phone vibrated in its place on the dresser. Another call from the only one who could ease the sting, who could make me hope for a better day.

Another call gone unanswered.

I wanted him. I wanted Carlisle Cullen so badly that it ached. But answering that phone in this quiet household, taking the chance that my mother would hear us and thereby assume I was rubbing our relationship in her face…I just couldn't do it. Not to mention, for the first time since I'd laid eyes on him, I had no idea what to say to him. How could we fix this, and where would we even begin? I had turned into a pathetic coward that didn't even have the nerve to take in Carlisle's beautiful words and the safety of his warm, rich tenor, so how could I tackle the true enormity of this situation?

My mind swam in circles, trying to make sense of all the aspects of this predicament I had found myself in. Were we ready for the ridicule from this town, and potentially our own families? Were we ready to join together so unequivocally after a mere two months of devotion? I would never question the fact that Carlisle and I belonged together. But was he right when he said that I would be missing vital parts of my teenage years? Did I want to live in a home with children and care for them as if they were my own? Did I want to belong to one person from the very moment my adulthood began?

Of course I did.

God, being with Carlisle and the girls was where I was destined to be, and nothing in this world would steal that away from us.

I just couldn't begin to come up with a solution for what we…no, what _I _had done to my mother. It was hard to tell who her hours of silence had hurt more, me or her. She had always been the one to talk things out, to comfort and soothe, to love unconditionally.

The blankness I'd seen in her eyes told me that she had checked out of the moment, had gone entirely into self-preservation mode. I knew for a fact that she would never turn her child into an outcast like my grandparents had done to Charlie, regardless of my crime. It just wasn't in her nature.

We both desperately needed time and reflection; it was more important now than it ever was. It was as if my mind refused to turn off, and yet I was struggling to grasp a single thought, a single solution, _anything_ other than the pain I felt over hurting Renee, and the longing I felt for Carlisle.

Hours passed, and still I didn't move, my mother making no attempt to seek me out. She didn't even enter my room to confiscate my phone or computer, not that she'd ever had the need to discipline or punish me in the past. If I knew my mother, it would take a day or two for her to process exactly what she had witnessed in her living room, and what it meant for everyone that was involved. Still, the distance between us was foreign to me, and already I felt like a vital part of my soul was missing.

I stared out the window and thought about the state in which Carlisle must have been in, and my stomach twisted to knots. I could still feel the old spark of who I was twenty-four hours ago, but the sorrow I felt wouldn't be reckoned with. Instead I longed for him so desperately that I could barely breathe, all the while knowing, on some level, that he was well within my reach.

I knew I couldn't sit in the safety of my sill forever. School began again tomorrow. Difficult words would need to be spoken with my parents, a plan would need to be set forth as to what Carlisle and I needed to do about Jane, and his friends, and our unrelenting need to belong to one another.

Lyrics about making time stand still began forming in my mind. I was just so overwhelmed.

My bladder wouldn't allow me to wallow any longer, so with slow calculated steps, I made my way downstairs toward the bathroom. I looked gingerly around each corner, walking hesitantly as if I'd come into contact with a wild animal at any moment rather than my sweet, perceptive mother. I caught sight of her hand laying limp out of the recliner, a glass of water and her bottle of sleeping pills on the side table.

Apparently she thought she could sleep her way through this nightmare.

For a moment, I contemplated borrowing a pill or two, just to make the cogs in my brain lay dormant for a few hours.

The voices in my head must have retained some of their common sense, because they simply wouldn't allow me the medically-induced coma I longed to be in.

I walked back up the stairs as the rain pounded the rooftop, dark grey clouds making for a dreary day to match this dreary hour. My mother unconscious to the world gave me some modicum of aloneness, and I wondered if it would be possible to call Carlisle without her hearing.

The lock on my door sounded out loudly as I switched it into place, and I turned to press my back against the door, steadying my breathing. 'Nervous' was an understatement. I needed him like the air I breathed, but the situation temporarily made me terrified of it. He would soothe me, but he could break me too. We had been discovered by Renee only a handful of hours ago, how could I make sense of this when the wound was still bleeding and agape? I took a deep breath and walked slowly toward the dresser, my heart pounding as I picked up the phone with trembling fingers.

Eight missed calls.

Even more text messages.

_Answer me, baby, please…_

_I'm losing it, Bella. You have to tell me what happened after I left._

_Say you're okay, promise me you're okay._

_I get it, sweetheart. You need time. I need proof that you're enduring this. One word and I'll leave you be._

_I love you. _

_Ignore me, ignore what we are, and you're turning your back on everything we plan to fight for. I won't know where we stand now until I hear your voice._

_Please._

There were more, but I had seen what I needed to. I was far from healed…far from being the woman I had prided myself in being. But my love for him was still the most prominent piece of me, and it was one that I couldn't ignore.

My entire body was shaking in nerves and anticipation as I walked toward the window sill, phone in hand. My breathing seemed shallower than normal as I dialed his number with one hand, and traced the shape of rain drops with the other.

_The rain has a sort of beauty to it…I think you just need to look close enough. You need to look inside of it._

These were a few of the first words he had spoken to me, and as I replayed them in my mind, something jolted through my heart and into the very core of who I was. Suddenly he couldn't pick up fast enough.

"Bella…"

He sounded broken, and I felt disgusted knowing that I caused a great deal of his pain by ignoring him when we were supposed to be a united front.

But distance makes the heart grow fonder, and time alone gave me more perspective than ever. This needed to be done, regardless of how much it burned.

"I love you…" It was the only thing I could think to say to him, the only sound my voice would produce as I croaked between my tears. He began to speak but suddenly I was rambling, tripping over my words like I would run out of time to say them. "I was worried she'd hear me if I called. I know I should have texted or emailed or anything, but I'm so…lost, Carlisle. I'm so sorry, I just don't know what to do right now…"

He groaned as if he were trapped between Heaven and Hell, breathing deeply as he spoke almost as frantically as I had. "Bella, please don't apologize. I just needed to know you were okay…well, as good as can be expected, all things considered. I'm lost too, sweetheart…I just didn't see this coming. I want to be strong, I'd like to say I have a plan, but I'm completely thrown for a loop."

"I know, it's okay," I whispered. "There's a lot to think about."

"What happened after I left, love?"

I chuckled humorlessly. "I begged her to understand by recounting the circumstances of a young Renee and Charlie. I cried like the child she accused me of being. It was humiliating, but it was all I could do at that moment."

"What was her reaction?"

"Quite frankly, I think it pissed her off in the beginning. But the ending…well, you know the story, Carlisle. Their tale is spellbinding. She hugged me until she couldn't any longer, and walked upstairs without a word. Here we are."

"She needs time," he murmured thoughtfully.

"We all do, baby."

He sighed deeply. "Bella, I can't…put into words, what it did to me to see you so upset. And leaving you like that…God, I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I just didn't know what to do. I thought it would be better if I removed myself from the situation until Renee had some time to process this."

"No, I think in the end, you leaving was the best thing. It was just hard knowing that the one time I needed you to most, it was imperative that you went away. Perhaps I thought it would make me stronger, make me want to fight for something more. Instead, I was reduced to a sniveling coward."

"_Please_ don't. You are the strongest, most amazing woman I've ever met. I'm in awe of you every single day, Bella. There's no point in degrading yourself because you were lost in a moment of weakness. It happens to everyone, love, trust me."

I watched my tears as they fell onto my shirt and soaked into the fabric. "Hearing you say that makes me want to embody all of that for you." I sniffed and dried my eyes with my sleeve, causing him to curse softly on the other end of the line.

"Come here, Bella. I can't handle you being so far away at a time like this. I need you to come here," he begged with a trembling voice.

"I love you," I whispered brokenly. "You know that, right? How much I love you?"

I heard the beginning of tears in his voice, and I could barely endure his pain. I could drown in mine for days, but no one as beautiful as my love deserved to feel so desolate. "Of course I do, Bella. It's the one thing in this world I'm certain of. But why…what are you saying, sweetheart?"

"I need…"

"I'll give you anything, love, just tell me what you need," he encouraged.

"Time," I breathed. "I need a little time."

"How much?" he whispered.

"I just…I've been so lost in you since the very moment I arrived here, Carlisle. You walked into that waiting room and I was done. There was nothing else. Your eyes as blue as the sky and the kindness that sparkled in their depths and the way I was able to see your soul right there, as plain as day. I lost myself in your very essence since the moment I met you, and since the beginning I've felt like your beauty was meant for only me. Carlisle, you are _mine_. There is no other way to describe it, and I've been so consumed in nothing but you. I think about you, long for you, ache for you, breathe for _you_…every single second of the day. You literally define who I am. And I never want to change that, but I also feel like I need to regard myself in that same respect. What happened earlier this morning, it showed me just how easily I fall apart without you there to hold me together, and it terrified me. Do you understand what I mean?"

"Oh baby," he whispered sadly. "It was never my intention to make you feel weaker as a person. I think, when people love each other like we do, it only makes sense for them to feel a little lost without the other, especially during a crisis. But I do understand what your saying."

"It's not your fault," I insisted. "This is all me. And on top of it, I wasn't prepared for my mother's reaction. I made her eyes lose their shine, Carlisle. Do you know how disgusted that makes me feel?"

"Bella -"

"I know you don't see it that way," I interrupted, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. "And maybe I won't either once I talk to her and find out exactly how this is going to play out. Perhaps she'll shun us, perhaps she'll support us, but either way, we'll still be _us_. Until I know which direction she'll sway, I just need time…time to prepare for the absolute worst and hope for nothing but the best. I need to remember who I am in order to fight for us, in order to stand strong in front of everyone and prove to them how meant to be we are. It means everything to me, and right now, my emotions are ruling everything I say and do. This will be the most important thing I'll ever do in my entire life…I want to be ready for it."

"I love you so much, Bella…"

"Me too," I whispered softly. "Just let me be sad, let me wallow by myself for awhile. Let me miss you so much that when I do see you again, it'll burn like a fire. Can you imagine the feeling?"

"Bella…"

"I know. Send me emails, okay? Give me your beautiful words, I'll need them."

"I will, I promise," he whispered.

There was a brief silence on the phone line, and I let out a long breath. "Are you mad? Do you not see where I'm coming from?"

He was quiet for a few moments before he replied gently. "Of course I'm not thrilled about distancing myself from you, but I know deep down that we both need this. We've been lost in a dream, Bella…it's time we bring it into reality. No matter what, I'll love you. We can survive anything."

I held the phone tighter to my ear, smiling genuinely for the first time that day. "That's exactly it, handsome. We _can_ survive anything. Let's just work through this, figure things out, and then we can show everyone," I whispered in soft determination.

"I still want to scream it from the rooftops…"

My heart fluttered so forcefully that it ached, and I knew already that this would be a true testament of our will. "One day soon, you will. Until then…don't lose faith in me, Carlisle. I promise we can make everything right."

"You're the personification of my faith, sweetheart. But there's one thing I need you to tell me before we take our time…what should I do about Jane?"

"I think…it's really important that you make that decision without me. You were unhappy with her before I came into the picture, and you should use this time to reflect upon yourself as well. Do what makes you happy, and once you have that figured out, we can concentrate on what makes _us_ happy."

"You're incredible, you know that?" The reverence in his voice was stifling.

"I just want everything to be perfect," I whispered.

"It always will be, Bella," he murmured gently. "I love you."

"So much. Write me, please?"

"I will," he promised.

"Is this really what you want, too?"

He sighed deeply. "Baby, this is what we _need_."

I smiled. "When we reunite, we'll see stars, handsome."

His deep hum vibrated through the phone line.

"Until then."

**X**

**X**

**X**

**-x-x-x-x-**

**Awww, sadface. :(**

**I'll see you all next time, and a big thank you to my lovely twin Lazykate and my fantastic beta Isabel. Love you ladies!**

**My twitter is Brits23, follow me, won't you?**

**And a review or two would be much appreciated. How do you think this is gonna go for our beloved CxB?**

**In the words of TOWaK-lisle…. Until then. :)**


	18. Ready and Willing

**Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters and Twilight plot lines that may appear in this story. The remainder is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. Don't steal, it isn't polite.**

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**Chapter Seventeen**

_~Miracles come in moments__.__ Be ready and willing._

-Wayne Dyer

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

_My Dearest Bella,_

_It was officially December as of yesterday. The girls came home from school with snowmen they made for arts and crafts. They wore mittens and hats and winter coats. They've been going on and on about what Santa may bring them in less than a month's time._

_And yet I'm entirely engrossed in you._

_Well, perhaps the lack of you._

_Jane has been gone since the weekend after Thanksgiving. She has called to talk to the girls once, and even then it was brief. Alice and Rosalie could care less. It's all for show now; in truth, it's been that way for no less than a year. I'm sad that by trying to find the best mother for my daughters, I've only cheated them in the end. I guess I should be thankful that they're indifferent to Jane, and not hurt by her lack of devotion to them._

_It's been unbearable without you, love, but having her out of this house has made it infinitesimally easier. I wandered into the room that was once my bedroom years ago, and found that a large number of her things are missing. I'm almost positive she's got a place of her own in Seattle, or perhaps a man she shares a space with. I'm praying to any higher power that will listen that this is the case._

_I think she's staying away because she knows I can't do this song and dance anymore. Whether she knows of my love for you or not, it doesn't matter. I cannot for the life of me understand why she hangs onto the idea of what never truly existed inside these four walls. _

_The second she comes back, it will officially be done._

_I'm tired of waiting Bella. I'm tired of pretending to be in this "marriage," and I'm tired of claiming to be bound to anyone other than you. You're it…you're mine. I want everyone to know it, and I'll take my ridicule with a smile on my face and an immeasurable amount of love in my heart for you._

_Every bit of it will be worth it. I can only hope you feel the same._

_As much as this time apart has hurt us both, you were right in saying that we needed it. We've gone so fast, felt this connection from the very instant we breathed the same air. And since then, in the waiting room when you etched that blue ink into your gloriously pale skin, I've thought of nothing but you. I haven't given any thought about who I am as a person, or what kind of man I want to be. _

_So every night since I last held you in my arms, I've done what you requested. I've thought about what I want. Who I am. Why life has led me down this path and where it will lead me in the future._

_And as always, it comes back to you._

_Every instinct I have tells me to put my wants and needs to the side and gush about everything I want for you. But I'm not going to do that. I'm going to tell you what I want, and what I think about the person I've become._

_I've always wanted to believe that I'm worthy of feeling this strongly, of loving this much, of existing this happily._

_And in the short time I've known you, you've shown me that I am._

_I want to reach a higher level in my career. The hospital in this town hasn't offered me a single challenge in all the years I've been here. I'm a damn good doctor, and I want to use my skills to the best of my ability. I need a faster paced environment, and a facility that has the proper tools I need to excel at my job. I want to move somewhere that will allow me to do this. Whether it is Seattle or any other larger community, I know this is what I need to do. _

_And since it doesn't matter to me where in the world I go, as long as it's not Forks, I want you to understand that wherever you go, I'll be with you if you want me. Knowing that you have no plans in residing in this town permanently only proves even further that we want the same things. _

_I want my daughters to know that their father is truly happy. Before you came along, I'd lost count of how many times they'd asked me why I was sad, why my eyes didn't sparkle. Since I've confessed my love for you, Isabella, they haven't asked that once. Instead, we've laughed and played and talked about nothing but you._

_Do you have any idea how dependent the three of us are on you?_

_We love you more than words, sweetheart. We want you to be our family._

_The fact that you want it too is nearly more than I can take._

_I'm so thankful for you; I sincerely hope you know that._

_So, my sweet Bella, I want you to know that while we've taken our time to reflect on who we are in order to prepare ourselves for the future…I know exactly who I am. I'm proud of what I've become, and I've never been so certain that this is where I'm meant to be._

_You are so brave, baby. This week has been difficult for both of us, but it's also been incredibly enlightening. I know in my heart that everything will be all right._

_I miss you._

_Your laugh. The way your arms slide around my waist and hug me so tight. The brilliance in your eyes. Your lips on my skin. Jesus Christ, Bella…I just ache for you. I wish I had the words._

_Write me a melody for this feeling I can't express. Show me what our need for one another sounds like. Can you do that for me, love?_

_Alice and Rosalie won't stop asking about you. They thought you were mad at them, and I quickly set them straight. They promised to be better behaved and clean their rooms and brush their teeth and do their homework if you'd just come back. I promised them that this is the longest they'd ever have to go without you._

_Speaking the words gave me more hope than you'll ever know._

_Please tell me how things are at home. Confide in me, and know that no matter what happens with Charlie and Renee, I'll always love you. I'll always be the constant in your life._

_I'll always be yours._

_Love,_

_Carlisle_

**-x-x-**

I should have known better than to read his email on my phone between classes. He had reduced me to a trembling mess by just his words alone.

We'd done far better than I'd thought in taking some time to figure things out. I yearned for him every second of the day, but getting his emails and texts each day made it endurable. Each word I received from him made my heart thunder and clench, but after reading the latest letter, it hurt in a way that was unwelcome.

The girls.

I had this grand plan for Carlisle and I to separate for reasons that we understood, but how had I so carelessly not taken the girls' feelings into consideration? They didn't know what we were going through. They didn't know the hardships that lay ahead for their father and I.

And yet they were getting hurt by what I had decided we needed. Even if Carlisle agreed to us taking time apart, it still didn't change the fact that I was the one to initiate it.

And my God, did I miss the girls.

Life without Carlisle was a relentless ache, but I was still in his head throughout the majority of the day thanks to our constant contact.

But letting the girls think that I was mad at them? Knowing they were doing whatever chore or task they could to bring me back again? I just had to make this right.

Their pain put everything else on the back burner.

My need for Carlisle that could not yet be fulfilled.

My mother, who was now occasionally talking to me, but not _really_ talking, bustling around the house like everything was all right.

School and the invisibility I possessed there.

And while I couldn't have Carlisle just yet, I didn't see why I couldn't have the next best thing.

At my lunch hour, I sent him a text.

_I loved your email, handsome. Hearing what YOU want for yourself made me so happy. But the part about the girls definitely didn't. What would you say about me picking them up after school?_

He didn't get back to me until an hour or so later, right before I was about to head into my art class.

_They'd love that, Bella. I'll call and set it up, but I thought you were leaving after school for the weekend?_

Ah yes, the infamous trip to Port Angeles my mother had spontaneously thrown together. Words couldn't express how much I was _not_ looking forward to it.

Two days after my mother had discovered Carlisle and I tangled on the couch, she had miraculously snapped out of her depressed state. Tuesday I came home from school and smelled the heavenly scent of chocolate chip cookies wafting from the kitchen. I heard my mother humming as she made her way around the room. Smiling to myself, I took a breath of relief; finally, she would at least give me the chance to talk to her.

I walked into the kitchen and saw my dad sitting at the table, talking on his cell phone. "Okay, Billy. Yeah, sounds good. I'll let Renee know you guys are on board. Should be a fun weekend. We'll fish, I'm sure the rest of them can find something to do in a fancy place like that." Charlie laughed, tapping his fingers on the table. "All right, buddy, talk to you soon. Bye."

"What's going on, guys?" I'd questioned.

My mother glanced up at me as she stood in front of the stove, looking guilty for a moment before focusing again on the task at hand.

"Well, peanut, your mom thought it would be fun if the three of us all went to that fancy new resort that opened up not too long ago in Port Angeles. She wanted me to invite Billy and his new girlfriend, Sue. And Jake, of course. We haven't had the chance to meet her yet, plus it's a great excuse for us to fish some new waters."

He made a casting gesture towards me and I barely held back my eye roll. "You're going to a resort just to go fishing, Dad?"

"Well, the resort stuff is basically for you girls. Billy and I will probably sneak out during the day."

"What about Jake?"

I recoiled at my own question. Spending a weekend with that arrogant boy was pretty much the last thing I wanted to do.

"Billy says he hurt himself playing basketball last week. Chances are he'll hang around the resort and get a massage or two to get him back in the game. But don't tell his friends, Jake's a little worried about them finding out about it," Charlie chuckled.

"Oh. So Mom, this was your idea?" I questioned.

She wouldn't even look at me, but for the first time in forty-eight hours, she'd addressed me. "Why not, Bella? I think we could all use an excuse to get away."

Her words twisted in my stomach.

"What's the matter, kid?" My dad asked, his brow furrowed in concern. "I'd think an eighteen year old girl like yourself would look forward to getting pampered for a weekend."

The air was heavy between my mother and I, but I didn't want to seem ungrateful. "No, Dad, it's okay. I'm sure it'll be fun." I forced a smile and looked toward my mother, challenging her. I wanted her to talk to me. I wanted her to be real with me again. "Mom, I'm sure we'll have lots of time to hang out and talk then?"

Her eyes didn't leave the stove top as she chuckled dryly. "We'll see, Bella. I'm sure we'll be rather busy all weekend."

Her indifference hurt.

But the slight trembling of her hand as she stirred the pot in front of her told me that maybe it hurt her just as much.

There was so much left unsaid between us, so many revelations in the weeks to come. I'd be hurting Charlie, I'd already hurt her…and I needed someone in my corner other than Carlisle. I needed to find a way to tell Charlie of my love for his best friend without having him completely lose his mind.

It seemed so ridiculously unlikely.

But with each day that passed, I was more and more ready to have my relationship with Carlisle be brought out into the light.

So whether I liked it or not, my weekend would be spent at a resort in Port Angeles, while I tried everything in my power to get my mother to open up to me again. Whether she needed to yell, scream, or cry…I just needed it to be _real._

But not before I saw my girls.

I pulled myself away from my thoughts and texted my love.

_I'll have an hour or two after school before we leave. I'll take them for ice cream and drop them off at home when we're through. Thank you…so much. You don't know how much this means to me, Carlisle._

This time, he got back to me right away.

_No, thank you, love. They'll be so happy. But Bella, when you come here…will I see you? Can I? Just for a second?_

I lingered outside my classroom door, the bell seconds away from ringing as I pushed my forehead against the cool brick wall. Could I realistically see him and still walk away? Could I realistically pull into that driveway and _not _see him?

_We'll see, okay? I want to, God I want to. But if I see you, if I touch you, I might not ever leave._

_Don't leave_, was his automatic reply.

It made me smile.

_Let's leave it up to fate, okay? I love you. So much. I miss you more than I can even say. And you were right when you said this is the longest you'll ever go without me. I won't leave you again. Promise. :)_

Just as the bell rang, I received his reply.

_I love you, too. We're going to make it out of this unscathed, I promise you._

His words gave me an infinite amount of hope.

Now I needed to make it through this day so I could get to my girls.

**-x-x-**

I managed to finagle my way out of my final class a bit early, although it wasn't very hard to do. Where my peers seemed to keep their distance, my teachers all seemed to take an interest in me. It was probably because I did my assignments when asked and saw no reason to make snide remarks toward them.

The elementary school was only three blocks away, so in no time I was pulling my behemoth truck into the parking lot. I made a quick stop at the front desk to pick up my visitor's pass, and then after a few simple directions given to me by the receptionist, I made my way toward the beautiful little girls of night and day.

My heart was aching in a way I yearned for, the sounds of excited children floating from inside classrooms as it came time to leave school and begin their weekend. I was a few feet shy of their room before the kids began piling out the door, going to their hooks and collecting their backpacks and jackets.

It took me a moment to find them amongst the commotion, but when I did it made me smile so brightly, my face morphing into the joy just being able to see them brought me. Since the very moment I'd met them in that musty church basement, amongst the mourners of my grandmother and the funeral chicken, I knew they were meant to be in my life. Our bond was instantaneous. Now it was forever.

I watched them as they walked to their hooks, giggling with a freckle-faced little girl before bidding her farewell. As they retrieved their coats I crouched behind them, putting a hand on each of their backs, causing them to turn around.

Their eyes widened, their surprised expressions transforming into sheer delight. I hugged them both tightly, and in that moment everything was as it should be. I forgot about Jane and what she knew, my mother finding me and Carlisle intimately cuddled in the middle of the night, and the impending heartache I would soon be releasing on my father.

They were my reason to _fight_.

Carlisle, Rosalie and Alice…and the way they made me feel when they showed me with nothing but the looks in their eyes how much I meant to them.

I would fight with _everything_ I had.

"Bella what are you _doing_ here?" Rosalie questioned, pulling away to look at me as the jacket in her hand hit the floor.

"Are you kidding me?" I smiled, tapping each of them on the nose. "I couldn't stay away another second! I missed you two so much; I wanted to surprise you!"

Alice giggled as her arms remained tight around my neck, Rosalie grinning as she ran a strand of my hair through her fingertips. "What are we going to do now, Bella?" Alice whispered brightly as I slowly separated from her to look in her eyes.

"Well, I was thinking sprinkles…hot fudge, whipped cream, two or three scoops depending on how hungry we are…"

"Ice cream!" Alice trilled, letting go of me to retrieve her jacket and backpack.

As Alice gathered her things, Rosalie simply stared at me, taking a step closer as her expression remained unreadable. "Why haven't you been over to see us, Bella?" She crossed her arms over her chest, her tone defensive but the pain I caused her was the most dominant emotion in her voice.

"Rose, don't get mad at her. Daddy said it wasn't her fault," Alice reasoned, handing her sister her coat. "Just be happy we have her today."

"Honey, I'm sorry," I began, moving Rosalie's silken blonde hair behind her shoulder. "I owe both of you an apology. This last week has been tough, but I promise things will get better. I won't stay away that long again, okay?"

"Does that mean you're going to come over tomorrow while Daddy's at work? He said you couldn't, so we have to stay with our old neighbor lady, but if you're back, we won't have to, right?"

Rosalie's sweet little face was killing me.

I took both of their hands and looked at them intently. "I would give anything to be with you this weekend. But Aunt Renee and Uncle Charlie and I are going to Port Angeles, so I won't be able to."

"Can we come?" Alice asked excitedly.

My mouth twisted into a frown. "I wish you could sweetie, but it's just not going to work out this time."

Rosalie threw her coat over her shoulders, zipping it up hastily and then grabbing her backpack off her floor in a huff. She was on the brink of an all-out hissy fit, which certainly wouldn't be the first time. But under these circumstances, I knew she was just confused. I watched as tears filled her eyes, her hand wrapped tightly around the strap of her bag as she looked at me with fire in her blue depths.

"This isn't fair, Bella. I thought when Mommy left you could be with us more. She's not coming back, and she's not my mommy anyway! _My_ mommy is in heaven, but you're here, and Ali and I love you. I thought when she left you could stay, but now all you do is stay _away_!"

She began to storm past me but I grabbed her arm, tears balancing on my lashes as I held both of them in place. "Girls, I'm so sorry. I know things are a little confusing right now, but they're going to get better, I promise."

"We just don't get it, Bella," Alice murmured sadly.

We were all quiet for a moment as I took them in. "You both have a lot of questions to ask me, don't you?"

They nodded and I sighed, kissing each of them on the top of the head. "Why don't we get our ice cream and I'll do my best to answer them. But girls, you have to realize that there may be some questions that I just _can't_ answer. There are some things…that only your daddy has the answer for. Let's get our treats, and we'll work it out, okay?"

"I don't want ice cream anymore, Bella. If we need to ask you stuff and Daddy stuff, then let's just go home and see him and we'll ask you both stuff." Rosalie pleaded with her eyes and it positively broke my heart to deny her request, especially since I was dying to do exactly that. Go home, be with Carlisle…the four of us together.

I sighed in defeat, studying the floor as I tried to find the right words. "Your daddy is at work and…for now this is the best I can give you, my sweet girls. This is the best I can do. Can't it be enough, just for now?"

"It's okay, Bella," Alice whispered. They both took my hands in response and we walked silently out the doors. Their confusion was painful to witness, but inevitable in a situation like this. I knew they trusted me to give them the answers they deserved, but how much of it was my right to tell?

**-x-x-**

"I don't think Mommy and Daddy are gonna be married anymore," Alice stated matter-of-factly, a mouthful of ice cream muffling her words.

I shifted in my seat, staring down at my banana split. There was no denying the fact that I felt a sense of ownership with these girls, even though they weren't technically mine.

But the last thing I wanted to do was overstep my bounds.

Would Carlisle realistically set limits when it came to us and his children?

I sincerely doubted it, but still…

"How does that make you feel?" I asked cautiously, watching them intently as I slid the spoon of ice cream into my mouth.

Rosalie shrugged a shoulder. "I dunno."

My lip twitched in a smirk. "Alice?"

She shook her head. "It makes me feel weird. Not sad. I think it's okay. She never had fun with me and Rose and Daddy. She wasn't mean to us, but she never had fun. And if her going away will make Daddy happy, then she can just go away. His voice gets all deep and mean whenever he talks to her, and he gets grumpy. He doesn't love her, like the prince loves the princess in my Disney movies."

Rosalie giggled, her hand covering her eyes. "Daddy definitely doesn't love Bella like a princess. He loves her like a sorceress."

My eyes widened, my heart beating faster as I cleared my throat. "I thought you were the sorceress. I'm the dragon slayer incognito, Alice is the pixie, remember?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Bella, I'm not talking about _that_. Don't _you_ remember? Daddy's story…_there once was a king_, he said. That was him, me and Ali were his princesses, and you were the beautiful, magic lady who made it rain. You made us dance and made us happy, remember?"

I was stunned into absolute silence as Alice watched her sister in wonder.

"Rosalie, I um…" My words were stuck in my throat. "What makes you think your daddy was talking about me?"

She shook her head from side to side, looking at me with bright blue eyes that were far too clever for her age. "'Cause, Bella," she giggled. "I'm not stupid."

Obviously not.

"How's the sundae?" I gestured toward her treat with a shaking hand, trying my best to change the subject. I wasn't sure if now was the right time to address the palpable connection that their father and I had found in one another.

"Bella, I think you're sweating," Alice laughed playfully, feeling my forehead. "I think you have a fever."

"Not uh, she's embarrassed 'cause she loves Daddy!" Rosalie laughed loudly and I was ready to crawl under the table, quickly looking around to make sure no one had heard her. Thankfully we were in the far corner and the place was virtually empty. I knew the twins were perceptive, but I had absolutely no idea they could read Carlisle and I so clearly. We were careful not to do anything physical in front of them, and our words were guarded when their little ears were within hearing distance. I was completely blindsided and beyond unprepared to handle this turn of events.

And then Alice…with her sweet little face and her bright little eyes, came to my rescue. Like a true heroine would.

"Rosie, shut _up_!" she whisper-yelled, giving her sister a swift kick beneath the table. Rosalie dropped her spoon loudly on the tabletop in surprise, causing the half-melted ice cream on her spoon to splatter all over.

And as the girls bickered and a bead of ice cream ran down my cheek…I laughed. I laughed until there were tears in my eyes and my beautiful little girls were giggling right along with me.

Because even though they were asking me questions I wasn't prepared to answer, and even though I was caught between a rock and a hard place…I was having a moment with my girls. This was a memory to be made, a song to be written…a love ready to be set and permanently engraved into stone.

I would never forget this as long as I lived.

I wiped my eyes as my laughter died down, grabbing a napkin to wipe the ice cream that splattered onto my face. "Alice," I sighed, still trying to control my chuckles, "Apologize to your sister, sweetie. You know better than to tell her to shut up."

"Sorry, Rosie," she giggled, shoveling a humongous scoop of ice cream into her mouth. "But don't tell Bella that she loves Daddy. She's not supposed to know that yet."

My brow furrowed in confusion. "I'm not supposed to know?"

Alice's eyes widened and immediately fell to the tabletop. "Well, um…Daddy said we can't talk about it yet."

"Daddy knows that you think that I love him? Or he loves me? Wait…what are you saying, little girl?" I couldn't hide my smile, even if this was more or less the_ last_ thing I wanted to be discussing with Alice and Rosalie.

Rosalie slapped her forehead and Alice shut her eyes tight, both of them laughing once more. "Bella, it's okay. Me and Ali-Cat just know that…we belong together. Remember when we hugged in the kitchen, you, me, Daddy and Alice? Well, it's like that. That's how we know. But we aren't supposed to talk about it yet, so don't worry, we won't."

I barely knew what to say. "You know that I love you girls very much, right?"

"We know," Alice murmured simply, licking her spoon like a puppy.

I sighed, feeling full to the brim with the emotion this unexpected conversation had caused to wash over me. "Wow, here I thought I'd be answering your questions. It turned out I needed more answers than you did."

Rosalie looked at me for a long moment, her eyes deep as she took me in. "I'm sorry I was being a baby at school, Bella. I just missed you, and now that Mommy's gone, I was wishing that you'd be with us lots more, because me and Alice love being with you."

"Honey, you know I'll never be a replacement for your mommy, right? And I'll never be a replacement for your mama up in Heaven, either. But I will always be here for you. I'll always love you with every piece of me, and I want to be the one you can always count on. I want us to be best friends, but so much more than that. Do you understand?"

They nodded, and the weight of our suddenly heavy discussion seemed to dissipate rather suddenly. "Do you have any other questions for me?"

Alice raised her hand like she was in school. "Yeah, when can we put Heaven back up again? The playroom is boring now and I wanna put Mama's picture up there so we can talk to her every night."

I smiled warmly. "We'll do that the next time I'm over, sweetie."

"I wanna make another song, but this time let's make it for Uncle Charlie. We can sing about football and yelling at the TV," Rosalie giggled.

I smiled widely. "That sounds amazing; we'll add it to our to-do list. Uncle Charlie will love it."

"Can you come over for Christmas and watch _The Grinch_ with us? We have slumber parties like we do with _Wizard of Oz_. I wanna do that again, Bella, okay?" Alice begged.

I nodded, swallowing thickly. "We'll definitely make that happen, Ali-Cat."

Soon after, the only sounds that came from our table were the scraping of spoons against bowls. "Is that all you've got for me? That wasn't so bad."

"I've got one," Rosalie commanded, throwing her coat around her shoulders. "When can we go home? I wanna play _Just Dance_."

My mouth fell open dramatically. "Your daddy did _not_ buy you a Wii!"

"Yeah-huh, he did," Rosalie countered, standing from her chair and smiling mischievously. "Two days ago, but he won't dance with me and Alice. But Ali told him you'd dance."

I shook my head, helping Alice with her coat. "I'm not playing unless your dad plays, end of story."

"But he's embarrassed, Bella," Alice giggled.

"So am I, little one! I dance like an ostrich on roller skates!"

"Daddy says he dances like Uncle Charlie when he drinks too much beer," Alice laughed loudly.

"He did not say that!" I chuckled, my jaw dropped.

"He did, Bella, Daddy said that!" Rosalie giggled loudly, pulling on my hand as we all walked toward the door, discarding our garbage before walking outside.

I shook my head, giving them the go-ahead as they ran out in front of me and pried my truck door open. As they climbed inside, I took my phone off silent and saw that there was one text message waiting for me.

One message that had the power to wreck me and revive me all in the same instance.

_Just for a second, Bella. My lips on your skin. My hands on your hips. Your arms wrapped around me. Love…just for a second, please__…_

As if I ever would have possessed the strength to deny him.

**-x-x-**

The girls chattered on incessantly on the drive to their home. Clearly their sugar buzz was in full effect because they were literally bouncing off the walls of my truck cab.

I was having a difficult time following their conversation because my mind was on one thing. One man. One text message begging me for the things my body yearned for.

_Just for a second…_

"Bella, you're going to miss the driveway!" Alice squealed, pointing toward their home that I was about to drive past.

My palms were so sweaty I could barely keep them attached to the steering wheel.

Alice alerted me to my error early enough so that I could just make the turn, and my heart began racing as I saw his black SUV in the drive.

The time it took me to travel down their winding driveway seemed longer than it truly was. There was a ringing in my ears, an aching in my heart as tears welled in my eyes…and I laughed.

Because as I parked beside his vehicle, and I watched the open doorway of his home intently, seeing him there, leaning, waiting…he was gazing at me and his children like we were absolutely everything in his entire world.

And that made me so unbelievably happy.

I laughed because I was enraptured.

My God, I loved this man.

Alice put her arm around my shoulders and pushed her temple against mine, holding me for just a moment and smiling knowingly before the girls clamored out the passenger side.

I hadn't even turned off the engine yet.

I watched my hand as it turned the key, but it didn't feel attached to my body. I lifted my head to see the little girls of night and day running to their father, who was staring intensely…longingly…right at me.

They wrapped their arms around him and he hugged them with one arm, his eyes reluctant to leave mine before he finally looked down and regarded his daughters.

Why…why was I still in this vehicle?

I climbed out with shaking limbs, not watching where I was going because he was the only thing tethering me to this earth.

I felt all three of them watch me as I made careful steps from my truck to the loves of my life, smiling wider and giggling with such a carefree spirit that it nearly alarmed me. Everything had been so heavy this past week, but now…now the most beautiful faces in existence were smiling back at me, and I had never been more at peace.

One wooden step…then another and then he was there. He couldn't wait any longer. His bright blue eyes had a hint of insanity inside them. A crazy need, a crazy love, a desperation that was impossible to put into words.

We were drawn to one another like magnets. My face to his chest as we stood a step apart, one hand tap-taptaptap-ing against his thigh, the other suspended in mid-air, shaking, needing to touch me. Desperate to make it real.

He licked his lips and our eyes were then fused together, blue connected to brown, searching and absorbing every word, every emotion, every touch we couldn't express. We found it there. We would always find it there.

"Why are you standing on the steps?"

Rosalie's voice broke our reverie, just enough to make our limbs work. Just enough to remind us that there were little eyes that apparently watched us closer than I ever knew.

"Bella..."

He whispered my name so softly, so raggedly…begging me for something we couldn't have just yet.

I smiled softly, trying to calm my racing heart and the hands that longed to run across his smooth skin. "Come on, handsome," I murmured ever so softly.

He moaned beneath his breath and he was becoming more than I could take. I stood on the porch and my shoulder touched his chest. I allowed myself to lean against him for the briefest of moments as the girls walked into the house ahead of us.

His warm lips atop my head made my knees buckle, and his hands were so forcefully gentle on my hips that I could barely breathe.

He let me go and it was painful for us both. But his daughters were with us, and we loved them. Nothing about their presence would ever be a burden, regardless of how desperately we needed a few minutes alone.

"Daddy, why were you standing outside with no coat on? It's really cold today." Alice's lips twisted into a frown and my heart melted as she took on her instinctual protective role.

I watched as Carlisle crouched in front of her, tapping her on the nose as he smiled. "Thanks for looking out for me, Ali-Cat, but I'm just fine. I was just excited to see you."

Alice giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck, and it was stunning how beautiful he was with his little girls.

Before I knew what was happening, Rosalie was unzipping my jacket and pulling it off of my arms. "What are you doing?" I chuckled.

"Taking your coat off so you can stay," she stated simply.

My eyes met his and it ached clear down to my bones.

"I can only stay for a few minutes, sweetie. I'm leaving soon, remember?"

"But I want you to watch us play _Just Dance_," she pouted, tugging on my hand.

Before I shot down her hopes and chiseled another little piece off of my already breaking heart, Carlisle intervened. "Rosalie, you have to finish your homework before you play the game, you know that."

"But Daddy I –"

"Rose, I _know_ honey, but Bella has to go. She already told you that before. Now I want you and your sister to go upstairs and get started on your homework. I'll be right up to help you, and Bella will come up to say goodbye, okay?"

They both mumbled a defeated response before slinging their bags over their shoulders and shuffling up the stairs.

My chest was absolutely heaving, my brow furrowed in the emotion that I knew was soon to follow. We were alone. For just a moment…we were…

"Jesus, Bella…" He gazed at me with a vulnerable, pleading expression as he walked toward me, so slowly. Once he reached me he lifted his hand, running the side of it along my cheek until it was pressed over my frantically beating heart. "You're here, baby," he whispered softly, licking his lips before leaning down to rest his forehead against mine. He closed his eyes, but I kept mine open to watch the way his bottom lip trembled, to watch the flush that adorned his cheeks as his hands found my hips once more.

Slowly, carefully I stood on my tip toes, leaning forward until every inch of our bodies was aligned. My arms went around his neck and I burrowed my face into his shoulder. With everything I had, I hugged him. I held him so tightly my arms ached, pushed against him so forcefully that I could feel his heart beating throughout my body. He groaned deeply as he wrapped me up just as tightly, picking me up off the floor and pressing his lips to mine in one fluent, perfect movement.

I felt him walking us backwards as I opened my mouth to kiss him deeper. There was no time for chaste…we had an entire week of love and devotion to fit into the tiniest window of time.

I was going to make it count.

I pulled his hair between my fingers and crushed him tighter to me as he continued to walk backwards. Our mouths bumped together harder than intended when he ran into the door frame behind him, causing us both to groan. "You should watch where you're going," I murmured against his lips, rubbing our noses together as we smiled.

"Don't want to," he mumbled, slowly lowering me to the ground as he fumbled with the doorknob at our side.

"Where are you taking me?" I whispered, too involved in feeling his tongue tangle and press against my own to take in my surroundings.

"Somewhere…alone…" he managed to murmur against my hungry lips, his fingers digging into my sides and then soothing the skin after he realized his force.

I absolutely loved that feeling, and I wanted his desperation etched into my skin, _always_.

He finally managed to get us through a doorway inside the house, closing the door quietly behind us as his lips found my neck and his arms crushed my body to his. I breathed him in so deeply that I was nearly hyperventilating, his perfect scent mixed in with the sterile environment of the hospital…and I was gone.

Until I noticed a can of corn behind him.

"Carlisle…we're in the pantry," I whispered in amusement before kissing his jaw and pulling him tighter.

His smile was radiant as he gazed down at me, his hands running along my sides, my stomach, my back, my face…

"I know…we're hiding from the rest of the world." He cupped my face in his large hands, staring at me in wonder. "My God, you are a sight for sore eyes, Bella." His eyes narrowed and he swallowed thickly, his emotions etched across his beautiful face as plain as day.

"But baby, we're in the _pantry_." I couldn't help but chuckle, my arms tightening around his neck as he laughed and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

He rolled his eyes playfully. "Quiet, before I make you alphabetize my canned goods."

He squirmed as I swatted his stomach and then tickled him, pinning my arms beneath his and pulling me tighter against him. I sighed contentedly, grabbing his silk tie in my hand and smoothing my fingers along it. "Do you really want me to be quiet? Because right now all I want to do is tell you a million times that I love you…can I do that?"

"Don't ever stop," he whispered, taking my bottom lip between his and sucking slowly, like a hard-candy he was intent on savoring. His rhythmic sucking on my lip made me clench deep inside my body, and I knew no good would come from feeling this way, from falling into the abyss we had such a difficult time crawling out of.

"I love you," I whispered against his chin, sliding my arms around his waist before grabbing his shirt where it was tucked into his pants and pulling upwards.

"Bella?"

He sounded confused, needy, and hesitant as I un-tucked his shirt, and I shushed him as my hands slid beneath and ran along his back and the contours of his hips. "I just needed to feel your skin, handsome, that's all."

He wasted no time mirroring my actions, his smooth, warm fingers tracing delicate patterns along the curve of my spine. "We can't stay apart so long again, sweetheart. I know we needed it, and I have no doubt that it helped us tremendously, but…I just never knew that a body could actually break, a heart could actually fissure and crack just because it was without its other half. I can't do that anymore, Bella. I need you now…that's the way it has to be, baby. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I nodded eagerly, my nails pressing into his warm skin as I pushed myself tighter against him. "Ask me," I whispered softly, gazing deeply into his eyes so he was sure to see my steadfast resolve inside them. "Ask me if I'm ready."

He drifted his fingertips along my cheek, soothingly back and forth as he watched me carefully. "Ready for what, love?" he murmured gently, our bodies beginning a steady sway back and forth to music that only we could hear.

I couldn't stop the tears as they welled in my eyes, the sincerity of this moment making my entire body become alive. I held his hand as it rested against my cheek, leaning into his palm as I breathed him in. "Everything, Carlisle. Ask me…"

He let out a jagged breath and kissed me forcefully, his lips insistent and his hands holding my face securely to his as he backed me up against the narrow wall inside the small room and trapped me against his body. "Are you, Bella?" he whispered breathlessly, kissing me again before reiterating his question. "Are you ready for this?"

I kissed him with every bit of fire I possessed inside me, pulled the fabric of his shirt so tightly in my fists that I was sure it would tear. I waited until we could no longer breathe and had to pull away before pouring out every ounce of honesty and determination I had swimming in my veins.

Because I was the songwriter, the girl who dreamed wildly and loved blindly.

And he was my reason to be.

"Carlisle. After this weekend, we're doing this. Whether Renee can accept us or not, and regardless of whether or not Jane tarnishes who we are…I want this. I want you to be _mine_, officially. And I'm not saying we have to go around town and flaunt it, but when I lay my head down on my pillow each night, I don't want my love for you to be something that's kept a secret. I don't want to associate anything resembling guilt or remorse when I think about all the ways you were destined for me. So, if you're ready to jump…if you're ready to leap off this cliff with me, then let's do this. Tell Jane it's over. Even though it's obvious, make it official. Hold my hand when we sit on my father's couch and tell him that this wasn't planned but it was written in the fucking _stars_. Hold me when his anger tears me apart, and love me like only you can when it's all said and done." I took a deep breath, cradling his face between my palms as I lost myself in his glistening eyes. "You want to know if I'm ready? My God, Carlisle, I've never been more ready for anything in my life. This week may have been grueling and empty without you…but it's told me everything I needed to know. I know _exactly_ who I am, and I want you beside me, forever. I'm ready," I nodded, smiling as tears ran down my cheeks and my fingers twisted in his hair. "I'm so unbelievably ready."

His expression…there were no capable words of describing it. His eyes were shining down at me, his lips parted as his hand made incessant passes over my hair. He looked as if he were frozen in time as he stared at me endlessly, even though I could hear his heart beating from where I stood. He swallowed heavily and tried speaking, clearing his throat and pushing his forehead to mine as he started again. "I…Bella, I want everything you just said…I don't know what to say…nothing I can articulate will begin to equal what your words just gave me. It's not enough, nothing I can say is ever enough, but Isabella, I love you. I love you so much and I promise you…this is going to work out. I'm ready too, ready to jump…you are everything I will ever need. I just, _God_, I love you, I love you…I love you." His declarations were alternated with soft kisses to my cheeks, my nose, my mouth, and I felt as if I would fall to the floor from the power of this moment and our vowed declarations of love and forever.

I was crying and he wasn't far behind me. Before my body literally exploded from our overwhelming emotions, I did the only thing I could think of. With a feral grunt I pushed him against the opposite wall until his back hit it with a loud thump, his shirt twisting in my hands as my nostrils flared and I quite literally climbed the love of my life like a tree.

I couldn't help myself. Hearing him say how he felt about me, how ready he was to begin our life together was the sexiest thing I'd ever heard, and, well, we were just so short on time…

He groaned loudly as he held me against him, my tongue swirling against his as one long, perpetual whimper remained lodged in the back of my throat. I grabbed the dark-blonde hair atop his head and pulled until our mouths were tighter, my other hand wrapped completely around his tie and pulling him even more forcefully into me. He was supporting my weight one-hundred percent as I completely let go of my inhibitions and let my primitive instincts take over.

My hips began pushing into him rhythmically, needing friction from any part of his body I could get. I let my mind wander to that perfect night before my mother found us together, my hand wrapped around him, his hot skin, smooth and hard, throbbing in my grasp, his sounds, his release on me, my hands, his body…Jesus…

"_Shit_…Bella…" He was begging me for something but I was too hungry for him to comprehend it, my tongue pulling across his jaw, down his chin and along the column of his throat as my fingers ran wildly through his hair.

I pulled on the knot of his tie until it was halfway down his chest, my fingers popping his top two buttons deftly as my tongue found his skin, my teeth dragging across his clavicle as I moved my hips harder against him.

I just couldn't control myself.

He wrapped his arms all the way around my waist, our lips tangling once more as our heated breath combined between the minimal space between us. "Bella…you're seriously…trying to kill me."

"Sorry." I took a few deep breaths, pushing my forehead against his temple as I tried to calm down.

"Don't ever apologize for that, baby, Jesus Christ…" He kissed my neck, my ear and my cheek before pressing his nose into my shoulder. "It's too much to feel sometimes, believe me, I know."

I pressed my lips against his neck and laughed softly, hugging him tight as we stood huddled in his pantry. "Wow…" I whispered.

He cleared his throat, pulling back to look at me with a heated gaze. "You attacked me."

I nodded shamelessly.

"I liked it," he grinned, kissing me once before letting me slide down his body, causing me to feel just what my "attack" had done to him. I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed longingly as I tried to regain my equilibrium.

"Uh-huh, I uh…really did, too," I murmured, unable to hide my smirk as I looked at him from beneath my lashes.

"What's this? Is my songwriter incapable of producing words? I'm shocked." He smiled as I pushed him playfully. I lost myself in his eyes for a few seconds as he took both of my hands and intertwined our fingers, holding them in the air between us.

"You know, speaking of shocking, your amazing little daughters informed me in not so many words that they knew about us. And also that you _knew_ they knew about us. Were you planning on telling me anytime soon, hmm?"

I jabbed him playfully and he looked remorseful even though his eyes were still shining and happy. "I don't know," he shrugged. "They started asking questions, because it's scary how perceptive they are. I didn't necessarily give them a straight answer, but I didn't tell them they were wrong, either. I'm sorry, sweetheart. With everything else going on, I didn't want you to have to worry about that in addition."

"It's fine, I get it. I bet my face was priceless at the ice cream shop, though," I smiled.

He ran his thumbs beneath my eyelids, sweeping up any residual tears that remained from our emotional exchange. His smile was so sincere, so content…and I reveled in the fact that I made it that way.

"I have a feeling our time is going to expire soon, love," he sighed. The girls hadn't come searching for us yet, since the lower level remained silent, but it was only a matter of time.

"Yeah, I have no doubt I'm late for my weekend get-away with my parents." I couldn't hide the contempt in my voice, causing Carlisle to chuckle.

"Remember, you have a mission to win over Renee so we have someone on our side."

I wrapped my arms around his waist and gazed up at him. "Mmhmm…and you have a mission of your own."

His eyes clouded with disdain, and I regretted even bringing her up. "I'm actually looking forward to ending that chapter of my life once and for all. Once the girls are asleep, I'll be making the call." He kissed the top of my head, running his thumb along my lips as he pulled back and took me in. "Thank you for coming in…thank you for giving me this, Bella."

I shook my head. "I never would have been able to stay away, handsome. And I'm never going to try to ever again."

His expression grew contemplative as his fingertips ran over my chin. "What is it?" I whispered, catching his hand and bringing it to my mouth to kiss his palm.

He chuckled in almost a nervous gesture, suddenly fascinated with a large bag of flour that sat on the shelving beside us. "I'm thinking of asking you something I probably shouldn't, considering how slippery of a slope we're on at this point, with your parents and Jane and everything…"

"Tell me," I whispered softly.

"There's no school Monday. In-service, or something like that."

I nodded. "I know. I planned to use that as my day of recovery from the nightmare that is sure to be this weekend."

His thumb found my lip again, moving back and forth along it in yet another nervous gesture. "What if it was something else?"

"What do you want it to be?" My voice lowered an octave, and even though I was unsure of what he was talking about, I had a feeling this was about to become a very significant conversation.

"Well, the girls' sleepover got moved to this weekend, instead of next weekend. Sunday night, since there's no school the following day."

My stomach flipped and then dropped, my body moving closer to his automatically. "Really?"

He swallowed thickly and nodded, his deep eyes searching for the answers in mine as he continued. "Yeah, and I was thinking, perhaps…"

He was ridiculously adorable when he was nervous.

"We'll be back by early afternoon on Sunday," I told him eagerly.

"But can you get away?"

"I'll do what I have to, in order to get away." My fingers were buried in his hair now, pulling and releasing in my own anxious gesture.

"Like what?" he murmured.

I shrugged a shoulder, my lips moving closer and closer to his on their own accord.

"Maybe you have a medical conference Monday morning. Maybe I need to watch the girls Sunday night and all the next day."

His thumbs were now making passes around my belly button beneath my shirt, our noses sliding along one another's as his voice became even huskier. "That circumstance_ is_ conducive to what I was tentatively planning…"

"What were you planning?" I asked breathlessly, his top lip catching my bottom one as our faces continued moving closer together.

"I was thinking we could get out of town for a night. Someplace where we can be _us._ Where I can hold your hand and take you to dinner. Someplace where I can show the world that you're _mine_."

The biting ownership in his tone had my body throbbing and clenching, our lips moving together as we balanced on the cusp of a kiss that would send my heart racing. "I want that. Please…I want that, Carlisle."

His groan was aching as he took my mouth, kissing me so unbelievably slowly. He pulled away and his hot, sweet breath was in my mouth, begging for more. "What if your parents stop by while we're gone?"

"Then I guess the girls and I will be out…shopping…skydiving…whatever. God, do that again." He did what I requested, swirling his tongue around my earlobe and sucking _hard_. I was losing my mind.

He brushed my hair behind my shoulder and slid his fingers around the back of my neck, causing me to look up into his eyes. "Baby, if we do this…there's no pressure, with anything. You know that, right?"

I shook my head adamantly, holding onto his forearm and keeping him in place. "No pressure. I love you, I trust you…and I think it's pretty safe to say that you know what I want."

"Are we doing this?" he whispered, staring at me intently, waiting for my reply.

I bit my lip, gazing up at him with every bit of need and love I felt for him. "We are absolutely doing this," I whispered.

And suddenly, this weekend couldn't start soon enough.

**-x-**

**-x-**

**-x-**

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**So. Things are on the horizon. Oh yes they are!**

**Twitter = Brits23**

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